Posts by Linda Bailey

Susan Hayes25 said:Kimberly Wright,

I’m seriously stoked you’re feeling better today!!! Awesome. I’m doing great too. Mom was actually okay today—we had a nice lunch at my place and then walked over to their house since we live right around the corner, probably less than a block away. She was walking and eating fine, and honestly, with this sunshine, life finally feels a little bit normal again.
And hearing that your mom is handling all that on her own, hanging out with friends, and even hitting up the hair salon is incredible news. You honestly just made my day better. Great.

As for family... man, what a nightmare. It happens to everyone. I used to think my whole family was just insane, but apparently, it’s just some weird human trait. Sometimes I worry I’m being unfair to people, but it really seems like when relatives visit during times like this, they act all superior. They're totally delusional. Everyone thinks "this could never happen to me."
Back home, they’d show up even when I went outside to meet them—they’d be crying before they even hit the porch steps. Meanwhile, I’d popped two or three Lexapro pills since morning and kept repeating to myself: *don't cry, don't let them see how hard this is*, even if I were dying inside. And I play it cool through all of it. Then they start whining, staring at Mom like she’s some kind of miracle, offering to cook stuff for us (as if I’m incompetent or something), telling these long-winded stories about "similar" cases they heard about, etc. When Mom tries to get up, they all rush to help her—completely ignoring me, even though I’ve been standing right there the whole time for that exact reason.
I’d laugh if I hadn't cried every single time those worried relatives and friends showed up.
The pressure has let up a bit now, thank God, and I just hope they think they’ve done enough and leave us alone for a while....
And you know what one neighbor told me? Just some simple lady, but one of my favorites: "I can't believe a woman as smart as you would deal with this."
In that moment, I just wanted to die. I wanted the ground to swallow me whole so I could just vanish and forget everything ever happened....
This woman, who barely finished high school (she probably got married at 15), talking to my mother—a woman who read two books a week her entire life, taught math, physics, and chemistry to her kids and neighbors, and literally tutored college students for math exams (which, by the way, was the hardest subject in my entire degree). And now SHE is acting shocked, as if Mom is just choosing to forget things for fun, rather than because of this horrible thing that happened to us... it's chaos.

I'm just praying to God that Mom gets better through these treatments so I can get back to my life and my job. I'd do it with a song in my heart. I really hope that time comes. Best,

Don't let that person get to you.
You're in so much pain and she's just openly showing her malice. What a piece of work.
Next time, just knock her sideways so hard she flies, and make sure she's terrified of you from now on.
Make sure she won't even come within a mile of you. Protect yourself and your mom from
people like that. Your mom deserves respect. Protect her from those losers if
you have to—even if you have to practically choke them out.

Hey.

My whole body’s been aching for a few days now. It feels like everything under my skin is inflamed.
It’s that same kind of ache you get in your armpits or that breast tenderness during PMS,
except it’s hitting my entire body from head to toe.
I don't know if it's related, but I'm exhausted for no reason. I'm out of breath just walking up stairs or moving around. No energy at all.
Does anyone actually know what this is? This has never happened to me before.
If this doesn't clear up, I'm heading to the doctor.

George Garcia9 said:Ugh, thanks.🙂 But what if this "season" lasts forever? Like, my whole life? lol😲 Are you okay now? I mean, did therapy actually help you that much?

I know, sometimes I think, "Come on, girl, it's better to go to college than spend your whole life waiting tables" (no offense to servers, it's not a bad job, just not for me)😉. The problem is, when I'm depressed, I'M IN TOTAL PAIN. Like, who cares if I'll "have enough to eat" in a few years or not, or if I'll even be alive? (sorry for being so dramatic) So that motivator—thinking it's better to study than work—doesn't really do anything for me...

Can you please describe your therapy a little? Did you see a psychologist or a psychiatrist? Was it group therapy? Were you on meds...? I'm asking because I've lost hope that anyone can actually help me, and I honestly just want to stay silent about my problems for the rest of my life since nobody understands me... except, uh, here on this forum where I harass you all with my nonsense🙈 so if you could give me even a little bit of hope that things get better, I'd really appreciate it.😘

Don't act pathetic. I can tell you're feeling awkward because you think people won't get you. Trust me, I've been there. Most people don't get it—especially if they’ve never been through anything or if they're too self-absorbed to look past their own tiny lives. They lack perspective. It happens to the best of us. Wanting help is already a step in the right direction. So many people spend their entire lives faking being happy while they suffer in silence. They let their whole lives pass them by like that.
I’ve been seeing my psychiatrist and therapist regularly—once a week for one-on-one sessions and once a week for group therapy. I started this whole process when I was 20 because, honestly, I didn't see any other way out. Back then, therapy was the only thing that made getting through college even remotely possible. Without it, I would've just skipped my exams, obsessed over food, dealt with eating disorders, or ended up face-down in a bottle just to numb the pain.
I was literally suffocating myself. The attacks were killing me, but I just kept pretending everything was fine. There wasn't a single soul around me who actually got it, so I just kept my mouth shut.
Therapy was basically just me slowly opening up about my past—all that deep-seated stuff I’d spent years burying. Honestly? That was the hardest part. Facing your own mess and laying out all that pain is brutal. It hurts more than words can say, but once you get through that dark patch, you actually start living. You settle the score with your past, accept reality, and stop living a lie. Then you can finally go out and actually hunt down the life you want. While I was working through this, everything just clicked. I started actually liking myself, found my backbone, and eventually landed a job that actually deserves me. My therapist guided the whole way. Most people don't even realize I go. It's not because I'm ashamed; it's just that most people wouldn't get it, and they don't deserve to know something this valuable. To me, therapy is priceless. I've become a better person in every sense of the word. I see the world with my eyes wide open now. Some people who knew what I was doing tried to act like they understood, questioning if I was losing it or why I was blowing my entire paycheck on sessions at this age. But thanks to therapy, I know exactly what I want. I know what matters. I'm happier, and you can't put a price on that. I didn't rely on meds either—I just kept a bottle of Xanax on hand for emergencies, and I probably only took a couple of pills in four years.
I hope you find some peace. I hope you break free from all that pain and stop being hooked on people or things that don't matter. You need to be able to stand on your own two feet and be happy solo. People come and go, and stuff disappears, but if you actually love yourself, you'll be fine. Even when life hits you with problems, you'll be good.
Don't feel bad about having those moments where you just want to check out. At least you're being real about it, unlike some of these fake people. Just remember how much crap you've already dealt with. You're finally fighting for yourself now, and nobody has the right to even look at you sideways, let alone talk trash about what you're going through.🙂

George Garcia9 said:Hey, I’ve posted on this forum before, but I’ll recap briefly. I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and an eating disorder. I'm 22, a sophomore in college, and my family situation—specifically with my father—is probably 70% of why I'm such a wreck (the rest I attribute to genetics and a fried brain)...

Between the chaos at home and my mental health, I have absolutely tanked this semester. I've missed so much class that I don't even know if I'll get all my credits signed off by the Registrar's Office. I haven't passed a single one of my six exams. I’m supposed to go try to take at least two next week, but honestly, I don't even know if I have the willpower. I actually love what I'm studying, but I HATE COLLEGE. I hate being there. My sleep is a mess, so I skip lectures because I can't fall asleep until late and end up sleeping through the morning.

Last year, I finally hit a breaking point and took a gap year. I started seeing a psychiatrist, but it didn't do anything. She put me on Sulpiride (useless), Sanval, and Normabal for sleep, but none of it works either. I stopped seeing her because there was zero progress. I really should find a new psychiatrist and start seeing a psychologist... but I've lost faith that anyone can actually help me. I just don't have the energy. I don't want to talk to anyone anymore because nobody understands me, nobody takes me seriously, and nobody gets what I'm talking about (I know, sounds pathetic 😁 ). I just want everyone to leave me alone so I can just exist until I die or get hit by a car or something.

Because of the family issues, we even tried family therapy, but I'm done with that too because I don't believe anything will change. My old man is an idiot. He’s fine and acting normal most of the time, but a few times a year he just snaps, loses it, and makes life miserable for all of us. It isn't physical, but there's always the possibility he might turn violent in a rage; there have been scenes where he was chasing my mom around the house, and in the last "episode," he almost got into a physical fight with my brother.

I used drugs back in high school, then I quit, but lately, I've started again. I've also started drinking. I constantly think about and plan suicide because I'm just done with this life of depression and the constant guilt over food. It's not anorexia, per se, but rather periods where I binge, followed by periods where I only drink juice. Basically, I just hate myself whenever I eat anything.

Anyway... I don't believe anyone can help me anymore. I've reached my limit and I want to drop out of college because I'm clearly incapable of finishing. I have zero motivation and I feel like a total failure.

I just want to move away (I have no idea where) and find a job (I don't know what kind since I only have a high school diploma). I just want to run away from everything when I clearly don't even have the will to help myself, yet I don't have the guts to kill myself (for now).

Does anyone have advice on where to find a job (that isn't waiting tables, lol) and an apartment? I know, I'm asking for the impossible 😛

Thanks a lot 🙂

You aren't incapable of finishing college; you're just stuck in a brutal phase right now.
I was in a nearly identical spot, except I sought out therapy on my own, and I don't have a father to deal with, even though mine is alive. I had massive panic attacks, felt like there was no way out, hated school, and would vomit for a week straight, then eat for a few days, then disappear for ten days... the cycle was endless.
My advice is to get back into therapy. It works long-term, but only if you actually want it to.
Don't quit school. Just freeze the semester. As for work, I spent half a year waitressing; I wouldn't recommend it to anyone if you can't handle it, and I couldn't. But for me, it was the push I needed to find a better job so I could balance school and work the following year. Try looking for something like an office assistant or a receptionist role. I've been exactly where you are, and I won't lie and say everything will magically fix itself overnight—that takes work. I actually paid for my own therapy, so I took any job I could find to start, and eventually, the therapy helped me become capable enough to study, get a better job, and actually feel some self-respect.
Good luck, babe👍