562 posts shown.
Melissa Kim45 said:It provides a certain sense of relief to witness this kind of resilience... 🙂
In much the same way, I find comfort in seeing people like Jane Doe—and everyone else who has weathered the worst of it—still standing, still fighting, and remaining present among us, even though I am certain their journey hasn't been easy...
Having all of you here makes things a little easier to bear... 🙂
My daughter just snatched a painkiller from me... It was suspicious how overly polite she was being when she asked, practically ripping it out of my hand as I tried to hand it over...
To say she has a fondness for pills would be an understatement... 🙄
And now, she’s already eyeing two sleep aids... 🙄
She receives small tranquilizers; anything more would be too much. I stopped giving her Haldol quite some time ago, and I am gradually tapering her off the Vacation as well... those heavy medications are nothing but garbage... 👎
I also have to count the earplugs before I can finally head to bed... 😁
Ladies, may God watch over you all... 🙂
I never had to deal with my mother's medication directly, as my father handled all of those responsibilities... however, I do recall that regarding pain management, the doctor at the Bird clinic provided a scale from 0 to 9 using a small rolling ball... he told my father that if Mom moved the ball past a 6, he could administer a pill, otherwise, he should encourage her to endure it... I must admit, she was remarkably strong without them, rarely pushing past that 6... which was beneficial, as it prevented her body from becoming dependent on being "sedated"...
Kisses, and I truly admire everyone who has been here since the beginning, growing stronger and more prepared to help us all...
Melissa Kim45 said:🙂
It offers a certain level of solace... though perhaps "solace" is too generous a term. There are moments when I feel utterly unhinged, reaching a point where conversation feels impossible because people simply grow weary... they lose interest, or perhaps they just lack the capacity to care, which makes everything feel so much more exhausting.
Truly, I find myself wondering how anyone manages to tolerate my presence at all.🙏 🙏
My cycle has become completely irregular. My doctor attributes it entirely to stress.
I am attempting to refrain from complaining. I really am, yet there are times when I succumb to being somewhat... sensitive.
Thank you, ladies. 🙂
No matter how harmless the stress might seem—unfortunately—one must remain vigilant. I haven't gone to check if my stress levels have triggered issues like diabetes, but most importantly, my father is finally doing well. He has recovered from everything, and we all feel a profound sense of relief.
At least here, no one will judge you for being a bit sensitive, because... well, we are here to offer support and advice. Hang in there! kisses
brightgardener8 said:If the law specifies thirty days, then within our beloved American bureaucracy, we should realistically expect double that... And once you factor in the holiday season—Christmas, New Year's Day, the Three Kings... which basically translates to everyone being out on vacation... the only way this actually happens in thirty days is if you have some serious political connections. I’m holding out hope it arrives sooner, though...
An optimistic perspective: it will be resolved within the timeframe, if not sooner, simply because it is in everyone's best interest... kisses
Angela Wright said:I am eagerly anticipating the moment our association officially completes its registration... only then will we possess the legal standing to pose this question publicly and hold them accountable for their actions. Until that paperwork is finalized, I suppose we are left with nothing more than pacing in circles and biting our nails...😠
It will pass... I am absolutely certain of it. We shall exert every ounce of our collective strength to ensure its success. Rest assured, we are standing right here beside you...
gentlemoose62 said:The fear of a relapse is, unfortunately, an inescapable shadow that lingers indefinitely, surfacing with every minor ache and preceding every single doctor's appointment... yet, as the months drift by, particularly once those six-month checkups become routine, one begins to feel a marginal sense of security.
It is absolutely vital that she maintains FAITH in the idea that even if a relapse occurs... my goodness, it isn't the end of the road, and she can certainly conquer it again. She is permitted to be weak and to falter, as she has every right to feel that way... but after that moment passes... there must follow a counterattack and a fight. That is precisely why I joined this conversation with my own experiences, and I truly hope more people will share their stories, because we all desperately need those glimpses of positivity.
As for you, you are such a wonderful soul for caring so deeply for your mama, but you must remember to look after yourself as well; please do not let this weight crush you entirely. You need to actually LIVE your youth, and I am certain she wants nothing more than to see you happy.
Make the most of this holiday spirit, savor every fleeting moment, and the time will pass swiftly. February will arrive, and 👍 everything will be OK.
You have truly left some beautiful and uplifting words here.
One really has to become aware of the strength they possess, and both mama and I are slowly learning how to tap into that... and while I am not solely focused on her, I have, in a relatively short span, learned to cherish her just as anyone should cherish their parents: with profound respect and admiration. We both have our individual time, but when we are together—the strength is boundless. Unfortunately, that can only happen once a month right now, as circumstances simply won't allow for anything else.
Thank you so much! kisses
mistyridge5 said:I have moved on to a different stage of grief now...
It has been five years since she passed...
I often feel as though I am the only one left who carries the memory of her...
I carry these wounds and scars because there was no one to talk to, no objective soul to challenge my perspective, to contradict my feelings, or to remind me that better days might actually exist...
That is precisely why I hold this corner of the forum in such high regard... These people... those who are fighting their own battles, and those who reach out to help others fight theirs...
Our story did not conclude with a happy ending, yet we gave it everything we had...
We fought...
We persevered...
Every single day, we learned from one another—about the methods, the illness, the various treatments...
We made an effort to cherish every second of laughter, every minute of that enchanting silence and unspoken connection...
We fought TOGETHER against something that perhaps felt written in the stars as a predetermined victor...
We refused to quit...
We did not surrender...
We did not falter...
Now, after all this time, I find that my strength occasionally vanishes. In fact, there seems to be even less of it now than when we were actively fighting...
Why, oh, why...??!!!
It is vital to recognize that you fought, that you learned... and above all, that you were IN IT TOGETHER! Sadly, victory isn't guaranteed for everyone, but in struggles like these, one must learn to identify what a true, honest victory looks like. You have already won simply by being together through it all. Whatever we do in life, whether times are beautiful or bleak... eventually, we grow weary of the effort, and it becomes difficult to keep going—just as it is difficult to keep fighting. That is likely why your strength feels depleted... you have been losing it bit by bit over time. However, a time will come when you can reflect on everything, remember your struggle and that sense of strength that carried you every day, and you will rise again, stronger and with renewed purpose. I am certain of it. Stay strong, because we are all much alike here—it is easy to stumble while waiting for the next hand to hold, especially when we wish we could be braver than those around us! kisses
mistyridge5 said:Is there any way I can jump back in? Now that my internet is finally working again...
Why even ask? Of course you can, and frankly, it would be quite beneficial...
gentlemoose62 said:I am truly glad you reached out... particularly because you are opting for surgery, which, from my rather amateur perspective, seems to be the only truly radical solution available... I have always been an advocate for surgical intervention; it is certainly not something I fear... In my own case, it was the last surgery to address a recurrence in a lymph node that allowed me to achieve this remission of over four years... though, of course, that was followed by chemotherapy.
Just believe that God will grant you that gift, and please know we are all still standing right here beside you...👍 👍 👍
Mom is actually being prepped for surgery at this very moment... I am not entirely certain of the scale, but there is a palpable, visible fear regarding the possibility of a recurrence... her recovery is only just beginning, and as the scheduled follow-up approaches, the tension is becoming quite heavy... I intend to be by her side when she receives the results, if only to prevent her from collapsing once again...
Stay strong and continue to show that bravery...
Grace Fowler said:Hello, my dear friends!
I have quite a bit of news to share; I finally received my latest lab results and the situation is... let's call it complicated... Regarding the chemo, there was a positive response regarding the spots in my lungs, though unfortunately, it didn't work on the pelvic area since I had already undergone radiation. Furthermore, because the treatment is quite nephrotoxic, it has also impacted my right kidney, leading the medical board to decide that I can no longer receive IV chemotherapy and must switch solely to oral Endoxan. At first, I felt as though they were giving up on me, but after sleeping on it, I decided that I simply must push forward, so I went to consult with my surgeon about attempting to surgically remove those masses in the pelvis, and he has agreed. Thus, I find myself in this waiting period before surgery. It is true that Christmas is approaching, so I am choosing to believe that a successful operation will be my gift from God for Christmas... That is all from me for now... I will reach out again once I have more updates, and THANK YOU all for your support.
Dina
It is truly wonderful to hear about your strength despite these ambiguous results... please persist, because you possess both the capability and the will to do so! And that Christmas gift will surely come to pass! Stay strong and don't give in... kisses
Angela Wright said:Well, everyone, the paperwork has officially been filed... now we just have to sit tight for about a month to find out if they actually approve us or leave us hanging.😉
Only a month? I am counting down the days until that moment finally arrives... Thank you so much for all your hard work, I truly admire your dedication. Kisses.😍
Angela Wright said:My gogo is actually heading over to the DMV during his lunch break today to drop off those registration papers👍 Hopefully we have everything in order and won't run into any unnecessary hurdles🙂
Hang in there and stay strong... I know exactly how exhausting this can be🙄 I think even toward the end, I would have lost my patience with mom if I had to spend an hour and a half feeding her, only to have her spit food all over the TV at least a hundred times. The worst part was the crushing guilt that followed afterward. Even now, thinking back on it feels quite heavy...😢
It is all just a natural psychological response because, deep down, no matter how much we consciously accept the illness, our subconscious still perceives them as the person they used to be. It is vital to remain steadfast...
I really hope everything went smoothly!!! Please let us know how it went😍
mellowbadger5 said:my husband's mother is also feeling better; her digestion has finally stabilized, she's starting her mornings with fruit, and she's eating a much more varied diet... I suspect mental stability plays a massive role here (I recently discovered the benefits of warm water), but in our specific situation, it remains one of the most decisive factors. she is scheduled for her second round of chemotherapy this week, and I am holding onto the hope that everything goes smoothly. wishing you all pleasant days...
mental fortitude is absolutely essential... stay strong and lean on one another for strength...
gentlemoose62 said:Yes, I find myself wondering where everyone has disappeared to as well...
Well, this time I am going to step forward and ask for your prayers and good vibes, because I have to undergo a breast biopsy...
I am feeling a bit anxious, though I try to maintain a certain faith that things will somehow work out... after dealing with ovarian cancer, this is really the last thing I needed...
I will provide an update once the pathology results arrive from the lab...
Just stay brave—no matter what happens, you are incredibly strong, so believe in that... nothing can stop you from fighting your way through this, sending kisses...
slyseal28 said:Today my dear husband had his chest CT scan, and the results are absolutely STUNNING!!!
The report states: "...There are no signs of potential tumor enlargement in the mediastinal lymph nodes. The trachea and both main bronchi show normal lumen width and regular flow. Following intravenous contrast administration, no signs of pathological opacification were observed. Regarding the lung parenchyma, there are no visible focal lesions or signs of pleural effusion."
The only things visible are scars: "On the left, an extremely high position of the sternum is visible, along with soft tissue, fibrous, postoperative, and post-radiation scarring noted distal to the aortic arch and left laterally from the pulmonary trunk." — that's where that SS-guy used to be, and now he is GONE!!!
We had the CT performed at a private clinic called Diagnostic Imaging Centers. We actually had an MRI done there prior to the surgery. The clinic accepts Medicare, so you can go via prescription, though in those cases, there is roughly a 2-3 week wait. The staff is professional, polite, and welcoming, regardless of whether you arrive with a referral or are paying out of pocket. Furthermore, they maintain meticulous patient records, so they have no trouble printing old reports to compare them with the new ones...
My Pigeon is doing wonderfully now. He’ll likely head back to work after the New Year. For now, let him rest... These days of waiting have been quite exhausting for us both. There is a bit of fibrosis, and a significant amount of worry and fear has accumulated over these past few weeks. We still have a follow-up appointment with the attending physician next week, followed by a PET scan on December 19th, and then we should be finished for the year. How frequently we will need scans and check-ups remains to be seen, though I suspect it will be at shorter intervals, perhaps every three months or so...
In any case, my dear friends, we are doing well and we are happy! Both of us have birthdays around this time, and this CT result is the most beautiful and cherished birthday gift we could ask for! We defeated that SS-guy!!!
What can I say, other than this is the wonderful birthday gift we have all been praying for! Happy birthday, and keep celebrating, because I am certain many good things lie ahead for you...
kisses
Melissa Kim45 said:Hello to everyone... 🙂
Even with my mother’s cancer starting to recede, the discharge papers are written in that typical, clinical jargon... It says the thoracic imaging shows a satisfactory intrathoracic status given the nature of the illness, noting an almost complete regression of the tumor infiltration in the core of the right lung, along with the satellite lesions in the upper right lobe. Then it just moves on to the medications, blah blah blah...
Current status: afebrile, showing slight tachypnea, somewhat disoriented regarding time and place, with no peripheral lymphadenopathy noted. Lungs: bilateral basal breath sounds present...
The diagnosis is small cell carcinoma of the right lung, specifically C 34...
They are bringing up electrolyte imbalances and SIADH again, though her sodium was at 134 last time, and I truly fail to see why that was such an emergency requiring two immediate IV infusions... I realize it is technically lower than the ideal range, but shouldn't we perhaps allow the body to regulate itself a bit when it clearly seems—or at least appears to be—stabilizing... She has her eighth round of chemotherapy approaching, and I simply don't know, I really don't know how she is going to manage that...
Despite those relatively positive test results, she seems weaker than ever and is struggling with constipation and cramping... She’s currently relying on Bekunis and a suppository whenever things start moving...😁 It provides some relief, though it’s always accompanied by those nagging cramps... She used to deal with ulcers and was on Peptoran, but now they have her taking Controloc, and as for a gastroscopy? That isn't even an option in her mind...
Mentally speaking, I believe she is doing alright. As far as her psychological state goes, there aren't those outbursts anymore—the declarations about wanting an illegitimate child or questioning where her father is... though, admittedly, being with her remains quite difficult. To be perfectly honest, I can never truly gauge the reality of a situation when she speaks to me. If she claims she cannot urinate, it might simply mean she forgot that she actually went an hour or two ago... Given the SIADH, she is limited to drinking no more than one liter of fluid a day, so it is certainly impossible for her to be passing liters of urine. Since her seventh round of chemotherapy, there was only one instance where she suffered from severe water retention; she became quite swollen, with those heavy bags appearing under her eyes. A single dose of Lasix resolved that issue, and things have been fine since...
I suppose I ought to be satisfied... I believe I mentioned before that I wasn't entirely certain she would even have the strength to make it through to the second round of chemo. Well, here we are—she has already pushed through the seventh... Occasionally there is pain (though how one is truly supposed to discern if it is pain or something else, I cannot say) and Plivadon seems to handle that...😲 ...or perhaps some Voltaren (which I always provide alongside the Peptoran). To be honest, I can't quite tell if she is simply looking for a pill or if she is actually in physical pain. It is entirely possible that she fails to recognize what she is consuming; for instance, one might serve her pastries made with margarine while she insists they are merely fine pâté... 😁
She keeps all her medications at the absolute minimum dosage, though she frequently finds clever ways to manage on her own... She does have quite a fondness for pills.😁 I am keeping a close eye on her blood pressure and making sure she stays clean when things get a bit messy... but despite everything, she is still capable of a short little walk...
People, please, don't give up. My mother is seventy-one years old, and she simply wants to live... She is terribly suggestible, so if I tell her something that isn't strictly true—or perhaps I'm just speaking without having any real clue what I'm talking about—I find myself saying it anyway, provided I feel it might offer her some comfort... It’s likely just a brief reprieve, though I can't say for certain...
Never lose hope. Nancy Thomas18, hang in there, Grace Fowler, stay strong... Ladies and gentlemen, please, just hold on. How are those of you battling illness—and those of you carrying the weight of caring for them—doing? Only we truly understand that struggle... Because if it is incredibly difficult, it certainly is...
May God grant you all strength...👍
You honestly cannot imagine how thrilled I am to hear news like this!
Sending you all my very best from Florence; I just arrived this evening and will be checking back in with you all soon... kisses
Nancy Thomas18 said:Hello everyone
I have been reading through your posts for quite some time now, having scrolled through every single page in this thread... I was personally diagnosed with colon carcinoma and underwent two surgeries within a single month, finding a sense of solace here in the kind words you all share with one another... It is just me and my son, who is currently studying in NYC, so I have been navigating these crises alongside all of you, and I suspect I shall continue to do so... I truly admire Angela Wright; I believe you are an exceptional person that anyone would want by their side, whether in health or in sickness... And I also admire Diana, who is such a fierce fighter, something I feel I am still lacking... I am just about to begin chemotherapy and find myself with so many questions for which I cannot find answers... if anyone would be willing to write to me regarding nutrition, managing chemo, or dealing with post-operative complications, I would be most grateful... I will continue to read your stories and may reach out from time to time when things aren't going so well... but generally, I am here, and perhaps I might even be able to help someone else with my own experiences... Stay strong, and let us fight this until the very end...
What can I say, other than that you are certainly not alone, because we are all standing right here with you... And we will do everything in our power to instill hope and support you so that you can be even more resilient than you realize... For the sake of your son and the love you share, you must remain strong... Because just as you only have him, he only has you...
Have faith, and everything will be alright. Do not give up at any point... Fight! To the very end!
Kisses
gentlemoose62 said:Sweetie,
I am truly heartened to hear that my journey offers you some comfort. Honestly, I am feeling wonderful today... I go in for my checkups every six months, and while the nerves always tend to kick in right before the appointment, most of the time, everything remains stable. I live my life and work just like anyone else. Of course, I can never truly push this illness out of my mind—there isn't a single day where it doesn't cross my thoughts—but I have finally learned how to coexist with it. I have accepted it, and I make a point of staying informed because, as the saying goes, the better you know your enemy, the easier it becomes to fight back... But then again, everything happens in its own time, until we realize we are ready for the next step. It seems to me that your mother is already moving in the right direction; the fact that she has initiated these changes herself speaks volumes about her resilience and her will to live. Please, be certain of this: she is far stronger than you might realize... This disease should never be viewed as a final sentence. One must hold onto the belief that even if a relapse occurs, there are still so many treatments available, and research into new ones is moving so intensely... We simply have to endure and do everything within our power to take care of ourselves.
Your mother is just so lucky to have you by her side!
What a beautiful response you shared! What encourages me even more is seeing that you are doing well, proving that all of this is manageable... Her follow-ups will be scheduled strictly every three months, though Dad keeps worrying and trying to squeeze in extra appointments before they are actually due... but I suspect there won't be much room for panic once we settle into a rhythm.
Thank you for everything you wrote. Hang in there... kiss
This is actually my first time ever posting on a forum, but I decided to start right here with you, Diana, because I truly admire your strength and spirit, especially now when things feel much harder than you expected. I completely understand what you're going through, as I have been fighting ovarian cancer myself since 2001, and I know that hollow feeling when the illness returns. Up until now, I’ve dealt with three recurrences, and I was incredibly lucky that after the last one back in October 2003, it hasn't shown up again. My stage was IIIc—with a CA 125 of 1750—so, quite advanced...
I just wanted to reach out and tell you this to offer some encouragement, because there are so many similar stories where the disease either stabilizes or simply stops coming back, even after multiple recurrences.
You are a fighter; this is your battle, and you are going to win it!
gentlemoose62,
your words reminded me so much of my mother. She was diagnosed with the exact same stage of cancer, and after six months of an exhausting struggle and six grueling rounds of chemotherapy... they couldn't find any cancer cells. Her next checkup isn't for another two and a half months, and I am praying that these results hold steady, or better yet, improve...
How are you feeling today? Kisses, and I am just so glad I read your response!
electricgardener14 said:After six months of excruciating pain, suffering, and sheer terror, my husband closed his eyes for the last time on November 18th... I couldn't help him; nobody could. This illness moved with such terrifying speed that it was always one step ahead of us. I can't even begin to describe what I'm feeling right now—it’s a heavy numbness, a sense of helplessness, followed by this sudden surge of anger toward God, and at myself, for not being able to save him. He wanted to live so badly. Even when he became immobile, unable to move even his hands or legs, that spark in his eyes never faded... Sometimes I get this sinking feeling that I gave up before he did, that perhaps I should have fought harder, tried one more thing... that I let him go too soon. It is so incredibly hard, and I don't think I will ever forget that final conscious look in his eyes. It held all the sorrow in the world. Does it always have to be this difficult?!
electricgardener14
There is such a bitter, heavy feeling left behind after reading those words. I am so deeply sorry that things couldn't have turned out differently; please accept my condolences... Anyone who has faced these devastating illnesses understands just how massive—how truly indescribable—that will to live can be. You did so much, and I am certain you gave everything you had to give...
If you spend your life constantly asking yourself "what could I have done?" or "did I do enough?", it will only make the burden heavier...
Stay strong.
How are things looking over in Pula...
Is this kind of waiting common elsewhere in America too?😲...