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Roger Fox56 said:Notice how people in love never stop to ask about the meaning of life.😉
Heh. My doctor actually told me to just find someone to fall in love with and all my problems would vanish. 🤷 Turns out she was just telling me I needed better sex! 😁
I can't just sit here and stay silent because I see myself in your post. It’s like suicidal thoughts become this constant, heavy background noise in your daily life when everything starts feeling impossible to handle. For me, it started with this vague sense of misery and dissatisfaction without any actual reason. On paper, I have everything an American would consider a successful life, but there's always this void. I’d have these few days where I felt genuinely positive, but then the depression would just crash back in. It wasn't until that "healthy" feeling completely vanished that I realized I actually needed professional help.
Maybe you aren't dealing with a clinical disorder. Maybe you're just going through a brutal rough patch right now. I can't say for sure based on what you wrote.
But I will say this: I've tried it all. I've poured through self-help books and even went to church, trying to force myself to believe in something—anything at all...
If this is a medical issue, though, it's biological. It means the chemical balance in your brain is off, and you can't fix that just by talking, reading books, or meditating. Sure, those things help, but they aren't a substitute for actual brain chemistry.
It looks like you have a few good months followed by these depressive episodes. That doesn't mean they'll happen more often, but they could.
Have you reached out for any real help yet?