Resident Evil or just a human brain?

I just caught the segment on CNN. Now, I could descend into some lengthy philosophical discourse regarding my thoughts on the film and why I could barely wait for Enterprise to start before flipping the channel... which is exactly what I intend to do.

….

I assume one wouldn't open an entirely new thread without some ulterior motive, right?

Anyway, the plot is about... well, what? To be honest, I missed the first 15 minutes where the director (who also happens to be the screenwriter—checked the credits!) actually bothered to explain what the hell is going on here. Since I missed it, the remaining hour and a half was total abstraction to me, primarily because any attempt at establishing a narrative was brutally aborted, mangled, and stomped on by a boot right at the jump. All I know is that an Umbrella Corporation special forces unit breaks into Mexico to shut down a computer named the Red Queen (take note of the number of random capitalized words; you see this constantly in the types of things I enjoy watching, like: The Quickening; The Shield; The Mother; Senior Partners; Mexico, Umbrella—it's all the same). Let’s bypass the fact that Umbrella is quite possibly the stupidest name ever given to a corporation, but these specialists storm an underground lab called Mexico to do... something. Along the way, they encounter Milla Jovovich (that part is good) and her muse (that part is not). They enter the facility and learn that a team was working on a super-dangerous virus <Gasp> that spiraled out of control <Gasp Gasp.> and turned the entire staff into DANGEROUS MUTANT ZOMBIES < GASP> and now the corporation is trying to cover it up from the public <Hrrrrrrk! Zzzzzzz! Hrrrrk!>

Seriously, there is no plot, and the claustrophobic vibe of a high-tech underground lab is practically non-existent. It’s a shame, really, because it would have been quite something to see those empty hallways with sterile white walls and stainless steel doors lit by halogens just to trigger a sense of dread. They could have crafted a REALLY great horror atmosphere if they wanted to: just take a small group of highly individualized characters, toss them into a totally claustrophobic environment full of hidden threats, and force them to fight their way out. Like Cube, but with more gunplay, kung fu, and Milla Jovovich. Sounds damn fine to me!

But NO! Because this is Resident Evil, and like Tomb Raider, Ballistic: Ecks vs. Zerkov, or Frank Herbert’s Dune, it is merely a video game adaptation. And the punishment must fit the crime, so commercial entertainment for kids can only be used to fuel more commercial entertainment for kids. Not that I would even mind if the movie were actually decent or fun. But it isn't.

First, let's talk about the special effects. In movies like this, they are bread and water, but here they are utterly pointless. The terrifying monster from the end of the game... or film... looks roughly like THIS (only toothier), and as if that weren't scary enough, it was done in stop-motion animation. It is the third millennium, people! Get a CGI program instead of life! While watching, I felt like I was viewing some low-budget action TV series: bad effects, unknown faces....

Second, what I didn't like was how absolutely none of the characters had the presence of mind to realize they were facing zombies at any point. You have this guy walking toward them with a broken leg, looking dead, reaching his hands toward their heads despite being riddled with bullet wounds, slightly drooling, ignoring everything they say... The only thing the guy doesn't do is hypnotically repeat "BRAAAINSS!!! BRAAAAINS!!!". The team's reaction? "They are... alive. But they are also... dead. Actually, I'd almost say they are like some sort of... I don't know... 'li-ving dead' or something."
At one point someone says: "Don't you get it? Their blood is curdled like they're dead! And... they aren't reacting to the bullets we're hitting them with! They are... they are..."
Me: "Well, thank God!"
Guy: "...all former employees here!!!!!"
Me: "....."

It seems to be an unwritten rule of cinematic universes that you can only have EITHER products about a certain monster OR the monsters themselves. In Anne Rice's world, you won't find mentions of Vampire: The Masquerade RPG. In the Star Wars universe, there is no sci-fi. Either you have zombies on Earth, or you have movies about zombies. Which is kind of weird, because if I lived in a world with vampires, I'd spend my time making movies about hot, sexy vampires ala "Underworld." As a result of this meta-oversight, nobody in the film ever shouts "BRAAAAAINS! BRAAAAAINS!!!". It never occurs to anyone to grab a fire axe and hack away at these living corpses, because, hey, tiny lead pellets fired at supersonic speeds don't seem to work, so let's try old-school methods. When one of the crew members they thought was dead pulls themselves off the floor and starts crawling toward them, nobody thinks that the fact they have a butcher knife in their gut and smell like decay actually means something. And HOP! Another satisfied McDonald's customer! None of these characters have ever watched a single junk horror movie. Being a geek certainly has its advantages.

Milla Jovovich ends up being the sole survivor. What is that supposed to mean? Are you seriously giving me spoilers? Please! Milla is the only FAMOUS person in this entire movie! OF COURSE she’s the one who makes it to the end!

To wrap this up: the film actually forced me to think, though certainly not because of any intellectual depth intended by the creators—who likely spent their premiere explaining the plot to anyone brave enough to engage their brain cells. No, I was reflecting on how movies about evil corporations that wield more power than federal law, lethal synthetic viruses escaping from labs, and near-supernatural horrors fueled by human stupidity and greed aren't just parts of our reality anymore; they've become total clichés. Honestly, I sat through a movie that, by its very premise, should have terrified anyone living at the turn of the last century, yet my only reaction was to write this sarcastic little post. What kind of world are we living in where such things have become mundane and even boring?

...except they really could've gone deeper on that scene at the end where we all see Milla Jovovich getting up from the hospital table. Nothing else to add to the massive, deep-dive breakdown by our friend from CNN regarding "Who's gonna eat who if it isn't a Zombie"...

[the whole crowd stands up to applaud, with some whistles of approval and a distant Hura]

fadedsailor932 said:...except they could have been a bit more "thorough" in showing the scene at the end where Milla Jovovich gets up from the table in that hospital,

...and the beginning when she’s lying naked under the shower. I caught a rerun of the movie at 1:30 AM, so I watched the first few minutes. Now I simultaneously know the answer to the question: which idiot at CNN reruns new movies at 2:00 AM on a weekday?

I know I should probably retire while I still can and stop fighting losing battles against movies, but I simply cannot resist! I saw the beginning yesterday and… here we go again! Why doesn't a top-secret biological lab have any protection against pumping viruses or toxins into the ventilation? Why is the primary isolation measure just killing everyone in the complex—which would be fine if we weren't dealing with a virus that just brings those same corpses back to life. I mean: HELLO PEOPLE?! Why not just nuke the whole place with an atomic bomb? Why didn't the Umbrella Corporation think to give the special forces a heads-up like, "BTW, you know this mission you're going on? There's a chance you might run into about 500 enemies that are practically impossible to kill with the gear you've got. So, basically, God only knows which idiot among us decided to send you on this assignment." Probably the same idiot who thought the best security system for the base was installing a Microsoft "Paranoid Madman's Office Suite" package.

But whatever, asking questions like that is almost like asking why women in Hollywood get silicone breast implants when they look great as they are, or why politicians don't do their jobs. This is a mindless movie intended to lure kids into theaters. However, what crossed my mind were one or two versions of Resident Evil that would, at least to me, be much better.

In one version, I would exploit all these ridiculous flaws in the Evil Corporation's procedures and turn it into a film about how human stupidity and greed will one day destroy civilization. Producing a virus that turns people into Zombies is a stupid idea. Placing a secret facility under a freaking *city* is a stupid idea. Leaving control of the facility to a crazy computer is a stupid idea. Sending special forces to certain death without telling them what awaits is a totally stupid idea. And the stupidest part is that all this happens without anyone knowing why because it's Pssst! A secret! And who are you to question it? Then it would be a black comedy and a horror, and that already exists under names like "Dr. Strangelove," "Brazil," or "The Trial."

In the second version, I would start with that small group of civilians at the beginning of the film who, after the computer goes berserk, end up trapped in an elevator. In an underground complex. Isolated from the world. Where people are turning into Zombies. And the security system won't let anyone out. Now *that* would be something! Suddenly everything clicks! The characters are helpless because they are unarmed civilians. The characters have no clue what's happening because they didn't come here on orders, but by accident, and they have no idea what the corporation is doing there. The plot also makes sense because the point isn't to break into a death-trap lab, but to escape it. And Milla's outfit also makes more sense because, hey, you see her walking around in civilian clothes throughout the film. And then I'd build a horror atmosphere like I described in my previous post. Two hours of paranoia interrupted only by the bloody killings of certain team members while the characters, alongside the audience, try to figure out what the hell is going on and get out. Personally, if I'm not mistaken, that already exists and is called "28 Days Later," and now I actually *want* to watch that movie because it seems like it could be a really good action-horror.

Zombies lack any semblance of consciousness and seem driven by nothing more than a primal, singular urge to feed.
But here is the rub...
Why on earth don't they just tear each other apart instead?
In the movie, they all work in perfect unison to hunt down the living.
And then, once they are killed, they simply join the ranks of the undead to continue the pursuit of the living.
If there is truly no cognitive function involved, how could they possibly distinguish who is alive and who is dead?

I honestly cannot fathom how a director can even begin the process of filming something so fundamentally illogical.

Larry Moore49 said:Zombies lack consciousness and are driven solely by a primal hunger for food.
Which leads me to wonder...
Why don't they just eat each other?

I actually had the same thought, but I couldn't be bothered to write a third post about the same movie. However, since you've called me out on it... yes, it's a valid question. Why don't Romer's zombies act the same way? It seems these zombies have incredibly specific tastes. 😁

In the film, they all hunt the living together.
And once they're killed, they join the zombie ranks and continue hunting the living.
If they have no consciousness, how do they distinguish who is alive?
I honestly don't understand how anyone can start filming something so illogical.

Would you like to hear about one particular inconsistency that I hope they *never* decide to fix?
Red Queen: "Awakened from death, they are now driven only by primal biological needs."
Someone: "And what might those be?"
Red Queen: "The need to FEED."
Soundtrack: TA DA DA DAAAAAAAAAAM!!!

And imagine if she had said they were driven by the urge to *reproduce*. I mean, isn't that also a primal survival instinct? I can easily picture forty zombies gang-raping a female lead. And why always the women? Why wouldn't female zombies force some guy into sex? Or male zombies forcing other guys?

Suddenly, the idea of being torn apart and eaten by the undead doesn't sound half bad, does it?

<shudders>

I have to admit, I think you all might be overreacting just a little bit; there are plenty of films out there far worse than this one, even when you stay strictly within this particular genre
I really don't have the energy right now to quote every single sentence and provide a rebuttal—honestly, just look at the time on the clock... so, if I am forced to offer the solitary defense for this movie, it would be that it was actually based on a video game
Now, if you were to compare it to those Mortal Kombat adaptations, or perhaps even Lara Croft, then you might finally realize that this is actually the kind of decent quality you can occasionally get from a film in this category

nimblecanyon61 said:I have to admit, I think you’re all exaggerating a bit; there are plenty of movies out there far worse than this one, even within this specific genre.

I agree, there are certainly worse things out there. It’s just a shame they didn't have Resident Evil on TV tonight instead; I found that quite satisfyingly gruesome.

I really don't have the energy to quote every single line and respond individually right now—just look at the time. My only defense for this movie is that it was actually based on a video game.
Go ahead and compare him to Mortal Kombat or maybe even Lara Croft; then you'll realize exactly what kind of cinema we're dealing with here. Honestly, it’s actually decent.

It is simply because movies of that caliber are inherently catastrophic failures.

nimblecanyon61 said:I have to admit, I think you guys are exaggerating a bit. There are plenty of worse movies out there, even within this specific genre.
I don't really feel like quoting every single sentence to respond to them right now (look at the time), so I'll just say my one defense for the movie is that it was actually based on a game.
So, go ahead and compare it to Mortal Kombat, or maybe even Lara Croft, and then you'll see that it's actually a decent entry for this kind of flick.

I'm signing off on this, though I'd argue it isn't necessarily better than the first Mortal Kombat movie. 🙂
I still maintain that this is one of the best films ever made from a video game. (Keep in mind the game doesn't even have a plot, 😂)

Plus, Lara is better... if nothing else, we get to watch the gorgeous Angelina Jolie. 👍

@CNN
I watched this movie about a year ago, and "objectively" speaking, I more or less agree with what was written above. But look, the movie is just "boys & guns." What were you expecting? Some high-concept sci-fi masterpiece? Or maybe a perfect recreation of the game's atmosphere? No way, no chance, non how.

In my humble opinion, the film feels soulless primarily because it fails to build any real atmosphere, and since viewers can't take it seriously anyway, there are zero expectations. After two hours, you're left feeling like it wouldn't even matter if you had watched it or not. 🙄

CNN > *That's exactly why* movies of this caliber are so catastrophically terrible.

Man, that sounds like you're saying it's impossible to make a good movie based on a video game, which is nowhere near the truth.

The problem is that studios usually only bother adapting those "cheap-thrill" type games. 👎

Icepick said:I watched this movie about a year ago, and "objectively" speaking, I more or less agree with what was written above. But let’s be real—it’s just a basic boys-and-guns flick. What exactly were you expecting? Some high-concept sci-fi masterpiece or a perfect recreation of the game's atmosphere? No way, no chance, non획.

Honestly, what really kills me is that I went in expecting pure adrenaline—you know, explosions, women, guns, and just non-stop gunfire. I wanted brains exploding and all that chaos. If they had just put a little more effort into the special effects, the style, or even a decent plot, the movie actually could have been pretty good. The absolute worst part about a bad film is when it’s so mediocre that you find yourself sitting there mentally rewriting the entire script because your version is five times better than what’s on screen. Based on everyone's comments here, that's exactly what happened to me with Resident Evil. 😁
As far as the game goes, I haven't actually played it, so there isn't much for anyone to critique.

In my opinion, the movie feels completely hollow because it fails to establish any kind of atmosphere, and since it lacks any sense of gravity, you aren't even left with expectations to be disappointed by. After two hours, you'll find yourself wondering if you even bothered to watch it at all. 🙄

Exactly. The reason that movie left such a bad taste in my mouth is specifically because the ending was so incredibly hollow. There’s zero atmosphere, the characters are non-existent, the plot is a mess, and the special effects are practically invisible. If it had actually possessed any of those elements, it might have been decent. I had this exact same feeling after watching Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever. It’s that film where Lucy Liu—whose talent I absolutely revere—is relegated to playing some supposed top-tier assassin.
It’s hard not to draw an immediate comparison to Kill Bill, especially since Lucy Liu plays such a top-tier assassin there. When I watched Ballistic, my only thought was, "Oh, hey, it's Lucy Liu!" But when she showed up in Kill Bill, the only sound in the room was people biting their knuckles to keep from cheering too loud. Don't get me wrong, I have a massive soft spot for mindless, junk action flicks. However, adding just a touch of style and logic makes all the difference between a boring slog and a truly great mindless action movie.

casualotter21 said:Milla Jovovich is the only one left standing at the end.

Beeeep! Nope. That dude who got snatched by that ridiculous monster on the train survives too (if you can even call it "surviving"). This matters because they're filming the Resident Evil sequel where the big bad is supposed to be Nemesis—basically what that guy turned into. Anyone who actually played RE 3 - Nemesis knows just how much of a nightmare that guy is. 😁 .

BTW, gnn 👍

ruggedstag84 said:Look, anyone who actually sat through RE 3 - Nemesis knows just how much of a nightmare this guy is. 😁 .

A nightmare? That's an understatement... the damn thing just refuses to die. 😁

ruggedstag84 said:Beeeep! Not quite. Even that guy who gets snatched up by the ridiculous creature during the train sequence manages to survive (or so we'd like to think).

Well, the movie was so gripping that I barely registered anyone in the cast besides the women. 😁

Anyway, gnn 👍

<Nods>

Man, this is clearly your all-time favorite movie. You haven't written an ode this long or offered this much praise for any other film, for goodness' sake.

Seriously, you people have lost your minds.
Look at all this deep philosophical analysis being thrown around for a movie that basically only has three redeeming qualities:>>

1. Milla Jovovich (not even gonna go there, she's stunning 😍 )

2. That one laser scene ( 👍 )

3. Milla Jovovich (😁)

😉

Justin Patel said:Gosh, this is clearly your all-time favorite movie. You haven't written an ode this long—or offered this much praise and criticism—for any other film.

Tcccc, it’s pretty obvious you're new to this forum. 😁>

Icepick said:Man, that sounds like you're saying it’s impossible to make a decent movie based on a video game, which... honestly? That's just not true at all. Not even close.

GNN said:Oh, come on, no way! This is Resident Evil we're talking about. It’s just like... you know, how they did Dune by Frank Herbert? It's basically just a big screen adaptation of video games.

😁😁😁 Hey there. hihihi. 😁

casualotter21 said:Tcccc, it’s pretty obvious you're a newcomer here. 😁

I know you usually just drop comments on movies that have absolutely nothing to do with the actual plot, but you actually put some serious effort into this long-winded review.
Especially since there isn't even a villain in this movie with a sinister evil laugh, hahaha.

Brandon Castillo4 said:Honestly, you guys are losing it.
Just look at all this deep philosophy being poured over a movie that basically only has three redeeming qualities: >>

1. Milla Jovovich (not that I need to say much, she’s stunning 😍 )

2. That laser scene ( 👍 )

3. Milla Jovovich (😁)

The laser scene? You mean the part where the security system is rigged so you can dodge the first three passes, but somehow the fourth one is unavoidable because that's just more "cinematic" and "edgy," rather than, you know, having the grid actually pass through everyone in the first place and slice them into cubes for a stew, which is what anyone actually interested in security would have designed.

It's pretty obvious that part of the system was designed by the same type of person who thinks the most user-friendly interface for people already forced to negotiate with an uber-intelligent A. I. would be a little blood-red girl with a British accent. Brilliant. It gives me major St Alia-of-the-Knife vibes from Dune. Just lovely.

And honestly, the Latina actress was better than Milla. That moment when that pansy shoots the zombie girl in the leg, and then she just stands up and empties her entire clip into her... ha! Probably the best part of the whole film.

(By the way, does anyone happen to know the name of the woman whose head gets taken off by the laser at the start? At first, I thought it might be Sophie Fatale from Kill Bill, but apparently not. Indra Ove? I haven't a clue, and since she barely matters to the plot, I can't find any photos of this Indra Ove anywhere. It's a cool name, though, in any case...)

www.imdb.com absolute experts...

jay said:Honestly, I thought the Latina actress was better than Mila Kunis. That scene where the pansy shoots the zombie girl in the leg, and she just stands back up and empties the whole clip into her... ha! Hands down the best part of the movie.

(By the way, does anyone know the name of the woman whose head gets sliced off by the laser at the start? At first, I thought it was Scarlett Johansson in Kill Bill, but apparently not. Indra Ove? I don't know, which is why I can't find any pictures of this Indra Ove character online. It’s a cool name, though, in any case.)

Michelle Rodriguez made a much stronger impression than Mila Kunis in that film.
The woman you're thinking of—the one who gets her head cut off by the elevator at the beginning—is Indra Ove.

As for the comments claiming Silent Hill is garbage: I disagree. I'll concede it isn't Oscar-worthy material (certainly not), but it remains the best video game adaptation we've seen so far (alongside Mortal Kombat). I won't count Lara Croft, because Angelina Jolie couldn't save that mess in either of the two films. Actually, the second one might have been fine if it wasn't ruined by fifty clunky slow-motion scenes.