Posts by Jonathan Wright6

Hey there, I’ve got a bit too much on my plate right now, so I’ll answer everyone in order. Thanks so much for all the support, but like unknown said, if only it were easier to find a light switch to turn off the darkness in the room 😁

@unknown

I’d also say my friendships and connections feel kind of "forced." Basically, you hang out with one friend, and after a month or two, you end up meeting several more—not because you went out looking for them, but because they’re always running in the same circles as your friends. They're people you eventually get to know through others. If I were to just head downtown by myself at night and try to meet strangers, I haven't done that yet, and honestly, I wouldn't even know how. It’s not that I have an issue going out alone or checking out clubs; it's just that I struggle to flip that switch into "fun mode" and actually strike up a conversation with someone.

@Branimir

I don't think I'm whining online; I'm looking for advice. You probably have a girlfriend or some close friends you can talk to about your problems—someone who actually understands you. I don't have that. It's just me and the internet where I can share my story so people can offer advice to help me figure things out, because trying to solve everything solo is the hardest part.
Even alcohol isn't the answer. I don't see the point in getting drunk. I'd much rather enjoy a glass of decent Cabernet than get wasted on whiskey or cheap shots while listening to terrible music from a culture we all know too well. Thinking "I know best, I don't need anyone," just leads to arrogance, insecurity, and immaturity. I don't need that. I’m already arrogant, blunt, rude, stuck-up, and cold enough as it is.

@Jerry Scott2

Yeah, that's exactly it. I've always needed a little nudge or some sort of motivation to get moving, though sometimes even that doesn't work. But I am trying to change. As much as my schedule allows, I've been reading psychology books and reflecting on my situation. There are things I want to change, and some I don't really care about. I definitely need to work on my social anxiety when I go out, and there's a lot of work ahead of me. First, I need to build up my self-esteem and develop a bit of a "fuck everything" attitude. You know, stop caring what people think about whether I'm attractive, tall, short, or whatever. I already know all that... I know what I need to do. But that first step is the toughest, having to force yourself to do it all. Looking back, my obsession with work is almost a way of getting even with the people who hurt me. It's my way of proving they were wrong about me and that I achieved everything I wanted despite them. I'm not exactly a kid anymore 🙂 I'm 25.

Thanks again for the support. I know I ultimately have to walk this path alone, but I still need a little help along the way. That's why I decided to post here—to get a different, more objective perspective on my life.

Talk soon...

@brightridge59

Do you think you're actually ready for love now? Like, ready to recognize it when it shows up and hold onto it, even if things don't work out perfectly in the end?

I honestly don't know. I don't think I'm there yet. I don't think I could make a relationship work right now because I'm still too focused on myself. For a partnership to actually function, that love has to flow both ways, but right now, I'm just preoccupied with my own goals and personal ambitions. Love isn't my top priority—it's not even high up on my list. My career comes first. I've been burying myself in work and everything else that helps me climb the corporate ladder. My whole life basically revolves around building this career, while everything else just gets swept under the rug to deal with later.
Right now, my priorities are pretty straightforward: first comes work and making money, then my health, followed by my friends, and finally love.
I know that jobs can be unpredictable—one day you're steady, and the next, everything changes. But I truly believe I can manage that uncertainty. My goal is to stay ahead of the curve, keep my skills sharp, and make sure I'm always someone companies want to hire. I can't control what other people do, and honestly, I wouldn't want to, but I can definitely take charge of myself.

I’m not trying to generalize or be cynical about everything falling apart. I only mean that when it comes to things like friendships or romance, life is unpredictable. But my career? That’s something I actually have control over. My drive to work hard and climb the ladder is something no one can take away from me. As long as I keep pushing forward and staying ahead of the curve, I don't have to worry about things collapsing. When I think about how I define myself, it really comes down to my work. It’s the center of my world. I want to be someone who is respected and known for being an expert—someone people value simply because they know I get the job done right.

Do you think you're making this choice consciously, or are you just playing it safe because of fear?

I think I’m actually afraid of something. It’s all those bad scenarios you mentioned that get to me. I’ve always wondered—what’s the point of being with someone if they end up hurting or betraying you? Even if it's a best friend, how are you supposed to live with that? Why would I even consider getting married if my spouse could just cheat on me years later and take everything I've worked so hard to build? I put so much effort and make so many sacrifices just to create something I can be proud of, only for someone to potentially destroy it all in a single moment. It wouldn't just be about the stuff, either; it would break me personally because everything I am is poured into my work. That’s what defines me. I try to avoid all these dark possibilities, but I'm scared they'll happen. Is it just inevitable? Do things like this just have to happen?

I’ve been struggling with my emotions lately because I've never really expressed them. I haven't even spent much time thinking about how I feel; I just tend to push everything down and deal with it later. For me, the priority has always been—and still is—my career and making money. My brain is wired to think in a strictly rational, technical, and scientific way. That's just how I operate. Since science doesn't account for emotions, I don't either. They've always just been an afterthought to me.

I feel like I’m lacking real life experience because, honestly, I’m terrified of the pain and heartache everyone else seems to go through. I try to learn from other people's mistakes just to shield myself from going through the same things, but I have to wonder—is that even possible? Do I really need to hit those same rock bottoms to actually grow or change as a person? One big reason I've avoided getting into serious relationships is this constant fear of how much it might hurt in the end. I find myself questioning why I should even bother opening up if the final result is just potential heartbreak or betrayal. Why would I give my whole heart and soul to someone I love deeply, only to have them shatter me like glass?

I know exactly where I stand. I realize my struggles are tiny compared to people facing real crises—those struggling to make ends meet or dealing with life-threatening illnesses without any way to afford treatment. I also see how much I’ve missed out on because of my social anxiety and the way I overthink everything. I'm fully aware of it. I know I need to change and actually start living my life instead of just watching it pass me by from the sidelines. But breaking out of this routine and this constant passivity feels almost impossible. Fear is what keeps me paralyzed. It's like that line from *The Matrix* when Morpheus says, "You have to let it all go: fear, doubt and disbelief." That's exactly what's holding me back—fear of the unknown, fear of failing, and the pressure of the high expectations I've set for myself.

@brightridge59

Maybe some of my thoughts might seem a bit silly or even childish to you, but honestly, I’ve never really sat down to dwell on this kind of stuff before. I never gave it much importance until now, when I've finally reached my breaking point with everything I'm going through.

I’ll try to break this down step by step. I want to start with the women. I feel like it’s hard for a girl to truly love someone who thinks they're too ugly, too short, or too thin—someone who doesn't even like themselves because of those things. I know looks aren't everything, but let's be real: when you're meeting someone new in today's world, so much of that initial spark depends on physical attraction and chemistry. Things I feel like I just don't have. It feels like I could never love someone the way she deserves to be loved, because right now, I can't even love myself. Honestly, I don't even know what it feels like to truly love another person—that intensity where they become your whole world. Looking back, I think I only wanted to be with someone just to say I had someone. I got desperate watching everyone else find partners while I stayed alone. I’ve even seen guys I went to middle school or high school with—people you'd never expect to see dating—walking around town with girlfriends, and seeing that just wore me down. I kept asking myself, "Why not me?" I know having a partner isn't everything, and forcing it won't get me anywhere, but because of how I am right now, I feel like I don't deserve it. I'm too focused on my own goals, and I tend to be pretty cold and self-centered. That's really where I'm coming from.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how I treat people. To be honest, I never really stopped to consider if my antisocial tendencies were hurting the people around me, like my friends. I’ve always seen myself as a relentless career climber, and everything I did was centered around that goal. I constantly pushed myself to be the best—from elementary school through high school and all the way through college. No one forced those straight A's on me; I did that to myself just to make sure getting into the right programs and landing a great job would be easier. I wanted to crush the competition. Because of that, I basically lived in a bubble. I didn't go out, I didn't have much of a social life; I was just alone. Now that I actually have a few friends, I still struggle with whether my behavior is off-putting or if being so guarded and cold makes things awkward for others. Even now, I sometimes turn down an invite to grab a drink or hang out because I’m too focused on studying or moving up the ladder at work. Looking back, I actually find myself a little envious of people who have great friend groups—people who just enjoy each other's company, go out and have fun, or head out to a park for a Fourth of July BBQ. I miss that kind of connection. But then my cynical side kicks in. I start thinking about how friendships can feel temporary. People get married, have kids, or move across the country for a new job at a place like Google or Amazon, and eventually, everyone drifts apart. It makes me wonder: what’s the point of investing in people if it’s all going to fade away anyway? Part of me thinks it’s better to just spend all that time on self-improvement and personal growth instead. Maybe that's just my ego talking.

I know I need to start changing how I view myself and how I interact with people. I really want to understand how my actions actually land on others, but I’m honestly stuck on where to even begin. That's why I reached out for some advice. Up until now, I've just been sweeping all my emotional struggles under the rug—pushing them aside and telling myself the classic American excuse: "I'll deal with it later."

That's enough for me today. Catch you all next time.

Seriously, nobody? 56 views and not a single person...

I know it's Happy Easter and everyone is probably busy hanging out with family or just relaxing at home, but for those of you actually online... nothing? Not even one little piece of advice?

Hi everyone, and Happy Easter. I just got back from a night out that wasn't much to write home about, and since I can't sleep, I'm just sitting here at my computer thinking.

I’ve been lurking on this forum for a while, so I finally decided to post something. I could really use some help or advice—anything, really. The truth is, my self-esteem is pretty low. I have a negative view of myself, I bottle up my emotions, and I struggle with feeling like I'm not enough or that I don't deserve love from others, especially from girls I might want to date. I hide my true personality from people. Even when I go out, I can't just relax; I'm constantly stuck in my own head, worrying about who's looking at me or what they'll think if I do something awkward.

I find it hard to trust anyone because I've convinced myself that everyone is out to get me. I feel like if I ever showed my real self—my actual feelings and thoughts—people would just use them to tear me down. I have people I hang out with and acquaintances, but I don't have any true friends I can actually talk to about this stuff, someone to help me lighten the load so I can finally move forward.

I've built such a massive wall between my inner world and reality. It feels like a fortress with mile-high walls, surrounded by an alligator-filled moat, complete with barricades, barbed wire, and guard dogs. But I am trying to change. I've been reading some psychology books and stuff. How do I find the strength to start? How do I learn to forgive people who hurt me and start trusting them—and myself—again? How do I build up my confidence and a better sense of self? And how do I work on being more communicative and improving my social skills?

I've become emotionally numb, and honestly, I just don't feel much of anything anymore. How do I break out of this state? It's not hopeless, though; I truly want to change because I can't keep living like this. Regarding social skills, I deal with a weird paradox: once I actually get to know people and they become my friends, I can talk to them just fine. But when it comes to meeting someone new or starting a conversation from scratch, I completely freeze up like Windows 😁 especially if there's a girl I'm interested in.

I've always lived in my own little bubble. I've always done everything on my own and never let anyone in, and now I'm just lonely. I realize I made a huge mistake, and I regret all the things I missed out on, but I still believe it's not too late to fix these issues. I try to reflect on my past and my problems, but it isn't easy.

Is there anyone out there who can offer some guidance, or am I going to have to figure this all out on my own, just like I've always done?