Dead or Alive (2006)

What can we actually expect from this?
It feels like we’re just a hair away from seeing this hit theaters—rather than it being relegated straight to a streaming service like Netflix... 😲
Is it going to be high-quality trash or just plain bad trash? 🙂

...some pretty interesting trash...

Oh yeah, I'm definitely heading to the theater for that one. It's been on my list for a while now. 😬

crimsontinker30 said:Is it good trash or just bad trash? 🙂

Total garbage. This was an absolute cinematic masterpiece.

Brian Williams said:Not trash at all. It’s a cinematic masterpiece.

Jerry, I'm certainly not the only one who feels this way—it's pretty much a consensus among those of us with actual taste. 🙂

I caught a glimpse of some footage earlier and honestly, I was so confused... I thought for a second they had actually gone and filmed Charlie's Angels 3 🙄

I mean, what else is there to say besides—it’s just pure American excellence!

We should probably brace ourselves for some spectacular trash, especially considering the game this movie is based on. In the USA and across the globe, fans of the game were absolutely livid over the casting choices and the direction of the story, but everyone seems to have overlooked one glaring fact: the game doesn't actually have a coherent plot—there isn't anything remotely meaningful to follow. Since Corey Yuen is at the helm, though, you can definitely expect some high-octane action (anyone who has sat through Soul Close will know exactly what I mean).

I finally managed to talk the crew into going to see it, but now—of all things—it’s just not showing up anymore! 🙂

You didn't miss a thing

I consider myself a bit of a connoisseur of trash cinema. I enjoy watching Arnold, Sly, and Jean-Claude Van Damme just as much as any other guy would, but this particular movie isn't "good" trash—it's just plain bad. It’s catastrophic. Truly abysmal. It keeps attempting to strike a serious or "cool" tone, but it completely misses the mark. Save yourselves the trouble and skip it.

Nothing special here, though I have to admit the action scenes are fun. It’s a total popcorn movie if you just want to watch people brawling, see some tough women fighting, and turn your brain off for a bit. The fights are your typical bloodless Hollywood fare—a woman takes a kick to the head from some 250-pound meathead and doesn't even bleed or anything ridiculous like that, but it's executed well enough. Usually, this kind of stuff drives me crazy, watching an action heroine who weighs maybe 110 pounds take hits from a guy twice her size, with zero blood and she just keeps going like nothing happened.

I know what it feels like to get kicked in the head; every time I see it, it makes me nauseous.
Take kickboxing or the UFC, for example. One solid high kick to the head drops trained professionals—massive guys who eat punches for breakfast. But in these movies, some tiny girl takes the same hit and just keeps swinging... honestly, I'm getting worked up again.😬

Gary Anderson38 said:I know what it’s like to take a kick to the face; whenever I see it, I actually feel nauseous.
Take kickboxing or MMA, for example. One solid high kick to the head can drop seasoned pros—massive, muscular guys who make a living absorbing hits—yet some fifty-kilo weakling just keeps on fighting... honestly, I'm getting worked up all over again. 😬

Well, she makes a living taking hits too, and let's be real, women are generally more used to taking them than men are.
(though unfortunately, everything seems to be becoming relative these days) =)

Hey, Megan Ruiz13, sorry to go off on a bit of a tangent here, but I was just sitting here wondering—if you had to pick a winner in a fight, who do you think would actually come out on top, Jean-Claude Van Damme or Chuck Norris?

I haven't actually sat through Dead or Alive, but I can pretty much guess what kind of mess it is.
Honestly, I don't even think it qualifies as "trash"—it’s more like just pure, mindless exploitation of video game IPs...

There was actually some petition circulating online recently calling for an end to these kinds of movies, since they totally tank the reputation of both gaming and cinema.
Because of movies like this and directors like Uwe Boll (who’s supposedly about to drop another one called In the Name of the King based on Dungeon Siege), 99% of people still look at video games as nothing more than childish nonsense where you just collect coins, mash buttons on a controller, and shoot space ships for high scores.... 😠

We should really hand something like Planescape: Torment over to a director like Tim Burton instead. That way, people might finally realize that games can actually be smart and deep. 😉

If they actually made a movie based on Morrowind or the whole Baldur's Gate saga, wouldn't those films easily run over
five hours each if they were actually faithful to the source material? =)

How on earth does anyone think you can adapt Morrowind into a movie? The game doesn't even have a cohesive plot, let alone one that's better than your typical low-budget trash.
It’s the same story with Baldur's Gate 2—the narrative is just as thin as a bad flick. A guy tries to save his sister from some villain while just trying to survive? Please. How many Jean-Claude Van Damme movies have already hit that exact same trope?
As for Planescape: Torment, you can forget about that too. It's far too complex for the average moviegoer. If they tried to simplify it, the whole thing would lose its soul anyway.
Most games don't rely on heavy storytelling; their entire appeal lies in the fact that the player actually shapes the outcome, rather than just sitting there watching it happen!

bluebison8 said:How exactly does someone plan on adapting Morrowind when the game doesn't even have a coherent plot, let alone one that’s better than your run-of-the-mill trash?
BG2 is basically just like a movie with a pathetic plot—some guy trying to save his sister from a villain while just trying to survive. Honestly, how many Jean-Claude Van Damme flicks have already been made using that exact same tired trope?
You can forget about a Planescape: Torment adaptation. It’s already far too complex for the average moviegoer, and if they tried to simplify it just to make it palatable, there wouldn't be much left of the film anyway.
Most RPGs don't bother with much of a plot, do they? Their whole point is giving the player the agency to actually shape the story rather than just sitting there like a spectator watching it unfold.

Honestly, if you can't find a meaningful story in Morrowind, even with all its expansions, then what exactly are you doing with your life?
Just a thought—it’s pretty obvious at this point that we need to flip at least half of these locations around.
Are the main quests actually worth the detour, or should I just grab both Baldur games and call it a day?
The entire gate, including that final expansion—you’ve got to go through the whole thing from start to finish, all of it.
Locations, quests, or whatever other nonsense they throw at you—as long as it actually matters for the main quest.
Craft an epic saga, starting from the moment the protagonist's father is murdered and carrying through all the way to...
So, we’re really going to sit here and debate whether becoming a god or completely rejecting that divinity in the expansion is worth all the fuss? Is it actually a meaningful narrative pivot, or just more filler for the sequel?
He’s wrapped up in an audiovisual performance that feels like it was crafted by a master.
Lord of the Rings.

It’s not that games lack a compelling narrative; it’s just that everything seems to be built around mindless, repetitive filler.
It’s more about how the player actually engages with the world; isn't it really just about the way those stories unfold?
Honestly, their film adaptations tend to be so stripped down and sanitized that you end up losing the very soul of the original story. Is it even worth watching if they gut everything that made it interesting in the first place?
That’s really just the essence of it, isn't it? These games essentially present players with established canons exactly as they are.

Then again, there are certain games that simply exist as their own self-contained worlds, defined entirely by their sense of theatricality.
It’s already better than anything SHA could ever hope to produce, though I honestly don't know how a high-quality production could even attempt to capture this.
They’re in a much better light than SHA is. Honestly, who actually cares about SHA? If they want something worth their time, they should just go play something else instead.
Fahrenheit.

Morrowind might actually spark some anti-Christian debates since the whole plot revolves around a Holy Trinity that grabbed power through murder, and then you've got this messiah figure uncovering all of it. Honestly, I think the Church would have a field day with that one. 😁

And as for Baldur... Man, even Lord of the Rings doesn't have a tighter story than Baldur, so yeah, it's a killer movie.
The magic of Baldur is really in how the plot unfolds, the atmosphere, those edgy dialogues, and all that good stuff.

Besides, let's be real—pretty much every theme in art has been done to death already. It’s not about the core story; it’s about the execution and how you tell it. At least, that's what my English professor always tells me 😛.

Olivia Alvarez28 said:hey creeping death, sorry for drifting off-topic for a second, but who do you think would actually win in a fight: Jean-Claude Van Damme or Chuck Norris Steven Seagal?

Steven Seagal 😬