Posts by Emily Gonzalez51

Prevention is our only real shot here. We need to be identifying kids with behavioral issues as early as preschool, getting them plugged into support programs immediately so we can actually help them before things spiral.
Beyond just family therapy, we have to steer them toward activities they actually care about—whether that’s sports, painting, music, or sculpting. The goal is to guide them toward becoming productive members of society rather than letting them turn into delinquents or bullies.

It’s absolutely absurd! This whole situation is like trying to drive a semi-truck through a narrow alleyway—completely impossible and utterly chaotic. kaže:
I couldn't agree more. It’s exactly as I've stated before.
Once again, we are witnessing nothing more than a pathetic attempt to dodge accountability and hunt for scapegoats.
And there is a child waiting for us in the future.

I cannot agree with you. Every educator who has contributed to this thread has reached the same conclusion: the system is fundamentally broken, and we have provided plenty of concrete, real-world examples to prove exactly where it's failing.

The rest of the squad basically has their spotlights aimed directly at the instructors. 🙂

I know I’m going to get crucified by every teacher on this forum for saying this, but I honestly have more respect for the students who act out externally than those who suffer in silence. One group is practically screaming "help me" through their behavior, while the other just shuts down entirely. It’s a tragedy when that plea for help goes unnoticed.

I am convinced there are effective ways to ensure even those who refuse to raise their voices are finally noticed. 🤔
As for those who manifest their disorders through outward aggression, there is such a staggering level of incompetence that one is left speechless. When you have a student who sets fire to a trash can in class one day, throws tear gas the next, and spits in another kid's sandwich the third, you are simply paralyzed—especially if you are just starting out in this profession.
It is my firm belief that someone should have intervened with kids like that long before they even reached middle school.

The second breed of parent I’ve encountered is the "pseudo-expert" who thinks they’re a licensed pediatrician. No offense to anyone who actually earned their credentials—there are exceptions—but from what I’ve seen, these self-proclaimed gurus are absolutely exhausting.
The pressure placed on a child to be "above average" simply because their parents claim to be "above average" is nothing short of psychological tyranny. It is an absurd standard that treats children like corporate assets rather than human beings.
It’s absolutely infuriating what is happening. These kids are being systematically bullied at home with all sorts of toxic influences, and then they burst into school like a powder keg ready to explode.

I have to admit, I’ve never encountered anything quite like this. It’s pathetic, honestly—those poor kids.

Look, my stance is simple: there are countless critical stages between a preschooler showing behavioral issues and a teenager becoming a delinquent. We need to identify these red flags early and intervene immediately. This shouldn't be a reactive afterthought; it needs to be baked into the system. Right now, it’s a disaster where school staff are just playing firefighter—constantly trying to douse flames instead of actually pulling the weeds out by the roots. If we don't fix the foundation, we'll keep reading tragic stories like that one in The New York Times about the kid who was stabbed at the local pond.

Jessica Howard5 said:I think a parent's mindset is absolutely critical—maybe even make-or-break. We’re all wired differently, and everyone handles the truth differently. One thing I’m certain of: we are incredibly subjective and instinctively defensive when it comes to our own kids. Because of that, how a teacher approaches a parent is everything. I’ve noticed two distinct ways this goes down:
1. ''Look, I'm calling because your kid is a nightmare. They're disrupting the whole class, getting into fights during recess...''

2. ''I'm calling because we've noticed some behavioral issues with your child, and I'd love for us to team up to figure this out. We really need your help here.''

How do you experts view this? How do you actually handle these calls? Which approach gets better results—regardless of whether the parent is a professor, a blue-collar worker, an alcoholic, or someone dealing with PTSD?

I couldn't agree more. I’ve only had to call parents twice so far, and I can't say I didn't occasionally wonder, "Who on earth raised this little monster?" But both times, I ended up dealing with these poor, exhausted parents who were working themselves to the bone from dawn till dusk, while their kid's behavior had spiraled so badly it was practically abusive toward them. 🤷

Susan James said:

I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that! It looks like you might have sent an incomplete message or just a single word. If there was something specific you wanted to chat about or a post you wanted me to look at, just let me know—I'm all ears! kaže:
How much have you actually gotten involved in cases like this in your work as a psychologist? 😕 I can't quite get a clear sense of what's going on from this post.

In Denmark, when a kid starts acting out, they don't just leave parents to sit around wondering what they could have done differently. Instead, they step in with family therapy to tackle the issue head-on.

Do I really need to hand over my full resume, my current office address, my kids' names, their whole family tree, and even my shoe size just to have an equal seat at the table in this discussion?

☕

In Denmark, just like anywhere else in the States, psychotherapy is entirely voluntary. It’s something people choose to do when they feel ready and actually want the support, rather than something being forced upon them by anyone else.
I truly believe that real change in psychotherapy only starts to happen when we stop looking outward and start asking the individual: "What are you actually willing to do for yourself?" It’s about shifting that focus back to personal agency and what someone truly wants for their own life.
Even a psychotherapist—and that's true whether they're from here or even from Denmark—doesn't possess any kind of magic powers.

I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that! It looks like your message might have been cut off. Feel free to send over whatever you were working on, and I'll be happy to help you get it polished up! kaže:
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Just to clarify my point here—looking at this equation, I don't see any mention of parental involvement or the input from a school psychologist. It feels like everything is being placed solely on the teacher's shoulders. They’re either stuck just logging how many mistakes a kid makes during class, or they're left wondering what else they can possibly do to help.
It feels like some teachers act like they have superpowers, thinking they can just single-handedly fix everything or sweep away any fallout from their actions. Honestly, who knows what kind of deep-seated issues or past traumas might be driving that need to be all-powerful?

Guys, please—read between the lines!
If you honestly believe that only teachers play a role in this, while psychologists and parents are somehow excluded from the equation, then I think we’ve reached a bit of an impasse.

Hey, let me re-read my post one more time. I’m curious—what makes you think I was only talking about teachers? I never claimed they were all-powerful, nor did I say that anyone has the ability or the obligation to fix every single trauma someone might be dealing with.

Jesper Jull has noted in his books that over there, they even implement family therapy as early as preschool if a child displays problematic behavior.
Now, obviously, you can't force anyone to do anything, but recommending family therapy is simply part of the standard protocol.

As for everything else, this seems to be about specific cases from your own practice (given how the question was framed), so I assume when you mentioned "not stopping at recording a student's dogs in and around the classroom," you weren't referring to yourself or the parents. 🤷 ☕

Ultimately, it is common sense that results are only achieved when everyone pulls in the same direction—a point that has been hammered home multiple times in this thread: without parental support, there is no progress.

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Charles Murphy6 said:Check out this post
Of course there's progress being made here. It’s obvious.
These are the cases where parents actually stop obsessing over every single mistake their kid makes during school hours and instead look for what they're doing right to reinforce those positive behaviors.
They aren't just sitting around whining about who should do what or pointing fingers at who is to blame; they're stepping up with the mindset of: "What can I personally do to fix this situation, and how am I going to make it happen?"

To be clear, looking at this equation, I don't see any involvement from the parents or even the school psychologist. Everything is being dumped squarely on the teacher's shoulders—they're either logging every little infraction the kid commits during class or wondering how they can somehow fix everything themselves.
It's as if we're treating the teacher like some sort of superhero who can single-handedly resolve deep-seated psychological traumas.

Susan James said:Of course there are success stories. There is definitely progress to be made.
It usually happens when people don't just get stuck on the child's negative behavior—spiraling into endless paperwork about everything the kid does wrong during class—but instead look for the student's strengths and focus on building those up.
It’s also about moving away from the "who's to blame" or "what should have been done" mindset, and instead stepping up with a proactive attitude: "What can *I* do right now to change this situation, and how am I going to make it happen?"
Plus, it helps to have a clear understanding of what the school can realistically handle versus what falls under the jurisdiction of NASA or local law enforcement.

I can understand why some might feel that only teachers can truly empathize with the specific struggles of the classroom. But if you're genuinely looking for fresh perspectives or new ways to tackle a problem, why would you shut out the views of a hairstylist, an electrician, a chef, or a dentist? Even if they aren't educators, anyone who spent at least eight years in the American school system or has kids navigating it can offer something valuable. You don't have to agree with them or adopt their advice, but seeing things from an outside perspective can help you realize things you might have missed, potentially helping you break out of that "nothing ever changes" cycle.
When you close your eyes to other viewpoints and walk away from the conversation, it feels like you're saying you don't care and have no desire to improve the status quo.
Honestly, after seeing a few interventions from the moderators, it makes me wonder: do you act this way in real life too, shutting down anyone who isn't in your profession or doesn't share your exact opinion? 🤔

I honestly can't tell from your post 😕 exactly how much hands-on experience you actually have dealing with these kinds of cases as a psychologist.

In Denmark, when a kid is struggling, they implement actual family therapy rather than just leaving individuals to wander around wondering what they might be able to do about it.

I stumbled upon this interesting article regarding the school systems in Finland.

It is perfectly obvious why their education system ranks number one globally; they don't subject their students to the relentless, high-pressure stress found in our American schools.

Charles Murphy6 said:Ela, I think there’s been a massive misunderstanding here. It would be absolutely horrific to deny a child with specific physical needs, like bladder issues, access to the restroom.
However, when it comes to kids with ADHD, I have to disagree with the idea that they should just be allowed to wander out of the classroom whenever they feel the need to blow off some steam.
Why?
Because teachers are legally responsible for those students during their class period. What if a kid decides to bolt out of the school building and something happens to them? Look, I might be speaking hypothetically, but that is a very real risk.

When I make this point, I’m specifically talking about those teachers who kick out the disruptive students just to get some peace and quiet—basically tossing them out of the room so their lesson can proceed without interruption.
But they are still held accountable for those kids.
One thing I genuinely respect is when a teacher is having an absolute nightmare of a day and just says to the class, "Look, guys, I'm having a rough one today, something bad happened and I really need you all to bear with me." I'm talking about middle schoolers here.
It’s incredible, honestly, how much empathy they show.
That is completely fair, unlike those people who walk into work stressed out from their own personal drama and let the whole school hear them screaming at the top of their lungs...

ADHD is a legitimate diagnosis, just like any kidney issue, and an hyperactive student needs a way to decompress. Schools ought to be structured to accommodate this by providing supervised outlets within the building; frankly, I believe schools in Europe have already mastered how to handle this.

Charles Murphy6 said:Performance reviews definitely exist.
Of course they do. But somehow, they always wind up landing on my desk in administration, where they spend all their time obsessively scrutinizing employment contracts and paperwork instead of actually doing anything useful.
That’s usually where their focus lies. You almost never see them actually step foot inside a classroom. Technically, those evaluations should be handled by specialists from the Department of Education, but let's be honest—that practically never happens.
They only bother showing up when someone is being promoted to a mentor or an advisory role.
My principal is incredibly intense when it comes to teacher performance and oversight. He’ll personally grab the gradebooks and attendance rosters just to micromanage everything we do.
We’ve had people fired—one for physically lunging at a student and even once for leaving kids completely unsupervised.
God forbid he catches a single kid wandering aimlessly through the hallway during class time.

An Austrian colleague once told me that it’s actually bad teaching to deny a student with ADHD or focus issues the chance to walk around—even if they're just heading to the restroom or grabbing a sponge to wash—but here, we can't even let a kid take an hour-long bathroom break.
I mean, anyone can hold it for 45 minutes. 🤷

Nicholas King said:Let’s be real here: talking to you feels like I’m constantly one step away from losing my cool entirely. I honestly can't decide which is worse—the possibility that you simply don't grasp a single word I'm saying, or the fact that you seem to think playing the part of a completely unhinged, sarcastic, passive-aggressive clown is somehow witty or charming.

The whole narrative you're pushing—this idea of "ill-mannered, uneducated kids with no work ethic" being dumped into the hands of "poor, martyred educators"—is quite possibly the most exhausting trope in the entire American teaching profession today.

I’m sorry if you took that personally, but teachers aren't meant to be surrogate parents, nor is it their job to instill basic discipline. That responsibility falls squarely on the parents, and they need to handle it early on, because once it's too late, the damage is already done.

Nicholas King said:What I did was draw a distinction between messing around with "technology" and actually critiquing the disastrous results when that technology is poorly applied.

Upbringing and education aren't some sacred, untouchable mysteries where the outcomes can't be clearly identified or subjected to rigorous critical analysis. The idea held by a certain subset of enlightened types—that they are somehow the chosen ones passing down Thought and Truth from one generation to the next to a bunch of unworthy nobodies—is frankly nothing more than a joke.

Fine, if you go to a steakhouse and the meal is garbage, you blame the chef. But if a kid grows up without a shred of work ethic or basic manners, I suppose you'll just point the finger at the teacher?

Can you try being reasonable instead of getting so defensive? We are discussing whether education and upbringing are subjects that can be studied and evaluated. Are you honestly suggesting the teacher carries the entire burden for a child's development?

Nicholas King said:When you stumble upon a situation where people can't even distinguish between a legitimate debate over dental techniques and mere whining about a botched procedure, it’s enough to make anyone seriously concerned about the state of things.

I suppose—and I might be wrong here, but it seems obvious—that unless someone has a degree in hospitality management and several years of experience working behind a bar, they aren't even qualified to tell a waiter that he served them vomit instead of a cup of coffee.

It is utterly baffling to me how anyone could equate a botched dental job or some subpar service with the fundamental importance of upbringing and education. 😕 You are comparing apples to oranges here.

rowdypanther12 said:But how exactly?
If a school doesn't have the authority to suspend or expel a violent student, how are the other kids supposed to stay safe? How do we protect the victims?
I think we tend to overreact to minor playground scuffles or small disagreements that have always been part of growing up.
But how do you protect children from a bully who is repeatedly causing serious harm and physical injury to others?

It seems unprecedented for minors to actually kill a random pedestrian on the street. These are all just school kids.

for example

Jason Ortiz5 said:Didn't some of the educators in this thread mention those nightmare parents who basically expect schools to act like free daycare while they're at work? They were saying you can't even work with people like that—it's like, what do they actually think is happening? 🤔

Well, I think you've completely missed the point. We're talking about the parents who fail to teach their children basic manners and raise them as if they have zero responsibilities toward society.

nimblelynx7 said:Amen!

Nobody is claiming they're the root and result of everything, but some certainly contribute, just like the students do. The real issue is this disgusting system. Everything else stems from that. Teachers are only at fault because they uphold it and play along with the whole "don't rock the boat" mentality.

Fair enough, I agree, but what is the absolute biggest priority?

From a parent's perspective, my primary concern would be ensuring my child isn't a victim of violence at school.

I mean, when they head off to class, I need to know they are safe, not out on the streets. If my kid comes home with a broken arm, a bruised face, or ends up in a coma because someone was bullying them, that is a massive problem.
I don't think they'll have any trouble with the actual academics. 😁

Nicholas King said:The Passive Aggression of the Education Department, Part II.

BTW—which incompetent teachers are we actually talking about here? I thought you claimed they didn't even exist—since, apparently, nobody has filed a single complaint?

And what's the actual goal here? Are we just going to drag this out indefinitely by insisting that teachers are both the cause and the cure for every single failure in the American school system?

nimblelynx7 said:Empathy is fine, sure. But how is it even possible that one set of standards applies to employees in the private sector, while a completely different rulebook exists for teachers? Tell me, how many people do you think would survive in a corporate environment like Google or Goldman Sachs under the principle of "just try your best, and that’s enough"?

It’s beyond me why teachers expect parents or students to just swallow some subpar situation simply because "that's how things are" and nothing can be done about it. Unacceptable.

And why on earth should certain kids and their parents be forced to suffer just because some professor is incompetent and useless? Does that fact somehow make things easier when they try to move on to higher education?

Nobody should have to suffer because of someone else. But tell me, what would your "solution" actually look like?

To put it bluntly, if we follow your logic, all school problems would vanish simply by firing every incompetent teacher. Suddenly, Mike and Steve would stop fighting and smashing desks, everyone would miraculously start studying, and those losers from the PTSD-related organization wouldn't be hanging around the halls anymore. It’ll be such a utopia that the Department of Social Services won't even have a job left. 🤷

Nicholas King said:Twisting my words to imply some sort of lack of compassion for the elderly is either pure rudeness or a terrifying inability to grasp basic reading comprehension. Pick one.

Having empathy for aging or illness has absolutely nothing to do with insisting on high-quality work. Someone's age or health status shouldn't be used as a variable in this discussion.

BTW, I really hope you aren't teaching English—just imagine showing the sentence "There are many old and sick professors who try as hard as they can." to some colleague in the linguistics department and asking if the phrase "well, it might not be great, but they can't do any better" is somehow implicitly baked into it.

BTW, of course I'm being difficult—anyone who refuses to join the "oh, life is so hard, there's nothing we can do" mutual ass-kissing circle is going to be labeled as difficult.

Nagasak is focusing on the "trying their best" part, not the "it isn't good" part.

If someone is trying their absolute hardest, then what they produce is quality work. If they need medical leave, we find a substitute.

Kate Cox2 said:Well, look, the school does everything in its power... they sit down with the kid, they call the parents, they organize endless projects and seminars meant to prevent violence, they issue a first warning, then a second, then a third, they give them official reprimands...

al when those kids just don't care about warnings—not for the rules, not for their peers, and certainly not for their parents—then what? You give them a warning, and it's like you said nothing at all. They show up the next day right after they've beaten up another student or smashed a desk by jumping on it (and then the parents suddenly claim it was all just an accident 🙄).

I understand completely. 🙄 I have personally witnessed broken limbs, black eyes, busted arches, hornet stings, and even a student breaking their tailbone because someone pulled their chair out from under them. Honestly, seeing that stuff was enough to make me call 911. I've spent more time breaking up fights than I care to admit, and frankly, just thinking about it makes me nauseous. I'm done with this topic. 😁