Posts by David Harris12

Hey there!!😉

I’m still pushing through and refusing to back down... Regarding the doctor, I only saw one once because my specialist couldn't make it... :-( He’s just a GP, but he really knows his stuff—you can tell he's got years of experience under his belt!!
Unfortunately, I've only been in that office once, but even so, that single visit wasn't some "magic bullet" epiphany. He believes this is an incredibly long process, something we have to work on every single day and every single moment, mostly on our own... because at the end of the day, we're the ones best equipped to help ourselves since we know our own minds better than anyone else!! The answers and solutions lie within all of us; we just have to dig deep, though it certainly helps to have someone to lean on, whoever that may be!!!!
Keep busy, keep the brain occupied!!! That's my goal every day, along with trying to study, even though those are the toughest moments for me—the actual learning part. That's when my mind starts racing and my brain just shuts down, so right now I’m signing up for some audio learning; I don't have any other choice...
I hit a total wall with college and everything else—just complete mental fog!!! I couldn't retain a single thing. It's a bit better now, but I still have zero concentration compared to what I used to have. But hey, slowly but surely, I've stopped beating myself up about being stuck in place. I know it's happening because of other underlying issues weighing on my subconscious, but as I get "stronger" day by day, hopefully, the studying will start feeling easier... hehe☕
Anyway, write whenever you can and make sure to get some rest. You can't always be "on" and grinding, but you can always be "on" and in control of yourself, which is what actually matters....👍

Hey girl!!

I made it through the weekend, and today I actually won the battle against my anxiety. If it tries to come back, I’m ready to kick its ass again!! My big secret is just trying to stay present in every single moment—that self-awareness is what really keeps me grounded. Just being awake right here, right now, and staying conscious of everything I'm doing, the thoughts popping up, and all those little mental bugs crawling around my head... I fight them off however I can, just stomping them down!! It’s going well so far and I am definitely not giving up. I know I have a massive amount of work to do on myself, but I’m taking it day by day, slow and steady. I'm learning to celebrate every tiny bit of progress and every small step forward...
You mentioned earlier that you've seen psychiatrists—did any of that actually help? Maybe you just haven't found the right person yet? I’ve started seeing this doctor, but only twice a month, and I actually have another session today. I’m looking forward to it because I feel like he truly gets me, though he isn't the type to sugarcoat things or coddle me. Last time, he was incredibly blunt and laid out some truths I hadn't fully faced before—basically the real dangers of this self-sabotaging behavior, both physically and mentally... Honestly, he read me like an open book just by looking me in the eye. I felt so happy afterward, even if I was a little shaken up... but it was a good kind of shaken up, like I had this extra burst of motivation to pull myself together.
So, how do you deal with everything inside your own head? I'm sure you're also working on yourself and questioning things every single day; I mean, everyone does that. Both "normal" people and those struggling, everyone... it's just that we have to dig much deeper and analyze ourselves more intensely because our situations are atypical compared to everyone else, which makes handling our emotions and anxieties so much harder...

xoxo

My dear!!!

I honestly can’t believe how much strength and support I find in your words...
Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!
I'm doing okay today. I'm staying resilient and staying mindful through every single moment of the day. I've kept to myself all day, but I'm staying calm and keeping my thoughts under control... You are absolutely right about that timeline—whether it takes a week, two weeks, or more. I used to struggle with that same mindset, but I'm starting over now because there really isn't any other way. I've decided to set this weekend as my deadline, then I'll head to see my doctor on Monday; I think they'll give me that extra push I need...
Every bit of support, advice, comfort, and empathy means the world to me. It’s such a relief to know you aren't alone and that there's someone out there who actually gets it. Honestly, I still check out the bulimia threads occasionally, but I try to avoid them as much as possible. It just becomes one more obsession; when I read those endless posts where people are just venting about eating and purging and whatnot, it hits my subconscious whether I want it to or not. That's why I only go in there when I have a clear, level head. It’s a vicious cycle—you get caught up in it, and seeing all those other struggling girls makes you feel weak, which just pulls you right back down into the pit...
That’s why we all need to surround ourselves with a healthy environment and let it influence us. We have to open up and actually believe in change—believe that we can be more stable, more secure versions of ourselves. We have to accept the good and trust in it. We can't just keep punishing ourselves, shutting down, and retreating into our own shells of lies, depression, exhaustion, and despair. I am going to fight. All of us have to fight, day in and day out... but humans are too fragile to do it entirely on their own. That's why having family, doctors, and most importantly, divine strength, is vital. It's the kind of help we can always reach for. For me, God is my greatest source of strength. The devil is powerful, but God is almighty. I think we are all spiritually wounded and lost sometimes, taking the path of least resistance and leaning toward evil. But there is also that other side of us—the spiritual side that we might have lost, but we can and must find again. He is within us, and we need to live for Him, NOW!!! Every single day and every single moment....

Kisses, dear. I hope we talk again soon...😉

Thanks for the support and all the links, even though my English isn't exactly my strongest suit. I was actually thinking more along the lines of self-help books, psychology texts, and things like that.

I’ve heard about the Nada association, but unfortunately, I’m not in the NYC area right now. Damn.
I’ve been talking to this one psychologist—I don't know, she's young and honestly, it feels like she barely knows what she's doing. It's like I'm her training manual. I just vent and repeat the same patterns over and over, and she just nods along with everything I say. She tells me she "understands" and that "things are hard," but give me a break!
I realize she can't fix me overnight, but I guess I expected more, so I'm feeling a bit let down, even if she's a nice person. I'll see how things progress with her...

How much do I purge? Hm. There isn't really a set rule for it. Some days it's all day long, and other times I fight it with everything I've got—like right now, where I manage to hold out for a few days before it all falls apart again. This constant cycle of starting over is killing me because I lie, lie, and lie to myself. I tell myself "never again," then I go and do it anyway, and then I spiral into regret, crying and losing my mind, obsessed with it all day long. It's nothing but a fake escape and self-deception; it just drags you into an even deeper pit. I've been sinking like this for years and I truly feel stuck. Sometimes I pray to God to just take me, but then I snap out of it and realize there's a reason I'm still here. At the end of the day, I have to carry my own cross and bear this burden on my shoulders. The strength is within us; the answers are inside us. I'm finally realizing that this is a battle that will continue until I finally make peace with it and look the truth straight in the eye!!
Every single day is a struggle to stay vigilant because the line I'm walking is so thin and fragile. I pray to God for clarity and the sheer persistence needed to organize the chaos in my head and the discord in my body...

Just ask whatever you want to know. Nothing I read or see here strikes me as strange. Bulimia is basically a cocktail of all these different illnesses combined. Just imagine how much I need to strip away just to live a normal life. Of all my old dreams and delusions, there's only one thought left in my head: "The desire for a normal life and a sane mind!"

KISS

Stay far away from eating disorders...

PLEASE!!!

Anything else, just not this!! I’ve been struggling with bulimia for almost four years now, and for the last year, I’ve tried to pull myself out of it on my own, but it’s just not working... I’ve sought help, and it’s still incredibly hard. It’s a cocktail of psychological fallout—depression, anxiety, loneliness, wanting to run away from everything, from yourself, from your friends... it's a horror show, and don't even get me started on the physical toll on your digestion, stomach, and everything else...
My whole world has fallen apart, both mentally and physically. I can't focus on my studies, I can't think straight, and I can't be the person I used to be—I can't feel normal!! It feels like everything has just gone down the drain, but I am desperate to claw my way out of this and finish this fight once and for all. This battle has been going on for so long, filled with constant setbacks and small victories, but there's no end in sight, and if I keep going like this, I could lose everything.
So please, cherish what you have. Protect your health, because it is your most powerful tool. I lost mine, and now I'm fighting just to find a single spark of joy again...
I’ve reached out to doctors and psychiatrists, and recently I saw a specialist who has extensive experience dealing with these types of disorders. The issue is that I only see him once every two weeks through an association, so I’m going to ask if he can work with me privately instead...

Anyway, if anyone has any advice, resources, a book recommendation, or anything at all, I would be so grateful....

take care, everyone