Support resources for families dealing with cancer and other serious illnesses

thanks for the kind words

Hi everyone!
My dad has been battling prostate cancer for ten years now; he’s gone through various medications, most recently Casodex. However, his PSA levels started climbing again last year, and they didn't actually start him on chemotherapy until it hit 60.
For the past six months, he’s been on a regimen of docetaxel ( Taxotere ) every three weeks, along with Zometa.
On top of everything else he's dealing with, one of the side effects from the docetaxel is these awful bruises all over his arms and legs. It honestly looks like someone has been hitting him; he’s covered in these red and purple patches that turn into sores if he even grazes them—sometimes they even open up without any contact at all, and they are incredibly slow to heal.
Since he’s been taking acetylsalicylic acid ( aspirin or Advil ) for years due to circulation issues (he has stents in his groin), both my dad and I have tried to have a serious conversation with his doctors about this.
But they just don't seem to care! They act like it’s totally normal. Look, we know it's a side effect, but seriously, what about the aspirin? Every reliable source—including a truly fantastic website about chemo, www.chemocare.com—states that you should consult a physician about every single side effect and that you shouldn't take aspirin without medical approval... but here in America, it feels like all that advice is just empty words. No one pays attention, and people are basically left to fend for themselves, forced to navigate this alone or essentially go out and get a medical degree on their own dime just to understand what's happening. Of course, I want to do everything I can for my father; but shouldn't his doctors be proactive about discussing side effects and necessary precautions?
So, I wanted to ask the group, has anyone else dealt with this exact issue?
His platelet count has been low the entire time (it has consistently hovered around 125), but the doctors insist that it's fine. I mean, I understand that chemotherapy is the treatment, but I really wouldn't want him to bleed out or end up in the hospital because of a hemorrhage! Right now, it's down to 105. His prothrombin time is 1.2.
I'm still feeling uncertain about whether that's okay; my late mother was on warfarin and her level had to be around 0.30, but I can't find any information on whether the same logic applies when someone is taking acetylsalicylic acid. Is a PT around 1 okay in that scenario?
Dad is constantly wrapped in gauze, bandages, and mesh, held together by layers of micropore tape and various patches... and we have to be so careful because his skin is so incredibly sensitive that removing a simple bandage can leave a wound or a bruise behind. We cycle through using mesh, then switching to sensitive DGP tapes from CVS to minimize damage... then there's Octenisept spray, Bepanthen, and panthenol ointment from CVS (which is cheaper than the brand-name Bepanthen $3.25!) ...

Plus, there's another side effect: a terrible cough. He has so much phlegm, and he has tried every syrup and tea under the sun; for five months straight, it's been endless syrups and marshmallow root tea, etc. But there isn't much difference; he'll feel slightly better for a moment, and then it all starts over again. Thankfully, his chest X-ray came back clear. But has anyone else experienced this specific symptom?

Okay, I realize I've rambled quite a bit, and I'm feeling a little embarrassed.

My heart goes out to those who don't have someone to help them or explain what might happen as a result of chemotherapy. It seems like the only way to cope is to have someone who is fluent in English and willing to dive deep into medical studies (oncology, obviously, but also everything else... because every side effect is treated as part of the chemo, yet requires different approaches—maybe you need an antibiotic, or an antifungal...). Honestly, please, if you can, go and help those who don't have family; even just printing out basic advice could make things so much easier for them.

Most people think the only side effects are nausea, vomiting, and hair loss! But that isn't the case for everyone!

They don't realize that some people deal with such severe throat pain that they can't eat anything except pureed food, and even that is a struggle because swallowing hurts so much. You end up having to rinse your mouth and throat every two hours with a baking soda or saline solution. Or applying Gelclair (which you can't theoretically get via prescription, even though it's meant to be a prescription item). Currently, he's using Glandosane spray...

And what all do we end up looking into regarding this topic? The Budwig protocol, Dr. Mark Sircus and his bicarbonate & molasses therapy, baking soda & maple syrup, Megamin, Breuss (not fasting, but teas and juices), alternative therapies... you all know how much information is out there and how much effort and time it takes to sift through it all to find sensible advice that isn't just total nonsense.

I really hope this offers a bit of help to someone out there, and I would honestly love to hear what you all think, or if you have any personal experiences or specific hurdles you’ve faced... and more importantly, how you managed to get through them.
Hi everyone!

P.S. I used to keep my own kombucha starter going, and we used to drink tea made from it all the time; however, I haven't had a batch in a few years now (I kind of let it slide, so it ended up flattening out); I was wondering if anyone in the Chicago area happens to have some and might be willing to gift me a small piece of it? It honestly makes my skin crawl seeing those people online trying to sell kombucha for $200-$100! It just feels so greedy and wrong to me... back when I had plenty, I always used to give it away for free! And goodness knows what kind of conditions those people are even keeping it in before they charge such ridiculous prices. It's clear they know that people facing serious illnesses will do absolutely anything to feel better, and it's heartbreaking to see others taking advantage of that vulnerability.

We just have to stay positive and keep our eyes on the future.

ironsailor22 said:You don't really need an oncologist's permission for propolis—anyone can take it, healthy or sick, since it’s good for the whole body. My mom used it for a while to help her handle the treatment better, but she stopped once things took a turn for the worse because it just wasn't making a difference anymore.
As for his mental state—doctors aren't going to be much help there. You have to be the one to try and motivate him to keep fighting through your own positive attitude and energy. I know that's incredibly hard, but give it a shot.

Thanks for the support. Do you happen to know anything about the dosage for that propolis? He started taking it and now he's dealing with diarrhea, so I'm not sure who to ask if it's okay to continue. They actually switched him off it for a medication that pushed him to the opposite extreme—no more diarrhea, but now he's constantly bloated. It's a total war of nerves here. I finally found someone he’ll actually talk to; he wouldn't give me two minutes of his time today, yet he spent nearly half an hour on the phone chatting with this other person. I think I'll ask him tomorrow to give them a quick call so he might open up a bit. They were even talking about visiting the oncologist. As for me, all he'll tell me is that he doesn't want to eat anything.

Azzura
I found some support group in Chicago, but we're nowhere near there—and even if he were in Chicago, it would just be him and my mom, and they'd be totally lost. Those people never seem to move from their front porches. You know how it is? I need to keep digging to see if I can find something closer to us. And our family doctor? She's a piece of work. She told a patient with confirmed metastases that a CT scan involved too much radiation. Well, what's more important right now—the radiation or actually seeing where the cancer has spread?! Maybe we should just consult a crystal ball instead!!🤷

Karen Torres42 regarding propolis dosages—standard use is two tablets daily for healthy individuals, though it can scale up to six or more for those dealing with illness. It’s best to split the daily dose into two parts, perhaps taking one about an hour before meals. Starting with massive doses seems pointless to me; my suggestion would be to try 2 x 2 tablets a day first, then monitor whether you actually see any results after a while. Also, skip the pharmacy—it’s significantly cheaper if you just call them to order directly. You'll find their number on their website, and a mail carrier will have it at your door within two or three days.
I believe it helps boost immunity and strengthen the body, but I'm not buying into any "miracle cure" claims. It is just one of many mass-market products sold under the guise that they can slow or stop tumor growth—which feels more like a marketing gimmick than reality. Still, I suppose it might be worth trying if nothing else works—if only for the placebo effect of having actually tried something.

ironsailor22 said:Karen Torres42 Regarding propolis dosage, you’d take about 2 tablets a day if you’re healthy, but it can go up to 6 or more if you're actually sick. You just split the daily dose into two parts and take them, say, an hour before meals. It’s honestly pointless to jump straight into massive doses right out of the gate; my advice is to start him on 2 x 2 tablets a day and then wait a bit to see if there’s any actual progress. Also, don't bother buying it at a CVS Pharmacy because it's way cheaper if you just call them directly to order. Their website has a phone number, and within two or three days, the mail carrier will drop it off right at your door.
I believe it helps boost immunity and strengthen the body, but I’m not buying into any "miracle cure" hype. It’s just one of those mass-market products sold under the guise that they can slow down or stop tumor growth, which is more of a marketing gimmick than reality. Still, I think it’s worth trying if nothing else works—if only for the psychological effect of knowing you actually tried something.

There was a study done on propolis at the NIH where they proved its effectiveness against malignant cells in vitro, and they even suggested it might somehow repair damaged DNA...but let's be clear: it isn't a cancer drug, it's not sold as one, and thankfully, when people talk about it, they make that distinction very obvious.
What propolis *is*—and what definitely works—is that it protects against infections, which are incredibly dangerous for people undergoing radiation and chemo; I would bet my life on that. My mother was bedridden for a full year and a half, from the neck down, and she passed away—unlike other people I knew with the exact same diagnosis who died from the illness itself rather than an infection. Even toward the end, she didn't have a single pressure sore. Since then, I've been recommending it to everyone.
The most recent example is my own experience when I gave birth at 28 weeks. My little guy spent 40 days in the NICU and dealt with two serious infections that cleared up in just a week because, alongside his prescribed meds, I started hitting him with heavy doses of propolis through my breast milk. Given how tiny he was and the nature of those infections, we were expecting a much longer stay in the incubator and on a ventilator.

Angela Wright said:There was actually a study done at the Ruđer Bošković Institute regarding propolis—they showed some efficacy against malignant cells in vitro and suggested it might even help repair damaged DNA in certain ways...but obviously, it isn't a cancer cure, which is why it isn't sold as one. It’s actually quite good that they are very clear about that distinction when labeling it.
The thing about propolis—and I truly believe this—is that it protects against infections, which can be incredibly dangerous for people undergoing radiation and chemo. I'd stake my reputation on that. My mom was bedridden for a full year and a half, from the neck down, and she eventually passed away. Unlike other people I knew with the exact same diagnosis, she didn't die from the disease itself, but from an infection. Even toward the end, she never once developed a single pressure sore. Since then, I've been a huge advocate for using it.
A more recent example is my own experience when I had my baby at 28 weeks. He spent 40 days in the NICU and dealt with two serious infections. Those were cleared up in just a week because—alongside his prescribed medications—I started giving him heavy doses of pure propolis through my breast milk. Given how tiny he was and the nature of those infections, we were expecting a much longer stay in the incubator and on a ventilator.

We picked some up today; it was definitely pricier at the CVS Pharmacy, so we're going to try buying it directly next time. I never thought of it as a "cure" anyway—just something to support the body and provide extra strength during the process.
Could you tell me what dosages you gave your mom?
Can it help regulate digestion? He's having some trouble there right now.
Sending warm hugs to everyone.

Karen Torres42 said:We picked some up today, and honestly, they were way more expensive at the CVS Pharmacy, so we’re going to try ordering directly instead. I never really viewed it as a "medicine" per se—more like something to support him through this and give him a little boost.
Can you tell me what dosages you were giving your mom??
Is it possible to use it to help regulate digestion, since he's having issues there right now?
Sending warm hugs to everyone

My mom was taking heavy doses—5 capsules three times a day—though, to be completely honest, I can't even recall why that specific amount was chosen or who suggested it in the first place. Toward the end, I scaled her back to 3 capsules three times a day, and I actually started opening the capsules up to mix the propolis into her probiotic yogurt because she just couldn't swallow the pills anymore.
As far as digestion goes, propolis might firm things up a bit—at least it did for me—but my mom didn't have any trouble with that. One thing I did notice, though, was that her stool had a pretty strong odor.
We used to order five boxes at a time to save on shipping, and they’d usually throw in an extra box for free. Back then, it cost about $37 boxes.

Hello everyone,

I honestly don't even know where to begin. My mother has been fighting her original breast cancer diagnosis for about 15 years now—it's been a constant battle—and over the years, it has metastasized to her liver and bones. To make matters worse, we just found out yesterday that it has spread to her brain. There is a tumor pressing against her motor center, so her left arm has essentially lost all function. She’s completely drained of strength; she can't even hold onto things anymore.
She was admitted to the hospital today, and the doctor basically laid it out for us: there isn't much left to be done. Maybe some radiation, though we could always choose to decline that. He estimated she has maybe six months, perhaps a year at most. 😢
If anyone here has dealt with a similar diagnosis, please—I am desperate for advice. If we go through with the radiation, will it actually buy her a few more months, or is it just prolonging the agony? She has always been such a vibrant, spirited woman... God, it is devastating to see her like this. Up until now, we’ve always operated under the mindset of "we'll get through this," but now it feels like we won't. Every time I hear her voice, I can't help but think it might be the last time. 😢 How can I possibly help her?

Kate Lewis48 said:Hey everyone,

I don't even know where to start. My mom has been fighting her original breast cancer for about 15 years now. Over the years, it’s metastasized to her liver and bones, and just yesterday we found out it hit her brain too. There’s a tumor in her brain pressing on her motor center, so her left arm basically doesn't work anymore. She’s got zero strength left and can’t even hold onto things.
She was admitted to the hospital today, and the doctor basically told us there isn't much left to be done—maybe radiation, though we could always turn that down. He estimated she has maybe six months to a year left. 😢
If anyone here has dealt with a diagnosis like this, please, I need advice. Would radiation actually give her a few more months, or would it just prolong the agony? She’s such a vibrant, lively person... God, it’s so hard seeing her like this. Up until now, we’ve always just said, "Don't worry, we'll fix it," but now it feels like we can't. Every time I hear her voice, I feel like it might be the last time. 😢 How can I help her?

I’d go with the radiation, because those targets are incredibly sensitive. That pressure is causing edema in her brain (fluid buildup and tissue swelling), which is why she's having neurological issues like the loss of function in her arm. You manage that with corticosteroids like dexamethasone, and they usually administer mannitol intravenously first to pull that edema back.
And honestly, I don't buy the idea that nothing else can be done.
Check out these pages and those to see if you can find a clinical trial, and definitely try to get a second opinion.

Angela Wright said:I would opt for radiation—the targets are sensitive. That pressure causes cerebral edema (fluid buildup and tissue swelling), which explains the neurological deficit like the arm weakness. You manage that with corticosteroids—dexamethasone—but you’d administer mannitol intravenously first to pull that edema back.
And I don't buy those stories about there being nothing left to do.
Go check these pages and these sites to try and find a study, or better yet, seek a second opinion.

I honestly envy pure optimism; I’m chronically running low on it.

She just reached out—she's currently receiving a corticosteroid infusion. She’ll need an anti-epileptic medication soon, because with all this pressure, she’s becoming much more prone to seizures; however, since she's an inpatient right now, nobody can pick up her prescriptions. And the hospital doesn't have that specific one in stock. The Chief of Medicine is supposed to speak with her tomorrow—for now, we're still in the dark.

Back when they told her over five years ago that she only had six months left, we didn't throw in the towel. I have to admit, this is absolutely crushing me—even though I know I have to stay strong for her!

Edit: We should be getting a second opinion tomorrow, theoretically. She was first treated in Rhode Island, where she ended up in the ER due to her arm issues and the swelling in her tongue and lips. At the time, we thought it was a stroke.

Kate Lewis48 said:I honestly crave a bit of optimism right now; I feel like I'm running on empty.

She just got notified that she's starting a corticosteroid infusion. They also need to get her on an anti-seizure medication because the current blood pressure spikes are making her much more prone to seizures. The catch? Since she’s currently an inpatient, nobody can pick up prescriptions in her name, and the hospital doesn't have this specific drug in stock. The Chief of Medicine is supposed to sit down with her tomorrow, but for now, we're stuck in limbo.

When they told us over five years ago that she only had six months left to live, we didn't back down. I have to admit, this whole situation is absolutely gutting me, but I have to stay strong for her.

Edit: We should be getting a second opinion tomorrow. She was originally treated in Rhode Island after ending up in the ER due to swelling in her arm, tongue, and lips. At the time, we were terrified it was a stroke.

A primary care physician can write the prescription, and a family member should be able to pick it up using their ID—especially since it's a controlled substance. Regardless, while someone is receiving inpatient care, the hospital is legally required to provide all necessary prescribed medications. This isn't some rare specialty drug requiring emergency international importation; it's standard medication that epilepsy patients take every single day.

By "second opinion," I meant seeking a specialist who operates independently of Medicare and its specific guidelines. Whether you choose a private oncologist or a specialized clinic elsewhere is entirely down to your own preference and what's feasible.

We just got the PET-CT results back. Honestly, I'm at a loss. There are still spots on the bones—specifically the hip and the upper arm—and we already knew about the ones in the shoulder and the pleura. I just feel empty. I know things could have been much worse, but still. A tiny bit of hope is keeping me going, though maybe I’m just kidding myself. Part of me wonders if I should just give up too. We’ll see what the oncologist thinks once they weigh in. Right now, I just feel hollow. I don't even know how to be there for him.
Does anyone here know anything about using bisphosphonates as supportive therapy? If I understood the doctor correctly, that's the plan.😢

Hey everyone,
I’ve been lurking on this thread for about a year now, but I finally decided to jump in and share my story just to get some things off my chest.
Today marks exactly one year since my grandma had her surgery. It was stomach cancer that had spread to her esophagus and duodenum... They opened her up, then they realized they couldn't proceed and closed her back up...
After that, she was supposed to go through six rounds of chemo, but she only made it through four—which, in her words, felt like a total "circus"🙂—with each session lasting three days... Just sitting there for eight hours straight at the clinic waiting for her to finish...
I lost count of how many coffees I drank from the breakroom machine downstairs, how many cigarettes I smoked outside the clinic, and all the different people I watched passing by. I spent so much time making 62 miles from her room upstairs down to the basement where she stayed during chemo (always with the reruns of yesterday's soap operas playing in the background 🙂)....
Once the chemo was done, we were all so desperate to just grab a turkey sandwich from that little deli right across from the clinic... 🙂
She had clearly lost weight by then, but she was doing as well as anyone could under the circumstances.
To be honest, she still doesn't know the full extent of how serious things are or where the cancer actually went. I specifically told the doctors not to tell her anything; I'm terrified that knowing might take away her will to keep fighting... She only mentioned to me about a month ago, "Honey, I think everything is just falling apart for me."
After the chemo, she had to do radiation, which she couldn't handle either...
Things just kept getting worse and worse...
Now we’ve reached the point where we’re changing her diapers several times a day, she can't even get out of bed, and she can't eat anything without throwing up. She’s completely dehydrated now.
You want to help her so badly, but you look at her weighing maybe 90 pounds and realize there’s nothing you can do. It’s honestly gut-wrenching when you feel totally helpless. Then, when I get in the car to drive home, I can't stop myself from crying, even though I thought I’d run out of tears a long time ago... And I just keep thinking about how she always calls me "my sweet girl."😢(
Everyone keeps saying, "Just hope she isn't in pain for too long," but it makes me wonder if I'm just a bad, selfish person because that's not what I'm thinking. I just want her with me for as long as possible. I just miss everything we used to do together... all the cooking, and how she used to make sure my boyfriend was fed until he was bursting, and our trips to shop for new pots and pans...
ps-I feel a little better now that I've gotten this out.

Linda Williams77 said:phew, I feel a little lighter just getting that off my chest

🙂 🙂
well, there it is, I’ve gone and laid all my cards on the table 😳
and honestly, you aren't being selfish for wanting your grandmother to stay by your side for as long as possible; besides, isn't it a safe bet she feels exactly the same way—wanting to hold onto you for just as long?

Hey everyone,
I’ve been lurking in this thread for ages, but honestly, I never really had anything to say until now.
So, here’s the deal.
About a year ago, my daughter-in-law had a routine mammogram where they stumbled upon a suspicious lump.
It was small, but a biopsy confirmed it was cancer, and she had it surgically removed within two weeks.
She finished up her radiation shortly after; everything moved fast and was handled pretty efficiently.
The medical side of things is actually looking good—all her tests are clear and physically, she’s doing fine.
But emotionally? That’s a whole different disaster.
From day one, she’s made sure everyone around her knows exactly how "sick" she is.
She’s constantly clutching at her breast.
Every little thing becomes a major crisis.
Even though her doctors are telling her she's essentially in the clear, she makes sure her daughters know the status of her "illness" during every single conversation.
She refuses to join any breast cancer support groups (she's like, "why would I want to hang out with those ladies?") and won't even consider seeing a therapist because she thinks she isn't "crazy"—even though she's been on medication most of her life, whether it's actually necessary or not.
She’s pushed my wife—who doesn't even live with her—to her absolute breaking point with this constant behavior, and the daughter living under the same roof is slowly losing her mind too.
To be fair, she’s been a hypochondriac her entire life; every family gathering eventually devolves into a lecture about her various ailments, even the trivial stuff like being constipated...
It’s gotten to the point where even the grandkids, who are practically adults now, avoid visiting her because they just can't stomach the endless complaining anymore...
Please don't take this as me being heartless; my main concern here is the mental health and emotional stability of my wife, who is being completely drained by this situation.

Any advice on how we can handle this?

dustymarlin10 said:Hi everyone,
I’ve been lurking in this thread for a long time, but I haven't felt the need to chime in until now.
Here’s the situation.
About a year ago, my daughter-in-law was hit with a suspicious lump during a routine mammogram.
It was a small mass, confirmed via biopsy as cancer, and she had it surgically removed within two weeks.
She finished radiation shortly after; everything was handled quickly and efficiently by the medical team.
All her test results are clear—physically speaking, she’s doing fine.
However, emotionally, it’s a completely different story.
From day one, she makes sure everyone around her knows she’s a patient.
She’s constantly clutching at her breast.
Every little thing causes her to wince.
She updates our daughter on her "condition" during every single conversation, even though she’s technically in the clear based on what her doctors are telling her.
She refuses to join any breast cancer support groups ("why would I want to hang out with those women?"), and she won't even consider seeing a therapist because she doesn't want to be labeled "crazy"—even though she’s been on medication her entire life, whether it was necessary or not.
Her constant pressure has pushed my wife (who doesn't even live with her) to her breaking point, and our other daughter, who does live with her, is slowly losing her mind too.
The truth is, my daughter-in-law has been a "patient" her whole life; every family conversation eventually gravitates toward her ailments, even trivial things like constipation...
It’s reached a point where even the grandkids (who are practically adults now) don't want to visit because they can't stomach the endless litany of complaints...
Please don't take this as me being heartless or cold; my primary concern here is the mental health and emotional stability of my wife, which has been seriously shaken by this behavior.

How can we help?

This isn't a psychological issue; it's a personality trait. You're dealing with a "professional martyr," someone who uses illness as a tool to command attention. They are essentially egocentrics. My advice? Put her on "ignore." If she asks why people aren't visiting anymore, be blunt about it. Personally, I’d tell her, "Look, we love you just as much as ever, whether you're sick or not." Unfortunately, there isn't a magic fix—you either have to tune it out or try to redirect her focus. She needs to find a hobby or some kind of purpose.
Alternatively, try reaching out to a local survivor's club—they deal with the same type of personalities—and ask if one of the ladies could drop by for a visit. It's basically their hobby. Just make up a totally random reason for the visit so it feels spontaneous, and let them get talking. Once they get going, maybe they'll drag her along on a group trip or a pilgrimage, or go on outings to places in Austria or various spas... it might actually save your sanity.👍
By the way, the club operates out of the oncology institute and is part of the unknown association LINK

Linda Williams77 said:Hi everyone,
I’ve been lurking on this forum for about a year now, and I finally decided to speak up just to get some of this off my chest.
Today marks exactly one year since my grandmother had her surgery. It was stomach cancer that had already spread to her esophagus and duodenum... They opened her up, then they had to close her back up...
After that, she was supposed to go through six cycles of chemo, but she only managed to pull off four (she called the whole ordeal a total CIRCUS🙂) ...each session lasted three days. Just sitting there for eight hours at the Mayo Clinic, waiting for her to finish...
I lost count of how many coffees I drank from the vending machines on the ground floor, how many cigarettes I smoked out front of the clinic, and all the different lives I witnessed while making 62 miles trips from the top floor down to the basement where she stayed for her chemo (while she sat there endlessly rewatching reruns of yesterday's soap operas 🙂)....
Once the chemo wrapped up, we were all desperate enough to try eating a turkey deli sandwich from that little corner deli across from the clinic... 🙂
She had clearly lost weight by then, but she was doing as well as anyone could in her shoes.
To this day, she doesn't know the full extent of the situation or where the cancer actually went. I explicitly told the doctors not to tell her anything; I'm terrified that knowing might be the thing that finally breaks her spirit... She only mentioned to me about a month ago, "Honey, I think it's all spreading again."
After the chemo, she had to undergo radiation, which she couldn't handle either...
Things just kept getting worse and worse...
Now we've reached the point where we're changing her diapers several times a day, she can't get out of bed, she can't eat anything without vomiting, and she's constantly dehydrated...
You want to help her so badly, but you look at her weighing barely 90 pounds and realize there's nothing you can do... It is truly gut-wrenching when you're completely powerless. When I get in the car to drive home, I can't stop the tears from falling, even though I thought I'd run dry long ago... And I just keep hearing her say, "Oh, my sweet child..." 😢(
Everyone keeps saying, "Just pray she doesn't suffer too long," but it makes me wonder if I'm just a selfish, bad person for not thinking that way—for wanting her to stay with me for as long as possible. I just miss everything we used to do together... the cooking, and the way she would make sure my boyfriend was fed until he couldn't eat another bite, and our trips out shopping for new cookware...
P.S. I feel a little better now that I've written this.

Grandma knows. She might be old, but she isn't stupid. I think it’s easier for that generation because of their mindset—they don't talk about it, they don't label it.
The best way to help her is to provide comfort: keeping her hydrated with IV fluids, keeping her clean and comfortable, and minimizing her suffering as much as humanly possible.
Parting ways is inevitable. Losing someone so close is the final step in growing up—learning to accept our own mortality.
You’re going to be okay.

Linda Williams77 said:Everyone keeps telling me to just stop struggling—to let go—but I can't help wondering if I'm just being selfish. Is that it? Am I just a bad person because I want her by my side for as long as possible? I simply miss everything we used to do... the cooking, the little things she did for my boyfriend so he wouldn't go hungry, even those ridiculous trips to shop for kitchenware...
ps—I feel a little lighter now that I've finally said this.

Of course you aren't a bad or selfish person. Anyone who has walked this path knows that feeling—even when the days only bring more pain and suffering, and you start to think death might be the only relief left—we all wanted the same thing.

Sorry if I’m just out here fishing for advice—I’m honestly lost. We have so many conflicting opinions right now (and none of them are coming from the actual oncologists), to the point where after four months, they want to redo the biopsy because nobody trusts anyone else's findings. It’s been five months since we first discovered the issue, and the whole thing feels like it’s dragging on forever. He hasn't even started treatment yet, but he's already dealing with shoulder pain. Is it normal for this process to take this long? Also, does anyone have experience with major chest surgery followed by radiation? Does that even work? How does the tissue actually heal up—can you even radiate an area like that? I know, I know, way too many questions... it's just that this is the only place I can ask. We’re still waiting for an appointment with an oncologist; we went to one specialist who basically told us it wasn't his department, so now we're stuck waiting for another one who will probably say the exact same thing! It's pure agony—not even just the illness itself, but these doctors!
P.S. We started him on some propolis.

Karen Torres42 said:Forgive me for just hunting for advice here, but I’m lost. We have so many conflicting opinions—to the point where, four months later, they want to run another biopsy because nobody trusts anyone else's diagnosis. It's been five months since we first discovered the problem, and honestly, it feels like an eternity. He hasn't even started treatment yet, and he's already dealing with shoulder pain. Is it normal for this to drag on this long? Does anyone have experience with major chest surgeries followed by radiation? Is that even a standard path? How does the tissue actually heal, and can you even radiate after a surgery like that? God, I have so many questions, and this is the only place I can ask them. We're still waiting for an appointment with the oncologist; we saw one specialist who told us it wasn't his department, so now we're stuck waiting for a second opinion that might just be more of the same! The agony isn't just the illness itself—it's these doctors!
p.S. We've started him on some propolis.

Look, I don't know the specific details of the case, but you're right—waiting this long is definitely not normal. It is physically possible to undergo massive chest surgery and then proceed to radiation, but it all depends on a huge number of variables. Generally, you need at least about a month between the surgery and starting radiation.