Chris Cooper5 said:I have this issue where whenever I try to join a group of people who have known each other forever and they're already deep in some conversation I know nothing about, I just... I don't know how to jump in. It feels like I'm forcing myself on them, you know? I always end up feeling awkward or just plain stupid, and then they just keep talking amongst themselves like I wasn't even there. Also, I can't stand those people who just talk and talk without ever letting anyone else get a word in because they aren't actually interested in listening. But then again, it feels like nobody ever wants to listen to me either. I guess I don't really get why that is. Can anyone help? I usually just stay quiet, but when I finally do say something, I immediately regret it. 😢
Oh, and I should probably mention that I don't really have any friends. My doctor actually referred me to psychotherapy because my social life is basically non-existent, but I don't have the money to pay for it. 😢
It’s like... I feel like a ghost walking among people, like nobody actually sees me. Even if I do manage to hang out with someone, it never even gets to the point where we swap numbers. On top of that, I struggle because most people just aren't really my type of person to be friends with. It's not that I'm being picky or anything, I just... I can't find common ground. Maybe it's because I deal with depression and I expect too much from people, I guess. Once, back in summer school, I met my absolute best friend. We were together constantly for fifteen days, and I've never felt that kind of connection before or since. But then we went our separate ways, and since she lives in another state now, we've only seen each other once more. 😢
I've had pretty similar experiences.
In a way, you should push yourself to be social, but you shouldn't force it either... because forcing things doesn't really yield anything useful. It isn't a real solution.
As for how you're feeling now, it shouldn't last forever, and you shouldn't let it.
For you, the fix would be—firstly, having some self-esteem and confidence, or working on building that up—basically, doing the work on yourself. The goal is to socialize and live among people who actually share your interests, people who are like you, even if that starts with just one person (it helps if they're around your age, though that's not a strict rule). Because those people exist; there are people out there just like us.
See, in certain social circles, you just can't be yourself, but you also shouldn't try to be someone you're not by over-adjusting. In those kinds of groups, you just hold your own, even if you're the odd one out. Sometimes, in certain settings, whatever you say might be misinterpreted, or people might just not like you because of how you carry yourself, and so on.
I guess you're just more of a passive type who prefers listening rather than being the center of attention (so maybe don't try to be). You can definitely succeed socially just being who you are. You just need to find a crew that matches you, like that friend from summer camp. Think about why that worked so well for you and try to aim for that again.
A therapist can't do all the heavy lifting here; you have to handle this yourself. Gradually. Step by step. Good luck, 👍