25 posts shown.
Roger Fox56 said:Notice how people in love never stop to ask about the meaning of life.😉
Well, I suppose I am the exception.
Even if that were true—one cannot remain in love forever...
And no, it isn't a matter of lacking affection or intimacy... It's simply that I have grown weary of the cliché.
So, I actually went to see a psychiatrist recently, though it was regarding a different issue entirely. It was a complete waste of time; she was just doing her own thing, making rude remarks about my perspectives, and seemed solely interested in pushing pills—which I refused. I won't be returning to a psychiatrist again...
Jesse Ortiz4 said:You can devour every self-help book on the shelf if you want. It doesn't matter. Real change has to come from deep inside.
Sometimes, though, you just can't spot the red flags on your own. You can't fix what you don't see.
A lot of us are walking around carrying repressed baggage and toxic habits we were basically programmed to adopt by our parents and everything around us growing up.
Once it becomes clear that talk therapy isn't cutting it, that's when you use medication to balance out the brain chemistry.
I have worked on changing myself internally. Yet, everything always seems to revert to the old ways. It isn't a matter of repression; I have spoken openly about everything and owned my past. It is just... life feels profoundly senseless, and up until now, it has been nothing but painful. I cannot recall a single chapter of my life that wasn't marked by intense suffering. I don't intend to recount my entire life story here. I am simply wondering if anyone else has navigated a similar depression—how you managed to recover, and if recovery was ever truly permanent... That is all.
Kyle Lee13 said:I can't just sit here and stay silent because I see myself in your post. It’s like suicidal thoughts become this constant, heavy background noise in your daily life when everything starts feeling impossible to handle. For me, it started with this vague sense of misery and dissatisfaction without any actual reason. On paper, I have everything an American would consider a successful life, but there's always this void. I’d have these few days where I felt genuinely positive, but then the depression would just crash back in. It wasn't until that "healthy" feeling completely vanished that I realized I actually needed professional help.
Maybe you aren't dealing with a clinical disorder. Maybe you're just going through a brutal rough patch right now. I can't say for sure based on what you wrote.
But I will say this: I've tried it all. I've poured through self-help books and even went to church, trying to force myself to believe in something—anything at all...
If this is a medical issue, though, it's biological. It means the chemical balance in your brain is off, and you can't fix that just by talking, reading books, or meditating. Sure, those things help, but they aren't a substitute for actual brain chemistry.
It looks like you have a few good months followed by these depressive episodes. That doesn't mean they'll happen more often, but they could.
Have you reached out for any real help yet?
This is not an isolated occurrence. Ever since I began studying psychology as a young girl around age twelve or thirteen, consuming books in an attempt to improve myself... I find myself once again losing the will to live. Besides, life lacks inherent meaning...
I have just come to the realization that things may never truly improve. I spent years hoping to find some semblance of peace or happiness, but it remains elusive. I have read countless psychology books, attempted to adopt positive thinking, and worked extensively on myself... there are brief windows of progress, only for me to slide back into those same dark thoughts—the desire to simply not exist, the urge to end it all. (Though, perhaps I lack the courage for such an act, as the physical pain terrifies me; still, in those moments, I wouldn't mind if a car struck me in a crossing. My recklessness in traffic tends to increase during these periods...)
After so many attempts to force myself into being happy, satisfied, or free from fear... everything reverts to its original state. I am losing my faith that any change is possible. I have even watched documentaries on the subject. I saw a segment about someone with symptoms similar to mine undergoing electroconvulsive therapy—you know, the kind where they use 😛 electrical impulses. In movies, people with traumatic childhoods almost always end up as serial killers, seemingly beyond any help.
Is this actually how life works? Do the wounds we receive once never truly heal? Or is modern psychology merely suggesting that everything can be fixed...