How to hold a normal conversation without it being awkward?

Alright, I've decided to throw another question out there,

So, look—whether it’s under some kind of "pressure" or just talking to strangers or even people I've known forever, I just freeze up. I can't talk normally...

It feels like I'm forcing everything, like if I actually spoke like my true self, someone would judge me or give me a weird look. I know I'm not stupid and I know how to communicate, but this struggle is real...

It happens when I'm hanging out with friends too, especially if I'm with someone I don't vibe with or just a total stranger. It's incredibly frustrating; I really don't need this. I end up talking way too quiet, way too fast, and half the time I just forget what I was even trying to say. I tell myself a million times, "Stop overthinking it, just talk." But then comes this wall where I can't even discuss problems or solve anything. I just shut down and act like the bad guy when things get serious, whether it's with a girl or at home, usually with my mom.

I end up putting myself down. I stay silent. I don't even snap back at shitty comments made toward me after a failed conversation. Then I spend the next hour or two just beating myself up, thinking, "Why didn't I say this? Why didn't I say that?" I love being alone, just peaceful and without the stress. This is eating at me. If anyone gets what I'm going through, please, try to explain why this happens. Like I said, I'm not crazy and I'm not some kid who *doesn't want* to talk—it's just that once I feel this way in a situation, I'm stuck. There's no way out.

It’s often better to stay quiet than to clutter the thread with comments that range from insightful to completely nonsensical...

I think you might just be shy.🙂
There’s probably someone you can talk to easily and get along with just fine, but when you're thrown into a larger group, things feel a bit more difficult...

Jessica Wood96 said:Alright, I've decided to throw another question out there,

So, look—whether it’s under some kind of "pressure" or just talking to strangers or even people I've known forever, I just freeze up. I can't talk normally...

It feels like I'm forcing everything, like if I actually spoke like my true self, someone would judge me or give me a weird look. I know I'm not stupid and I know how to communicate, but this struggle is real...

It happens when I'm hanging out with friends too, especially if I'm with someone I don't vibe with or just a total stranger. It's incredibly frustrating; I really don't need this. I end up talking way too quiet, way too fast, and half the time I just forget what I was even trying to say. I tell myself a million times, "Stop overthinking it, just talk." But then comes this wall where I can't even discuss problems or solve anything. I just shut down and act like the bad guy when things get serious, whether it's with a girl or at home, usually with my mom.

I end up putting myself down. I stay silent. I don't even snap back at shitty comments made toward me after a failed conversation. Then I spend the next hour or two just beating myself up, thinking, "Why didn't I say this? Why didn't I say that?" I love being alone, just peaceful and without the stress. This is eating at me. If anyone gets what I'm going through, please, try to explain why this happens. Like I said, I'm not crazy and I'm not some kid who *doesn't want* to talk—it's just that once I feel this way in a situation, I'm stuck. There's no way out.

Try to pin down exactly what situations make you lose the urge to talk. 🙂 Is it because you don't vibe with the people, the topic is boring, or maybe they keep jumping all over the place.

Quincy:

it feels like I'm forcing everything, and like someone’s gonna give me a weird look if I just act like my actual self.. I mean, I know I'm not mute or anything, and I know how to communicate fine, but this whole thing is really messing with me...

If you never show up as the "real you," people aren't going to actually get to know you, and you'll just be stuck being "that weird guy." Nobody's reading your mind.🤷

Quincy:

this happens when I'm hanging with friends too, especially if I'm stuck with someone I don't really click with or a complete stranger.... it's super frustrating and I hate it. I end up talking really quiet, or way too fast, and half the time I just blank out on what I was even trying to say. I tell myself a million times, "just relax, just talk normally." But then it hits, and I can't talk about problems or solve anything. I just play dumb or act like I don't care when things need to be addressed, whether it's with a girl or at home, usually with my mom.

I don't really get this part, but here—try to speak up so people can actually hear you. If you forget your train of thought, just pivot to something else or ask someone a question... Imagine if you were sitting next to someone who mumbled, went silent mid-sentence, and just shut down entirely...

Quincy:

I end up humiliating myself by staying quiet and not saying anything back to the shitty comments people throw at me.

Why do you feel like you even owe them an answer?

Quincy:

after a failed conversation, I spend at least an hour or two obsessing over it, thinking, "why didn't I say this, why did I say that."

You think the jerk insulting you is sitting there losing sleep over it? Why waste your energy stressing out for two people?🙂

I just love being on my own, you know? Just chilling, zero stress, no drama. Honestly, having people constantly hovering or pushing for interaction gets on my nerves. If anyone actually gets where I'm coming from, tell me if I'm making sense. Because look, I’m not losing my mind, and it's not like I'm some kid avoiding a conversation because I'm scared. It’s just... when I'm in that headspace, that's just how I feel. There's no switching it off. It's just a thing.

Look, if you're overthinking this much, you don't actually want to be alone. You're just stuck. My advice? Just let the conversation flow naturally. If you notice the person you're talking to is struggling to keep up—maybe they're masking their confusion with shitty jokes or cheap insults—just walk away. Stop trying to force it and stop stressing your brain out over it. 🙂

Look, I don't usually post much here,
but I’m not really talking about comments. I'm talking about real life stuff—things that actually matter. Like, I'll be mid-conversation about work, and then suddenly I just shut down. It happens because I start overthinking everything. I convince myself I'm talking nonsense or being totally incoherent. I get stuck watching people's faces, trying to read their reactions, wondering what they're thinking about what I'm saying, or how they're processing it,

It’s complicated. Honestly? I struggle with it a lot. Most days, I’d rather just stay quiet and not talk to anyone at all...

There is one person I can actually talk to normally, but even then, if the topic turns into something I don't want to deal with, I just BLOCK. I can't handle certain things, like talking through problems where I'm the one at fault, and so on.....

nimbledrifter9 said:Try to pin down exactly what situations make you lose the urge to talk. 🙂 Is it because you don't vibe with the people, the topic is boring, or maybe they keep jumping all over the place.

Quincy:

it feels like I'm forcing everything, and like someone’s gonna give me a weird look if I just act like my actual self.. I mean, I know I'm not mute or anything, and I know how to communicate fine, but this whole thing is really messing with me...

If you never show up as the "real you," people aren't going to actually get to know you, and you'll just be stuck being "that weird guy." Nobody's reading your mind.🤷

Quincy:

this happens when I'm hanging with friends too, especially if I'm stuck with someone I don't really click with or a complete stranger.... it's super frustrating and I hate it. I end up talking really quiet, or way too fast, and half the time I just blank out on what I was even trying to say. I tell myself a million times, "just relax, just talk normally." But then it hits, and I can't talk about problems or solve anything. I just play dumb or act like I don't care when things need to be addressed, whether it's with a girl or at home, usually with my mom.

I don't really get this part, but here—try to speak up so people can actually hear you. If you forget your train of thought, just pivot to something else or ask someone a question... Imagine if you were sitting next to someone who mumbled, went silent mid-sentence, and just shut down entirely...

Quincy:

I end up humiliating myself by staying quiet and not saying anything back to the shitty comments people throw at me.

Why do you feel like you even owe them an answer?

Quincy:

after a failed conversation, I spend at least an hour or two obsessing over it, thinking, "why didn't I say this, why did I say that."

You think the jerk insulting you is sitting there losing sleep over it? Why waste your energy stressing out for two people?🙂

I just love being on my own, you know? Just chilling, zero stress, no drama. Honestly, having people constantly hovering or pushing for interaction gets on my nerves. If anyone actually gets where I'm coming from, tell me if I'm making sense. Because look, I’m not losing my mind, and it's not like I'm some kid avoiding a conversation because I'm scared. It’s just... when I'm in that headspace, that's just how I feel. There's no switching it off. It's just a thing.

Look, if you're overthinking this much, you don't actually want to be alone. You're just stuck. My advice? Just let the conversation flow naturally. If you notice the person you're talking to is struggling to keep up—maybe they're masking their confusion with shitty jokes or cheap insults—just walk away. Stop trying to force it and stop stressing your brain out over it. 🙂

Thanks for the great response,

Some of this is definitely doable,

Gonna try a few things from this advice, 😁

- thanks

Jessica Wood96, I think you might just be shy, or perhaps you’re overthinking things a bit too much..
I feel the exact same way sometimes... and I've actually given it some thought..

I've realized that I'm incredibly talkative when I'm with people who truly get me—people I'm just on the same wavelength with. In those moments, I don't stop to analyze what I said, how it sounded, or if I've made a fool of myself. We just talk!

But then there are the times when I *do* overthink. Usually after talking to people who think they're the smartest in the room and try to talk down to you... or after conversations where the topics just don't resonate with me at all..

Try to be a little more confident. Just say what you need to say. Don't worry about whether someone finds you boring; does anyone actually spend their time judging you that closely? If you just act like yourself, you'll naturally find your tribe. As long as you keep pretending, you'll always have this struggle.
Sometimes, you just have to adapt to new people. You tolerate them, they tolerate you, and everyone moves on..

I deal with something pretty similar 😵 I often feel like I just don't have anything to say to people—especially when I'm stuck in a group with someone I can't stand. It’s almost like I don't know how to initiate a conversation; everything just ends up being those mindless, small-talk questions where you give a two-sentence answer and then... nothing. It bothers me because I end up feeling like an idiot, even though I'm definitely not—it's just that I rarely, if ever, run into anyone who actually motivates me to open up. When that somehow happens, I turn into a pretty decent conversationalist—sometimes I can barely stop talking 😁—but the catch is that it doesn't happen nearly enough 🙄
I wouldn't call myself a chatterbox, really; I usually try to wrap up my own thoughts as quickly as possible, and it feels like I'm sinking deeper into this pattern. I suppose I might not come across as particularly interesting to others, but maybe that's just because most people seem mediocre to me—with their shallow ways of having fun and their tired jokes. Arrogance? Maybe 😍

Some people here write just to hear themselves talk—as if they’re actually saying anything smart.

A few users aren't big on constant chatter, but when they do speak up, they actually know their stuff and write in a way that's genuinely interesting.

Then you've got the others who just ramble on without purpose, unable to put together a single coherent thought.

Honestly, don't overthink it. Just focus on talking to the people you can actually learn from and enjoy engaging with, without feeling like you have to prove anything.

I could honestly sit here and go at this for another two or three hours, both online and in person, but what's the point?...........

Jessica Wood96 said:Look, I don't usually post much here,
but I’m not really talking about comments. I'm talking about real life stuff—things that actually matter. Like, I'll be mid-conversation about work, and then suddenly I just shut down. It happens because I start overthinking everything. I convince myself I'm talking nonsense or being totally incoherent. I get stuck watching people's faces, trying to read their reactions, wondering what they're thinking about what I'm saying, or how they're processing it,

It’s complicated. Honestly? I struggle with it a lot. Most days, I’d rather just stay quiet and not talk to anyone at all...

There is one person I can actually talk to normally, but even then, if the topic turns into something I don't want to deal with, I just BLOCK. I can't handle certain things, like talking through problems where I'm the one at fault, and so on.....

Hmm, I definitely recognize that feeling. For me, it mostly hits when I'm talking to a guy I actually like; I get this massive mental block where I'm terrified of sounding stupid. I end up pre-editing my sentences in my head, obsessing over how he might interpret a specific word choice, and then later, I'm still lying awake wondering why I didn't say *this* instead of *that*. It’s the same thing with authority figures—like a Dean at a university or some high-level manager at a firm. I get so caught up in managing the impression I’m leaving that I end up looking clumsy, almost like I've forgotten how to speak English properly. Outside of those specific scenarios, I'm usually fine in a group, provided it isn't a completely new crowd... but yeah, I think I struggle with social interaction and general socialization.🤔

It’s all fine and dandy until you find yourself in one of those conversations where your hands start shaking and you feel completely paralyzed, just terrified that someone might actually notice. That’s when things get ugly. And honestly, thank God, because I deal with that exact same thing every single day—it’s exhausting.

If this hand thing keeps happening to you, you really need to go see a specialist.

Beyond that, it would be worth asking a pro to teach you some yoga too—specifically breathing techniques and exercises for focus and relaxation. If you can't get that, even just simple stretching or taking walks in nature can make a huge difference.

Jessica Wood96 said:Alright, I've decided to throw another question out there,

So, look—whether it’s under some kind of "pressure" or just talking to strangers or even people I've known forever, I just freeze up. I can't talk normally...

It feels like I'm forcing everything, like if I actually spoke like my true self, someone would judge me or give me a weird look. I know I'm not stupid and I know how to communicate, but this struggle is real...

It happens when I'm hanging out with friends too, especially if I'm with someone I don't vibe with or just a total stranger. It's incredibly frustrating; I really don't need this. I end up talking way too quiet, way too fast, and half the time I just forget what I was even trying to say. I tell myself a million times, "Stop overthinking it, just talk." But then comes this wall where I can't even discuss problems or solve anything. I just shut down and act like the bad guy when things get serious, whether it's with a girl or at home, usually with my mom.

I end up putting myself down. I stay silent. I don't even snap back at shitty comments made toward me after a failed conversation. Then I spend the next hour or two just beating myself up, thinking, "Why didn't I say this? Why didn't I say that?" I love being alone, just peaceful and without the stress. This is eating at me. If anyone gets what I'm going through, please, try to explain why this happens. Like I said, I'm not crazy and I'm not some kid who *doesn't want* to talk—it's just that once I feel this way in a situation, I'm stuck. There's no way out.

Try following these three simple steps you can use in any situation to get the ball rolling—they actually work:
1) Relax (loosen up your whole body, breathe deep from your stomach instead of your chest, drop your shoulders, relax your hands and jaw, keep your head up, take up more space, and speak up a little louder...).
2) Just keep talking (say the first thing that pops into your head, and the next time you see those friends, try to talk as much as possible for the first ten minutes; you'll realize you've regained control over yourself, the conversation, and the whole vibe, and then you can steer it however you want).
3) Don't let yourself get swallowed by their reality; pull them into yours (just talk about stuff you actually care about and stop giving a damn about what they think).

-Quick tip: always try to talk to whoever you can. Make it your goal to find two random people wherever you go and have a quick 30-second chat before saying, "Sorry, gotta run, bye!" You'll see that after a while, you'll be totally practiced and your communication skills will be top-tier. From there, it's smooth sailing.

Good luck! 🙂

Jessica Wood96 said:Alright, I've decided to throw another question out there,

So, look—whether it’s under some kind of "pressure" or just talking to strangers or even people I've known forever, I just freeze up. I can't talk normally...

It feels like I'm forcing everything, like if I actually spoke like my true self, someone would judge me or give me a weird look. I know I'm not stupid and I know how to communicate, but this struggle is real...

It happens when I'm hanging out with friends too, especially if I'm with someone I don't vibe with or just a total stranger. It's incredibly frustrating; I really don't need this. I end up talking way too quiet, way too fast, and half the time I just forget what I was even trying to say. I tell myself a million times, "Stop overthinking it, just talk." But then comes this wall where I can't even discuss problems or solve anything. I just shut down and act like the bad guy when things get serious, whether it's with a girl or at home, usually with my mom.

I end up putting myself down. I stay silent. I don't even snap back at shitty comments made toward me after a failed conversation. Then I spend the next hour or two just beating myself up, thinking, "Why didn't I say this? Why didn't I say that?" I love being alone, just peaceful and without the stress. This is eating at me. If anyone gets what I'm going through, please, try to explain why this happens. Like I said, I'm not crazy and I'm not some kid who *doesn't want* to talk—it's just that once I feel this way in a situation, I'm stuck. There's no way out.

I’m right there with you. I don't have a magic fix either, but I find some comfort in realizing that deep down, we’re all just fragile, anxious creatures. Nothing more, nothing less. Just try to take a breath and relax. 👍

Jessica Wood96 said:Alright, I've decided to throw another question out there,

So, look—whether it’s under some kind of "pressure" or just talking to strangers or even people I've known forever, I just freeze up. I can't talk normally...

It feels like I'm forcing everything, like if I actually spoke like my true self, someone would judge me or give me a weird look. I know I'm not stupid and I know how to communicate, but this struggle is real...

It happens when I'm hanging out with friends too, especially if I'm with someone I don't vibe with or just a total stranger. It's incredibly frustrating; I really don't need this. I end up talking way too quiet, way too fast, and half the time I just forget what I was even trying to say. I tell myself a million times, "Stop overthinking it, just talk." But then comes this wall where I can't even discuss problems or solve anything. I just shut down and act like the bad guy when things get serious, whether it's with a girl or at home, usually with my mom.

I end up putting myself down. I stay silent. I don't even snap back at shitty comments made toward me after a failed conversation. Then I spend the next hour or two just beating myself up, thinking, "Why didn't I say this? Why didn't I say that?" I love being alone, just peaceful and without the stress. This is eating at me. If anyone gets what I'm going through, please, try to explain why this happens. Like I said, I'm not crazy and I'm not some kid who *doesn't want* to talk—it's just that once I feel this way in a situation, I'm stuck. There's no way out.

Look, when you start talking to someone you don't know, just try to clear your head of everything... forget about your own self-image, forget what other people think of you, and stop worrying about what the person in front of you thinks. Your real issue is that you're thinking WAY too much. You have to empty your mind and just go slow... ask them about their life, their school, their job, their family, maybe even what kind of car they drive... crack a little joke to break the ice. Like, if you're sitting at a Starbucks, just tell the barista,😁hey, can I get a latte and maybe a muffin... or something like that. You aren't going to fix this fear of strangers by overanalyzing things; in fact, you'll do the exact opposite if you keep doing that!!!👍

That waiter thing is actually pretty funny, haha.
Personally, if I ever tried something like that... I’d probably just pee myself from pure nerves first. Then I'd end up stammering in this weird, pathetic tone, almost like a sob, "H-h-hey, p-p-please don't r-r-rejection me!!!"
So yeah, I'm passing on stuff like this before I even start. 😂

I’m dealing with the exact same thing... When I’m talking to people I don't know very well, or haven't really bonded with yet, it feels like my brain is redlining at a hundred miles an hour, just constantly spiraling through thoughts like "what do I say next, what do I say next, how do I not look ridiculous or awkward, what on earth are they thinking about me right now" and by the end of it, I either shut down completely or just blurt out something totally stupid much to my own chagrin.😠I definitely haven't mastered the art of casual conversation, and I'm convinced it's because I'm overthinking every single syllable. Sometimes I just sit there watching people and wondering how they manage to keep a conversation flowing without stopping for air, where they even find these topics, and how they can be so incredibly relaxed about the whole thing...🤷

velvettiger90 said:I’m dealing with the exact same thing... When I’m talking to people I don't know very well, or haven't really bonded with yet, it feels like my brain is redlining at a hundred miles an hour, just constantly spiraling through thoughts like "what do I say next, what do I say next, how do I not look ridiculous or awkward, what on earth are they thinking about me right now" and by the end of it, I either shut down completely or just blurt out something totally stupid much to my own chagrin.😠I definitely haven't mastered the art of casual conversation, and I'm convinced it's because I'm overthinking every single syllable. Sometimes I just sit there watching people and wondering how they manage to keep a conversation flowing without stopping for air, where they even find these topics, and how they can be so incredibly relaxed about the whole thing...🤷

I went through something similar, though not constantly. Standard conversations are fine; people usually find me interesting and enjoy listening to me. However, if someone tried to take a jab at me or made a negative comment, I would completely freeze up. It’s better now, though I have no idea how I fixed it—it just faded away over time. 🤷

Don't let it weigh on you too much. Try to spend more time with people you feel comfortable and relaxed around, and eventually, that click will happen naturally... 🤷

I totally get where you're coming from... I was the exact same way.

For the longest time, I basically dodged any kind of interaction with people I didn't know. Like, seriously—even stuff as basic as ordering a pizza or calling the local library to renew my books... I just couldn't do it. But then college happened, and I had to figure things out on my own. It’s not like I was gonna call my mom to handle my business when I could just pick up the phone myself, right? So, I started small. Just making those calls, then chatting with people before or after class... and honestly, it actually helped. The anxiety isn't nearly as bad anymore.

Just don't quit on yourself, okay? And stop beating yourself up over what you did or didn't say. Dwelling on it is just a waste of energy and it only makes things harder for you. 😛

It’s kind of a similar situation for me—though the difference is that I don't really worry about what to say next. It's more that my mind just goes blank, or my thoughts drift off to some completely unrelated topic, and before I know it, I’ve stopped listening to the person entirely. It isn't that I lack things to say or can't express my actual opinions—that's not the issue—it's just that I have zero interest in the mundane, everyday trivialities of someone else's life or their mindless little anecdotes. For instance, today some guy starts talking to me like, "Jesus, I barely slept last night, I've had five coffees and I'm still dead..." Okay, and? What am I supposed to say to that? I'm just not built for casual small talk. So, most of the time, I just stay quiet and let people ramble on around me.

It's the same thing when I actually *want* to start a conversation; I have no idea how to kick it off or what topic to pick, and even if I do find the nerve to try, the conversation dies almost immediately—and then we're right back where we started.

I had the same thing happen when I was a kid... I’d just freeze up mid-sentence while talking to my teachers, and sometimes I'd start stuttering too... But whatever, it's over now.