Binge eating: Why do I do this to myself?

I went through something similar a while back. For me, it felt mostly psychological—I was dealing with some major life instability and zero sense of security, so everything just kind of started spiraling. 🙄 It eventually settled down on its own, though; didn't last that long.

Here’s the link to that old Lucent Technologies thread:

Personally, I’ve never really struggled with food—I mean, I eat what I want and call it a day—so I used to be a bit judgmental toward girls who constantly vent about diet struggles. But, after reading through those posts from Lucent Technologies, I totally realized that it isn't nearly as simple as "just eat better" 😢
It's actually a much deeper issue, but honestly? It's something that can be worked through 🙂

Anyway, whether you're dealing with an actual eating disorder or just feeling a little disconnected from your relationship with food, I really think everyone should give this a read 👍

I remember that incredible thread 😍

It definitely needs a revival 👍

Thanks everyone for the input; I’ve actually been digging around in those directions already, but I’ll definitely check out the links you guys suggested.

It’s not even that my diet is unbalanced, because honestly, I think I eat pretty well: I get a good mix of everything—veggies, grains, fish, maybe just a little less meat and eggs (that was a suggestion from my holistic doctor), seeds, legumes, some goat cheese... stuff like that.

I guess I didn't quite manage to explain what's actually bothering me; let me try again. So, I’ll plan out what I consider a perfectly balanced meal, but then this sudden impulse hits me to eat more—like, say, some rice cakes—and I just end up doing it. And then I feel absolutely terrible about myself for doing it, though I can't really put my finger on why. It’s not like I’m overeating massive amounts of food or calories every single day; occasionally I might go over my 1,800 limit by maybe 200 or 300 calories, and I know, I know, obsessing over a specific number is a bad idea, but I just can't seem to stop myself... and sure, I eat out once in a while, but that's it.
The other thing is when I sit down to eat something I genuinely love and that makes me feel great—I enjoy it so much (by the way, it's nothing fancy, just things like rice cakes, goat cheese, and soy pâté) that I get this intense urge to just keep eating more of it. So I do. If I don't, I just feel restless. But if I do, it’s almost like I’ve taken some kind of drug; I feel calm and happy... right up until the guilt kicks in, making me wonder how I can possibly be acting like this.

I mean, I realize I'm probably overthinking all of this, but that's just where I am. I try to fight it, and sometimes I actually do okay and don't even think about it, but then a bad day hits, everything feels wrong, and I suppose I just turn back to that false sense of security—which is defined by that 1,800 number—and start spiraling and posting this nonsense on the forum...