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Census jokes...

Started by Arthur Flores2 · · 👁 5 views · 21 replies

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Participants Arthur Flores2Michelle Wells3loneraven25steelskipper5Anthony Jackson2Charles Fox10John Palmer4Amanda Hughes37brightpumarustydrifter10
Arthur Flores2 Arthur Flores2 MemberOP
43 messages
joined Mar 2013
#1 ·
Is it okay to post jokes on here about the recent census results?

Is it actually okay to post religious jokes here? I guess it depends on how people take things, but I don't know. Maybe? Just wondering. These guys... just look at this. or They're doing that thing again. I guess. So, I guess what you’re asking is if those census assumptions are just the setup for a joke? Like, they're meant to be the punchline's foundation rather than an actual factual claim? Maybe that's how it works, I don't know.

Like, say, a religious joke... I was looking at some old data recently, and it turns out that if you head out into those small rural towns in the Midwest, you’re going to find the highest concentration of Catholics. It’s pretty much everywhere you look once you get away from the big cities. ... or maybe. I guess atheists are giving Americans a pretty hard time lately. Maybe it's just me, though. ...and so on?
Michelle Wells3 Michelle Wells3 Member
25 messages
joined Oct 2011
#2 ·
It really just depends on the specific joke you're telling; I don't think there’s any kind of universal rule for it.
Arthur Flores2 Arthur Flores2 MemberOP
43 messages
joined Mar 2013
#3 ·
I could give you an example. I actually came up with this series of jokes about this little atheist kid from Chicago Joe...

So, little atheist Joe comes home crying from school and asks his dad:

"Dad, why does everyone keep telling me that I'm actually an American, and that one day the darkness is just going to swallow me whole? "

The father says:

"Because that's exactly what you are, son. And honestly, the darkness is going to swallow us all eventually anyway, so there's really no point in worrying about it right now. "..."

😂
loneraven25 loneraven25 Active Member
77 messages
joined Jul 2013
#4 ·
Look, I’m definitely not a cop or some blonde seeking attention,
but could someone please walk me through the punchline of this joke? I feel like I'm missing something...
🤷
steelskipper5 steelskipper5 Active Member
176 messages
joined Feb 2010
#5 ·
loneraven25 said:...look, I'm no cop or anything,
but could someone please explain this religious joke? I'm lost here...
🤷

If you check out the Religious Jokes thread under Religion, you'll probably find a massive pile of jokes that aren't even remotely funny.
Anthony Jackson2 Anthony Jackson2 Regular
605 messages
joined Jul 2009
#6 ·
Arthur Flores2 said:Is there a rule against posting jokes about the recent census results?

Can I tell jokes where this group is this or that group is that—assuming those census stats provide the setup? I mean just using them as a punchline foundation, not making actual claims.

Like a joke about the high concentration of Catholics in rural Midwest towns , or atheists among certain groups of Americans , etc.?

Knowing your sense of humor—or lack thereof—I’d say it’s probably best to just ban you from telling any "jokes" at all.😉
Arthur Flores2 Arthur Flores2 MemberOP
43 messages
joined Mar 2013
#7 ·
The fans are starting to gather...

It's like a convention for a unified council of atheists who strictly forbid anyone from telling jokes about atheists. Here we go again...

loneraven25 says... I'm not a cop or a blonde,
but could someone please explain this joke...

Those kinds of jokes belong in a very specific section of this forum. You really have to know the "rules" to understand how the game is played...

But look, the game is basically this: you can tell jokes about cops or blondes, even if they take offense. You can make fun of believers, too. You can even be pretty crude when poking fun at the Virgin Mary's purity...

But you aren't allowed to tell jokes about atheists. That’s the ultimate sacred rule here—that you mustn't mock the fact that atheists believe life is meaningless and that nothingness will eventually swallow us all. For instance, I almost got flagged for religion again just because of that. It's fine to mock someone else's faith, but once someone finds a way to mock them and their beliefs—to actually sting them—then they group together... and before you know it, you aren't even allowed to tell jokes anymore...

And now, looking at the list, it seems there are quite a few Americans among them. That would have been great new material for me—I'll admit, I was planning on writing some biting jokes. I just don't see why that should be an issue? If the Virgin Mary's hymen isn't immune to jokes, why should atheist beliefs or the presence of Americans among atheists be a problem? It's not like being an American or an atheist matters more to me than the Virgin Mary does. Is it because the moderators are mostly atheists? It's an open secret on this forum that they mock Catholic faith in the moderator corner, calling believers "fanatics"—which one of the mods actually let slip.

But the funniest part, the real entertainment, is having to practically file a formal request just to post a joke about atheists. There's this whole mob of angry atheists patrolling the forum, shutting down my jokes about them. That's the biggest joke of all; you just have to keep watching...

Take this comment, for example...

(and sorry if you're an atheist too, since most of the mods here basically are...)

Anthony Jackson2 said:knowing your sense of humor—or lack thereof—I think it would be best to just ban you from writing any "jokes" at all.

😂

And the sweetest part is when you write something completely stupid, yet you can see this guy foaming at the mouth anyway. He knows exactly what I'm aiming at, so he pretends to complain about the lack of wit, when really, he just can't handle the core of the story...😂

.

.
Anthony Jackson2 Anthony Jackson2 Regular
605 messages
joined Jul 2009
#8 ·
aha, so this is about your conspiracy theory—that atheists run the show here and Catholics are being suppressed. You could have just said 😉

anyway, I won't stand in your way.
Charles Fox10 Charles Fox10 Regular
352 messages
joined Mar 2009
#9 ·
Arthur Flores2 said:Fans are starting to gather...

It’s like a convention of a unified council of atheists who have banned jokes about atheists. Here we go again...

These jokes are meant for a very specific corner of the forum. You have to know the unwritten rules to understand the game...

But here's the deal: you can make jokes about the stuff you mentioned—cops and blondes—even if they take offense. You can poke fun at believers, too. You can even be a bit crude regarding the Virgin Mary's purity...

But you aren't allowed to tell jokes about atheists. That’s the ultimate sacred rule here: the idea that you mustn't mock the fact that atheists believe life is meaningless and everything will eventually be swallowed by nothingness. For instance, I almost got called out on religion again because of that. It’s all fine to mock someone else's faith, but when someone finds a way to mock them and their beliefs—to actually sting them—then they gather together... and before long, you aren't even allowed to tell jokes anymore...

And now this list shows there are quite a few Americans among them. That was supposed to be my new material—I admit, I intended to write some biting jokes. I just don't see why that would be an issue? If the Virgin Mary's hymen isn't immune to jokes, why should atheist beliefs or the presence of Americans among the atheists be a problem? It's not as if being an American or an atheist matters more to me, a Catholic, than the Virgin Mary herself. Is it because the moderators are mostly atheists? It's an open secret on this forum that they mock Catholic faith in the moderator lounge, calling believers "fanatics," which one of the mods actually let slip...

But the real joke and the best entertainment is having to submit a request just to post jokes about atheists. There’s a mob of angry atheists patrolling the forum, stopping me from telling jokes about themselves. That’s the biggest punchline; you just have to keep watching...

Take this comment, for example...

(and sorry if you happen to be an atheist, since most of the mods here are...)

😂

And the funniest part is when you write something completely mindless, yet you see this person foaming at the mouth regardless, because they realize what I'm aiming at. They try to claim it's just "unfunny," but really, they just can't handle the core of the matter...😂

.

.

Are you thinking of something like this??

What's the difference between a tow truck and a fence??

You can paint a tow truck green, but you can't lean on a fence.
Arthur Flores2 Arthur Flores2 MemberOP
43 messages
joined Mar 2013
#10 ·
Charles Fox10 said:You mean something like this?

No. I mean jokes where the main thing is just some secondary layer of humor, hiding a low blow aimed at the other side. I mostly wrote them after some debate about religion, where we'd touch on an issue and then, using a suitable topic, craft a religious joke that only the people actually in those debates would really get. They were provocative and dark, with messages that don't match reality. But they were just jokes. For God's sake, moderator...🤷

Secondary humor—for example, I write a joke knowing someone is going to react, and then Mr. steelskipper5 can't help himself from commenting on it, getting all worked up because he doesn't find it funny. Every single one of my next jokes is followed by a new comment saying the joke isn't funny, and more and more critics show up, irritated by my lack of wit. I don't care; I just keep writing jokes. Finally, the moderators step in and, threatening me with a partial ban, forbid me from writing jokes altogether, after Amanda Hughes37 already warned me to "raise the level of humor" in my jokes...

So, do you see now how unfunny my jokes are?

(Meanwhile, I'm sitting here at home acting like a child, because apparently, a bunch of adults who present themselves as incredibly discerning and rational on a religious PDF have turned into toddlers, running to the moderator to complain that I won't stop messing with them with my jokes...)

Here's another one about a little atheist from Chicago, Joe...

Joe comes home from school crying because the kids are making fun of his atheism, so he complains to his Grandpa...

"Grandpa, what am I supposed to do?
"
Grandpa:

"Son, you can't give in to despair. Be a man, come up with a life motto, and get back out there to fight for your American atheism..."

Joe:

"Come up with a life motto to fight for my American atheism?"

Grandpa:

"That's right, son..."

A week later...

Joe:

"Grandpa, I got it, I came up with a motto..."

Grandpa:

"Let's hear it, son..."

Joe:

"Nobody's gonna hit us!!!"

And now what? It's just a joke...🤷 Nobody is seriously claiming that 4% of American atheists are actually Americans, half-Americans, fake-Americans, or Pusić-Americans, even though many really are...

Just like with my earlier jokes, I wasn't seriously claiming that atheists can't be good parents, because when thinking about the dark ideas of atheism (death has the final word, nothingness will swallow us all, life is meaningless, etc...), their atheism prevents them from comforting their child any other way than telling them all pain disappears when they die, which to me is a tragicomic comfort perfect for a joke. They were just jokes...☕

.
loneraven25 loneraven25 Active Member
77 messages
joined Jul 2013
#11 ·
Look, don't get mad at me, but I really need to give you a reality check,
it’s just that my tolerance for cheesy jokes is way too high,
and my biggest struggle is actually holding back a laugh when I hear a good one,
especially if it hasn't been recycled through five different versions already,
but let's be honest, you're never going to outshine Bruce Willis,
who somehow reminds me exactly of the title of your thread...
(just try to beat him if you can)
Arthur Flores2 Arthur Flores2 MemberOP
43 messages
joined Mar 2013
#12 ·
The girl I was head over heels for (or maybe I still am) happens to share a birthday with Bruce Willis. So, I guess you have no idea how much you just hit me where it hurts without even realizing it, because seeing this picture of Bruce Willis paired with that caption totally reminded me of her. I really shouldn't be talking about this...

.
steelskipper5 steelskipper5 Active Member
176 messages
joined Feb 2010
#13 ·
Arthur Flores2 said:No. What I mean are those jokes where the real punchline isn't even the main point—it’s that secondary layer of humor that carries this sneaky, underlying jab aimed straight at the other side.

Look, if even one of those jokes actually had some kind of secondary layer—like, I don't know, a punchline that worked or some actual wit—nobody would be giving you a hard time. But they don't.
So now you’re actually admitting it—you're finally conceding that the whole thing is centered around some "hidden, shady subtext."
Which one isn't blatantly obvious? Honestly—aside from that "vile" (though let's be real, it's just boring and uninspired) message—there’s nothing actually there in those so-called jokes.
I mostly wrote them after getting into some heated debates about religion—you know how it goes—where we’d touch on a specific topic and then just let that question wander into whatever conversation felt right at the time. Religious jokes. He put together this perfect little joke—the kind of thing only the people actually stuck in those debates would even get. It was provocative, dark, and honestly, totally detached from reality. But hey, at the end of the day, they were just jokes. For God's sake, moderator...🤷

At least they were just jokes. Nobody would have even breathed a word against you.
Look, even when you try to crack a joke, you can't even get your own people to laugh—assuming you actually have any supporters to begin with.
It’s like this kind of meta-humor—for instance, I’ll drop a joke just knowing damn well someone is going to react. Then, of course, steelskipper5 can't help himself—he just *has* to jump in and comment, getting all worked up because he thinks the joke isn't even funny. I guess for every single joke I tell from here on out, there's going to be a fresh commentary from him.I mean, if you think that joke was actually funny—well, I guess we just have different tastes. It wasn't even remotely humorous.So, more and more critics are popping up lately—people who seem seriously irritated by my lack of wit. Honestly? I don't care. I’m just going to keep posting my jokes regardless. But then, wouldn't you know it, the moderators finally swoop in—threatening me with a partial ban if I don't stop—just to shut down my jokes entirely. And before all that, Veronica actually had the nerve to give me a warning, telling me I needed to "raise the bar" on my sense of humor...

...and isn't there a secondary layer of humor in the fact that you’re actually sitting here trying to explain this—as if anyone here is even capable of understanding you? 😁
Look, if that actually was funny, then it’s easily the first remotely hilarious thing you’ve ever written.
(Honestly, while all this is going on, I’m sitting here at home just laughing my head off—I mean, I’m practically losing control. It’s because I’m dealing with a bunch of grown adults who act like they're some kind of peak rationalists or whatever when it comes to their online religious nonsense. They're acting so high and mighty, too—it's ridiculous. And then, get this, they actually start acting like toddlers, running to the moderators to cry about it—basically tattling because they can't handle being teased with a few simple religious jokes....)

Oh, just say it: every single one of your "jokes" fits the dictionary definition of trolling. Since you’ve basically signed a confession now—so it's official—I’m going to ask the admins to start banning your "humor" from here on out. I guarantee we'll all be laughing a whole lot more that way. 🥳
Arthur Flores2 Arthur Flores2 MemberOP
43 messages
joined Mar 2013
#14 ·
Total nonsense from steelskipper5, and there's a pretty simple reason why. Look, I’m not the only believer on this board who’s been banned from posting jokes about atheists. It’s just this forum policy designed to stop people from making fun of atheism—which is funny, considering how they used to let people openly hunt believers here, or write whatever garbage they wanted about Catholicism as long as they felt like it (though even that isn't much better now). So basically, you guys get to dump all your crap on our heads, but we aren't even allowed to crack a joke about you. And then you have the nerve to lecture us on whether a joke is actually funny, acting like it's some kind of retaliation. Pathetic...🤮
steelskipper5 steelskipper5 Active Member
176 messages
joined Feb 2010
#15 ·
Arthur Flores2 said:That's just nonsense, steelskipper5—and for one pretty simple reason. I’m definitely not the only believer on this board who’s been banned from posting jokes about atheists. It’s just this forum policy about not mocking atheism—the exact same policy that, until recently, basically allowed people to hunt believers here or go off on any Catholic stuff they felt like (not that things are much better now). So, you guys get to dump all your crap on us, but we aren't even allowed to crack a joke about you? And then you have the nerve to whine about whether a joke is actually funny, acting like it isn't just a little bit of payback. Pathetic...🤮

Total nonsense, Arthur Flores2. You were told to start writing actual funny jokes. Instead, you just kept trolling.
I've got the quote right above where you admit your jokes are nothing but pure trolling.
John Palmer4 John Palmer4 Active Member
50 messages
joined Oct 2008
#16 ·
Arthur Flores2 said:Not quite. I’m talking about those jokes where the real punchline is just the setup for some secondary humor—you know, that sneaky little subtext aimed right at the opposing side? I usually used to write them after getting into a heated debate about religion. You'd touch on a specific question, and then pivot to that exact topic through a perfectly timed, clever theme. Religious jokes! Anyone else got any good ones? He put together the perfect little joke—the kind that only makes sense to the people who were actually in the trenches during those debates. It was provocative, dark, and completely disconnected from reality. But hey, at the end of the day, they were just jokes, right? Good grief, the moderator...🤷

Secondary humor—for example, I’ll drop a joke knowing exactly how someone is going to react. Then, Mr. steelskipper5 just can't help himself; he has to chime in, getting all worked up because he doesn't find the punchline funny. For every single one of my upcoming jokes, expect a fresh comment from him!So, maybe that joke just wasn't all that funny?Lately, I’ve been seeing more and more critics popping up, all apparently annoyed by my lack of wit. Honestly? I don't care. I’m just going to keep on posting jokes! But then, out of nowhere, the moderators swoop in and threaten me with a partial ban just to stop my comedy routine. And get this—before that, Veronica actually had the nerve to warn me that I should try "elevating the quality" of my jokes. Is that really how this works?

So, do you see now just how unfunny my jokes actually are?

(Honestly, I’m just sitting here at home laughing my head off! I mean, look at these "adults" who act all sophisticated and rational online, preaching their little PDF versions of religion like they're some kind of scholars. Then, suddenly, they turn into actual toddlers, running straight to the moderators to cry because I won't stop messing with them with my jokes. Seriously, what happened to growing up?...)

Here’s another one about a little atheist from Chicago! Joe...

[deleted part]
Man, there was such a hilarious joke in here! Too bad it was way too long to quote.
[Deleted part]

So, what now? It was just a joke... right?🤷 Nobody is seriously claiming that those 4% of American atheists are actually just Americans, half-Americans, or those weirdly indecisive types... even though, let’s be honest, a lot of them really are!

Look, I wasn't being serious when I made those earlier jokes about atheists being bad parents. Honestly, how could anyone think that? Who would want to raise a child while constantly worrying about those dark, nihilistic ideas floating around in atheist philosophy?Death always gets the final word, doesn't it? In the end, nothingness is going to swallow us all whole! , Is life just one big cosmic joke? Sometimes it really feels that way! Honestly, with my atheism, there isn't much comfort I can offer him other than telling him all this pain will eventually vanish once he passes away. It’s such a tragicomic way to look at it, right? Almost feels like a bad joke. But hey, they were just jokes...☕

.

So, you're a troll, and now you're actually looking for permission to troll on the forum? Really? 🙏

By the way, what you’re calling jokes actually reminded me of this one line from Blackadder:
Quote : Melchett : or perhaps , Blackadder

Edmund: Not at all! Honestly, I’m absolutely loving this whole situation. The only reason I didn't burst out laughing right then and there was because I was pretty sure my head might actually pop off from laughing so hard!
steelskipper5 steelskipper5 Active Member
176 messages
joined Feb 2010
#17 ·
John Palmer4 said:So, what you're saying is you're just a troll—and you're actually asking for permission to troll on this forum? 🙏

Arthur Flores2. James Keva. Agent 000, with a license to troll.
Arthur Flores2 Arthur Flores2 MemberOP
43 messages
joined Mar 2013
#18 ·
John Palmer4 said:So you're just a troll looking for permission to troll on this board?

I don't see how that's trolling...🤷 I'm just posting jokes in a thread specifically made for jokes. What does that have to do with someone else's hysterical worldview? Honestly, if they're choosing to humiliate themselves by making a massive drama out of some jokes, that's on them. Maybe I played a small part in triggering it, sure, but I'm not directly responsible for someone losing their mind over this stuff. I guess it's actually kind of funny seeing someone get this worked up over nothing...
Amanda Hughes37 Amanda Hughes37 Active Member
145 messages
joined Apr 2016
#19 ·
Arthur Flores2 said:Empty arguments, steelskipper5—for one simple reason. It turns out I’m not the only believer here who’s been banned from posting jokes about atheists. Basically, it’s just forum policy to prevent mocking atheism—the exact same policy that, until recently, allowed people to openly hunt believers right here on this board, or write whatever trash they wanted about anything Catholic (not that things have improved much lately). So, you lot get to dump all your crap on our heads, but we aren't even allowed to crack a joke about you. And then you have the nerve to complain about a joke being "funny" or try to police whether it counts as a little bit of payback. Pathetic...🤮

I don't get it... since when was it forbidden to post jokes about atheists?😕
Where?... Who decided that?
Arthur Flores2 Arthur Flores2 MemberOP
43 messages
joined Mar 2013
#20 ·
Amanda Hughes37 said:I don't get it... is there some rule against making jokes about atheists now?😕
Where? Who actually banned that?

The atheists were basically bragging about how there aren't any jokes about them. So, I guess they were just waving a red flag to start something...

But once the local police departments launched their big coordinated comedy raid, the enemy's heavy armor was wiped out immediately. All that was left was the infantry hiding in houses around the battlefield, bravely shouting "help, save us", though any further cleanup was blocked by the UN, since they declared the whole area a protected zone...

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