Support resources for families dealing with cancer and other serious illnesses

Angela Wright said:A Pap smear is strictly for detecting cervical changes. It won't show anything happening in the ovaries or elsewhere within the abdominal cavity.

She underwent surgery today. According to the doctor, she handled the procedure well, though her overall prognosis remains uncertain.
The surgeon moved partially toward the large intestine, which they chose not to touch. The plan is to complete six rounds of chemotherapy before determining if a second surgical intervention is feasible. They managed to remove a significant portion of a tumor—something plate-like located near the A... (not the abdomen). One ovary was removed, while the other remains untouched because it was too difficult to reach; apparently, it's small enough that it doesn't pose an immediate threat. Prior to the operation, they noted that her intestines appeared adhered, and today they confirmed this is a direct consequence of the tumor.
I inquired whether a post-operative CT scan would be worthwhile. The doctor suggested it isn't necessary, claiming the surgical view provided the clearest insight. Is it even possible to visualize everything during a standard surgery? Surely one cannot simply "lift" everything to inspect the area all the way down to the spine or lungs.

It might be a good idea to get a chest CT and definitely a bone scan—I’m honestly surprised the doctor didn't suggest that right off the bat, though I'm sure the oncologist will bring it up. If there's any sign of bone involvement, they really need to start radiation immediately. Otherwise, the chemo protocol stays the same. Now comes the two to three weeks of recovery before the actual treatment kicks in. I am just so incredibly sorry you're dealing with this kind of situation.😢

Jamie Chase said:After two rounds of testing, the results finally came back negative for tumor cells.
Her surgery is scheduled for tomorrow, so please keep us in your thoughts.
p.s. I still can't wrap my head around how three different gynecologists, three ultrasounds, plus a Pap smear all missed this completely.🙂

You probably won't catch the afternoon broadcast of Dr. Oz, but definitely try to catch the evening rerun. He’s discussing ovarian cancer specifically—why it’s such a nightmare to diagnose and the early warning signs that exist even if doctors often fail to spot them. Really eye-opening stuff.

Good day. Life has placed me in a rather peculiar and taxing predicament, and I am hoping to find some clarity here as I navigate the very beginning of this ordeal. To provide a brief overview of the situation... about a month ago, a distant relative of my mother’s reached out after twenty years of complete silence. She contacted my mother specifically asking for me, claiming she was alone in her apartment and awaiting surgery. She lives by herself with a dog and has relatives living in the unit directly above her, yet it is patently obvious that something is amiss if she felt compelled to make such a reach after two decades of estrangement. Driven by a sense of duty, I felt she required assistance, so I stepped in. I do not know this woman; I know nothing of her life, but I made the decision to watch over her home and care for her dog. A few days later, the doctors determined that an amputation of her leg was necessary... and they proceeded with the surgery. I have been visiting her at the hospital, offering as much support as I can muster. (For context, she has dealt with a deformed left leg her entire life due to being struck by a truck when she was seven, which hindered her mobility; now, in her mid-fifties, tumor cells have emerged, necessitating this amputation). Please forgive my lack of specific details; I am still trying to find my footing. Today, she was discharged and sent home, despite her own reluctance. They released her without further instructions, without a wheelchair, and without even providing crutches... there was no guidance regarding whether she should head to a medical spa or enter a rehabilitation facility. Her relatives upstairs have simply left her here in the apartment, leaving the entire burden on my shoulders. I have never encountered a situation quite like this, and I am at a loss as to how to proceed 😢 She is completely uninformed, and I am even less so. I cannot bring myself to abandon her—I simply don't have the heart for it—even though we are practically strangers and I hold no legal obligation to her. I have taken this responsibility upon myself, and now I find myself needing guidance on how to actually help her. Will the doctors eventually arrange for rehab, or why is there such a total lack of communication? What is the standard procedure in these cases? We managed to acquire some crutches, and she has been attempting to move around with them; today she managed to walk twice to use the restroom, but she suffered a fall during one of those attempts because she lacks sensation in the area. It was quite difficult to get her back into bed. I am truly unsure what questions I should even be asking. If anyone possesses knowledge of what steps I might take or what information I should seek out, I would be profoundly grateful. My best wishes to you all.

neoncrane83, it’s really kind of you to stick up for someone like that, but you seriously need to take a step back and consider if this is even something you can handle—or if you should be doing it at all. Do you actually have any obligation here? Honestly, I’m worried you’re going to find yourself knee-deep in a mess that isn't yours to fix. Beyond just having basic human decency, you're stepping into a complicated web of family dynamics that could blow up in your face. If I were in your shoes, I’d just report the situation to the Department of Social Services. Her immediate family is legally required to look after her. In my opinion, that’s the smartest move you can make. It’s glaringly obvious she can’t manage her own care or medical needs, and it’s honestly bizarre and unfair to expect you to step in and provide that level of nursing.

Bone scan—how long does that usually take?
My daughter is going tomorrow right after school, so I’m trying to figure out if she'll make it back in time or if I should just call the school... Thanks in advance..

Angela Wright said:Because things get so incredibly heavy—not just for the patients, but for their families and everyone close to them too—and since our society doesn't really provide enough psychological support or actual help, I decided to start this forum. I've been right there in the thick of it myself, feeling that weight, so I wanted to create a space where those of us who have dealt with (or are dealing with) these struggles can lean on each other, share advice, and just be there for one another.

Please, feel free to post here. Even if I don't have all the answers, I promise I’ll always try to reply, offer some advice, or at the very least, just stand by you—especially for those of you who are having an extra hard time, maybe even more than the person fighting the illness directly.

Honestly, I've been through hell and I'm still walking through it, and I truly believe nobody should ever have to face this kind of stuff alone.

Big hugs to everyone

Hey there...
I noticed you guys are talking about different illnesses and related stuff here... so I was wondering, what kinds of conditions are we discussing? Of course, I want to help out however I can... that's really the whole point of being here... because people often aren't aware of things that could actually make a difference for them. Thanks for taking a second to read this...
Best regards

slysurfer14 said:How long does a scintigraphy scan actually take?
My daughter is going tomorrow right after school, so I need to know if she'll make it back in time or if I should give the school a heads-up... Thanks in advance.

Look, don't just bank on how long the actual test takes. You might be sitting there waiting forever just to get called back, regardless of whatever appointment time you were given. Honestly, just call the school now and let them know she might be running late. As far as the procedure itself goes, it usually lasts about as long as a standard CT scan, if I recall correctly.

Roger Taylor said:Respectful greetings...
I’ve been following the discussions here regarding various illnesses and health issues... so I'm curious about what kind of diseases we're actually talking about. Naturally, my goal is to be of help to everyone... because most people just aren't informed enough about things that could actually assist them. I appreciate you taking a moment out of your day to listen.
Respectfully,

We see pretty much every heavy diagnosis imaginable hit people, though cancer cases seem to pop up most frequently.
What about you? What have you personally experienced?

slysurfer14 said:How long does a scintigraphy scan actually take?
My daughter is going tomorrow right after school, so I need to know if she'll make it back in time or if I should call the school... Thanks in advance.

I'm not sure if it depends on what they're scanning, but someone close to me just had one recently—I think it was for their whole skeleton, unless I'm mixing it up. From what I remember, the process goes like this: you show up, they give you the contrast agent, and then you wait (I think it took about 2 to 3 hours in that specific case), and then comes the actual imaging. As for how long the scan itself lasts, I haven't got a clue.

Take that with a grain of salt, though. I might be getting my facts straight or mixed up.

I honestly just hate my dad's illness so much... Some days I get so incredibly angry I feel like I could scream for hours on end. But even then, I guess it wouldn't even help get all this negativity out of my system. I just can't stand it. Why does this even happen? What's the point of all this misery???

Nancy Lee said:I absolutely loathe my dad's illness... Some days I get so incredibly angry I just want to scream—honestly, I could howl for hours and still not purge all this negativity from my system. To hell with this disease. Why? What is the point of any of this? I just don't know.

That’s just how it is. It happened, it’s happening, and it’s going to keep happening. That’s just the reality of our biology.

I just can't accept an answer like that. Especially now that his mental state has taken such a dive and his test results are looking even worse... The whole thing is just a massive pile of crap.

Nancy Lee said:I just can't stomach an answer like that. Especially now that his mental state has spiraled and his test results are looking worse... It’s all just one big pile of sh*t.

Look, I get that it's hard to swallow, but this is the reality we're facing. Denying the facts doesn't change them; it just makes everything harder. Eventually, you either accept it because you're too exhausted from fighting it, or you accept it because you finally let logic take over.
Stop obsessing over questions that won't give you the closure you want. Instead, put that energy into finding ways to make him more comfortable.

A friend once told me something that absolutely gutted me and left me fuming at the time, but looking back, she was dead right:
When I kept asking "why," she just looked at me and asked, "Well, why not?" What makes my old man any different from her husband, or the tens of thousands of other people across this country dealing with the exact same thing? Is she somehow better off, luckier, more fragile, or stronger than us—what makes her exempt from this kind of misery?

Life is full of absolute garbage, and sometimes the garbage hits you hard. The only thing that actually matters is how you handle the mess.

crimsongull20 said:And I guess it’ll take me some time to convince her. Unfortunately, she heard some rumors that the doctors in our Small town, USA are bad, and she has this tendency to believe just about anything anyone tells her—then she just stubbornly sticks to it.

We aren't making any treatment decisions without consulting Nurse Sandra, obviously. But given her current biases, it'll probably take me a few weeks just to steer her toward the clinic in our Small town, USA. Honestly, I'd rather just take her to a private consultation, maybe with someone really good who also works at the local clinic. If she actually likes them, everything will be a lot easier.

You should definitely reach out to Nurse Sandra. Based on what Angela Wright suggested, I reached out to her too, and she was honestly wonderful and helped me so much. Angela Wright, thanks again!
As for the doctors in our Small town, USA, they aren't bad. The biggest issue is just that they're slammed. They basically get five minutes per patient and that's it. I mean, they'll answer your questions, but the whole thing feels incredibly rushed. Even so, I think they really do care about their patients.

Angela Wright said:I know it’s a hard pill to swallow, but it’s really the only answer there is. Denying it just makes everything worse. Eventually, whether you hit a wall because you're exhausted from fighting it or you finally just use some common sense, you have to accept the reality of the situation.
Don't waste all your energy obsessing over questions that won't give you a satisfying answer. Focus instead on how to make things easier for him.

A friend once told me something that absolutely crushed me and left me feeling incredibly frustrated at the time, but looking back, she was dead right:
When I asked her "why?", she just looked at me and asked, "Why not?" In what way is my old man any different from her old man, or any of the other 25,000 people dealing with this in the US? What makes her better, or more privileged, or stronger—whatever—that would somehow spare her from this?

The whole thing is just one big mess, and messes happen. The point is how you handle the mess.

Right now, I'm not handling it at all. That's the problem, I guess. I need to pull myself together.

Nancy Lee said:Not doing anything about it right now. That's the issue. Need to pull myself together...

Just take it slow. It's normal to hit a breaking point; happens to everyone in these situations. If it helps at all, I felt the exact same way when my dad was sick.

Nancy Lee said:I'm not dealing with anything right now. That's actually the problem. I need to pull myself together.

You’re pushing through via sheer aversion, and that constant resistance is what’s draining you dry. Look, everyone deals with this, and nobody ever promised it would be easy or that this whole mess wouldn't come with a side of extra bullshit. Go somewhere, blow off some steam, get yourself sorted, and just live by a day-by-day strategy—one bridge at a time, and only when you actually reach the bridge.

neoncrane83 said:Hey everyone. Life just threw me into this incredibly weird and heavy situation, and since I’m basically starting from zero here, I’m hoping I can find some answers on this board. To give you the short version... about a month ago, this distant relative of my mom's—someone we hadn't even spoken to in twenty years—suddenly reached out to my mom looking for me. She wanted me to come over because she was all alone in her apartment waiting for surgery. She lives by herself, has a dog, and isn't married; she has family living in the unit right above her, but clearly, something is off if she felt she had to make this move after all this time. I don't know why, but I just had this gut feeling she needed help, so I showed up. I don't know the woman, I don't know anything really, but I decided I’d look after her place and take care of the dog. After a few days, the doctors decided she needed an amputation... and they went ahead with it. I've been visiting her at the hospital and giving her as much support as I can. (By the way, she’s had a deformed left leg her whole life and struggled to walk because she was hit by a truck when she was seven... and now that she's in her mid-50s, tumor sites started showing up, so they opted for the amputation). Sorry, I don't have all the medical details down yet; I'm still trying to wrap my head around everything. And now, today, they sent her home—even though she didn't want to leave. No follow-up instructions, no wheelchair, no crutches... nothing. We have no idea if she’s supposed to go to a rehab center or a spa facility. That relative upstairs just left her there in the apartment, so now the whole weight of this is on me, and I’ve never dealt with anything like this before. I honestly have no clue what to do. 😢 She's lost, and I'm even more lost... I couldn't just leave her hanging because I don't have it in me, even though we aren't close and I don't owe her anything. I took on this responsibility, and now I need help figuring out how to actually support her. Will the doctors send her to rehab? Why aren't they saying anything? What’s the standard procedure? We managed to grab some crutches, and she’s hobbling around with them; she made it to the bathroom twice today, but she fell once because she has no sensation in that area yet, and I barely managed to get her back into bed. I don't even know what else to ask, if anyone knows what steps I should take or how to find out more, I would be so incredibly grateful. Take care, everyone.

That is such an incredibly human and warm way to step up for someone else.🙏
Look, the situation is pretty complicated and needs to be handled very carefully moving forward.
Generally speaking, I agree with Angela Wright about needing to involve the Department of Social Services.
Here’s what I suggest. Make photocopies of her discharge papers and her ID (that should be enough to get things moving) and take them down to the local Department of Social Services to explain the situation. I'm sure they'll be cooperative. If the local office doesn't step up or provide adequate support for the person you're caring for, post about it here, and we can brainstorm a way to handle it together.😉
Also, you should take those discharge papers to her primary care doctor so they can sort out whatever benefits or rights stem from the diagnoses listed in the paperwork.

nimblepanther14 said:Thanks everyone so much for all the support...
I won't be needing to pick up any cake tomorrow, unfortunately...😢

She passed away tonight... in her sleep.

Goodbye, sis... I'll be looking out for my little girl and seeing how she holds up.

Gordon, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss... I haven't been around here for a little while, but please know I've been thinking about you and your sister... hang in there, okay? Take care of the little one... and don't forget to look after yourself too, too...🙂