Support resources for families dealing with cancer and other serious illnesses

Austin Miller72, if they can't manage to eat or drink anything, you might want to ask the doctor for a prescription for Ensure. I believe you can buy it without one, but there's a catch $4.25 where you have to provide medical history.

It’s basically like chocolate milk—they also have strawberry and banana flavors—and it really helps to just sip on it occasionally to get some much-needed vitamins and strength back.
My mom couldn't handle any food at all because she was feeling so nauseous, and since she has to stick to a gluten-free diet, everything tasted even worse to her. That Ensure was a lifesaver for her during those rough patches.

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Thanks so much for all the advice! I actually saw my doctor today, and she went ahead and wrote me some prescriptions. She’s planning to swing by for a home visit this evening, so I'll see how things go then.

Hi there! We’re checking in again just to let everyone know we’re still here, though we’re feeling a bit exhausted and down, just pushing through one day at a time. So far, Mom has only been able to make it through 4 rounds of chemotherapy, and her condition hasn't really improved. After a heavy chemo session, she can't eat anything for about 5 or 6 days; she just deals with vomiting, diarrhea, weakness, and terrible pain. In the meantime, we tried switching her from 25 mg morphine patches to 50 mg/h, but it was way too much given her current state and weight, and she actually overdosed, so we had to go back down to 25 mg/h—now she's just enduring awful pain. She was prescribed Zaldiar 325 mg tablets for the pain, but she isn't allowed to take them alongside the morphine patches. She used to take Tramadol 375 mg before the patches, but she can't use those anymore either, and now she's on Tramudin 100 mg, which doesn't seem to be helping at all. Does anyone have any advice on what we might give her to help ease the pain? Meanwhile, we found out she's definitely headed for 4 cycles involving 6 total chemo sessions, and we're honestly terrified she might not be able to handle it. Three days ago, her doctor told us that it has spread to her liver and that they are strictly working on life extension now. Over the last few days, Mom has been complaining intensely about pain in her kidneys, legs, both sides of her back, and where her liver is... since we haven't shared everything with her because we think it's best that way, she's starting to ask questions and get scared on her own. Also, does anyone know how to soothe arm pain during blood draws? Every time before chemo, they poke her 4 or 5 times; they break needles, hit bone, hit muscle... it's the same when they draw her blood the day before chemo too. One day they actually hit muscle and bone, and her arm hurts so much now; she developed this lump and it swelled up terribly. I'm also wondering if it's normal for a bruise about 4x4 cm from a ruptured vein to stay at the injection site for about 10 days after a blood draw? What should we do about that? Thank you!

hey hollowridge88, honestly so sorry things are going so bad over there. forgive me for asking, but what is your mom actually dealing with? I really don't know what to tell you regarding the pain, but I remember someone else posting here saying they should give her something at the hospital (I think they mentioned anesthesiologists) so she doesn't have to suffer like this. for those blue arms when they draw blood, ask the pharmacist for a cream; I had that exact issue before and they gave me something that actually helped. I think the cream was called Heparin. sending you guys so much strength through this fight, and I hope your mom's pain eases up soon.

Regarding blood draws, using HEPARIN gel can really help. My mom dealt with the exact same issue, and they recommended it to us; her veins recovered beautifully, making future draws much easier without leaving any marks. You just apply a thick layer three times a day and massage it in gently.

As for the pain, I'm not quite sure what to suggest. My mom was also taking Zaldiar, but it wasn't doing much for her, so she switched to Ibuprofen 600 mg granules. Still, I can't say for certain if that would work for you since the patches aren't providing relief.

If I happen to remember anything else, I'll be sure to let you know.

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hollowridge88, regarding the pain management, the anesthesiologist really needs to titrate the cocktail of meds; they have to show you how to ramp up the dosage because, unfortunately, resistance builds up over time. Your mom might be groggy, but honestly, that’s a small price to pay compared to the savage pain she’s enduring. I’d highly recommend seeing Dr. Loncar over on Draskovicev for pain management.
Regarding the blood draws and chemo sessions, you should ask them about getting her an internal venous port implanted in her chest. She can receive all her therapy through that, and if I recall correctly, they can pull blood through it too. If the chemo doesn't end up burning her hands green, finding a vein might be easier, but still—Heparin, Heparin, and more Heparin simply don't work as well as, say, a cold compress. I know of cases where compresses worked way better than anything else, like using frozen water bottles wrapped in a cloth.

My dad had an internal venous port implanted, so he’s been receiving everything through that for the last two or three weeks instead of getting poked in the arms for every little thing.
They were drawing blood through it, too.

I know he mentioned it stung and hurt right after they put it in, but he was much happier with that than being stuck with needles constantly.
I'm not sure if this is standard practice here in the States, but they gave my dad a similar setup—kind of like a continuous infusion system (I don't even know what to call it)—where a digital pump was programmed to deliver his Morphine regularly so he wouldn't be in pain. If he actually felt a spike in pain, which happened maybe once or twice, we could just press a button on the digital device to give him an extra dose. Thank God he wasn't in agony because of that; we are eternally grateful to them for it.

My mom has finally started eating a little bit again, and she’s actually starting to feel a touch better. Honestly, seeing that small improvement just takes such a huge weight off my shoulders...

Linda Patel21 said:Dear hollowridge88, I am honestly so sorry to hear things are going so poorly for you all right now. Please forgive me for asking, but what exactly is your mom battling? I really don't know what to suggest regarding her pain, though I seem to remember someone mentioning here that she should ask the hospital staff—maybe the anesthesiologists—about something to help ease her suffering so much. As for those blue hands during blood draws, maybe try asking at a pharmacy for a specific cream; I dealt with something similar before and they gave me something that helped quite a bit. I think the cream was called Heparin. Sending so much strength to you in this fight, and I'm thinking of your mom and her pain.

She's battling lung cancer that has metastasized to the adrenal glands, liver, and bones, and she also has these small nodules which are metastases as well. She's been dealing with diarrhea and vomiting for about two weeks now? Almost everything she manages to eat comes right back up through vomiting or diarrhea. She's also started coughing quite heavily... does anyone happen to know what all these symptoms might indicate? We suspect she might have picked up some kind of bacterial infection in her stomach or intestines... but the coughing??

silvercanyon7, the device you're talking about is an infusion pump. These things are chronically in short supply in American hospitals, so they aren't even an option for home health care. They’re incredibly expensive.

Angela Wright said:silvercanyon7, the device you’re talking about is an infusion pump. These machines are chronically in short supply in American hospitals, so they aren't even available for home care. They are incredibly expensive.

Over here, they call them "smertepumper" (in Norwegian), which if I were to translate it literally, would mean "pain pumps."
It’s a shame everything is viewed solely through the lens of a few 😢 dollars. They provide such incredible relief and are so much more practical than anything else. When someone has zero strength left, even sipping water or dealing with constant needle pokes feels worse than death itself.

@hollowridge88/">@@hollowridge88, based on what you've written, it sounds like you're fully aware of how bad things are. With my dad, it all started with vomiting; he couldn't eat a thing, yet the vomiting just wouldn't stop. It turned out to be an infection—unfortunately, his body just lost the fight against the monster. I don't know exactly how things are handled in the US, but please contact a home health doctor or similar professionals so they can assess the situation. This is incredibly hard, but the most important thing right now is making sure she is as comfortable as possible.

hollowridge88 and I are on the same page as silvercanyon7—it’s totally possible that all that coughing and vomiting is just a side effect of such a heavy illness. I feel so bad that you guys are going through this. Honestly, they need to find something to make Mom more comfortable. Talk to the doctors; there’s gotta be something they can do to help her out. I know how brutal this is for you, and I'm thinking of you guys.

Hey Austin Miller72, glad to hear your mom is feeling better. Sending you guys nothing but strength while you deal with that absolute bastard.

Linda Patel21 said:Austin Miller72, I am just so relieved to hear your mom is doing better. Sending you guys nothing but strength and all the best as you keep fighting this nasty thing.

Thanks so much!

My grandfather—who I am incredibly close to—has a kidney tumor. He’s heading into the hospital this Monday for more tests, and then we’ll be playing the waiting game for an operating date. They're planning to take out his entire kidney, but they’ve already warned us that the surgery itself is super complicated and high-risk, and honestly, the recovery sounds just as brutal. My granddad is 70+, if that matters at all.

Anyone here dealt with something similar?

hollowridge88 said:Hello everyone. My mom has only managed to get through four rounds of chemotherapy so far, and honestly, there hasn’t been any improvement at all. After her chemo sessions, she can’t eat a single thing for five or six days straight—she just suffers through constant vomiting, diarrhea, weakness, and absolutely agonizing pain. We actually tried switching her from a 25 mg morphine patch to 50 mg/h, but it was way too much given her current condition and low body weight. She ended up overdosing, so we had to scale back down to 25 mg/h. Now, she’s just stuck enduring these horrific pains. She was prescribed Zaldiar 325 mg tablets for the pain, but she isn't allowed to take them alongside the morphine patches. Before she started the patches, she was taking Tramadol 375 mg, but she can't touch that anymore either. Currently, she’s on Tramudin 100 mg, but it’s doing absolutely nothing for her. Does anyone have any advice on what we can give her to help manage this pain? In the meantime, we found out she’s definitely scheduled for four cycles of treatment, which will consist of six total chemo sessions. We are terrified that she simply won't be able to survive them. Three days ago, the doctor told us that the cancer has spread to her liver and that the goal now is strictly palliative—just extending her life. Over the last few days, Mom has been complaining intensely about pain in her kidneys, her legs, her back on both sides, and right where her liver is located. Because we haven't told her everything yet—since we believe that's the best way to handle it—she’s starting to ask questions and getting scared of everything herself.

hollowridge88 Asks:
She’s battling lung cancer that has already spread to the adrenal glands, the liver, and the bones—she even has these little nodules that are just more metastases. Now, she’s been dealing with constant diarrhea and vomiting for two weeks straight. Anything she manages to eat comes right back up immediately through vomiting or diarrhea. On top of that, this intense coughing has started. Does anyone actually know what this combination of symptoms signifies? We’re leaning toward the idea that she might have picked up some kind of bacterial infection in her stomach or intestines... but the coughing?? It doesn't add up.

When it comes to bone issues, palliative radiation is definitely an option that can be explored here.
You could also try Fentagesic, if your anesthesiologist recommends it.
When it comes to the whole vomiting and diarrhea situation, we really need to consider if there's an infectious cause at play here. It’s worth looking into—maybe run some stool cultures, a CBC, or check the CRP levels?
You really need to keep Seldiar, Ondansetron, and definitely Rehidromix in the mix.

Elizabeth Davis Asks:
My grandfather, who means the absolute world to me, has been diagnosed with a kidney tumor. He’s heading into the hospital this Monday for a battery of tests, and then we’re stuck playing the waiting game for a surgery date. They’re planning to remove his entire kidney, but the doctors have been blunt: the surgery itself is incredibly complex and high-risk, and honestly, the recovery looks just as daunting. He’s over 70, if that adds any context to how heavy this feels.
Has anyone else here dealt with something similar?

Whether or not he can go under the knife depends entirely on his overall physical condition and his comorbidities. We’re talking things like hypertension, diabetes, or heart issues—like if he's had a recent heart attack, suffers from angina pectoris, or deals with AFib. It's all about that baseline health.
Unfortunately, malignant tumors are more common than benign ones, such as oncocytomas or juxtaglomerular tumors.
Malignant types can include things like clear cell carcinomas or papillary carcinomas.
You won't really have any real answers until after the procedure and the pathology report comes back.

vividsailor7 said:The surgery really depends on his overall health and any comorbidities—things like hypertension, diabetes, or heart issues (like recovering from a heart attack, angina, AFib, etc.).
Unfortunately, malignant tumors are more common than benign ones (like oncocytomas or juxtaglomerular ones).
Malignant types could be, for instance, clear cell carcinomas or papillary ones.
You’ll have a better idea once the procedure is done and they get the pathology results back.

Yeah, things will be clearer then, but this waiting game beforehand is brutal. The uncertainty, the anticipation... watching my grandfather visibly wither away from the stress (mentally) and the illness itself (physically). It's gut-wrenching to watch him like this, but we all have to stay strong for him. He's the one going through the worst of it, no matter how hard it is for us.

So, we just got back from the doctor... She was prescribed Reglan for the nausea and Seldiar for the diarrhea. The doctor suggested it’s probably just some kind of infection, but he sent her straight home anyway. He didn't even run any blood work or anything... honestly, I'm just speechless and in total shock. This level of negligence and lack of responsibility toward patients at the White Monastery is just bottom-of-the-barrel. They've shut down the Emergency Room, so all they can really offer at the clinic are pain injections and nothing more. But okay, that's not even the main point right now; I'm just so angry because everyone seems to be distancing themselves from Mom, and it feels like nobody actually prioritizes her health—it's just "give her some pills and send her home." To me, it simply doesn't feel normal for someone to have diarrhea and vomiting for two weeks straight; I truly don't understand how a doctor could think that's okay??! No matter how much I try to stay hopeful or cling to a shred of optimism, I find myself losing hope and letting go every single day as I watch her suffer—watching her deal with the pain, the vomiting, how weak she's become, the dizziness, and seeing her lose her will to fight, feeling so helpless that she's practically pulling her hair out because she's just had enough... It's an overwhelming wave of misery, sadness, and despair all hitting me at once... but whenever she asks me, "Will everything be okay?", I always answer, "It will, Mom, everything is going to be fine," and every single time I say it, I feel this huge lump in my throat because it feels like the biggest lie I've ever told to both her and myself. 😢

hollowridge88, it’s seriously pathetic how that doctor acted. I’m actually speechless at that kind of behavior. I know you're going through it right now—honestly, I've been there myself. It sucks watching someone you love suffer when you feel totally helpless. Trying to convince them everything is fine is the hardest part, and just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes... I think your little white lie is justified; sick people just need to hear those words. They're the ones struggling most, and a few kind words can actually give them strength. Should you get a second opinion from another doctor? Sometimes you have to be pushy, maybe even a little rude, if that's what it takes to get things moving. I really hope your mom's condition improves soon, and hang in there—you're gonna need all the strength you can get.

hollowridge88 said:So, we just got back from the doctor... She was prescribed Reglan for the nausea and Seldiar for the diarrhea. The doctor basically shrugged it off as some kind of infection but sent her straight home anyway. He didn't even run blood work, nothing... I am honestly speechless and in total shock. This level of neglect and pure irresponsibility at the White Monastery is absolutely bottom-of-the-barrel. They’ve gutted the ER, and now the clinic can barely offer anything more than painkiller injections. But fine, that’s not even the point right now—I am just livid because everyone is distancing themselves from Mom. No one makes her health a priority; instead, they just want to shove some pills down her throat and kick her out the door. Honestly, in my book, having diarrhea for two weeks straight along with vomiting is NOT normal. I don't understand how any doctor could look at this and think it's okay!! No matter how much I try to hold onto hope or grab onto some shred of optimism, I lose it all every single day watching her suffer. Watching her be in pain, watching her vomit, seeing how weak she's become, the dizziness... seeing her lose her will, feeling so helpless, and watching her pull at her hair because she's just had enough... It's overwhelming. Despair, sadness, and utter hopelessness hit me all at once. But when she asks me, "Is everything going to be okay?" I always answer, "Yes, Mom, it'll be fine," and every single time, I have to swallow this massive lump in my throat because it feels like the biggest lie I've ever told myself or her. 😢

I suspect Reglan won't do much good, and it might actually make the diarrhea worse.
I'm sticking to what I said in my previous reply.