James Cox6
Active MemberOP
150 messages
joined Mar 2009
Hey everyone...
I’ve been MIA for about ten days because I was looking after my mother, who just got discharged from the hospital.
It’s confirmed—she has lung adenocarcinoma that has spread to her neck and lymph nodes... they even found a metastasis in her sternum...
To give you the full picture... she was sent home from the hospital looking completely wasted. She lost so much weight. I’ve been cooking for her, trying everything, and she finally started eating, which was a relief.
Her pulmonologist didn't sugarcoat it: "Your mother's condition isn't just serious, it's critical. You need to start chemo IMMEDIATELY." The issue is the oncology department in Washington, D.C.—they simply don't have any openings...
I just stood there and watched... (didn't pull any strings or use any connections) and the staff at oncology told me: "Your mother will get the Gemzar once we order it and Medicare approves it in about three weeks."
The drug isn't the bottleneck; it's the space. Because she's a cardiac patient, she won't be seen for inpatient care for at least two to two and a half months.
I didn't say a word to the oncologist... didn't argue or protest anything. I just said, "Fine, please put her on the list."
They scheduled her for inpatient admission and chemo starting in June. They mentioned that's actually fast, considering you might wait up to six months for radiation...😱
Luckily, I spent years working in law and collaborating closely with doctors—handling things like accident reconstructions, trauma, and autopsies, so I deal with forensic medicine quite a bit. Because of that, I managed to reach a high-ranking official at the Mayo Clinic to ask for the real truth about my mother's illness... (That raw truth that doctors tell one another as colleagues, but would never tell a patient or family member. I learned through my work that there are two truths: the one told to the patient, and the actual reality discussed between professionals when they comment on a case.)
When I went to his office the next day, he looked me right in the eye and said: "Get your mother out of here immediately. Forget the formalities and the paperwork... skip the waiting lists for Gemzar approval... she needs chemo literally tomorrow. If you wait, she might die between doses."
They shouldn't have even bothered with the CT scan of her thorax or the lung biopsy. They could have just taken fluid from the lymph node in her neck via aspiration and gotten the cancer cells then. If only my dear Luna had reached out sooner, we could have saved three weeks.😢
When it comes to cancer, honey, every single day counts. Take this seriously...
I was stunned. I asked if he could recommend someone in a major city like New York? A hospital... somewhere... anyone? I'm six and a half months pregnant and feeling completely lost. He said he could, but warned me that entering a major hospital is such a bureaucratic nightmare—admissions, connections, more tests, then being back at oncology because hospitals always want their own specific results. And then there are the priorities (keep in mind there will always be someone with better connections or a more advanced stage of illness who jumps ahead of your mother because she isn't dying *yet*... and there's still hope...) the waiting lists, the Medicare approvals, all of it.
Then he told me: "Unfortunately, our working conditions mean we don't have time to deal with the patient; we deal with the disease. A more advanced, aggressive disease is a bigger challenge for us than something that isn't quite as urgent." That's the reality.
So I asked... what am I supposed to do then?
He said, "If you have the money... take her to a private clinic. She can't wait."
And so, guys, here we are. My brother and I decided to take Mom across the border to a private clinic... and I have to say, they admitted her immediately on Sunday. They did an X-ray right away (nothing worsened; the pleural effusion is gone, no fluid in the lungs)... they even complimented her "star student" pulmonologist (that's my nickname for her). Her electrolytes were low, likely from losing them during her hospital stay, so they gave her four liters of IV fluids over two days.
They did a full consultation yesterday morning, and here’s the lineup:
1. A cardiologist (she has heart issues)
2. An oncologist,
3. A pulmonologist,
4. An internist, and
5. A pharmacologist... and she starts chemo this Thursday.
One dose of the standard chemo is about $275, plus $65 a day for the hospital stay...
They praised the Pulmonology department for being thorough, but they wouldn't say a word about Oncology (and honestly, I wouldn't either).
The point of this post isn't to trash our doctors—they deserve respect because they're working in conditions that are frankly beneath human dignity—the goal is to point out what's actually happening: we are becoming exactly like America... if you have the cash, you get treated; if you don't, you cross your fingers and wait.
Pathetic, truly pathetic.
To be clear, I don't have unrealistic expectations or insane demands (let's face it, nobody "cures" cancer—those who do usually reach out years later when it recurs, or they end up the subject of some documentary or science special), but
I perfectly understand what it means when one doctor tells another "treatment needs to happen NOW." I simply cannot live under that kind of weight. I want to help IMMEDIATELY (as they told me) because there is such a thing as fighting for your life—giving a person a chance to try and save themselves... all while maintaining some shred of human dignity.
If I can't save my mother, I'll be devastated because I failed, but at least I'll have a clear conscience knowing I did everything possible.
