Olivia Smith2 said:As I mentioned, I managed to go a few months without antipsychotics and the psychosis didn't come back. However—whether I was on them or not—that underlying tension never really left me. I do understand what the psychiatrists were thinking, though; that constant tension can trigger a psychotic episode, so they were likely just trying to protect me by introducing the medication. Thanks for the encouragement. I'll grab some Rivotril, get moving, and hopefully—finally—start seeing some wins in life.
Personally, I’d much rather suggest finding an Ad that actually works for you. Think of them like a sort of "brain steroid" to help you gear up for the fight ahead. It might give you that extra boost you need to tackle this new job and stack up those victories without needing the antipsychotics.
Honestly, if you're just dealing with anxiety, jumping straight to an antipsychotic feels like using a sledgehammer to crack a nut. Usually, doctors would look at starting you on some antidepressants, maybe a little bit of benzos for a short window to steady things out, and then just taking it as needed... Now, don't get me wrong, your current dose isn't massive, but there's a catch. As those meds gradually block your dopamine receptors over time, you can start hitting this wall of emotional numbness, akathisia, heightened anxiety, or even depression. It’s a nasty cycle. In a worst-case scenario, if long-term antipsychotics are actually necessary, they really should have paired them with an antidepressant to prevent you from sliding into the headspace you're stuck in right now... In the best-case scenario, though—assuming the psychosis doesn't come back and you aren't dealing with schizophrenia like you mentioned—you might be able to phase out the antipsychotics entirely... And I think it goes without saying that staying away from drugs is non-negotiable... For someone in your position, recreational use is a direct ticket to psychosis... Sometimes, it really only takes one bad trip to derail your entire life.
And definitely go for that job, provided it's something you actually want to do.
Olivia Smith2 said:Honestly, I used to handle things quite well—I actually enjoyed pushing my boundaries and stepping out of my comfort zone.
Since the psychosis, though—everything has changed. My heart starts racing, my hands shake—sometimes even my voice—and the absolute worst part is how my brain just turns to mush. My thoughts get completely tangled, I lose the ability to tell if what I'm saying makes sense, and my focus just vanishes... It all happens at once—it’s a total nightmare.
Have you considered that what you're describing might actually be a side effect of the antipsychotics? When people are in the middle of a psychotic break, they aren't usually worrying about how they come across or feeling super anxious about their speech... In fact, they can often seem oddly confident in their own reality... To me, it sounds like you might be dealing with a heavy dosage of medication, which raises the question of whether you'd even slip back into psychosis without them... Assuming you don't have chronic schizophrenia.
I’ve been saying this for ages: those "doctors" with degrees from backwater rural clinics out in the Midwest don't have a clue what they're doing when they practice here in the States... They don't understand the actual effects or the side effects of the meds they hand out like candy. For them, it’s all about looking the part—playing the big-shot doctor in society while you hand over $200-$$100 just to get through the door. Their goal is to get you out as fast as possible, ideally making sure some big pharmaceutical company gets a little "kickback" for the prescriptions they write. It’s all just fuel to lease a flashy new truck, add an extra floor to the house, pay for the kids' college tuition, or maybe even fund a little secret lifestyle on the side... I'm talking specifically about the psychiatrists I've encountered out in California...
Antidepressants tend to trigger much more vivid, surreal dreams by messing with your serotonin levels—it’s kind of like how social media likes hit your GABA receptors. Since you're currently prioritizing your mental health, it makes total sense that your subconscious is looping back to those specific themes in your sleep.
For me, my head is usually stuck on trying to navigate my dysfunctional family dynamics, plus I’ve been binge-watching those classic car chases from Miami Vice and catching up on some old Brad Pitt movies lately. So, naturally, I had this dream where I was cruising in a Lamborghini Countach with Brad Pitt, and we were actually debating whether a Countach or a Ferrari Testaross is the superior ride. Of course, the dream ends with us losing control in a tunnel and totally totaling the car at high speed.
Then there was this other one where I was in a physical altercation with my father after he attacked me; it was intense, and I ended up stabbing him out of pure, raw anger.
Honestly, I’m convinced this is a total dopamine issue... That’s why you always feel like you need to chase some extreme high just to get a decent boost. Here are a few ways I can think of to handle it:
One route is taking an antipsychotic to block those dopamine receptors. It basically numbs everything down so you aren't constantly riding those intense highs or feeling that desperate craving for them.
Another option is using a dopamine-boosting antidepressant—something like Wellbutrin. That way, you aren't stuck needing to put yourself in crazy situations just to feel something.
Or, you could go the natural route: try L-tyrosine to help stimulate dopamine production naturally, and pair that with getting active through sports or maybe even some more moderate extreme hobbies.
Most importantly, stay far away from alcohol, drugs, and gambling. Period. Instead of looking for a quick fix there, try finding a career or a passion project that actually feels fulfilling and makes you genuinely happy.
Brenda Parker5 said:Honestly, this feels like it was directed by Jeong-beom Lee—it’s just pure, high-octane action scenes from start to finish.
Oh, come on, man. That movie was total garbage, just a bunch of tired clichés... Honestly, after finishing it last night, I’m just left with this bitter feeling of wasted time and pure stupidity.
Brenda Parker5 said:Is it cool if I join you for the night shift?.. things always get pretty boring for me at some point..
She’s a bit frigidan, sure, but she’s got great style and looks wonderful... Honestly, I think if the two of us really put our minds to it and gave her some focused attention, we could definitely get her back on track...
Dealing with this neurological condition is exhausting, and it frequently messes with my brain chemistry. On the bright side, since we started treating the cause of the lesions, my mental state has actually been okay. There were times when doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I would fall into stupors, deal with severe full-body tremors, memory issues, emotional numbness, and intense depression—just about everything. Now, finally, I know why.
I still take an antidepressant in the morning and occasionally as a preventative measure; the dopamine boost really helps, which aligns perfectly with my neurological diagnosis. As for antipsychotics, I’m on Quetiapine. My only complaint is that sometimes it knocks me out like a horse, and other times it makes me feel totally isolated, like I've been transported to another world. Lately, things have been strange; for the last two days, I've felt oddly detached, almost as if I hadn't taken anything at all. Of course, I haven't been taking a full dose for a long time now.
I used to take Haldol and Rexulti as well. Interestingly, those didn't necessarily make me sleepy; instead, they just kept me calm and steady. Even though people around me insisted I seemed completely out of it while on Haldol... I didn't feel that way at all. I felt perfectly fine. Rexulti was also great for me back then.
However, once the imaging showed the lesions—especially in areas that heavily influence emotions and everything else—it all became clear. I spent so much time fighting to understand what was going wrong with me. It turns out there are glitches in my brain. Now, it's starting to significantly impact my motor skills, causing major physical difficulties and body pain. The vision loss has been the most persistent issue, along with mobility struggles involving spasms, tingling, involuntary movements, tremors, the inability to perform certain motions, rotations, dizziness, and so on. It's just one struggle after another.... I don't know why life threw this at me, or how I'm supposed to live with it.
I'm still very much an attractive woman, but honestly, all I want is to be left alone. No one could truly understand what I'm going through, so I'm better off on my own.