Support resources for families dealing with cancer and other serious illnesses

Bad news on our end, unfortunately. It looks like there’s no real cure. It’s basically just a matter of managing how much time is left—whether you go through with the surgery or not, it just shifts the timeline.

Elizabeth Davis said:The news for us isn't good, unfortunately. It looks like there is no cure; it’s just about extending or shortening life expectancy depending on whether they go through with surgery or not.

Did you actually get an official answer, or is this all just speculation? I really hope it's the latter.
What can I even say? It hit me like a bolt from the blue. I went to the pharmacy once to pick up some prescriptions and noticed a specific code on the paperwork—I think it was an ICD code. I searched for it like crazy as soon as I got home, and when I finally saw what it meant, I was absolutely devastated. In plain English, it basically means end-of-life care.

Hang in there and don't give up until the very end.

Hi again, everyone... So, I was helping bathe my mother, who has been diagnosed with "Right lung carcinoma (adenocarcinoma), adrenal gland metastasis" about a week ago. Up until yesterday, I hadn't noticed anything unusual or out of the ordinary, aside from some existing lumps (metastases) on her body. However, while I was bathing her again yesterday, I felt a hard lump—almost like an egg—on her left breast. It feels quite rough and firm to the touch, and it seems to be painful when she's touched there. I’ve been doing a little reading online, and everything seems to point toward breast cancer... Has anyone here dealt with something similar? Could someone help me understand if this could actually be it, or if there might be another explanation? Is it possible for the cancer to have spread to the breast as well? Thank you so much!

My grandfather is battling leukemia, plus he’s diabetic and has been living with just one kidney for nearly 30 years now.
I was thinking about bringing him some Ensure, but does anyone have any advice on what kind of juice or drink might be better? Just looking for something to give him a little bit of an energy boost.

hollowridge88 said:Here I am again... I was bathing my mother, who has been diagnosed with "Right lung carcinoma (adenocarcinoma), adrenal gland metastasis," about a week ago. I didn't notice anything unusual or new besides some lumps (metastases) on her body, but yesterday, while giving her another bath, I noticed a hard lump on her left breast. It feels like an egg—rough, firm to the touch, and it hurts her when I touch it. I’ve been doing some reading, and everything seems to point toward breast cancer. Has anyone dealt with this? Can anyone help me out or explain if this could actually be it, or if there's something else it could be? Is it possible for the cancer to have spread to the breast? Thanks!

Most likely 😢

Angela Wright said:Most likely 😢

Goodness... does everything really have to be about her and always end up being so hard on her too?!? 😢

hollowridge88 said:My God... does everything everywhere just have to be about her and how much she's suffering?!? 😢

Unfortunately, that's just the nature of this disease. It breaks my heart that you have to go through this right alongside her. It's a gut-wrenching feeling that still haunts me whenever I think back to 😢

silvercanyon7 said:did you actually get an answer, or is this all just guesswork? I really hope it’s the latter.
What can I tell you... it hit me like a ton of bricks once. I went down to the pharmacy to pick up some prescriptions and saw this code on one of them—I think it was an ICD code or something. I spent the whole ride home Googling like crazy, and when I finally figured out what it meant, I honestly felt sick to my stomach. Translation: end-of-life care.

Hang in there and don't give up until the very end.

It’s that classic "we can't officially say anything, but..." routine. Of course, they were tossing out other options like chemo, but they basically implied there’s no cure and they probably won't even do surgery. Honestly, I don't think any major hospital would turn down a surgery like that, if you know what I mean.
They mentioned from the jump that the surgery would be complicated, but after the new CT scans came back, they just froze up and sent him home.

Elizabeth Davis said:It’s that classic "we can't officially say anything, but..." routine. Of course they offered other options like chemo, but they were essentially hinting that there's no cure, and surgery probably isn't an option anymore. Honestly, I don't think any major hospital would just flat-out refuse a surgery like that, if you ask me.
They mentioned from the jump that the surgery was complicated, but once the new CT scans came back, they just froze up and sent him home.

My dad has this favorite mantra he repeats constantly: "Thinking is damn hard work!" And I’ll add to that: you’d be shocked at what our hospitals and medical boards are capable of doing when they prioritize protecting the budget and Medicare over actually helping the patient. That is the cold, hard reality. That's why you have to hunt down at least three more opinions, and I’d go as far as to bet that there's always *something* else available. There is always something, it's just that we often lack the faith, the enthusiasm, the funding, the expertise, or access to the right clinical studies. You also have to be realistic about biology—sometimes a disease just follows its own path. From the beginning, you have to frame the fight primarily around extending the quality of life. Some people hit remission only to lose the battle later because of a relapse, and quite often, someone living with a chronic illness might experience periods of dormancy or slow progression.
In that sense, I’m echoing what garudaban posted as well.
GET A SECOND OPINION!

Angela Wright said:My dad has this one catchphrase he repeats constantly: "Thinking is knowing how to handle crap!" And if you ask me, I’d add: you’d be shocked at what our hospitals and medical boards are capable of doing just to make sure they protect the budget and Medicare first, and the patient second. It’s just the brutal reality of the system. That’s why you have to get at least three different opinions—honestly, I’d go as far as to guarantee there’s always "something else" out there. There’s always more, it’s just that we usually lack the faith, the enthusiasm, the funding, the expertise, or even the specific studies available to us. You also have to be realistic about biology; sometimes a disease just takes its own course. From the start, you have to fight primarily to extend the quality of life. Some people hit remission only to lose the battle later because of a relapse, and others live with the disease through long periods of dormancy where things move slowly.
In that sense, I'm referring back to what garudaban posted too.
GET A SECOND OPINION!

I’m being a bit brief here, mostly because I feel like I’ve talked and written about this so much already that everyone knows everything, and I’ll end up looking like an idiot for forgetting to mention the basics.

Back in his hometown, they told him the tumor was pressing too hard on a vein (since it clearly grew more), so they suggested he head to New York City. That was last Friday. They did a follow-up ultrasound and a CT before the scheduled surgery, and then they called the whole thing off. Since it was a long weekend, we can't even pick up the new test results until tomorrow. Once we have them, we’ll take everything to his urologist to see what he suggests for the next steps.

The next stop is New York City, but the issue is my grandfather is losing interest in the surgery altogether because—and I quote—“I have no idea why I was even in the hospital in the first place, since nothing hurts.” The tumor is there, the scans show the tumor, there's a damn CT scan proving the tumor exists (both the old one and the new one coming tomorrow), but he just denies his condition and claims he "doesn't feel like going to hospitals." We talked it over at home, including with Grandma, and decided we’re going to let him do whatever he wants. We can't, and frankly don't want to, force him into surgery or chemo if he isn't up for it, even if it means eventually having to just let him go.

How old is the grandpa now?

71. Look, I know some people think that’s ancient, but my great-grandmother—his aunt-in-law—passed away at 94 this year. It was just old age, nothing crazy, so 71? Honestly, it's nothing to me.

Elizabeth Davis said:71—I know some people think that’s ancient, but my great-grandmother (his mother-in-law) passed away at 94 this year from natural causes, so honestly, 71 doesn't seem that old to me.

That’s really not that old. My old man is only three years younger than your grandpa!
You guys need to keep hunting for more opinions! Don't give up yet!

Elizabeth Davis said:71? I know some people think that's ancient, but my great-grandmother—his mother-in-law—passed away this year at 94 from natural causes, so 71 doesn't feel old to me at all.

I know exactly how that feels. This past summer, I had to bury my aunt. She spent three years flat-out refusing to admit she had breast cancer, let alone agreeing to surgery, radiation, or chemo. Once things turned ugly, she just gave up. She was 80, and trying to convince her of anything was like hitting a brick wall. It was her choice, plain and simple, and as heartbreaking as it was for the family, we had to respect her decision.

As for getting a second opinion, you often have to look outside your local network. Our doctors and hospitals here are basically all playing by the same playbook. These days, it’s not even that difficult to get a remote consultation via email; you just have to be willing to pay for it.

Michelle Cook83 said:That’s not even that old. My old man is only three years younger than your grandpa!
You really need to keep hunting for more opinions. Don't give up just yet!

Angela Wright said:I know exactly how this feels. This past summer, I had to bury my aunt. She spent three years refusing to accept she had breast cancer—wouldn't touch surgery, radiation, chemo... once things got ugly, she just let go. She was 80. It was impossible to talk her into anything. That was her choice, and as much as it absolutely gutted us, we had to respect it.

As for getting a second opinion, you usually have to look outside the local system. Our doctors and hospitals here basically all follow the same playbook. These days, it isn't even that hard to set something up via email, though it’ll cost you a bit.

We aren't giving up, but honestly, what good are 500 other opinions if he refuses the treatment anyway? That’s the part that really scares me. 😢

Hello everyone—I am coming to this thread seeking some advice.
My father has been diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma, and we are currently waiting on the pathology results from Merkur to confirm everything—we’ve already had lymph nodes removed and the initial analysis is complete. Since the local hospital doesn't have an oncology department, we need to schedule his care elsewhere. Which center or oncologist would you recommend? Based on your experience, what should we expect for the next steps? Thank you so much. 🙂

driftingsurfer14 said:Hey everyone, I’m jumping into this thread to ask for some advice.
My dad was just diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma. We’re currently waiting on the official pathology results from Merkur to confirm everything, but the doctors have already performed the lymph node biopsies and completed the initial analysis. Since the local clinic doesn't have an oncology department, we have to schedule his appointments at a different facility. Does anyone have recommendations for a specific cancer center or a particular oncologist? Also, based on what you've been through, what does the next step in the procedure usually look like? Thanks so much. 🙂

Lymphomas actually fall under hematology rather than general oncology, so if you want the best care, I strongly suggest heading to the hematology department at Memorial Sloan Kettering and seeing Dr. Aurer.

Angela Wright said:Lymphomas fall under hematology rather than oncology—so, I highly recommend seeing a hematologist at the Mayo Clinic and specifically Dr. Aurer.

Thanks, 🙂
They mentioned he might need an oncologist, which is why I was looking into that—but I’ll double-check once we have the results in hand. Is the referral sent through a central system, or is there a different procedure for this?

driftingsurfer14 said:Thanks 🙂
They basically hinted that we'll need an oncologist, which is why I started looking into it, but I’ll double-check with them once the test results are actually in hand. Is it just a matter of sending the referral through the central scheduling system, or is there some other bureaucratic hoop to jump through?

Give the hematology department at Memorial Sloan Kettering a call and ask. I don't think you'll be stuck on a waiting list there.

Angela Wright said:Give the hematology department at the hospital a call and ask—I don't think there should be any waiting involved.

I'll pass, thanks🙂—especially since we've been waiting eighteen days for that PhD specialist—which feels like an absolute eternity.