Jungle Cruise (2021)

This was how the connection should have gone down:


And Rachel is just a total disaster. 🙂

I enjoyed the movie. It was entertaining. A solid 7/10.

It basically falls asleep halfway through—honestly, I’m not planning on giving this another shot. What a complete waste of money, too... just pure garbage. And don't even get me started on Johnson; he looks like a total caricature standing next to the rest of the cast, it's almost painful to watch

Honestly, it’s pretty bad. Just cliché after cliché. You could literally take a box, throw in a hundred scraps of paper with different tropes written on them, shake the damn thing up, and pull them out one by one—you'd end up with a script that's just as good, if not better.

Just thinking out loud here: was it really necessary to turn Jack Whitehall into a gay character just to push the LGBTQ+ agenda? Is that actually helping them? To me, it just reinforces those tired clichés about members of that group being weak and indecisive.
If they really wanted to throw a wrench in their whole agenda, they should have had Stone come out of the closet.
Given the "chemistry" he shared with Blunt in the movie, honestly, that wouldn't even have been that shocking an outcome.

Who even is Stone?

And yeah, honestly, there’s way too little LGBTQ+ representation in this, I was actually kind of shocked. I guess it's because the director was really trying to hammer home those old-school primitive vibes from back when the Swabs were 🥱 total psychopaths obsessed with power and trying to take over the world—you know, the type where any tiny, soft Anglo woman without combat training could just knock them out with one hit. Instead, we just get a handful of them, all white guys sitting in positions of power.

It’s a colorful enough little flick, I suppose, but Dwayne Johnson just feels completely out of place here. He looks unnaturally massive for the era the movie is set in, and honestly, there isn't a shred of chemistry between him and Emily Blunt.
The rest of it was fine, though it leans heavily on clichés and jumps around a bit too much for my taste. Still, I don't mind watching stuff like this once in a while; it's a decent way to kill two hours, even if it's the kind of movie I'll never bother revisiting. If it pops up on TV again, I’ll probably just change the channel immediately.

Jack Cook7 said:Who even is Stone?

And yeah, honestly, the lack of LGBTQ representation was wild. I was actually surprised. Guess it’s because the director was trying to lean into those old-school primitive vibes where the Germans were just 🥱 psychopaths obsessed with power and global domination—only to get taken down by some random white Anglo woman with zero combat training. Just a few white guys holding all the power.

Rock my world.

Maybe I’ll actually make it to the end on my third attempt today.🤣
The movie is such a slog that I usually just pass out halfway through. Nothing works here except the Spanish cast; Agire was great, but Rock is just awful. That whole "forced" sense of humor he tries to pull off really rubs me the wrong way. Emily Blunt isn't cut out for this kind of stuff—it's just not her vibe. The forced romance between them is incredibly cringey, too. There's zero chemistry, and everything looks so fake since it was all shot on green screens or in some studio. It just feels artificial.

Justin Rogers5 I haven't even finished my first cup of coffee yet and I'm already seeing people jump to conclusions about this... it’s like everyone just wants to rush into things without actually thinking for a second, you know? It's always the same pattern with these discussions where people get all worked up over nothing... anyway, what was I saying... oh right, the whole thing feels a bit rushed if you ask me...
Maybe I’ll actually manage to sit through this thing until the credits roll today... third time's the charm, I guess...🤣
Honestly, this movie is so incredibly dull that I’m basically asleep before the opening credits even finish... there's just nothing to latch onto. The only saving grace is the Spanish cast, because Agire was actually fantastic, whereas Rock was just terrible. His attempt at "humor" feels more like he's just forcing some cheap, tasteless joke at the audience's expense, which really rubs me the wrong way. And Emily Blunt? She’s great, but she’s clearly out of her element here; this kind of role just doesn't suit her style at all. To make matters worse, they tried to force this forced, sappy romance between them that was just plain cringey...There’s just zero chemistry between any of them, honestly... it all feels like it was shot entirely on a green screen or stuck in some sterile studio setting, making everything look incredibly artificial and forced....

From what I’m reading here, it feels like we’re running into that same old pattern with most of Disney's live-action remakes lately... you know, the ones they just churn out year after year. It’s always the same formula: take movies like Dumbo, Alice, Nutcracker, or Aladdin and just cram them full of massive A-list celebrities and over-the-top sets and costumes, then toss in directors like Tim Burton or Guy Ritchie to give it some prestige, yet somehow the whole thing still ends up being totally unwatchable...

Honestly, this flick is just perfect if you want to turn your brain off for two hours and just vibe.
I can't tell if it’s based on some existing IP or if they just cooked up something totally new, but hey—I’m digging it.

The only thing that really missed the mark for me was how they tried to drag Germans into the whole plot.

silentsurfer3 said:It's a decent little flick if you just want to switch your brain off for two hours.
I can't tell if it's based on some existing story or if it’s a totally fresh idea, but I’m digging it.

The only thing that missed the mark for me was how they dragged the Germans into the plot.

I mean, seriously? Can Russians not always be the genius, drunk, psychopathic villains with a slight English accent?

The Germans aren't even drunk here. That’s actually what makes them so scary.

mellowowl40 said:I fell asleep halfway through the movie.

And I would too. 🤦
The trailer really sold me, but the actual movie is an absolute disaster. It’s pretty hard to sit through and lacks any sense of humor. What happened?
I think even the kids were bored; you could hear quite a bit of restless shuffling and whispering throughout the theater.

So I just realized there was an Italian guy in the cast too. And honestly, go ahead and guess what kind of role he ended up getting.

Other than being the only white guy in a position of power, that's about it.

Not bad, but a little too kiddie for me...

That's what she said!

Since this comes as a bonus alongside that Jumanji trope, I suppose Rock has a thing for that Disneyesque flair. It’s definitely worth a watch with the kids and a large coffee in hand. That's all for now.

Matthew Johnson30 said:You can totally see it in the movie and even during interviews—it’s like Emily is walking around with a gun to her head whenever she's filming with Dwayne.

Where are you even getting that from? I'm literally watching some random interview right now and I'm just not picking up that vibe at all.

Same here, I watched two interviews and they just spent the whole time roasting each other lol

They looked like two wooden planks next to each other in that movie... I don't know, just didn't get the vibe. They had zero chemistry, physically or otherwise 👎. Didn't bother watching any interviews
.