Posts by shadowcobra32

I’ll be the first to admit it—I’ve always been a bit of a pampered soul, an only child through and through, so I guess I’m just used to having everything handed to me on a silver platter ;P and honestly, there’s just something so comforting about being led by the hand... 😢( sorry!

Oh, fantastic! So that means I have full permission to go absolutely wild 😉 and honestly, my stomach is practically fused to my spine at this point, which is a pretty clear signal that it’s high time I head out and find something to eat 😢 but the dilemma is... what on earth should I pick? Does anyone else hit that wall where all food inspiration just vanishes into thin air? What do you all do when the culinary ideas completely dry up?

And what about the whole exercise situation? I honestly have no clue which workouts I should be doing, though I absolutely live for dancing... you know, blasting techno or reggaeton and just jumping around my apartment like a total maniac ;P and if I end up sweating like a marathon runner in the middle of July, does that actually count toward my fitness goals? ;P

hmm... well, I don't really mind going to bed on an empty stomach at night, honestly, because I usually find something to keep my mind busy so I'm not even thinking about food once the sun goes down... but during the day, I tend to have two or three very small meals, just tiny bites as I mentioned before, though I'll admit I'm actually quite afraid of eating more than that because I get this nagging sensation that if I even take a sip of water, everything will just get stuck... it feels like whatever I try to eat just won't go down properly, and my digestion feels like it's running at a snail's pace—or maybe much slower than that! Not to mention, I can't even seem to make it to the restroom regularly ;P sorry for getting so personal with these details, but it really feels like a major issue, doesn't it? Like, all those toxins aren't actually leaving my body the way they're supposed to, right?

hmm... I think I follow what you're saying... but honestly, I'm just not sure how I'm supposed to actually increase my food intake. To be completely truthful, I'm terrified of eating more because my brain immediately starts playing this little movie on loop where I tell myself, "if I don't feel hungry, then it clearly isn't working," you know? It's such a silly way to think about it... I know I'm being ridiculous...😢((

So, regarding the food situation, I suppose my main issue is that I'm eating way too little at one time, though honestly, it’s hard to make any real judgments when I’ve only been on this diet for two days—if you can even call it that yet... yesterday morning, for instance, I just had a quick cup of coffee because I didn't manage to eat anything (which is code for "I didn't bother getting out of bed early enough for breakfast") before rushing off to campus, and then for lunch, I just had a single hot dog, sipping on some green tea between bites, a couple of tablespoons of cheddar cheese, and a whole head of lettuce tossed with apple cider vinegar, followed by yogurt with two spoonfuls of oats, an orange, and a small glass of milk
today, breakfast was once again just coffee and an apple, and now I’m sitting here wondering what to do for lunch—should I head back home to whip up some cauliflower or maybe some rice, or should I just grab something at the university dining hall? 😢 I really haven't a clue
Oh, and I’m not sure if this is actually a problem, but I find myself constantly chewing Orbit gum; it's become such a habit, and I probably don't even stop until I'm heading to bed😉 I wonder if that’s doing me any harm, or perhaps not?
I actually wanted to sign up for a fitness class, but I couldn't find anything decent in my neighborhood, and frankly, it feels like a bit of a waste of money $100 if I'm only going twice a week, because if I'm not going every single day, it feels like I might as well not have gone at all😢 over the summer, I used to hit the gym every day, but I ended up just looking bulkier, which I think was because the trainer gave me a terrible program (he was a total bodybuilder type ;P), so I just ended up with these incredibly pumped-up arms and legs, and I caught myself staring in the mirror watching my muscles grow—it turns out bodybuilders do that all the time, apparently! ;P anyway... I’m still forcing myself to drink this green tea even though it tastes absolutely revolting, almost making me want to gag, but I just force it down somehow, though what's really getting to me is this constant feeling of weakness, where I just want to curl up in bed and sleep all day😉 that's just how I feel right now, so it isn't really hunger that's hunting me down, it's just pure exhaustion, like I said before...

Well, I just wanted to say thank you all so much for the comments and for being so supportive, because I really didn't mean to offend anyone when I mentioned having a boyfriend while also struggling with depression, as that honestly belongs in a completely different conversation 😉 though it isn't quite relevant to this specific thread, but it’s true that my weight issues and my low mood are deeply connected, especially since the environment around me feels so draining, between the people I hang out with and even just living here in Chicago where I'm basically just a student, and school itself is just so overwhelming and exhausting (blah, blah, blah)... anyway, I just wanted to share that I've been sticking to a healthy diet for two days now, cooking myself things like broccoli and rice and lots of veggies, so I am finally taking action! I actually went out with every intention of going for a run this evening, but everything was frozen solid, and I didn't want to risk breaking an ankle, so I just did a brisk walk around the neighborhood instead... the thing is, though, I’m feeling this indescribable weakness, because I've cut way back on the junk food—actually, I don't even feel hungry, just weak, so whether I'm running, walking, sitting down, or even just lying in bed, my legs feel shaky and my muscles just feel so limp... I truly don't want to come across as some fool for asking for advice, but clearly, I've missed the mark on what I was trying to convey with my original post... it was meant to be my turning point, and I actually do feel better now... obviously, I daydream about dropping pounds quickly, which is always the trap for me where I give up if I don't see results after five days, but this time feels fundamentally different, like I've reached a breaking point or a final limit and I simply can't go on like this anymore... I can't stand feeling like an old lady who struggles just to tie her shoes or ends up flopping into bed like an idiot 😢 please excuse me... gosh... it's just awful and I feel so embarrassed, ashamed to even walk down the street because I hate my body and all these bad habits I've accumulated over the years... I am desperate to change, but carrying this weight alone is so incredibly hard, and while my boyfriend doesn't say anything negative—he actually encourages me to stay active since he's a big cyclist himself, so we go biking together during the summer—he has never once told me I'm fat or that I need to lose weight for him, quite the opposite actually, he's always joking that he wouldn't even be with me if I were one of those super thin girls and that he loves me exactly as I am ;P but anyway, enough about my boyfriend, let's get back to talking about me and my car ;P I know I'm becoming a bit tedious to myself, but still, thank you all for the support... I'm just terrified of those inevitable cravings hitting me, those moments where I feel like a complete addict and just want to devour chocolate, I would kill for some chocolate right now 😉 but I haven't touched any for four days already 😉))

Hi everyone... I guess this is actually my first time😉 finding the courage to set up a profile and finally pour out these dark secrets that have been eating away at me day after day... I’ve been lurking on this forum for such a long time now, just reading everything, but I could never quite bring myself to comment or actually take a step toward changing anything. So, here goes... I’m 22 years old, about 5'4", and I weigh... well... 180 lbs... which, let’s be honest, feels absolutely terrible, just awful, and I can already hear all the mean things people say... I know exactly where I stand.😢 Ever since I was old enough to realize it, I’ve been fighting this constant battle with my weight, though I often try to blame my genetics because almost everyone in my family is "curvy"... plus, both my parents deal with diabetes, so I’m definitely predisposed to that too, but honestly, if you saw me in person, you might not even realize how much I struggle, because people always seem surprised, yet the scale is an absolute liar when it comes to making me feel better... I’ve gained so much that...😢

The real issue is that I spend nearly my entire day stuck on campus, and my eating habits are just a total mess; I don't eat properly at all, meaning I miss regular meal times and the frequency is all over the place, so I usually just grab whatever little snack I can find when I get a break, and then once I finally get back home from classes late at night, I end up just devouring pancakes or hitting up the dining hall—and we all know how hit-or-miss that food really is.😢

I also barely move at all because after spending the whole day at university, I just don't have the energy left to do anything other than sit or lie down...

To be perfectly clear... I am fully aware that I have a problem and I know exactly what steps I need to take to change my life, but I just can't find the motivation... it's hard because depression is always looming in the background, and even though I have a boyfriend and a pretty normal life on the surface, I still struggle with being depressed, which makes finding the drive to lose weight feel impossible...

So... yeah... that’s my story, and I am so sorry for bothering you all with my nonsense...😢