-What would you want most right now?- To just watch you sleep?.- Hahahaha, what a pathetic little guy.. damn, he's such a loser. I'm not being emotional. I'm calculating. Maybe if I play this right, I can charm my way into one more round.. I put on this pathetic, puppy-dog face. And then there's her laugh—just beautiful, warm, and genuine, showing off those white teeth and blue eyes that somehow glow weirdly in the dim light. She wanders down toward the beach and up toward that little chapel near the coast... outside the house, that laughter doesn't mean anything. It's summer.. people laugh at three in the morning too. But inside the house, his laughter feels like someone else is actually there. "She went to bed before midnight, why is he laughing like that?" they wonder.. by morning, nobody asks because everyone already knows, but I still have to slip out every single day before dawn... If she's being affectionate, if I do something during the day that touches her heart, or if I drop a joke that reaches her ears even while she's busy with her lively group at the next table over, then I leave the house right as the sun starts breaking. As a reward, I guess. Above the mountains, there's this strange gray-white-blue light; the sun isn't up yet, the stairs are still draped in shadows, but once I walk about twenty yards away, you can start to make out my face along with my silhouette. A beautiful prize, I think, as I smirk to myself. I calculated this perfectly.. We’re lying there naked.. this health nut, this lover of adrenaline rushes and skiing, actually lets me light a cigarette... that's a good sign.. it means she's still in love with me this summer.. I smoke, her blonde hair brushing against my right shoulder is getting on my nerves.. she stays quiet, so I stub out the cigarette and say, just to provoke her—"I actually have a poem about this"—she flinches slightly, half-asleep—"Let me hear it.." I tell her the title is Muted Light and continue:
lying naked in the twilight,
our bodies glow
like embers scattered in ash
and we breathe as one
until the rooster crows
or until the current of life takes us
-Beautiful, my lovely little fishmonger dedicated a poem to me..-All you're missing is the part where you say "stinky"—this time I'm not playing games.-And the poem isn't for you, either.-Oh really?..-No, it's for all the bastards who leave both the object and the subject behind in the early morning hours... hahaha, now I'm the one laughing out loud, even though I know that in a minute or two, someone lurking in the shadows will connect that laugh to my footsteps, my silhouette, and my face emerging from the dark.. she laughs too. She doesn't comment on the bastards or the subjects... she loves me deeply.. or maybe she's just exhausted...
That winter, I caught a glimpse of her sleeping... wearing my plain white T-shirt she pulled from my bag after stepping out from the shower and saying, "I'm wearing something of yours..." She's legendary..
https://www.youtube.com/watch.v=xhhqluGFxYEauthor's note:
There it is.. and Megan Gray4.. a bit of verse, a bit of prose, hop on my back and let's ride😁..and there's your music. 3-in-1... if I had ever bothered to learn how to draw, the pictures would have been... sorry Ace, you weren't the first love, but you were the first lover...