Autism awareness and support

I'm a mom to a little boy who just turned four, and honestly, a few months back, I started getting these nagging suspicions that he might be showing signs of autism...

Back when I was 32 weeks pregnant, I ended up stuck in the hospital on bed rest because of some complications. They had me on sedatives to keep me calm, and then I just started catching one infection after another. He ended up being born three weeks early via C-section, and he actually picked up an infection from me during the process. Once we finally got home, he seemed to hit his milestones just like any other kid, but then we started noticing these motor issues. At 11 months, he couldn't even sit up on his own. He clearly wanted to walk, but his lower back was so weak he just couldn't stay upright. We were sent to do physical therapy... eventually, he learned to crawl, pull himself up, and finally walked at 15 months, which is when we stopped the exercises. He started talking at 12 months, and man, does he have an incredible eye for detail. Around 18 months, we noticed he could memorize logos of all sorts of companies—you know, grocery stores, appliance brands, car manufacturers... stuff like that.

Between reading articles about autism and talking to parents whose kids have been diagnosed, it’s just clicked for me that something isn't quite right.
He is absolutely obsessed with washing machines; he just stares at the spinning cycle for hours. He can spend the whole day watching the laundry spin while flapping his hands around. Sometimes he’ll take his toy cars, flip them upside down, and just spin the wheels, doing that hand-flapping thing again. The weird part is, he seems totally checked out from the world when he does it. I can call his name and he won't even blink. Then there's the weirdness with noise—he’s terrified of regular household things like the blender or the vacuum, yet he’s fascinated by huge, loud machinery... those are just a few things, though, my brain is a bit scrambled trying to remember everything else.

Since he hasn't been in daycare yet and shows zero interest in drawing, singing, or anything typical for his age, we decided to enroll him starting June 1st. But I'm freaking out about how people will react. How is he going to handle it? We don't have an official diagnosis yet—we've just started the testing process—so I can't exactly warn the teachers, and I'm terrified that if I say anything now, they might not even want to take him.

If anyone has any advice or has gone through something similar, please, I'm desperate for any kind of help. Thank you so much..

I really hope you're overthinking this.
Honestly, what you're describing sounds like typical four-year-old behavior. Add the fact that he hasn't been in preschool yet—so he hasn't picked up those little social cues or group dynamics—and it makes total sense.
Before he starts socializing and picking up tricks from other kids, he’s going to be hyper-focused on just one thing. Right now, his whole world is just you and him.
Once he meets more people, that intense focus on your daily routine will start to break up.
He'll learn new games and new ways to play. That toy machine will get old fast, and that car? Instead of just driving it on the roof, he might start driving it over your head if you aren't careful.😉
That ability to lock in on one task for a long time is actually a massive strength. Once he hits elementary school, that focus will be a huge advantage. It's way harder for the kids who can't sit still and concentrate.

Look, maybe talk to a child psychologist or a speech therapist if you're really worried, but don't push him too hard.
There’s really nothing here to lose sleep over.
😘

I find myself agreeing with mistydrifter55; this seems like perfectly typical behavior for a child of that age. However, if you want absolute peace of mind, why not consult a specialist? A professional evaluation could help clarify any underlying issues. Intense focus on a specific subject isn't an automatic indicator of autism; it could simply be a natural predisposition or a latent talent waiting to flourish.

If it helps, even Mozart would spend hours lost in his harpsichord at just three years old, and biographers often noted he wasn't particularly social back then...😉

I’ve been trying to convince myself for a long time now—just praying that everything turns out fine in the end—that autism isn't some kind of disease in itself. It’s not. But it does point toward certain elements, you know, those pervasive spectrum disorders. I was just listing a few things I've noticed that feel... off. Weird. For instance, there’s this intense fear of tiny babies, mostly because they don't talk or walk yet. And then there's this obsession with buttons. You wouldn't believe it; he can't even handle someone wearing a button-down shirt around the house without losing it. If anyone accidentally touches him while they're wearing one, he just starts screaming. It's constant.

Carol Young20 said:she seems pretty scared of little babies, maybe just because they don't talk or walk yet? I guess she might be a bit obsessed with buttons too, like she can't imagine anyone around the house just putting on a shirt, especially if someone accidentally touches her when there are buttons involved...

honestly, I think all of this is totally normal, so please try not to worry too much.
When I was a kid, I used to get really spooked by the sound of a chainsaw or those creepy masks people wear for Halloween, especially the scary ones.
I suppose every kid goes through their own little phases with fears, but it's probably just a stage and it'll all pass eventually..

P.S. Like I mentioned earlier, maybe just try not to stress out so much and just enjoy these moments with your son while he's still tiny.... and if you're able to, maybe focus on the idea of giving him a little brother 🙂(if that's something you guys are looking into) or whatever else comes along....

best,

Ryan Carter52 said:Look, this is all totally normal, trust me.
When I was a kid, I used to freak out over the sound of chainsaws or wearing those creepy masks—you know, the ones people wear on Halloween? Especially if they looked particularly unsettling.
Every kid has their weird little fears. It’s just a phase, and it’ll pass...

P.S. Like I said before, don't sweat it too much. Just enjoy your son while he's still little... and maybe focus on giving him a little brother 🙂(if you guys can swing it) or if that's even on the cards right now....

Best,

Thanks for the kind words, really. But honestly, I am worried. Even some professionals have started flagging things, which definitely spooked me a bit. We actually have an appointment at a psychologist this Tuesday—it's part of our regular check-ups—so I'm hoping we get some actual answers there. Hopefully, daycare will help too.

As for a second kid... yeah, that's just not happening right now. We're living with my husband's parents and his brother, plus his grandparents are in the mix, so there are eight of us under one roof. We're building a house and hoping to move in within a year or two, so once we finally have our own space, then we might start thinking about a baby.

Well, I guess we can just hope for the best. I totally get why you're feeling anxious as a parent, but maybe if you do a little digging and research, you'll be able to sleep a bit easier at night.

I was actually listening to this really great, detailed radio program the other day about autism, and they were mentioning how some parents don't notice those major signs until the child is already four or five, even though it really should be caught by age two. It seems like if things are caught earlier, it’s just so much easier to manage everything and start working on solutions.

Anyway, doctors aren't always right, you know? If you don't mind, I could maybe tell you a quick story from when I was about the same age your son is now,
so there was a bit of an issue with how I pronounced my Ls and Rs, which I think is pretty common for kids,
and my doctor ended up sending me to a speech therapist who worked in the exact same building, just two doors down on the same floor.
So, I head into the session, the parents get sent out to wait, and we just start chatting about absolutely everything under the sun; I guess I just talked and talked for nearly an hour straight while my folks were sitting outside practically falling asleep waiting...
and then, once I finally managed to stop rambling, she calls them back in, and do you want to guess what her first words were?
"What kind of fool doctor sent you here when this kid speaks better than all three of us combined!"

Oh, and I mentioned my little brother earlier for a different reason, but since I'm an only child, I feel like once you get close to thirty, you start realizing how much you actually missed out on by not having a sibling. Parents who grew up with brothers or sisters don't always realize that until much later in life, and then they might say, "Man, we really missed the mark," but it feels too late—though, from what you've said, I don't think that's the case for you guys.

Good luck with the house and everything else, give my best to your wife and the whole family, and lots of kisses to your little angel, or whatever they say back home in my neck of the woods.
Give everyone my regards, but don't mention anything. 🙂

Personally, I’m of a different mind than the rest of you because I truly believe this warrants a deeper investigation! I have a lot of faith in a mother's intuition, and I'm certain she can sense when something just isn't right with her little one.
Beyond that, getting to the bottom of the situation early on means we can provide much more effective support for the child once we actually know what we're dealing with.
I am sending all my best wishes your way, and please do keep us posted on whatever the specialists at the Mayo Clinic have to say!

I'm not sure if this will give you any courage, but you really ought to reach out for a professional evaluation. We are actually right in the middle of the diagnostic process ourselves—my son doesn't show the exact same patterns, mind you—but every single doctor we've seen has pressed us on the same thing: does he repeat stereotypical behaviors, and can he be easily diverted from them? If that's the case, they flag it as a potential issue and move forward with more intensive testing...

Keeping my fingers crossed that everything turns out alright. 🙂

So, I finally went to see the psychologist today. Her take? She thinks my kid is just being stubborn and really pushing his own agenda with these washing machine phases he's going through. She’s suggesting we just stick it out with preschool for now instead of sending him anywhere else specialized, thinking that might smooth things over. Honestly, I’m not buying it. From talking to so many other moms, it feels like our doctors and specialists love to brush off developmental delays because they're spread too thin and don't want to deal with "minor" issues right away.
Basically, this professor is the only psychologist serving the entire Orange County area...

On the flip side, she’s pushing us toward speech therapy because he hasn't quite mastered his Ls and Rs yet. Personally, I didn't think it was a huge deal since he's only four. My husband's cousin didn't even start speech therapy until she was five, and she speaks way better now than he does at his age.

She also mentioned she’s noticing some slow development in his fine motor skills, but her magic solution for everything is just "preschool will fix it." I actually asked if she had any specific advice on exercises we could do at home to help him improve—I mean, we’re just parents, we don't necessarily know the best clinical ways to support him. But no. To her, preschool is the cure-all. She basically ushered me out the door leaving me with a million questions swirling in my head.

I am counting down the days until we can take these findings to our neurodevelopmental specialist at the Mayo Clinic. I have a feeling she'll be much more helpful; she actually seems to love what she does and always takes the time to focus on the child's actual well-being.

And just so we're clear, I am definitely not satisfied with any of this. Back at the beginning of the year, I put him on the waiting list for the early intervention program at Harvard University, but I was told we wouldn't even be seen until October or November. So now, we're just stuck waiting and following whatever instructions we get from the local doctors and professors here in the US...

Anyway, I'd really appreciate it if you guys could jump into this thread. Please, if you have any advice or have dealt with something similar, let me know...

Thanks so much

I think you’re doing exactly what you should be doing. A pediatric neurologist ought to be able to answer most of those "million" questions you have, and honestly, a speech therapist is just as vital to this process. You also made a smart move applying to the ERF; their diagnostic capabilities are top-tier.
As a parent myself, I also seem to have about a "million" questions—the biggest one being when my child will finally be healthy, and if they’ll ever reach that 100% mark, at least by our standards. Sadly, nobody can give us a definitive answer to that. But with all the hard work, dedication, and love we pour in as parents, we’ll make incredible progress. I completely share your anxiety, though I’m practically speechless regarding that psychologist... 🙄
We’re also planning to apply to the ERF for another observation once the ear tubes are in place...

Karen Barrett said:We should probably apply for another ERF observation once those ventilation tubes are finally installed...

Seriously, just get that ERF application in ASAP. The wait times are brutal—we’re looking at an 11-month delay if we don't move fast.

Does anyone actually know who moderates the health subforum? It feels like this thread belongs over in the parenting section instead. Might be a better spot to actually get some useful advice from people who've been through this.

Thanks

Carol Young20 said:...

She also mentioned noticing some delays in his fine motor skills. She thinks daycare will eventually sort it all out, so I asked her if she had any tips for exercises we could do at home. As parents, we want to help, but we aren't experts on the best way to support our child. She seems to believe daycare is the ultimate fix for everything we're facing. Honestly, she basically brushed me off, leaving me with a million questions.

Thanks so much, everyone.

Since when did daycare become the place to handle developmental issues?😕 Does anyone have recommendations for seeing a private specialist instead?

There aren't really any private specialists worth my time, and trying to land an appointment with a therapist is basically mission impossible right now. So, I guess I'm just stuck waiting for my slot at the ERF in Washington, D.C., while I scramble to see if anything else turns up in the meantime.

Honestly, I don't have much of a choice...

This might be helpful for you.

http://www.autism.org/test/association.php

I would strongly suggest reaching out to psychologist Tanya Sever in Washington, D.C. Her work is excellent and
she brings an immense amount of experience working with children to the table. I would personally take my own child to her without hesitation. She runs a private practice, which
means you pay for quality, but her expertise is worth every single cent.
The specialists at EFR
are also top-tier professionals, though you should be prepared for a significant waiting list. Best of luck!

Greetings to Mark Fox96.
I started a thread yesterday about my Boy—he's two and a half and still isn't talking. I'm honestly pretty worried.
I forgot to mention that my Boy is absolutely obsessed with the washing machine. He loves watching it spin. Honestly, he could probably sit there for days just staring at it, jumping around and getting all excited. It’s kind of ridiculous, I guess.
He also loves flipping his car upside down just to spin the wheels. He’s obsessed with it. I didn't realize that was actually considered one of the symptoms of autism? Maybe I just didn't know.
At least your Boy is actually communicating with you. That's a win. Mine? Not so much. He’s basically speaking his own private language at this point. I’m planning to get him in to see a speech therapist soon and hopefully get all the necessary testing out of the way.
My son isn't interested in songs, picture books, or any of that stuff other kids seem to love. If I try to show him something in a book and tell him what it is, he just slams the cover shut immediately. But I've noticed something else—when he's alone in his room, he’ll open up a book and just sit there looking at it. I guess he just wants his space.
I don't really know what kind of wisdom I could offer you here. We seem to be dealing with much the same thing...

My son started walking at 10 months. I honestly have no clue what that actually implies...

A fundamental indicator of autism is when children—even infants—actively avoid eye contact or simply seem to look right "through" the person they are interacting with. If your child communicates normally, even if it’s just in their own little way, then you likely aren't looking at autism.

Carol Young20 said:I’m a mom to a boy who just turned four. A few months ago, I started suspecting he might be showing some signs of autism...

Back when I was 32 weeks pregnant, I had some complications that landed me on bed rest in the hospital. I had to take sedatives to stay calm, and I started dealing with constant infections. Because of all that, he was born three weeks early via C-section, and he actually caught an infection from me during birth. When we finally got home, he seemed to hit his milestones like any other baby at first, but then we noticed some motor skill delays. At 11 months, he couldn't pull himself up from lying down to sitting. He clearly wanted to walk, but his lower back was weak, so he couldn't stay upright. We were referred to physical therapy... He eventually learned to crawl, pull himself up, and walked by 15 months, which is when we finished our PT sessions. He started talking at 12 months and has this incredible sense of observation. Around 18 months, we realized how well he remembers logos—things like grocery stores, appliance brands, or car manufacturers...

Between reading articles about autism and talking to parents whose children have been diagnosed, I've come to the conclusion that something isn't quite right.
He is absolutely obsessed with washing machines; he finds the spinning motion fascinating. He could spend the entire day watching the laundry spin while flapping his hands. Sometimes he’ll pick up toy cars, turn them upside down, and spin the wheels, doing that hand-flapping thing again. I’ve noticed that when he does this, he’s totally tuned out from everything else; I can call his name, but he doesn't react. On the flip side, he’s terrified of everyday appliances like blenders or vacuums, yet he's strangely drawn to much louder, heavy machinery... those are just a few things I can think of, honestly.

Since he hasn't been in daycare yet and hasn't shown any interest in drawing, singing, or other age-appropriate activities, we decided to enroll him starting February 1st. However, I'm really nervous about how they'll react and how he'll handle it. We don't have an official diagnosis yet since we just started the testing process, so I can't give the teachers a heads-up, and I'm worried that if I mention my concerns now, they might not want to accept him into the program.

If anyone has any advice or has gone through something similar, please help me out in any way you can. Thank you so much..

🙄

🤦

When I was little, I used to sit in front of the washing machine for hours🤣🤣🤣
just mesmerized by the spinning. Even today, I still think the washing machine is a brilliant invention—sometimes I actually find myself staring into the drum for a moment.😂

When I was five, I didn't care for drawing or writing, but I was great at math and could memorize license plates easily...
and a lot of other things like that...

(I was a difficult birth involving a vacuum extraction, and I was sent to physical therapy when I was only 6 weeks old... I kept going until I was 2.)

Fast forward 30 years, and I'm a psychologist. I feel like a perfectly normal person to myself😳 (though, in the psychology world, "normal" is a pretty broad term! 😂

Just saying this with the best intentions, but I think you might be overthinking things a bit too much here 🙂

(Though, I can't really say for sure without actually seeing the little one—things could always be better or worse than how you're describing them)

BUT: just keep in mind that the more you read about this and spiral into your own thoughts, the more convinced you'll become that you're right (and let's face it, you can find plenty of people on these forums who will tell you exactly what you want to hear)
It’s perfectly fine to see a specialist, but I don't think it'll help if you go in with the mindset that they don't know anything or aren't seeing what you see. You could end up cycling through three different doctors just to find the one who finally agrees with your specific theory.
If that happens, you'll end up treating a perfectly healthy child as if they have a chronic condition that isn't actually there 🙂

Honestly, try to get them into preschool as soon as possible. It'll give them a chance to socialize, give you some breathing room, and let the child develop naturally.
That's when you'll truly be able to tell if something is actually off.
Plus, you'll be able to compare their progress against typically developing kids rather than focusing on neurodivergent diagnoses