MPO thread - what counts as a chat ban?

If this chat is just about celebrating when things work out after months of
preparation—or if it’s just a place to cry when things go south, or even just a way to cheer during the good times—then I honestly think you all lack a heart...
We haven't ever really "chatted" in the true sense of the word; everything we've said here was tied to MPO, not just whatever we happen to be cooking up today

This is the one place where we can truly be ourselves with our struggles—where we encourage each other, offer comfort, and vent about those fragile pregnancies... it's where we understand one another without needing many words at all...

You really have no idea how much this whole thing means to us, regardless of how things actually turn out

IBM just isn't the right place for us... It's not that I want to read about their issues—the kind of stuff I was dealing with years ago before I even had my diagnosis—nor do they want to hear about us, because they just hope none of this will ever affect them
plus our posts are just going to get lost in a sea of noise

I’m asking the moderators to please, please reconsider everything once more

thank you

Sure, we could stop being dramatic and just start a thread over in off, but please realize... this is our home...

I’m totally with Frank on this one.

Also, I don't think it's fair to judge everything by your own standards—saying someone's pregnancy test results aren't valuable without ever having actually gone through the process yourself.

It really matters, especially for someone who might wake up one day to an infertility diagnosis. You start digging through the MPO threads, find someone with a similar situation, follow their journey through all the ups and downs of the treatment, what kind of stimulation they got, comparing everything... and in the end, you see nothing—no results, no positive tests, nothing—because apparently those are just "useless" data points lost in some old thread.

For those of us who have been through MPO, being able to compare experiences is huge. And honestly, cheering for a positive test after an MPO cycle feels a little different—no offense—than it does for women who are just trying naturally for a month or two.🤷

Personally, it was a lifesaver when I ran into an unexpected issue right in the middle of my cycle and received so much support and advice, both publicly and in private messages. Someone on the outside might dismiss my questions as just "chat," but it means everything.😉

Regarding the MPO topic, I truly believe that focusing on the wannabe crowd is misguided.
First of all, you really ought to take a closer look at the wannabe section; those are women primarily discussing cooking, their various hobbies, or even fertility struggles.
I’ll post a question in the morning, only to find my feed cluttered with endless junk about recipes and such by the afternoon, making it nearly impossible to actually find the answer I’m looking for... which is precisely why I’ve stopped posting there altogether. Even the discussions regarding conception are becoming a thing of the past; MPO represents an entirely different stage of life.

If you observe more closely, you will see that most people aren't even messing around with MPO issues. Our specific concerns regarding MPO have absolutely nothing to do with the topics discussed over at WB.

To be perfectly honest, the topic of trying to conceive deserves its own dedicated sub-forum—something titled "Conception" or something similar. I believe this would be fair to the women who are actively battling infertility, particularly those who have been struggling for years. Every major American forum seems to have this kind of structure; I simply cannot fathom why a site like forum.us doesn't follow suit.

Look, pregnant women have their own dedicated space within the parenting section, so why shouldn't non-pregnant women (parents-to-be) have their own area as well?

Women who have been fighting infertility for years often find themselves unable to stomach the headlines in pregnancy threads, such as "photos of proud bellies" or "I finally got a plus"... just as an example. It isn't because they are being spoiled or because they are envious of pregnant women, but rather because infertility is painful. Someone who hasn't lived through that struggle simply cannot understand.

A long time ago, I started a thread titled Project: Conception. On that particular thread, the discussion remained strictly focused on the process of conceiving... whereas the wannabe chat is a completely different beast altogether.

If you possess any empathy, please find a solution for us weary fighters as well... we are truly in the thick of it.😬

I haven't been around this forum much lately, and I haven't exactly been a heavy hitter in the MPO threads; I've mostly just been keeping an eye on what many of the girls from out of state are saying..

But honestly, I just don't get what you all mean when you talk about "chatting" regarding MPO.
That comment from velvettrucker52 about how "my beta is this much or that" is completely meaningless. To me, it feels like a blatant insult and a total lack of respect for everyone else who is currently fighting through the grueling reality of MPO..

Look, sure, if you want to call this notification a "chat," go ahead. But for us, this is a moment where we share our highest highs and our lowest lows. Nobody—and I mean absolutely nobody—who hasn't walked this path or isn't walking it right now can truly understand us, let alone have the right to dismiss this information as useless..

It’s like we have these lousy laws thanks to Milinovic and his loyal little squad, so you finally think you've found a safe corner to turn to, only to find yourself getting kicked around like a second-class citizen here too..

Fine.. I’m just a pregnant woman dealing with hormone surges☕ so maybe I shouldn't care, but I do care because I know exactly what those women are going through.. and I am asking for a little more humanity toward our struggle!

Thanks..

I am fully behind the women in the MPO thread.

I should also mention—I think it was maybe a year or two ago—that there was actually a request posted here asking for a dedicated sub-forum specifically for MPO.
The suggestion was shot down because they felt a separate sub-forum wasn't necessary and that the existing MPO thread was more than enough for everything.

Now, they’re trying to shrink that very same thread down to almost nothing, so I totally get why these women are so frustrated.
Since the government and local authorities aren't listening to them, the one little corner of the Pregnancy sub-forum where these women could actually participate and discuss their very real issues is being turned into a joke.

The scope of MPO is huge—almost everyone involved is dealing with different diagnoses—so naturally, the thread fills up fast and can start to feel like a chat.
But it isn't a chat.
Sharing information about someone's IVF journey is data regarding the medical procedure itself, not just idle chatter!!

Count me in too! 👋

I don't really post much on that PDF; I think I have maybe one or 😬 two where I congratulated some users I recognize, but I've been lurking there for ages—definitely at least a year... mostly because I'll be starting my own "parenthood project" very soon 🤔...

To be honest though, I feel like the moderation on that PDF has been pretty messy.

It basically wasn't moderated at all until now. You had threads about pregnancy stuff hitting 20k posts, while on other PDFs, topics get shut down the second they hit 5,000.

There was just way too much insults, trolling, and spam allowed.

But now that new leadership has stepped in, they went on the offensive immediately.

Suddenly, they're aggressively moderating every single thread, and the screen is just full of warning notices. Personally, I'd rather have ambitious moderation than none at all, but they definitely overcorrected. The regular users there aren't used to it since warnings and penalties used to make up less than 5% of what happened.

I think the admins should have given everyone a heads-up first—maybe brought in some new mods to explain that rules would be enforced more strictly now and that things like off-topic talk would be penalized... basically letting people know the mods were finally going to follow the standard site rules.

Anyway, hopefully they can find a middle ground soon. 🤷

Bye girls!

It’s exactly one week until my 30th birthday. For the longest time, I had this clear goal of having two children by the time I hit 30... and I haven't made it happen.
It’s also one week before my vacation starts. While everyone around me is buzzing about trips to the beach or buying new swimsuits, when they ask where I'm heading, I just tell them I don't know yet. How am I supposed to explain that the thing I'm actually most looking forward to is a quiet retreat at a spiritual center?
And now, it's the day before my fourth IVF cycle begins. Who knows if this will be the last one...

Between the heavy PMS—which is just a constant reminder that my hormones are running wild again—it's hard to hold back the tears. I find myself thinking about how there is this one corner, this tiny thread on a single forum, filled with people who actually understand me and get exactly what I'm going through. I can't wait to get home, open my laptop, and connect with those people... but as of today, doing so is against the forum rules. 😲

God, how is this possible? How can posts be considered "unimportant" when a woman is in tears, standing on the edge, sharing how a strange ache in her abdomen seven days after an embryo transfer—an ache I'm feeling right now and hoping is a good sign—turned out to be nothing because the blood test was negative again? Or how can it be "irrelevant" when a woman with the exact same diagnosis as mine shares her positive result after the procedure? My God, these aren't unimportant; a post from six months ago can mean everything to me, restoring my faith and hope right when I feel at my lowest. Just like today.

So, to our moderators: I sincerely hope you and your loved ones never have to learn how much infertility hurts. But I am asking you, from the bottom of my heart, please do not strip away our mutual support. We are fighting the hardest battles of our lives right here, right now. While others are going on summer vacations, celebrating birthdays, and enjoying the season... we aren't. We are fighting like warriors, and all we ask of you is to let us keep fighting. Without support and understanding, it's almost impossible.

And if we—the forum members, the very reason this site exists—really are unimportant to you; if you think people only stop by for a specific piece of data... well, I'm constantly Googling my diagnoses and reading through ancient threads on other forums. I follow stories from, say, 2007, tracing someone's journey through their treatment, the encouragement they received, and finally, that positive test result that restores my optimism. Yes, it all happened years ago, but it means so much to me right now. Not a single piece of information I find is irrelevant. The fact remains that on MPO, discussions have always centered on things related to MPO. Isn't that the whole point of this topic?

Please, have some understanding. To us, this topic is more important than anything else on this forum.

feralmoose32 said:Sure, we could stop being so dramatic and just start a thread in the off-topic section, but let's be real—this is our home.

By all means, feel free to do exactly that.

Every issue discussed here on RiD is unique, but we aren't going to spin up a new sub-chat for every single one. We already have three general catch-all threads: the Seniors, the Expectant Mothers, and the wannabe chat.
The RiD platform has enough dedicated discussion topics as it is. Frankly, the entire PDF format has become an absolute headache to navigate, and the forum moderation team has decided to put a stop to it. The goal is to ensure that both the PDF and its individual threads remain useful to the broad community, rather than becoming exclusive enclaves for a small group of regulars.
I fully empathize with the challenges and hurdles women face while navigating MPO, but using those struggles as a justification to clutter a primary thread with endless chatter—or demanding a specialized chat for every nuance—just isn't working.

To reiterate: posts consisting solely of "hang in there, honey," "fingers crossed," or "beta test updates" do absolutely nothing to improve the quality of the discussion. In fact, they make the threads impossible to read.
There are specific chats for social support; we will no longer tolerate those types of comments bleeding into topical threads.
If someone is actually looking for concrete, actionable information regarding a procedure, they shouldn't have to dig through dozens of pages of platitudes to find it. It’s inefficient.

We have the wannabe chat, and if that doesn't suit your needs—feel free to start your own thread over in the off section.

That is all from me.
I'll leave the final call to the admins.

I honestly find it hard to wrap my head around how anyone could actually type out a post about someone finally sharing news about their long-awaited baby on the MPO thread.

It’s not just that you're making it sound totally trivial—like you're just chatting about what you had for lunch or complaining about the texture of some crappy takeout—it’s also that you're stripping away a huge shot of encouragement from couples who are just starting this journey.

We're talking about a group of people who already deal with so much stigma and feeling marginalized in American society; I really don't think they need to be treated like that in a space where they come specifically to find the emotional support they desperately need.

Look, we get it. There's an effort to bring some order to RiD, and that makes sense. But please, don't treat us like we're just some wannabe group; we've all been through this. Personally, about a year ago, I spent an entire afternoon in tears after coming to the WB forum to write about what lay ahead, only to be met with a flood of responses telling me to "just relax, the baby will come." Some women on the WB forum try to step up and help, and thank God most succeed in staying out of MPO waters. They can't understand our discussions regarding the medications we take or the struggles we face at hospitals and in our communities, and we don't expect them to. However, I cannot fathom how anyone could say "just relax" when tears are so common for any woman who has been battling infertility for years.

Infertility isn't the same thing as WB. Infertility hurts. It hurts deeply. There are specific diagnoses and treatments for infertility. Is it really too much to ask for those of us who are becoming more numerous to have a dedicated MPO chat? On RiD, our posts could be a massive lifeline for many people who just stop by or follow us regularly without posting themselves. They won't find that on the off section. They won't read our stories, which would undoubtedly help others. I know those posts were a huge help to me; if it weren't for them, I likely wouldn't even know where to turn or who to talk to today.

I am grateful to all my fellow sisters 🙂 for where I am now. I'm thankful for everything they wrote and for the fact that, through their posts, I found the doctor who is managing my care today—the one I know will eventually give me that positive beta result.

To the moderators, I simply ask for a little understanding. We feel marginalized in so many ways; please don't add to that. 🙂

The thread isn't getting cluttered because of the so-called chat or people waiting on beta results—it's cluttered because we're trying to cram an entire universe of topics into one single spot.

Every clinic, every procedure, every diagnosis—they're all different. And the stream of information just never stops.
a there is only one single MPO thread where all of this is being discussed.

Even if that thread were strictly moderated and every "off" comment about someone's procedure results was deleted, the thread would still be impossible to navigate.

The answer isn't deleting posts about procedure outcomes; instead, we should probably look at opening an MPO subforum or allowing new MPO threads to be created. For example, could there be a thread for MPO abroad? Or a separate thread for medications used during the process? And so on, etc.

It turns out that women dealing with conception issues don't really fit into the pregnancy subforum or the women's health subforum either.🤷

They just end up in off.
In my opinion, none of this is actually a solution. At this rate, half the forum will eventually migrate exclusively to off.

And while we’re talking about random off-topic chatter and piling up posts like "Douglas Booth22, Frank, this and that," we really should have started with the mountain of other topics. Like the 35+ countdown—imagine what that thread will become once there's a dedicated chat for pregnant women. Why are the "finalists" treated as special? Or what happens to the threads for every woman who goes into labor when they just get filled with "vibrators"? (Since we already have a "baby is born" thread, right?) Or what about the thread for announcing a plus? (We already have the thread with tickers and due dates, right?)

And it just goes on like that forever.

The point?
The MPO thread is the ONLY place where women struggling to conceive can actually post.
And I guess waiting for procedure results isn't even off-topic.🤷

Emily Fowler52 said:it belongs in the off-topic section...
In my opinion, everything here is just a distraction from the actual solution. Pretty soon, half this forum will probably end up moving exclusively to off-topic...

Half the forum moved there a long time ago. ☕
So I don't really have "only" about 2,000 posts either... 🤣

Not to mention how many great threads were deleted forever, while others get carefully preserved in the archives... 😕 🤷

what's the point?
The MPO thread is the ONLY place where women dealing with fertility issues can actually talk.
And waiting for procedure results isn't considered off-topic...🤷

I agree.
Besides, it's not like this is the only site in the US where you can find info on MPO...
A little chatting and support hasn't hurt anyone yet...

Except maybe our server every once in a while... 😬

I totally get the desire to bring some order to things and make the subject matter more informative

but why can't we just handle this by making the first page of the MPO thread actually educational? Imagine a directory—a complete list of all the hospitals, doctors, and everyone else involved in MPO... sure, it would need frequent updates, but it would be a vastly superior concept compared to what we have now, by a long shot.

If we did that, everything else could just stay exactly as it is...

because, according to you, velvettrucker52 doesn't deserve its own dedicated chat... yet the pregnancy group and the wannabes do... I honestly don't follow the logic there. I mean, why shouldn't they be required to move their discussions over to off while we get to stay right where we are?

And no, moving to the wannabe chat isn't an option; we are essentially apples and oranges—we don't have any common ground at all. Frank explained that perfectly well.

It’s not that nobody understands us in the pregnancy group once we finally become pregnant—it's just that the girls over there have a completely different mindset (meaning, they're happy-go-lucky and carefree, without any of our specific paranoias or struggles).

So, I really believe there's a way to find a solution that leaves everyone feeling satisfied...

Well, I think I've finally made it here too! I guess I was just wondering what the general rules are regarding what I can post... like, am I okay to share happy news, or maybe some sad stuff too?🤷

1. I honestly hope you get to experience firsthand what it feels like to have your "lack of value" and the "unimportance" of a positive beta mocked, since you clearly don't grasp how much weight a beta actually carries after everything we go through.

2.God knows that if these threads didn't exist, we would have all just moved from WB over to MPO, but since you obviously have no clue, you're trying to lump WB and MPO together! We never wanted to burden the women on WB with MPO topics; they’ve never needed that.

3.But those of us fighting infertility have already learned how to deal with being misunderstood, judged, or looked at with confusion by everyone around us. We've learned to suppress our struggles because people act like they aren't "important," and apparently, you’re no exception to that rule.

My advice? Maybe try actually looking into this topic. If you did, you might realize how much this community helps couples reach their goals, and you'd see that the WB and MPO threads don't have nearly as much in common as you seem to think.

Thanks for nothing.

(I copied this from the MPO thread, and frankly, it pisses me off when someone tries to force us into a box when they clearly have no idea what they're talking about!)

We don't have much ground compared to the wannabe crowd—and honestly, we can't go hunting for our own quality posts buried under a mountain of wannabe garbage. There’s only one MPO thread on this entire forum, and it’s nowhere near big enough for everything we need to get out. Either give us more threads or just hand over a dedicated sub-forum already. Today it’s some random person’s wannabe chat, but what kind of nonsense are they going to claim counts as "chat" tomorrow? 👎
It feels like pointless nitpicking to me—posts in the MPO thread have never been treated like they were in some casual chat thread.
Come on, velvettrucker52, hit us with the numbers: what’s the daily post average for any given chat thread here versus the daily average for the MPO thread?

It’s all just nonsense... People have been chewing over the same old Q&A stuff a hundred times already, just like when I posted a few questions yesterday and got hit with answers that anyone could have found on Google in five seconds. If you start banning people from sharing their actual lived experiences, you're making a massive mistake, because those stories are exactly what make so many people—myself included—feel a hell of a lot better. There’s a real sense of relief in realizing you aren't alone when you get a little bit of support from total strangers who are dealing with the exact same struggles you are. 👎👎👎👎👎

velvettrucker52 said:This isn't a lounge thread.
I am asking you all to please move any updates regarding your procedures or general well-wishes over to the wannabe chat; this specific thread should be reserved strictly for direct questions and answers.
Any off-topic or casual chatter will be deleted and subject to a warning.

mistycrane89, you have a point there.
It seems to me that velvettrucker52 really needs to educate themselves on the basics—what MPO actually entails, attempting to step into the shoes of those currently navigating this journey, and so on.

What does it mean to a woman, or a couple, when they discuss the struggle of sourcing medications?
What does it mean when someone is told they need to undergo 19 egg retrievals "live" (well, hats off to 🙏 you)?
What does it mean when someone is told they lack experience regarding certain protocols?
What does it mean when someone is forced to abort a cycle due to hyperstimulation or other medical reasons?
What does it mean to have to wait yet again... waiting for medication supplies, lab availability, and everything else to align?
What does it all mean?
What does it truly signify?

And yet, our moderator wants to shove all of this into the same pot as the WB crowd, who (thank God) live relatively carefree lives. No, I am not trivializing the concerns of the WB group at the start, but MPO is an entirely different beast altogether. As someone already pointed out here, it is like comparing apples to oranges. Here is just a small glimpse of how much "off-topic" content exists on WB (topics totally unrelated to fertility)... so, is that chat really supposed to be merged with our discussions about medical procedures? My apologies, everyone, but I fail to see the logic.
On the WB chat, anything goes, from discussing recipes to talking about conception... so how on earth does discussing a medical protocol fit into that framework?


Discussing one's own medical procedures and hormonal profiles is not "chat"—yet that is precisely what the new moderator seems to dislike, based on this quote. There are many women here who realized they had an issue specifically because they learned from the experiences and shared information of other members. They realized their doctors might have told them they wouldn't even react to certain treatments if they hadn't been able to learn from us. We are all here learning from one another's experiences so we can better prepare for conversations with our physicians and such.
Even sharing Beta results—that is never an issue on any forum. Even in MPO clinics in Europe or elsewhere, it is standard for someone to post their Beta so their peers can offer congratulations. That is perfectly normal behavior, at least for anyone with even a modicum of understanding regarding MPO or anyone capable of empathizing with the reality of... the waiting, the anxiety, the physical toll of stimulations... things that go on for years. In those circumstances, a positive Beta feels like winning the lottery.

I honestly don't get this moderator decision—especially from someone who just joined the pregnancy subforum.
Fortunately, I didn't personally need the MPO, but I've been following this thread for a while and my heart goes out to these women. I can only imagine how difficult this whole experience is for them. It’s much easier when they have a space to encourage one another, vent, and send supportive messages and good vibes... I don't see why anyone is suddenly making an issue of it now. 🤷
They deserve to keep things exactly as they were!

New moderator, new rules. It seems they’ve finally found a thread to start their purges on. The ladies have already made their points; I can only sign my name to them. This isn't fair. Out of all the threads here, this is the one with the least amount of off-topic chatter.