Posts by velvettiger90

Hey everyone🙂

I have two questions here, and I’m hoping someone might actually have some answers for me🙂

1. My mom is 62, and back in December, she underwent surgery for ductal breast cancer—a mastectomy and reconstruction. Out of 18 lymph nodes removed, one was positive, and they also had to clear out a benign tumor from her other breast. The medical board suggested the most aggressive chemotherapy followed by hormone therapy since the cancer is hormone-positive. However, two oncologists—not part of that specific board—told us that such intense chemo would be way too much for her. She’s already dealt with a stroke, has 65% blockage in her carotid arteries, and suffers from angina pectoris, so they recommended sticking strictly to hormone therapy. So, I wanted to ask if anyone here knows what the actual odds are of the cancer returning if she only does hormone therapy... One of those doctors suggested she get checked every six months for the other breast, her liver, and her bones, though her surgeon argued that bone scans aren't necessary because this type rarely spreads there, and he agreed that chemo might do more harm than good—he even mentioned it could actually kill her. Nobody wants to give a definitive prognosis, obviously, but maybe someone here has an idea, even just a rough one...

2. While she was in the hospital, I started feeling pain in my left breast, specifically on the outer side, happening several times throughout the day. I panicked. I tried to tough it out for a few days, but eventually, my boyfriend convinced me to check, and I didn't feel anything unusual. The pain went away for about ten days, but then a week ago, it came back—same spot, same frequency. On top of that, for the last few days, my left armpit has been hurting too; sometimes it happens out of nowhere, and sometimes when I lift something heavy, though once it hurt so bad it even hit my jaw. Honestly, I'm just a coward and I can't bring myself to feel my left breast again... I'm terrified after everything my mom has gone through... I'm 22, and I really need to know if there's a chance all of this is just psychosomatic, and if there's any possibility that this isn't cancer and is caused by something else?😢 I can't sleep at night, partly because of Mom, partly because of me, and partly because of everything else going on... I honestly don't know how I'd handle it if I had cancer too; it feels surreal how everything is hitting at once, and I am desperately hoping I'm wrong...

I’m dealing with the exact same thing... When I’m talking to people I don't know very well, or haven't really bonded with yet, it feels like my brain is redlining at a hundred miles an hour, just constantly spiraling through thoughts like "what do I say next, what do I say next, how do I not look ridiculous or awkward, what on earth are they thinking about me right now" and by the end of it, I either shut down completely or just blurt out something totally stupid much to my own chagrin.😠I definitely haven't mastered the art of casual conversation, and I'm convinced it's because I'm overthinking every single syllable. Sometimes I just sit there watching people and wondering how they manage to keep a conversation flowing without stopping for air, where they even find these topics, and how they can be so incredibly relaxed about the whole thing...🤷

Is it really that obvious?😕

Wouldn't it just be easier to slap a Band-Aid on them—since they're basically just scratches anyway—so nobody even notices🤷

Here’s the situation. I was in a relationship for three years; he’s 26 and I’m 21. For the most part, he was incredible to me, standing by my side through every rough patch, just like I did for him. We clicked perfectly, spent almost all our time together, and there was never a dull moment—honestly, he felt like my soulmate. Our physical connection was just okay, but that’s never been a huge priority for me in a relationship. But about six months ago, he turned into a completely different person. He started snapping at me, constantly criticizing me, yelling, complaining... I took it at first, thinking he was just going through a hard time, so I tried to be even better, more supportive, stepping aside whenever he got moody, swallowing his insults. And predictably, he started using that against me, basically walking all over me. We talked about it a thousand times, and he always promised things would change, saying life was just heavy right now but it would get better. And it would... for a week or two, and then we were right back where we started. Then, three weeks ago, he said something to me that cut so deep I never expected it from him, and I just stood up and walked out. That was it for me; the final straw. I couldn't take any more. We didn't speak for about ten days, and everyone told me I was better off without him, which honestly felt true because I felt this massive weight lifted off my shoulders.
But then, about seven days ago, he called me asking to meet up and talk. So I went. And of course, the whole routine started—the begging, the crying, the apologies. I realized what I was losing, telling him I wasn't coming back, that if he ever acted like that again, it would be over for good, promising him I'd be the girl he fell in love with again. And that day, he really was that guy, the one I actually wanted to spend my time with...
However... a few days before that, I hopped online just because I was bored. I started talking to this guy, we swapped info... and obviously, there was a spark. Since then, we've been chatting for five or six hours a day, texting constantly in between🙄 The time I spend with him is amazing; we’re always laughing, and we’ve even started talking about those "butterflies" in the stomach feeling, which you might laugh at, but it’s real😍 > called me to meet up. I agreed, but I was honest with him—I told him I don't know what to do about my ex, so he should decide if he wants to move forward because I can't promise him anything. He still agreed to see me.
I know I'm not being smart here. My ex shouldn't find out about this, and there’s no reason he should anyway; we aren't together. I told him I want to go out with this new guy to see who he is and if things work out, and only *after* I see if he’s changed will I consider getting back together. Though, from what I can tell, he thinks we're still in a relationship. We've gone out twice since then and it was nice, but I’m still terrified this is just a temporary phase.
On the other hand, I really want to see this guy from the internet, and given how much I feel those butterflies, I have a feeling something could actually happen. But I'm stuck wondering if I should throw away everything beautiful we had—which is rare to find these days—just for a feeling, and jump into something totally unknown if my ex actually does change...
It’s a long post, I know, but I’d really appreciate your thoughts because I’m lost... Is it cheating if there’s kissing and cuddling with the "new" guy? I don't think it is since I'm not technically with my ex, but after three years, it feels weird somehow🙂 Do you think it's smart to see this new guy and just see where it goes? Or do you have some other idea? Advice? Thanks a lot🙂