Posts by amberfox4

feralcobra92 said:I honestly don't think it's just about jealousy; I think it’s more about the fact that some people simply march to the beat of their own drum. People tend to get uncomfortable when someone stands out, and they use these kinds of nasty comments as a way to try and force everyone back into a "normal" mold.
But honestly, while reading through this thread and seeing how everyone is reacting, there is one thing that keeps bothering me.
If a woman decides she doesn't want kids—that is her business, plain and simple. It’s totally understandable if she deals with pressure from her neighbors or family, because they're going to have opinions. She should be the one making the call on when, or even if, she wants to start a family.
What I can't wrap my head around, though, is this intense hatred toward children and the sheer aggression in these posts. Telling someone you'd rather they gave birth to a kitten than their own child is just way over the line, yet everyone else seems to jump right in to agree and joke about how cute kittens are.
That aggressive, old-school, "traditionalist" attitude really rubs me the wrong way. If our mothers and grandmothers had thought that way, we wouldn't even be here today! Women actually have the power to make decisions about their own bodies now. In the past, fathers would basically marry them off, send them away to some distant town, and leave them to have twelve kids with whoever was chosen for them—half of whom probably wouldn't even survive. No one ever stopped to ask what SHE wanted or if she even felt like being a mother.
So, please, just be grateful that we live in such a liberal era where you actually have the right to shape your own life, and let's stop talking nonsense about kittens and acting like children are the enemy.

Good grief, who actually hates children, for heaven's sake?
I just never felt the urge to have them myself.

Jacob Long said:I’ve read through almost this entire thread and I agree most with this post, especially the bolded part.

I'm 27, been married for three and a half years, and honestly, I haven't given much serious thought to kids until now—even though I always knew I wanted them eventually. I just wasn't ready, for a million different reasons... long story. And I was never one of those people who has to squeeze every baby they see; I'm just not built that way. But I always knew I’d want my own child someday, and I knew I'd love them for the right reasons—not to please others, but for myself and my own internal needs. I just hadn't felt ready yet...

As for those comments and questions that come out of nowhere—they're awkward and frankly rude,

And even now, I'm not 100% ready—though maybe you're never truly 100% ready—but I'm facing the reality that if I keep delaying, I might not be able to later on due to hypothyroidism, diabetes, PCOS, and HPV. All those medical factors basically acted as an accelerator for my decision to finally start trying soon.

Sure, I'm a little scared about how it'll all turn out, and I know having a kid is a massive responsibility, but seeing how many people less capable than me manage it gives me hope that I will too.

I think a lot of women have kids just because it's expected—because it's a reason to get married, an excuse to stay home, or a way to avoid facing the real world and competing in the workforce. For some, motherhood is a catch-all justification for everything, primarily their own inability to handle life.
Because of that, they elevate that stage of life above everything else—which makes sense, really, because if that "noble act" isn't viewed as being that high, then their whole sense of worth is threatened...
I used to exhaust myself trying to justify things to people like that—just trying to explain myself, because apparently, if they set the rules of the game, you're supposed to defend your moves. But thank God I've moved past that. I know I don't owe anyone an explanation, and I'll have kids when I want them, if I want them, and when I'm ready—and that's strictly between me and my partner, nobody else!

The older I get, the more certain I am that it's a good thing I didn't have a child sooner; I'm only just becoming a complete enough person to actually be a decent parent.

This is an excellent post, and I wish you nothing but the best of health; as for everything else, you clearly possess enough intellect to handle whatever comes your way.👍

:

crimsongull20 said:Not really, just look at this. 🙂

http://www.newser.com/story/32088/ta...panda-cub.html

Good grief, look how tiny he is 😍

crimsongull20 said:Sure, though if it turned out to be any other animal I'd be devastated... but for a cat? Not really. Fine, maybe a red panda.😁

Well, if we're talking about being a panda, you'd have to go full royal status to make it worth it.😉

crimsongull20 said:Kittens are just too cute. 🙂

Might sound stupid, but sometimes I feel like I wouldn't even be disappointed if I gave birth to a kitten instead of a human...

but you’d still be at least a little surprised, wouldn't you?😉

Susan James42 said:It’s like this: while everyone else was busy enjoying their college years and messing around, I was pulling shifts seven days a week while grinding through my degrees.
I started with my Associate's, moved on to my Bachelor's, and eventually earned my Master's.
Somewhere after finishing my graduate studies, I hit a wall—total burnout from the relentless cycle of work and responsibility.
To put it bluntly, I developed a massive aversion to any kind of obligation whatsoever.
Back then, even the idea of committing to social plans on a Wednesday for something happening on Saturday felt like an exhausting burden.
Since I decided to pursue my PhD about five years later—mostly out of a stubborn desire to keep learning and trying to secure a better position at work—that acute burnout turned into a chronic state. Now, finally, I am making a conscious effort to reclaim time just for myself.
While others were out living it up, I was working 10-to-12-hour days and then sitting down to study.
Well, now? I’m spending that hard-earned time on me. And I’m loving every second of it.

And you have every right to do so.👍

Noah Fowler87 said:This is utterly pathological. Is this really the government's grand strategy to boost birth rates? It’s essentially saying, "We don't care if you don't want children; we want them, so deal with it, and we'll just sit here hoping fate takes its course." How can anyone call that anything other than pure hypocrisy? What kind of laws are we living under? 🙄

I am about 99% certain that these same restrictions don't apply to men—I assume they can just go get sterilized whenever the mood strikes them, right? Where is the logic in that?🙄

I actually suspect it applies to men as well.

Michelle Sanchez8 said:Is there actually any feeling worse than getting older and realizing you've got nobody by your side? At least, that’s what all the old folks I know keep telling me.

Well, that sounds like a pretty wonderful motivation for having kids, doesn't it?

A quick question for the moderators: I am somewhat perplexed as to why this specific thread was relocated to the Psychology section rather than remaining in the Women’s Corner. Given that we are discussing anorexia and bulimia—which are clinically recognized psychological disorders—it seems counterintuitive to have them relegated to a general lifestyle forum. Wouldn't it be more logical to reverse the current placement?
Please understand, I truly mean no offense by this; there is absolutely no shame in struggling with mental health issues, but if a disorder is medically classified as such and carries a risk severe enough to be life-threatening, then it belongs here in the clinical discussion area.
On the other hand, discussions regarding the desire—or lack thereof—for children, or debating when a woman might decide to start a family, feels much more suited to the Women’s Corner. It seems a bit jarring to have those topics bundled together here alongside heavy subjects like suicide, panic disorders, and borderline personality disorder. Furthermore, I suspect this might be why participation in these threads remains relatively low; the Psychology subforum tends to attract individuals specifically interested in psychological study and clinical matters, whereas the demographic most likely to engage with reproductive and lifestyle topics is concentrated in the Women’s Corner.

One could certainly say: my husband? He’s doing quite well, thank you ever so much for asking, though I must wonder how your own partner is faring; has he finally managed to resolve that rather awkward issue regarding erectile dysfunction?

slypuma17 said:It's simply because I'm putting in much less effort.
Once you set a firm boundary, people usually don't dare to push it again.

Because once you tell someone you don't want kids, you've essentially thrown down the gauntlet. I'm speaking from experience here.

Whenever the opportunity arises, you'll be met with some "well-meaning" or unsolicited comment, and over the long haul, that is incredibly draining—especially if these are people you see regularly, say at your office in Chicago, or even close friends.
You end up having to justify yourself constantly. It’s relentless.
They might ask you something like, "Do you just hate children?" 🙄
And it keeps going like that. They might even try to needle you or make little jabs whenever they get the chance.
😉

With the other option, they might be annoyed for a moment, but they'll eventually leave me alone. 😁

Honestly, there isn't a single stupid comment I haven't already heard, considering I am 36 years old.
People are finally starting to back off, though I suspect that is only because I have become increasingly blunt when answering their inquiries.
I usually just say something along the lines of, "No, I never wanted children."
And when they follow up with, "But why?"
I respond, "Because the desire was never there."
And if it hasn't happened by now...
Well, it isn't going to happen. I don't want kids.
Then comes the inevitable, "What about your husband?"
My response? "My husband and I aren't allowed to have children because we were both diagnosed with cannibalism, and our specialty is the 'warm cradle' method." (That is a joke, of course, but it always seems to shut down those busybodies who feel entitled to stick their noses into my business.)
One can safely assume that we discussed such vital matters before we ever tied the knot; furthermore, I discuss private matters exclusively with my husband, not with acquaintances or neighbors whose opinions hold absolutely no weight in my life. Quite frankly, your personal affairs do not interest me one bit.

slypuma17 said:Sure, sure, "once you find the right one." 😬

That’s easily the best one. It might actually hold water if we were talking about a single girl, but try saying that to a woman who is already in a committed relationship...🙄

I honestly find myself losing patience for these kinds of debates. I'm thinking about adopting a new strategy for when I encounter people who don't know me yet.
The older I get, the more this question is going to be shoved in my face. Maybe it would be easier to just break down in tears and claim I can't have children; at least then the provocateurs might back off for good once they feel a sense of shame—which they really should, given how much they stick their noses where they don't belong—instead of me having to explain myself endlessly. 😁

But why on earth would you pretend to be ill just so people would pity you or, worse, mock you? Please, let's have some dignity.
For my part, as I grow older, I find it increasingly easy to simply be blunt with these nosy acquaintances and make it crystal clear that their lack of manners is showing.

Dennis Cook78 said:I honestly think most people just want kids because of social conditioning. If we’re going to judge one another for our personal life choices, then everyone should be prepared to face that same scrutiny and handle it with some actual maturity. When someone rolls their eyes and uses that condescending tone to hiss, "Wait, you *don't* want children? That's just not normal! I'm sure you'll change your mind eventually, don't worry," they aren't looking for a conversation—they're looking for a fight. It’s pretty obvious when someone uses those passive-aggressive questions to imply you're abnormal, or that you're somehow socially stunted or lagging behind. They are intentionally casting judgment on you. In my view, if you're going to sit in judgment of others, you have to be ready to be judged yourself. If you aren't willing to walk that walk, then all you're doing is being a hypocrite.

Hah, honestly, that's exactly what people say to me: "Oh, just wait until you get the urge!" As if wanting children is something that just happens to you against your will, like a sudden bout of the flu.🙄
As if my desire were somehow tethered to theirs, or as if their sudden impulse would magically transfer over to me and my husband.

However, I must concede that someone rightfully pointed out the absurdity of this thread's current placement; sitting right alongside discussions on borderline personality disorder, suicidal ideation, and debilitating anxiety... perhaps a women's interest forum would have been a more appropriate venue for this particular topic?

fadedbear92 said:Whether or not to have children is a deeply personal decision for any woman—period. It drives me absolutely crazy when people feel entitled to stick their noses in and start grilling you with "when" or "why"... blah, blah, blah. This is your life, and you’re the only one who gets to call the shots. Besides, common courtesy dictates that you just don't ask those kinds of questions. 😍

Exactly, it’s a matter of manners. In most decent parts of the US, people actually respect those social boundaries and understand the importance of not meddling in another person's private affairs.🙄

boldstag33 said:It’s actually kind of a relief to know I’m not the only one feeling this way...
And honestly? It’s 100% true. Everyone follows some arbitrary "tradition" just because they think it’s the only "right" way to live, or because it feels "NORMAL" to them...
Just don't bother trying to argue with them. Why bother? You'll only end up shattering their little bubble and ruining their illusions.

But really, there isn't even a point in trying to argue with anyone; every couple should be able to figure things out on their own terms.
I personally refuse to let anyone terrorize me or drag me into debates regarding my lifestyle—these are private decisions that don't concern anyone else, and they certainly shouldn't involve anyone other than oneself and one's partner.

I am currently thirty-six years old, my partner is twenty-eight, and we have been together for nearly seven years, though our history goes back fifteen.
Neither of us has ever harbored a desire for children, nor do we ever intend to bring them into this world.
The fundamental truth here is that you and your partner must be in total alignment regarding such life-altering decisions, specifically whether or not to pursue parenthood.
The one thing that leaves me somewhat perplexed by your post is your admission that you were secretly hoping the opportunity would present itself, which feels... contradictory. It gives me the impression that you aren't entirely certain about your own stance on having kids. Personally, I have never once entertained the notion of becoming a parent; the very concept hasn't even crossed my mind as an option. I have always known, with absolute clarity, that this isn't my path. There has never been even a flicker of doubt in my mind.

cure, I have a question. I started this cycle with Yasmin, and after my flow finishes, I’m experiencing a slightly longer period of that brown discharge—though it’s a bit thinner than what I usually see at the end of my period. Is this something that happens throughout the entire time you're taking it, or is it just during the first few cycles? I thought about asking Dr. Gin, but I already called him a few days ago with about a hundred different questions, and I honestly feel a bit embarrassed to bother him again, especially if this turns out to be perfectly normal.

Nicole Allen10 said:We really ought to rename this thread to "Then vs. Now."

Indeed. You can tell when the retirees start talking... they begin reminiscing about how much better things used to be—even down to the quality of their digestion, I suppose. One would assume they simply had more intestinal fortitude back then.

Gerald Walker7 said:It’s actually quite interesting, I guess, how nobody really jumped in on my post about how age gaps and clothing boundaries don't even exist anymore these days...

Well, I certainly had a reaction, though perhaps it was more of an internal monologue than a public outcry...😉.It truly is unsettling. You see little girls and very young women—and even some ladies in their fifties—dressing exactly like teenagers. These children are essentially inviting unnecessary risk by presenting themselves in ways that attract the wrong kind of attention from predators, while the older women often attempt to project a youthful image that, quite bluntly, fails to achieve its intended effect.

All joking aside, there is something fundamentally tasteless about seeing twelve-year-old girls wandering around dressed in provocative clothing.