How do I become a music critic?

I’m trying to figure out how someone actually breaks into music criticism. What does the job even entail on a daily basis?

Morgan Richardson7 said:I'm curious about how one actually becomes a music critic—what does that role even entail?

Their primary function seems to be tearing down the work of people who have spent their entire lives struggling to create something meaningful. It’s quite a feat, really: sitting comfortably in an armchair, destroying everything you've built—sometimes even your spirit—in a ten-minute write-up just to pay the bills. In my experience, most of them are just deeply insecure individuals, nursing a quiet jealousy toward those with actual talent and agency, since they likely lack the ability to produce anything themselves. They need that little outlet to feel significant. If you want my honest opinion, even a streetwalker probably has a more dignified profession than a critic.

I recall once that the legendary Finnish composer Jean Sibelius remarked: "Pay no attention to what the critics say. No statue has ever been erected in honor of a critic!" 🙂

So, what—is everyone just supposed to nod along and pretend everything is fantastic? Criticism is absolutely vital for any art form, much like it is for pretty much every other corner of society, I suppose. Now, obviously, it’s not going to sit well with me if some critic decides to write that Radiohead is nothing more than pretentious garbage, but hey, if that’s truly how you feel, then by all means, put it in print. The real issue arises when these critics are essentially on the payroll of the major record labels, acting as glorified PR agents for people who, frankly, haven't earned a shred of the hype they receive.

And if a critic manages to ruin someone's life? Well, I guess that life was already pretty much worthless to begin with, wasn't it?

Don't you think people are perfectly capable of deciding for themselves whether an album, a movie, or even a certain style of dress is actually any good? I’ve personally never given much weight to what critics have to say. Besides, it often feels like they just pick a target and use their platform to tear someone down for the sake of it. 🤷

Alright.

So, I went ahead and listened to maybe 50 albums released—whether they actually hit physical shelves or just exist as digital files—within the US over this past year (that number was a total guess, and honestly, looking back, I probably should have said 500) along with several dozen thousand from around the rest of the world. 👍

After doing all that, would you mind, please, just jotting down a few sentences about each one? I simply don't have the bandwidth to listen to everything myself—and since you're clearly such a saint who wouldn't dream of being anything but honest and sincere, I figure you'll give me the real truth without any bitterness. 👍

Maybe first try forming a band... or perhaps just dive straight into some singing or instrumental training...
Then, if you don't make it... which, let's be honest, is pretty likely...
All that disappointment and frustration from failing can eventually turn into something "constructive"...
Like... once you realize you can't actually sing or play an instrument anymore... you could always write about music. 😛
And because of that previous failure... you'll probably find yourself looking for mistakes in everyone else's work—specifically the ones you used to make—just so you can be critical... since you're so full of them yourself...
And just like that... you've become a critic 😛 🤣
The real question now is just how good your writing actually is 😂

Honestly, with everything you just laid out, you’re practically destined for greatness given a name like Angel... if you really want people to get where you're coming from, go check out this new track by Kawasaki 3P—Angel 😁

Okay, but what does it actually take to become a decent critic? I’d really love to get to that level, you know... without feeling like I have to just tear people down to make a point.

signing up for an intensive music critic bootcamp... ☕

frozentiger54 said:Fine. But what does it actually take to be a legitimate critic? I’d love to achieve that without having to tear everyone else down just to make a point.

Then just review the bands you actually enjoy.

Kyle Jackson54 said:Fine.
So why don't you go ahead and listen to maybe 50 albums released just here in America over the last year—both physical copies and digital streams (I’m eyeballing that number, and honestly, it probably should have been 500)—plus a few dozen thousand international releases? 👍

Once you've done that, please be a dear and write a couple of sentences about every single one of them. I simply haven't the luxury of time to sit through all of them myself, but since you clearly possess such a pure, saintly soul, I'm sure you won't want to withhold your honest, objective truths from anyone. 👍

You’re missing my point entirely. I certainly don't give a damn about critics or professional reviewers. Nor do I care about some critique regarding an artist or an album that isn't even on my radar to begin with.
And frankly, I highly doubt you have any logical reason to spend your life listening to tens of thousands of albums, especially artists you don't even like!
😉

The public's taste is always the polar opposite of the critics'. Whatever a critic trashes usually sells like hotcakes, while the stuff they rave about won't even move if you gave it away for free.

It’s pretty damn obvious when the soup is too salty—you don't need a degree to tell you that 🙏

But honestly? Most people lack the actual vocabulary to say anything meaningful. Take this book here 🙂—even thirty years after it first hit the shelves, it hasn't lost an ounce of its punch. You can grab a new edition at any decent bookstore or Penguin Random House 🙂

Morgan Richardson7 said:I'm curious about how someone actually becomes a music critic—what does that job even entail, really?

Honestly, you’ve gotta be either a bitter, washed-up musician or just some guy with way too much time on his hands and nothing better to do.

Not at all. You need to know a whole lot more than that if you actually want to be taken seriously as a critic.

Taste and facts are two different animals. Sure, nobody can be 100% objective, but there are certain technical realities that determine whether an album actually holds water or not. You can see that yourself, fine, but you have to back it up with actual arguments—you have to write something that actually looks like a coherent thought. It’s much too easy to just bark that a band sucks or call an album garbage.

Matthew Johnson6 said:you’ve either got to be some bitter, washed-up musician or just a total creep with way too much time on your hands...

And honestly, what kind of life are you leading if you're spending your energy typing out anonymous posts like this on some random internet forum? 😁

Kenneth Clark7 said:I mean, what kind of person even thinks they need to drop anonymous posts like this on a forum? 😁

Look, maybe you're just looking for some advice, or maybe you want to help someone out—or hey, maybe you just want to dive into the deep end and troll, start an argument, or just laugh at how ridiculous people can be... honestly, I just laid out the whole purpose of a forum right there, plain and simple.
So, apparently, I have to fit into one of those little boxes just to post anonymously like this?
Later,

Why don't you just come out and say you're a total shill right from the start?

wanderingraven20 said:it’s a given that soup is salty if it actually tastes salty... 🙏

but few people possess the vocabulary to offer any real insight beyond the obvious, much like this book down here 🙂 which hasn't lost an ounce of its conviction even thirty years after its initial release. You can pick up the reissue at any decent bookstore or Barnes & Noble 🙂

unbound printing
though it loses some of that persuasive edge in the section where it praises the genius of the Boomtown Rats 🤷 while casually mentioning how The Clash released that "London Calling" album 🙂

Jerry Rogers2 said:Plus, critics can be total bullies, using their platform just to tear someone down. 🤷

But they also know how to suck up to people... then suddenly everyone's acting like they're some kind of saint. 😁