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Hey there, I have a few quick questions
So, I was wondering if it’s okay to just slide a standard ballpoint pen into a regular blue envelope?
Or maybe I should nestle it right in the middle of some papers so it doesn't poke through quite so easily, or is it fine to just send the pen on its own?
Also, regarding those yellow bubble mailers—can I just pop a pen in one of those, slap a stamp on it, and send it off without having to deal with the hassle of going to the Post Office to get it weighed? Or are those envelopes strictly meant for things that need to be weighed first?
Puberty? I mean, technically we're at the tail end of that phase...🙂PMS is creeping up, and menopause? Ugh, that's a lifetime away.
So, those first two things are definitely part of the equation, but let's just set them aside for now...
I did talk to him about it—and he actually knows what’s been weighing on me (aside from that whole shoe situation)🙂. We'll sort through all of that later tonight.
I don't know, maybe I’m just sitting here secretly hoping he'll head out, grab them, and surprise me?
Yeah, I mentioned we talked about his ex...
And he begs me every single time not to dwell on her, telling me she's just his past and that I'm his present and his future.
I know that, I really do, but honestly, damn it... I think about the past way too much. Maybe because I love him so incredibly much, or maybe I'm just being selfish and it bothers me that he was with someone else before me. I don't quite get myself... my cravings for certainty are just impossible.
But then again, if I'm being totally honest, I don't even spend that much time thinking about it anymore. Thinking about it has just worn me down so much over time that now I mostly just worry about my own future... wondering if things would actually be easier if I broke up with him, even though I don't want to do that. I wouldn't even dream of it.
I have this amazing guy, we've been together for about a year and a half now... and honestly, he’s pretty much perfect. I guess if I were just a little bit smarter, the relationship would be perfect too—or at least, I’d be experiencing it that way...
To make a long story short...
Before he met me, he was in a serious relationship for five years... and before him, I was with someone for two years where, well, I was basically just his mistress.
The issues really started creeping in at the beginning of this year... I've started feeling this intense, heavy sense of "grief" over his ex.
I don't even know who she is, let alone that she ever caused any drama or had any outbursts or anything... there was nothing like that. They broke up and haven't spoken since; he isn't pining for her or anything like that... none of that.
And I know that, logically. But subconsciously, I can't stop dwelling on the relationship they used to have. I get these mental images of them kissing and hugging and things like that... everything I do with him, I find myself imagining him doing the exact same thing with her... and I'm jealous.
It's not that I'm jealous of the girl herself, per se, but rather because of the fact that he had a life before me. I suppose I just want to be the only woman he's ever truly looked at, let alone... well, slept with. It feels sick.
I know it sounds unhealthy, but I just can't seem to stop obsessing over it.
And that's where my actual problems start... my self-confidence has just completely tanked. After spending a year fixating on these stupid things, I guess I finally just hit a breaking point.
But today was the peak, which is what actually prompted me to write this out.
I was out with him in town and stopped by a store to pick up an Ethernet cable—I needed a 7-meter one because I'm trying to connect my phone to the router in the other room, so it's a bit of a distance.
While we were out, we popped into a shop and I saw these incredible shoes. I hinted to him that I wanted them, tried on all five pairs, and when I realized he was actually serious about buying them for me, I started turning him down. I told him ten different times that I didn't want them after he asked me why ten different times and insisted on getting them for me.
And blah blah blah...
Long story short, I came home without the shoes.
Then I went to plug in the cable, realized it was only a 1-meter cord instead of the long one—and that’s when I just snapped.
I started crying (and I couldn't stop thinking about those shoes in my head).
I just kept crying and crying...
And I know deep down that I wasn't even crying about the shoes; I was crying because I realize I have no idea how to handle these "problems"—even though they aren't even real problems. Since I work in psychiatry, I've gone through all my patients with these kinds of diagnoses in my mind, and I can see exactly what I'll likely become if I keep going like this.
So, I went from being the coolest girl in town to being this total crybaby, insecure and completely full of myself.