Dealing with frigidity

I honestly feel like I’m just completely frigid 🙂 🙂
What am I even supposed to do about this? 😕 Does anyone actually have experience dealing with this kind of thing (though I really hope 😢 doesn't)
? And look, I’m not being dramatic or messing around here, this is—unfortunately—the actual truth 😢

HELP!

How old are you?

Almost thirty 😲 😲 😱 God, that sounds absolutely terrible, doesn't it? "Almost thirty." I swear, I still feel like I'm way, way younger than that...

So, come on, people, please... if anyone has some actual, constructive advice, I am all ears. 🙂

Could you explain why you feel that way? Like, what kind of "symptoms" are we talking about here? Is it more psychological stuff, psychosomatic things, or maybe hormonal?

I know there are certain cases where hormone therapy can actually help manage things.

Give us a little more to work with, man. It’s hard for people to weigh in if you don't give them enough info to go on.

velvetwolf92, no offense, but I honestly don't think you have any clue what "frigidity" actually means.

There’s no such thing as a cold woman.😉

Walter Myers4 said:There’s no such thing as a frigid woman.😉

Walter Myers4, stop talking nonsense.

Frigidity isn't just a random trait; it's a cluster of serious symptoms that often point toward underlying medical or psychological issues.

That's exactly why I questioned whether velvetwolf92 actually understood the definition.

Kenneth Hernandez67, seriously, just show some decency.

I’m not even mad at you, Kenneth Hernandez67.

Look, I just don't have any interest in sex. I really don't want it. Honestly, even the mere thought of it feels pretty repulsive to me. It's not that I don't crave physical contact—I actually have this massive, constant need for touch—but I don't want anything sexual attached to it.
I’ve actually started turning down touches and kisses lately, mostly because I know exactly where those things are headed if I let them happen.
There are times when I feel a physical necessity (and I mean a necessity, not some kind of "desire") to take care of myself, so I just do it. But even then, there isn't any sexual imagery or thoughts running through my head.
Another thing is that I don't really link sex with reaching an orgasm. I’ve never actually experienced an orgasm during sex, though that was never really an issue for me before. I used to enjoy being intimate and feeling that closeness, knowing full well that I could always just handle the climax on my own whenever I felt like it.

I suppose I function perfectly fine without sex.

The real headache is that I am in a relationship, and things have become pretty tense because of all this. I end up feeling guilty because I don't want to have sex, and he ends up feeling guilty whenever he does decide to initiate it.

Look, if you’re actually able to hit an orgasm—whether you're flying solo or with a partner—then you aren't "frigid." That label doesn't apply to you.

Maybe checking out this site will give you some clarity: www.asexuality.org

Frigidity isn't just about being unable to reach an orgasm.

I mean, I honestly believe there are plenty of women out there who have never even experienced an orgasm, yet they still have a perfectly healthy desire for sex.

velvetwolf92 said:I’m just not interested in sex. I don't want it. Even thinking about it makes me feel gross. I crave physical touch and I need it badly, but nothing sexual.

What about this? Honestly, I’ve been feeling pretty disgusted by the whole idea of sex lately too, especially after reading all these endless threads about HIV...

I mean, maybe this link could actually be useful for you www.asexuality.org

God, I really don't want to be asexual! 😱 😱
It’s more like... I want to *want* to have sex, but right now, I just don't.

Dammit, I'm just hoping a bit of psychotherapy might finally sort this whole thing out!

Does anyone know if there's a decent sexologist working over in Cleveland?

This is the third time now, velvetwolf92, that you've come asking for recommendations for psychologists, psychiatrists, or therapists in Cleveland.

We’ve already answered you in previous threads and via private message. 🙂

velvetwolf92, I think we’re dealing with the exact same struggle here. It’s hard to put my finger on it, but I honestly feel like having sexual intimacy through penetration just a few times a year would be more than enough for me. It isn't that I consider myself frigid or asexual; rather, I think I just experience my own unique kind of sexuality... where things like touch, kissing, tenderness, and even just pure imagination and creativity carry much more weight. To me, the most vital part is truly understanding your partner, yet it feels like so few couples actually sit down and have those deep conversations about sex. There needs to be this foundation of trust—this security that neither person will take offense if one wants intimacy less frequently than the other. I simply cannot wrap my head around the idea of sex every single day. When everything becomes an expected routine or a common obligation, it completely drains my desire... For me, it's always been about quality over quantity, even if that means it only happens once a year.
On a side note, I recently walked away from a very long-term relationship... so I truly understand what you're going through. I was absolutely terrified at the thought of eventually marrying him and facing that sense of "duty"... you know? I just don't have the heart for it, but he didn't understand that and kept demanding his needs be met...

Look, Kenneth Hernandez67, yeah, maybe I am a mess. What can I even say? I’ve got my own issues that are my business, and while someone else might find them hilarious, they’re mine to deal with. At least I’m actually trying to work on myself, I guess.
Now everyone is just going to walk away thinking I’m some kind of total psychopath. But I really am not.
thanks a lot

velvetwolf92 said:Fine, Kenneth Hernandez67, yeah, I’m a mess. What can I do? I have my own issues that are mine alone—to anyone else, they might seem ridiculous. At least I’m trying to fix myself.
Now everyone’s going to think I’m some kind of psycho. I’m not.
thanks a lot

Look, excuse me, but why aren't you actually doing anything about it then? Nobody ever thought your problems were funny, including this one. And honestly, the way you overanalyze how everyone else reacts? That's probably just another one of your issues.

I personally sent you names, addresses, and phone numbers. Both for those paying cash and those using money orders. Other people have chimed in on these threads too.

And now you open yet another thread to go looking for the exact same thing again.

To me, it looks foolish. But believe whatever you want.

Well, I am taking steps. I actually went to see a therapist back when I was actively looking for help, and honestly, it really did make a difference for me.
I guess I just wanted to reach out and see if anyone here has gone through something similar—if you could maybe share your own experiences or how you managed to pull through it all. That’s really all I’m looking for.

Since you're already seeing the same psychologist you mentioned helped you out before, why not bring this specific issue up during your sessions?