OCD tendencies: My child and I

I need some advice regarding my kid. He’s a little quirky, but he’s sharp as a tack—almost ready for school, and honestly, I’m so proud of him. But man, he’s constantly zoning out, and his focus on any actual task is pretty much non-existent. He’s just living in his own little world. Total chip off the old block, too. He can already read and do math, and he figures things out if he really has to, but he reminds me way too much of myself. I was exactly the same way growing up—the kind of guy who’d thrive in some creative field, you know, total OCD vibes. It definitely threw me off course in life sometimes, but it gave me that extra creative edge, so I managed to turn it into something positive. Now, seeing my kid heading down what looks like the same path (not that it's a disaster; I turned out fine and have a solid life), I'm wondering: should I actually do something about it? And if so, what? I don't think he'll struggle academically—he’s actually killing it there—but I want to be a good parent and give him the right tools to handle emotional hurdles like OCD. I don't want to just ignore it if it needs real action. He’s starting school soon, and being a daydreamer in a classroom isn't exactly a winning strategy.

Honestly, it’s hard to tell from what you wrote if the issue is with you or the kid... You need to get specific about this OCD. How does it actually look? More importantly, what is the kid thinking and feeling about all this? Are they even aware of it?

Also, I want to know how this pushed you toward your creative side... If there really is an issue, finding a way to channel it creatively is a huge win. As a therapist, I'll tell you straight: that's way more effective than just trying to "fix" someone.

There is no way to predict how school will go. Everyone is different. He'll deal with it when he gets there. No matter how much we overthink or plan, life always throws a curveball. People mess up when they try to force a scenario that isn't happening, and that's usually where the real trouble starts.

The real question is, what am I supposed to actually *do* as a parent to make things easier on him? How should I carry myself so he doesn't take my help the wrong way? I just ordered some new books specifically about the whole parent-OCD-child dynamic, so we'll see if they actually offer anything useful. My kid is starting to catch on to his own patterns and compulsions, and he’s beginning to hide them—though it still slips through here and there. It looks like stealing toys, this intense greediness for stuff, hoarding everything, hiding things in secret spots, and having zero ability to focus on a task for more than a minute. He also has this very specific way of obsessing over things that I recognize instantly, even if I can't quite find the right words to describe it. That's basically the gist of it. Look, I've learned how to adapt, how to pivot, how to steer things when needed, and how to live with myself. I hold my values high and I feel a massive sense of responsibility. Honestly, I think I'm happier than most people I run into, mostly because I set my bar for satisfaction pretty low, but I wasn't born that way. It was a brutal road to get here, and honestly, it's still a struggle. Now I'm seeing it all play out again with him, but as a parent, I'm flying blind. I don't have experience in this kind of support. Everyone has their own path in life, and mine isn't something I can just force onto my son. It's not like I'm trying to "fix" him into some perfect version of a human being, but when I remember how my own compulsive roller coaster has shown me both heaven and hell, I just feel this overwhelming urge to step in and do something.

slybear13 said:The real question is what I should actually do as a parent to make things easier for him. How should I handle him so it stays positive and he doesn't take my help the wrong way?

Did he actually tell you he wants help, or that he's struggling? Or is this just how you're reading the situation?

It’s pretty obvious—stealing toys, being greedy, hoarding stuff, hiding toys in secret spots, plus zero focus when trying to get anything done.

Stealing toys and having a short attention span isn't exactly OCD...

I'm not trying to fix my kid to be perfect, but when I remember how my own compulsive tendencies have made me see both heaven and hell more times than I can count, and I see it happening again, I feel like I have to act.

If it's actually messing with his ability to function, then find a therapist. Not some psychiatrist on an insurance referral who's just going to dump meds on him, but a private specialist trained specifically to deal with this. You can fix this easily if you go to the right person...

At the Mayo Clinic, there are some truly incredible child psychiatrists and psychotherapists. Contrary to what some people might believe, they aren't just handing out prescriptions left and right; instead, they actually take the time to sit down and talk with the kids. If you’re interested, feel free to send me a private message and I can pass along some names.

Right now in the US, psychotherapy isn't strictly regulated for anyone who isn't a licensed medical doctor. This means that when someone practicing privately isn't a psychiatrist-psychotherapist, they're essentially operating outside of standard legal frameworks. As a result, patients visiting them are doing so entirely at their own risk.

Has the child received an official OCD diagnosis yet?

Melissa James70 said:The pediatric psychiatrists and therapists over at Mayo Clinic are top-tier. Contrary to what some people think, they aren't just drugging kids down; they actually sit them down and talk to them. DM me if you want names.

You don't "talk" your way out of OCD. You need specific methods because it’s not just cognitive—there’s a massive behavioral component involved. Period.

Right now in America, psychotherapy isn't strictly regulated for non-medical professionals. So, anyone practicing private therapy who isn't a psychiatrist-therapist is basically operating outside the rules, and clients are taking that risk on themselves.

I have no idea where you're getting that nonsense, but it’s dead wrong. The profession of "psychotherapist" isn't even legally defined in the US. Legally speaking, psychotherapy is a service provided by psychiatrists within their medical practices.

Psychologists acting as therapists aren't breaking any laws. They run counseling centers or work as psychological counselors—they're providing counseling. Having a psychotherapist certification on top of a psychology degree is just a bonus that makes their counseling better.

And if we’re going to nitpick the difference between "therapy" and "counseling," then most psychiatrists shouldn't be doing half their jobs either, since that falls under counseling too. Honestly, there's zero need to get hung up on legal technicalities here. What matters is finding the OP the best help possible. In my book, that means finding a therapist who specializes in kids and specifically handles OCD. Since psychologists tend to lean toward the therapeutic approaches that actually fix this stuff fast, they'll be easier to find. It's honestly absurd to drag a kid into psychodynamic therapy—which is what psychiatrists usually push via referrals—when it could actually make things worse.

Angela Wright said:Does the kid actually have an official OCD diagnosis?

Even if they do, the real question is whether it’s legit OCD or if they actually meet the clinical criteria. I’m working with a kid in therapy right now who was diagnosed with ADHD, but they don't have anything even remotely close to that. Here's the thing: once a poor kid gets slapped with a label, everyone starts seeing them through that lens. They start acting out to fit the mold, and then things just spiral. In my opinion, a diagnosis should just be a tool to understand what to expect from someone's behavior—it shouldn't define their entire identity. Unfortunately, that's not how the world works. Personally, I wouldn't raise a kid based on a label (if they don't even have one).

slybear13 said:I’m looking for some perspective regarding my son. He’s a bit quirky, but he’s such a bright kid—he’s almost ready to start school, and I couldn't be prouder! However, he tends to drift off quite often, and his focus on specific tasks is pretty weak; he’s always living in his own little world. He’s definitely his father's son, bless him. He already knows how to read and do basic math, and he can handle just about anything when he needs to, but he reminds me of myself so much. I was that type of kid too—someone who leaned toward creative outlets and had those OCD-like tendencies. It took me off the beaten path sometimes, but it also gave me an extra dimension of creativity, so I managed to turn it into something positive. Now, seeing that my son might be heading down that same road (nothing extreme, I turned out fine and have a great life!), I’m wondering: should I do something about it? And if so, what? I don't think he'll struggle intellectually in school—actually, he’s been brilliant there—but as a parent, I want to give him the right tools to navigate emotional hurdles like OCD. I don't want to ignore this if it requires action on my part. He’s starting school soon, and being distracted in class is definitely not the goal!

Based on this post, it doesn't actually sound like the child has OCD. Labeling specific behaviors on your own can often lead you down the wrong path. From the very limited info provided here, there isn't enough evidence to suggest an OCD diagnosis, and honestly, making diagnoses in early childhood isn't recommended because many things are just part of normal development. OCD is a serious disorder, so please don't jump to conclusions so easily. If you feel your child's behavior is deviating from what is considered typical, please reach out to professionals. You mentioned that you had similar behaviors as a child and didn't seek help, so I have to ask: why do you feel it's necessary for your child now?

I would really appreciate it if we could clear some things up once and for all so we can move past this. A psychotherapist isn't someone who just finishes a "basic" degree. A doctor who specializes in psychiatry and becomes a psychiatrist is NOT necessarily a psychotherapist. Likewise, a psychologist who graduates and specializes in something like clinical psychology is NOT automatically a psychotherapist either. Both paths require completing additional specialized training in a specific therapeutic modality (depending on their interests and leanings) before they can officially call themselves psychotherapists. According to American professional regulations, a psychologist can practice psychotherapy if they complete the required training, and the same applies to medical doctors under the laws governing medical practice.

I’ve noticed people frequently claiming that psychologists only perform CBT—which is totally incorrect—or that psychiatrists only do analytical or dynamic therapy—again, totally incorrect. Both groups can practice any type of psychotherapy as long as they have been properly trained in it.

Best,

redharbor9 said:You can't just talk your way out of OCD! It’s not that simple, right? Since the issue involves both cognitive and behavioral components, you need specific, targeted methods to actually tackle it. Why settle for just chatting when you need real tools for the job?

I honestly have no clue where you're getting those ideas from, but that just isn't the case! Isn't it interesting how people get things mixed up? Legally speaking, "psychotherapist" isn't actually defined as a specific profession. There’s no such official designation. In reality, psychotherapy as a service can only be provided by a psychiatrist operating within a psychiatric practice. Simple as that!

What do psychologists and psychotherapists actually do all day? Honestly, they aren't breaking any rules or stepping outside their legal bounds! According to the regulations, they operate through licensed counseling centers or as professional psychological counselors—which means their core job is simply providing guidance and support. Think about it: having a psychotherapy certification on top of a psychology degree isn't a different career entirely; it’s just a massive bonus! It’s an extra layer of expertise that allows them to provide much higher quality care and more effective counseling. Isn't that exactly what we want from a professional?

If we start splitting hairs over the technical definitions of psychotherapy versus counseling, then psychiatrists—who are fully qualified to provide therapy—shouldn't even be doing half their jobs since that falls under counseling too! Honestly, I don't think there's any real need or even space here for this kind of legalistic nitpicking over job titles and service categories. Instead of debating terminology, shouldn't we just focus on pointing the author toward the highest quality care available? In my opinion, the real goal should be finding a specialist therapist who specifically works with children and focuses on OCD. Since psychologists tend to lean toward the therapeutic modalities that actually treat this effectively and quickly, you'll likely have much better luck finding someone in that field. Isn't it just absurd to put a child through psychodynamic therapy—which is what many psychiatrists tend to favor, especially when they're working off a referral—when it carries the risk of actually making things worse?

Spot on! That was written so clearly and precisely.

As a physician, I’ve received some incredibly positive feedback from my patients regarding their concerns over child behavior and developmental milestones. They specifically pointed toward the work being done at the Kennedy Krieger Institute. What strikes me about their model is the multidisciplinary approach—children aren't just seen by one person, but by a coordinated team of specialists ranging from psychologists and speech therapists to doctors and developmental experts. They deliver their findings as a unified front. I believe there have even been several segments on national news programs covering the Institute's methodology.

I should clarify that I have zero financial stake or ulterior motives here; please don't mistake this for a pitch or an advertisement. I am simply passing along what parents have shared with me during our consultations. Honestly, until recently, I wasn't even aware a facility like this existed. I managed to find their website: http://centar.testiranje.net/naslovna so if anyone finds it useful...

redharbor9 said:And even if they do, the real question is whether it actually qualifies as OCD—does it truly meet the diagnostic criteria? I’m currently working in therapy with a kid diagnosed with ADHD, and they aren't even close to that. But here's the thing: once a poor kid gets a label, everyone starts viewing them solely through that lens. They start living up to the diagnosis, and then things just spiral out of control. In my view, a diagnosis should simply be a tool to understand what kind of behavior to expect from someone, not a complete definition of their entire being. Unfortunately, reality works differently. Personally, I wouldn't go raising a child based on a diagnosis if one hasn't even been officially made...

I think it’s far more dangerous when a parent—someone without any formal training—decides on a diagnosis for their own child. Professional expertise carries much more weight here, especially nowadays when there is so much we can achieve through specialized rehabilitation for children with behavioral disorders.

Angela Wright said:I think it's way more dangerous when a parent—who isn't even a pro—starts handing out diagnoses to their own kid. Experts have to be the ones calling the shots here, especially nowadays when there’s so much you can actually do through rehab for kids with behavioral issues.

For sure. You just gotta remember that everyone sees things differently. Maybe the parent is just using a diagnosis to label a specific behavior (which is what looks like the case here) instead of defining their whole kid by some label...

No official diagnoses yet or anything, I just see that my guy is acting weird and he’s basically a mirror image of me. We haven't just met yesterday, I'm not out of my mind and I know what's what in this life—honestly, it takes one to know one. It's not like I went running to some doctor to get "fixed" from being myself, but I've been deep-diving into human psychology since I was a kid. If we're talking OCD, I could probably teach you guys more than you could ever tell me. Anyway, looks like everyone here has plenty to say about this, which is fine, but I already have a pretty good idea of how things stand here in the States regarding these kinds of topics. I'll wait a bit to see what the books tell me, then maybe I'll pop back in for a second opinion or some feedback.

slybear13 said:look, I’ve been deep-diving into psychology since I was a kid. Honestly, I probably know more about OCD than most of you combined.

Books, papers, research articles—none of that ever actually gives you enough real-world competence to truly understand someone or help them. People aren't robots; everyone has their own unique way of being. If you just stick to what you read without accounting for how an individual actually functions—or if you let your own biases and experiences cloud your judgment—you're just heading down a dead end...

That’s why his take matters...

Anyway, stay on guard. If this starts causing issues at school, don't be surprised when they push some "expert" on you. Usually, those people are just there to satisfy the school's paperwork, not to actually help the kid...

I'm with you on that. Nothing's gonna just shift overnight, no matter how much we all want it to. Everything in this world is just... individual, you know? It's all on a person-by-person basis. I guess I'll just wait up and see what happens. Just taking it slow.