Moderating the thread: "How do US hospitals treat moms who choose not to breastfeed?

This thread is located in the pregnancy subforum. Off-topic comments and insults directed at moms who don't breastfeed are apparently allowed here.

I’d appreciate it if a moderator could explain why this is being tolerated.
Breastfeeding seems to be a massive flashpoint in so many threads—it makes me wonder why people are just allowed to jump in and insult women who choose not to breastfeed, offering their unsolicited opinions (which usually involve plenty of insults).
Beyond the fact that their input is totally irrelevant to the topic, the way these users speak to one another is honestly embarrassing.
And yet, none of this seems to result in any actual moderation or penalties.

I'm looking for an explanation.

Thanks.

I’m feeling the exact same way. I’m pretty new to this pregnancy forum, and honestly, it feels like this kind of toxic behavior just gets a free pass. I reported an unpleasant post once, but nothing happened—the person is still acting just as rude and insulting across every single thread. It’s giving me the vibe that if you don’t jump on the bandwagon with everyone else, you aren't welcome; you just end up getting attacked in support threads. I really don't need that kind of stress while I'm pregnant. It’s like they crack down on anyone who goes slightly off-topic, yet this person has been running wild for months without a single reprimand.

I’m also wondering why insults like "you raised a kid on nothing but antidepressants," "that poor child caught in your claws," or "just drop dead" are actually tolerated here... On other subreddits, people get banned for that kind of filth—but here, at best, they just get deleted.

Look, this whole topic is just way too massive to tackle all at once
. It’d be a huge help if someone could drop a few links, or even just a specific section detailing what actually went down
.

I honestly wish I could share the link—that whole back-and-forth argument I mentioned happened last night, but the moderators wiped it all clean this morning.

I didn't say it wasn't moderated—just that maybe, if you ever find a spare moment, you could actually look into this thread. Up until now, the mods have seemed pretty tolerant regarding off-topic chatter and people aggressively questioning the values of teenagers—mostly just minimal, necessary warnings here and there. I reported some posts last night, and yeah, they were wiped today. But as far as I can tell, that one user who was straight-up insulting everyone—DOA—hasn't faced any actual consequences.
It’s a shame the posts were just deleted, since I can't even link to the insults now.

thanks.

Nancy Watson82 said:I’m also wondering why insults like "you raised your kid on a cocktail of meds," "that poor child stuck in your claws," or "just go kill yourself" are tolerated. On other subforums, people get banned for that kind of filth, but here, at best, they just get deleted.

Because saying someone "raised their child on a cocktail of meds" isn't an insult.
Everyone is entitled to their opinion, including the person who wrote that. If a parent thinks those medications are poison, then that's just their perspective.

Also, you reported 11 posts starting from May 1st, 2010—pardon me, I mean today after our PM exchange—so that makes 12 total reports, all of which the moderators have read through completely.
As I mentioned in my private message, I don't consider what was said to be an insult against you. Some of us use slightly different, sometimes even cruder language, but again, I don't think these are the types of insults that warrant sanctions.

On this forum, everyone has the right to express their views, regardless of whether the rest of the public agrees or disagrees.
Of course, any disagreement should be backed up with arguments and handled with dignity, though truth be told, that isn't always the case on the Parenting board.

Furthermore, if we start enforcing strict etiquette rules like you're suggesting, we'd probably see at least a 50% drop in active participants (yourself included!), and it's certainly not our goal to drive people away. Quite the opposite!

It’s always the same routine. You either get kicked out or just ignored into silence. It wasn't even about her using bad language in general; it was specifically about how she was insulting moms who choose not to breastfeed. Since the mods scrubbed the posts, I can't point to the exact words, but I was only there looking for actual info. Instead, I just watched a bunch of breastfeeding advocates tear apart anyone trying to discuss the broader relationship with non-nursing mothers—which is exactly what the thread title promised. They basically chase everyone else away.
Tolerated, absolutely!!!

Go ahead, just give me the ban I clearly deserve.
It seems more productive to just paste posts here instead of reporting them—maybe then we’ll get a somewhat objective take on what actually counts as "harassment." From what I can see, the posts I reported were deleted specifically because they violated subforum rules (even though you told me there was no basis for removing them):

• spam, trolling, and harassing others for any reason, turning the discussion toward the user rather than the topic, and using slurs is prohibited and will be removed without warning; repeating deleted content or ignoring warnings may result in being barred from the subforum. We want this subforum to be a space for reasoned debate, so please refrain from unconstructive or insulting posts.

This is all stuff that gets tolerated in many threads on Reddit or parenting forums. I didn't see anything in the rules stating that filing a report is grounds for a ban, which is what you threatened me with. It's funny how, by your logic, that's bannable, yet "personal attacks" or "targeting the user" aren't treated with the same weight. That was the issue with the formula milk example—since the comment was posted in a thread about "wanting a baby," it was basically just one user insulting another, and the comment had nothing to do with the actual topic. I guess she’s entitled to her opinion, just maybe not in this space.

On topic: every single discussion about breastfeeding turns into an attack on mothers who don't breastfeed. Because of that, women who don't nurse their kids have pretty much stopped showing up, since certain users seem to hang around just to lecture them about their "immorality." My only theory is that someone is intentionally allowing this, probably because they share the views of the people who aren't being sanctioned—it feels like the moderation is pretty subjective.

If you actually enforced the rules properly, most discussions here wouldn't look like a playground brawl.

Nancy Watson82 said:Go ahead and ban me then, if that's what I deserve.
It seems more effective to just paste posts here rather than reporting them if we want an objective take on what actually counts as "harassment." From what I can see, the posts I reported were deleted specifically because they violated subforum rules—even though you told me there was no valid reason to pull them:

There wasn't any reason to delete them based on harassment.
Derailing the thread is a completely different issue.

Just so you know, I didn't delete those posts; another moderator did, and it was due to the derailment.

I think you've received an answer to everything you asked.

I’m talking about the posts I flagged today in a thread I wasn't even part of—I was just reporting harassment and trolling. You told me there was nothing wrong with them and even threatened to put me on a timeout if I didn't stop reporting stuff. Then, a little while later, those exact posts were deleted. So... they clearly violated the rules. Besides, I wasn't even participating in that discussion, let alone trolling anyone.

It might have been helpful if you actually looked into the details before jumping to conclusions.

And I should probably mention this too: in that thread about the lack of staff at Mayo Clinic hospitals, there was plenty of insults flying around—and the one I reported was actually aimed right at me (to paraphrase: you're such a hypocrite, just go die).

The user provided this reason:
arguing and insults

The user provided this reason:
insults

The user provided this reason:
garbage behavior.

I don't see any point in arguing with you about this anymore.

As you can see, the moderators are present on all threads and are actively doing their jobs.
It isn't your place to judge how they do it; leave that to someone else.

End of discussion as far as I'm concerned!

Sorry, I don't think I follow what you mean. So, if I report a post filled with nasty personal insults and call them "vile," you won't take action just because I used the "wrong" description for the rule violation?

Your point is pretty unclear to me—not to mention how you're trying to link two totally different things (especially since you weren't even involved in the situation mentioned in the thread title): the issue of mismanagement in US hospitals versus my reporting of the bickering in the "overwhelmed grandparents" thread. You labeled my report as unfounded, yet somehow, someone still went ahead and deleted the exact bickering I flagged.

Anyway, thanks for your time and attention. I'm perfectly fine with the solution hollowtrucker77 offered me, so I guess you wasted your breath trying to paint me as some person who bothers moderators with baseless reports. It seems others agree with me—including some of your own colleagues, who actually removed those "vile" posts I reported. It’s honestly a bit tragic that when I flag a post where the author is insulting someone and saying things like "your pizza is perfectly narrow," you tell me there’s no ground for deletion.
Is that what passes for an "articulate forum debate"? She didn't just break the rules; she chewed them up and spat them out, and you basically gave her a standing ovation by supporting that behavior.

That's all from me.