Eating Disorder Support & Recovery

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Hey everyone, and please, let's try to keep things friendly!

Just talking about the problem... honestly, that's half the battle right there!
Finding people who actually want to listen—is there any better guarantee for success?
Not to mention all the other support out there....

We've only got one mouth and TWO ears for a reason!

😉

I find myself drifting back to the story of Little Red Riding Hood, which honestly feels like better reading than most of the professional textbooks out there. Just some loud thoughts of mine—maybe someone else will see eye to eye with me on this.

If I stick to something light like a bowl of soup with some steamed veggies, maybe some fish, or even just one of those small student-sized portions of pasta in sauce, I don't feel that overwhelming urge to kiss the pot because, honestly, I actually managed to eat a decent amount for once.

You're likely just aware that you ate something healthy and low-calorie, so your brain is sending you that signal that it won't actually lead to weight gain. 🙂

It honestly feels like my stomach is starting to bloat... though I suppose there’s a perfectly logical reason for it, considering I haven't been able to use the bathroom in days and the discomfort is getting pretty intense.

Most digestive issues really just boil down to a lack of plant fiber, which usually stems from picking out processed junk that offers zero nutritional value... It’s a depressing reality, but about 70% of people living in the US these days are struggling with digestive problems. 😢

The worst part is that this isn't just a one-off thing; I’ve lived my entire life taking the path of least resistance, always drifting toward whatever is easiest rather than actually standing my ground.

Don't sweat it, you aren't alone in feeling this way; I've been through those exact same stretches myself, though I've noticed that for some people, taking the path of least resistance seems to work a lot better than it does for others. That’s why getting your hands on the right information is everything—the more you actually know, the fewer traps you'll end up falling into. 🙂

Back during the period when I weighed around 175 pounds, everything just seemed to click into place; life felt effortless and I was actually getting along with everyone. I was pulling straight A's in school, had a boyfriend who truly cared about me, a massive circle of friends, and plenty of nights out just enjoying myself.
Back when I was around 20, I completely skipped my period because I just couldn't wrap my head around wearing a mini skirt—which happens to be the standard uniform at my job here in the States. I avoided going out altogether because I knew everyone would be staring, judging how much I’d shrunk into this tiny little athletic frame. It was honestly miserable having to go to the grocery store or pick up food, always feeling like the cashier was looking right through me, thinking about how much I eat despite being so small.

These are just the facts, and when the facts aren't in our favor, they tend to push us straight into this headspace of insecurity and fear. Society operates exactly how it does, and honestly, we don't have the power to go around reshaping everyone else around us. It’s much easier to focus on changing ourselves—if we shift, then eventually the way people treat us might shift too—but even if we know that deep down in our subconscious, there isn't some kind of magic fix waiting for us.

I just couldn't bring myself to be intimate because I was stuck in this headspace where I felt completely repulsive, wondering how anyone could possibly find my body exciting... and honestly, that's where things started falling apart between us.

Most men are visual creatures by nature, and when they find someone genuinely attractive, you see them put in much more effort—even behind closed doors—so what you’re saying makes perfect sense. You've got a very grounded perspective and aren't being selfish at all; you aren't one of those people who just says, "this is who I am, take it or leave it," without caring if there's any actual attraction there. I can already hear the inevitable wave of "selfish" accusations coming from certain corners of the internet. 😁

It’s honestly hard to wrap your head around how much the entire world shifts once you drop the weight... you have no idea how many doors swing wide open just because you're considered attractive, because of your smile, or even just because of the skirt you happen to be wearing. I’ll never truly get over it, and the realization just keeps looping in my mind like a broken record. You have to be beautiful, thin, and smiling to get that kind of access. It’s a grim thing to realize after experiencing it firsthand, and frankly, it leaves me terrified of gaining even an ounce, because as repulsive as it is, the truth remains: people value looks above all else.

Beauty isn't the only key to success, but let's be honest—it’s usually the one that swings the doors open first, and that's where the whole "path of least resistance" thing really kicks in. For those who don't have that kind of aesthetic leverage, you're forced to actually put in the work and think twice just to find an opening. It creates this cycle where the attractive crowd never feels the pressure to sharpen their skills because things just slide into place for them, which only fuels that tired old stereotype that being beautiful and being bright are mutually exclusive. 😎

It all stems from this warped sense of human value, really—this massive wave of people who refuse to think for themselves and instead just follow whoever happens to be leading the pack. Usually, those leaders aren't thinking much at all, and when they do, their ideas only serve their own interests while leaving everyone else to deal with the fallout, though most people are too checked out to even notice.

You're right, the reality is just that people have become incredibly shallow; they judge everyone based on surface aesthetics and refuse to invest even a second of their precious time into actually getting to know someone. We’re all just retreating further into our own shells, becoming increasingly isolated, until eventually those superficial types "win" because it makes sense to them—why would I bother trying to reach someone who isn't even willing to open up, effectively wasting my own time in the process?

"Do you honestly know what psychiatrists are actually for?
They exist to tell you the things you already know deep down but refuse to acknowledge because facing the truth hurts too much..."

It's funny how most people find it impossible to admit they've messed up to themselves, seeing it as a total defeat, yet the moment a "man with a degree" says the exact same thing, it suddenly carries this heavy, undeniable weight and importance.
Once we finally grasp that our mistakes are what actually shape us, and that making more of them is really just building the resilience needed to handle life's various "growing pains," then maybe we can finally call ourselves adults. 🙂

mistybear4 said:Ever wonder why psychiatrists even exist???
Maybe just to tell you stuff you already know deep down, but you won't admit it because the truth hurts way too much... "

Look, out of respect for the people who actually get help from psychiatry, just stop posting this garbage.

"No one understands me better than I do, and honestly, no one can help if I don't want them to... I'm smart enough to realize what my issue is, but I just haven't found the nerve to actually face it and fix it... That’s where I get stuck."

Trust me when I say you’re much braver than you feel right now. The real issue is how the world reacts to mistakes; everything seems built on this paralyzing fear of messing up or failing.

Think back to your days in elementary school—were you constantly terrified of your grades? Worried you wouldn't know the answers during a test? Did you dread what your parents would say, or how the other kids in class would look at you if you weren't perfect?
Every single one of us is unique, wired differently with our own specific strengths. You can't just shove people into neat little boxes. If someone isn't as fast at taking a standardized test as the kid next to them, it doesn't mean there's something broken inside them. But that's exactly what happens. They get labeled as failures or losers. In the American school system, we are basically conditioned to be afraid of making mistakes. We aren't stupid; we just learn how to adapt to the system by learning how to avoid errors entirely. But in the real world, the people who actually make it—the ones who go the furthest—are the ones who made the most mistakes. They were the ones who weren't afraid to fail and actually learned from the wreckage. They used those blunders as lessons.

"It’s just easier to eat and purge, easier to walk through life with a fake smile plastered on your face, pretending everything is fine while lying to yourself..."

Maybe that feels like the path of least resistance right now, but believe me, the easy way is rarely the right way. There's an old saying that life wraps its greatest gifts inside our toughest problems. If we don't confront them and figure out how to resolve them, we never really grow. We never learn how to "fix" the parts of ourselves that feel broken, which is exactly what you touched on when you said, "No one understands me better than I do." 👍

PS: You have so much potential in you. I truly believe you can work through this. Who knows, maybe you'll end up becoming an expert in this field someday; after all, real-world experience often carries more weight than a college degree. 🙂

Hannah Davis18 said:Out of respect for the people psychiatry actually helps, just stop posting this garbage.

Hannah, I don't think you actually caught his drift here...🙂

Think about it for a sec.

He wasn't even trying to trash psychiatrists. He was just pointing out that a good one basically just helps the patient find their own way to heal themselves...

Honestly, she’s totally right... psychiatrists (or psychologists, for that matter) are basically there to help you face—or, you know, actually deal with—those problems you’re more or less subconsciously pushing down, ignoring, or just sweeping under the rug with all sorts of excuses. Like, "it's not my issue, it's just that the weather in NYC is trash today" or "my mom didn't give me enough gas money" or "my professor totally tanked me on that exam..."

What I’d add to that is that just because someone had a super crappy experience with one psychiatrist (or psychologist), it definitely doesn't mean they're all total losers and that nobody can actually help you out.

Think about it this way: do you honestly get along with every single person on this planet? Of course not! So why on earth would you expect every single psychiatrist to be the perfect fit for you?

At its core, the patient/doctor (or psychologist) relationship is really just two human beings coming together, both carrying their own entire worlds (and, let's be real, a whole lot of baggage) with them. Sure, psychiatrists (or psychologists) go through training to learn how to adapt to different people, but at the end of the day, a huge chunk of their own unique personality is still going to be right there in the room with you.

So, if you have to, seriously—just swap through twenty different psychiatrists (or psychologists) until you finally find that one good person you can actually work through things with.

Even though (as a future psychologist myself) the way our psychiatrists handle people dealing with Eating Disorders is basically 😲 just makes me wonder where these people even went to school and what kind of absolute nonsense they were taught. 😢 👎

Hannah Davis18 said:Out of respect for the people who actually benefit from psychiatry, just stop posting this garbage.

Hannah Davis18, I'm sorry, but that wasn't me—it was Anthony Wood54, and if you look closely at my quote marks, you'll see I was just repeating what they said...

I honestly don't get why you're making such a fuss about it; if we talked more openly about incompetent doctors, maybe they’d actually feel some pressure to improve, which would be a win for everyone actually needing their help. We shouldn't be silencing public opinion like this—what kind of democracy is that anyway? 😕

The dynamic between a patient and their doctor—or psychologist—is fundamentally a meeting of two human beings, both arriving with their own entire worlds and heavy baggage in tow. Sure, psychiatrists and psychologists go through years of training to learn how to adapt to different personalities, but at the end of the day, a certain core part of who they are always remains visible.
...
As someone studying to become a psychologist, I can't help but look at how some psychiatrists handle people dealing with Eating Disorders and wonder where they actually went to school and what kind of fundamental empathy they were taught.

It’s a solid way to approach solving problems; focusing on that "connection between two humans." When you're trying to fix someone's life, feedback is everything. If a doctor isn't completely full of themselves and doesn't have an ego that thinks a degree is the only measure of worth, they can actually build that closeness with a patient and offer real help.
Another issue is that you see some psychiatrists treating nutrition-related issues when they don't actually know the first thing about diet, simply because it wasn't covered in their medical curriculum, so why would they bother wasting their time learning it later?😕

I have a lot of respect for any physician or doctor who stays hungry for knowledge, someone willing to double-check everything if there's even a slight hint it might help the people they're treating, all for the sake of genuine expertise and self-improvement.👋

darkbison81 said:I always assumed you had to be both at once—someone who masters both psychology and metabolism—or at least find a clinic with a full team capable of handling both sides of the coin simultaneously...
In reality, while a psychologist or psychiatrist is essential for treating the root cause, I feel a metabolic specialist is just as vital for addressing the physical fallout that follows... and we shouldn't just brush that aside.
The way I see it, this ideal practitioner would be a psychiatrist specializing in Eating Disorders who has also undergone intensive biochemical training in metabolic physiology...

darkbison81, you hit the nail on the head there; having expertise overlap across different fields is really what drives the best results... though, if I were calling the shots, I’d probably just send any psychiatrist dealing with Eating Disorders through some heavy-duty nutritional training instead. 🙂 😎

northernfalcon30 said:Anyway, do psychiatrists actually treat "mental illness" and "psychiatric disorder" as the exact same thing—specifically when we're talking about this mess?

Yeah. Totally. According to the DSM-5 (which is put out by the American Psychiatric Association), mental illnesses include stuff like Anxiety Disorders, Mood Disorders, Schizophrenia and Other Psychotic Disorders, Personality Disorders, Cognitive Disorders, Dissociative Disorders, Somatoform Disorders, Factitious Disorders, Substance-Related Disorders, Eating Disorders, and Impulse-Control Disorders.

Generally:

A mental illness is a psychiatric disorder that results in a disruption in a person's thinking, feeling, moods, and ability to relate to others. Mental illness is distinct from the legal concept of insanity.

It’s pretty much like any other sickness, really... you need everyone pulling in the same direction—doctors, patients, families—plus everyone involved needs to actually know what they're doing through decent education.

In that paper I mentioned earlier (and there are tons more, all published back in 2005...), they talk about how certain molecules can mess with the recovery process. There are a bunch of different theories floating around regarding the pathophysiology and pathobiochemistry of Eating Disorders, but honestly? None of them give us a definitive "aha!" answer for why these disorders start or how to fix them for good. But hey, that doesn't mean we should just throw up our hands and stop researching, right?...

mistybear4 said:darkbison81, you’ve hit on a valid point there. One really ought to possess expertise across multiple disciplines if one intends to achieve the most successful result. However, where we differ is this: I would personally suggest sending any Psychiatrist specializing in Eating Disorders to undergo some specialized station nutrition training. 🙂 😎

People living with Schizophrenia and Other Psychotic Disorders may occasionally consume an excessive amount of water—we're talking liters upon liters every single day—due to various factors inherent to the nature of their condition. This behavior can lead to a severe electrolyte imbalance, which carries its own set of serious health risks. However, at its core, even in such instances, this is not fundamentally a nutritional problem.

Look, I’m all for facts and data because they kill any mystery surrounding these issues, but now that we’ve got the hard truths on the table, can we please remember the whole point of this Forum? We're here to actually talk to people who are struggling. To offer some non-clinical support and maybe just say something kind... because if someone chooses to open up here, that's clearly what they're looking for, right?
People dealing with this stuff often feel incredibly isolated. Even when they have people who truly love them close by, all they get is criticism or fear-mongering. They hear things like "you're crazy" or "you're going to starve yourself to death." And look, even if it comes from a good place, it doesn't help one bit. People use those words to wash their hands of the guilt—it's a way to say, "Well, I warned you," so they don't have to feel responsible later. But that reaction isn't empathy. There's zero attempt to actually step into the person's shoes. Someone can be totally alone even when they're standing right next to the people they love most. Plus, there's this layer of fear where loved ones are terrified that if they say, "Yeah, I get how you feel," they're somehow silently approving of the behavior.

We need to build an environment where actual healing can happen. In my opinion, this illness is often just a symptom of deeper, underlying issues. You need an interdisciplinary approach—and I don't just mean a bunch of pros working together in synergy. I mean bringing in friends, family, and the people who actually matter. That's the only way to hit the target.

I mean, what's the point of building trust (!) with a psychiatrist, or doing individual or group therapy, or whatever else... if you're just sending the patient back to a family that has absolutely no clue what's happening? Or even worse—sending them back to people who treat the whole thing like a joke or look down on them for it?!
The truth is, most people just view these Eating Disorders as some kind of... I don't know, fake act driven by greed.

mistybear4 said:Most guys are visual creatures. When they find someone attractive, they actually put in the effort—even in bed. What you're saying makes total sense... you're being realistic and you aren't being selfish. You aren't just thinking, "This is who I am, and I don't care if you like it or not" (brace yourself, I can already hear the "selfish" crowd attacking you now). 😁

👎 That isn't selfishness; it's self-respect. Why should anyone have to bend to societal pressure or force themselves to be someone they aren't? Are you even realizing that these kinds of mindless, blunt responses only end up hurting women? It’s because of people who think and speak like you that girls end up struggling with Eating Disorders like anorexia and bulimia!
And just to set the record straight, not every man is obsessed with supermodels and stick-thin bodies. There are guys who prefer curvier women, and there are men who aren't shallow—men who actually treat their partners like human beings instead of objects used for their own gratification. They don't expect a woman to stop having her own opinion just to satisfy some "master's" mental or physical whims.

"Why should anyone have to bend to societal expectations and force themselves to be someone they aren't?"

Look, I’m not advocating for "conforming to what everyone wants," and I never said this trend was justified, but I am talking about COLD, hard FACTS. And the facts suggest that when people find something pleasing to their senses, they generally put in more effort—even in their sex lives. You can be kind, brilliant, and the best woman on the planet, but if a man is going to turn his head for a great body or a certain look, just find me one guy who won't blink at that and I'll congratulate you publicly..

"Are you aware that by giving such stupid and reckless answers, you're actually doing the girl a disservice?"

First off, she was the one who noticed the issue in her own environment. If I were to tell her the exact opposite of what she's seeing, it could backfire; she might start thinking she’s being foolish because she's "seeing things wrong"—whereas I think she has a perfect radar for her surroundings and is incredibly sharp. She shouldn't fall into a deeper hole; instead, she needs to face the situation, weigh all the available options, and choose whichever one fits her best..
The line between what's "stupid" and what isn't is pretty thin. One thing viewed from different angles can look completely different, which is exactly why you need to look at things from multiple perspectives. If you only ever look through one lens, you end up with a distorted view of EVERYTHING.. and please, don't try to play judge here. Personally, I think my responses are quite measured, and if anyone disagrees, well, good for them—they can go listen to someone else. Everything in life comes down to choice... 🙂

"And just so you know, not all men are addicted to supermodels and skinny girls; there are plenty who prefer thicker women."

There's really no point wasting breath on personal tastes, and I wouldn't bother debating why someone prefers a certain body type, just as I wouldn't debate why some prefer certain types of men or those who enjoy being submissive—there are endless examples out there.... everyone should do whatever they want, as long as they stay out of my business.. 😁

"And then there are those who aren't superficial, those who treat their partner as a person rather than an object for their own satisfaction—someone who isn't allowed to be 'selfish' or have their own opinion, but must instead submit to the mental and physical demands of their 'master'."

The expected response, haha, is obviously yes: you should treat a person as a human being. I never tried to argue against that. But if your "personal opinion" is that being overweight and soft is "desirable," then I have zero interest in having a "deep" conversation with someone like that.. 😁

Selfishness is demanding from others something you aren't capable of providing yourself. For instance, if I'm overweight, where is my moral authority to expect a woman not to be? Let's circle back to my original point: "when people find something pleasing to their senses, they MOST OFTEN put in more effort." That is my opinion, and those are the realities we see around us. Wishing things were different doesn't change the truth; it just creates problems. Once we realize that external opinions aren't necessarily personal attacks, but just a way to refine our own stance, we'll actually get somewhere in life.. 🙂

Opinions that exist only to validate oneself just hold us back from growing.. 🙂

mistybear4 said:Look, I’m not advocating for "conforming to societal pressure," and I never said this trend was justified. I’m just stating FACTS. And the facts show that when people find something "pleasing to the eye," they jump on it.

Sure, but tastes vary. What looks good to one person might look terrible to someone else, and vice versa. Thanks for the essay, really, but there was only one sentence in there that actually bothered me; and you aren't being selfish... you don't think "I am who I am, and I couldn't care less if you like me or not."
Of course I’m going to be who I am (me, her, him, them)—and yeah, I don't give a damn if some random person doesn't like me. Big deal. Someone else will. Should we all rush out for plastic surgery or sit around crying about being ugly just so we aren't labeled "selfish"? 😁
Watch your tone. 😉

First off, she was the first one to notice this issue in her own circle. If I tried to tell her anything contrary to what she sees, it could backfire—she might start feeling stupid because she thinks she's "seeing it wrong."

You're generalizing way too much, and honestly, you're contradicting yourself. 😉

The same thing can look completely different depending on how you view it. That's exactly why you have to look at things from multiple angles. If you only ever look from one perspective, you end up with a totally skewed picture of EVERYTHING.

See? There isn't just one single reality; there are multiple perspectives and multiple angles. 🙂

And please, stop acting like the judge here. I think my responses are very measured. If anyone disagrees, well, goodness gracious, go agree with someone else. Go listen to someone else. Life is all about choices.

Forgive me, but you *are* playing judge. And I can't agree that your response is "measured." It isn't. Not even close. You're indirectly pushing her toward insecurity and a lack of self-respect. For someone who is already mentally unstable, that only makes things worse. In fact, that's one of the primary triggers for Eating Disorders.

We shouldn't waste breath on tastes. Same goes for why someone prefers thicker women, or why some prefer men, or those who like being kept on a leash... there are endless examples. Everyone should just do whatever they want.

So, if you admit that taste isn't up for debate, how does your comment about selfishness even fit in?😉

Look, obviously you have to treat someone as a human being—I never tried to argue against that. But if your "personal opinion" is that being overweight and out of shape is somehow "desirable," then I really have zero interest in engaging in any "deep" conversation with you...

Oh, please. Nobody said anyone should be obese or just completely ignore their health. I was strictly talking about the psychological side of things (and most people dealing with Eating Disorders aren't even overweight). You need self-respect and confidence. You can't let some jerk crush your self-esteem just because you don't fit his specific mold of how you "should" look. 🙄 And that doesn't just apply to weight or looks; it applies to everything.

Selfishness is demanding something from others that you aren't capable of providing yourself... so, if I'm out of shape, where is my moral right to expect a woman not to be?

That’s just hypocrisy. But fine, I agree with you there—it isn't right. I just don't see what that has to do with anything on this thread. 😕

Let me circle back to my original point: "when people find something aesthetically pleasing, they are MOST LIKELY to put in more effort." That is MY opinion, those are the facts surrounding us, that is reality. Everything we wish were true instead of the truth just ends up creating problems for us.

So, since we've already established that absolute truth doesn't exist and that "what looks good" comes in many different flavors, I still don't see how your comment about selfishness makes sense here—especially when it's totally unacceptable, particularly in cases like this.
I don't want to keep arguing with you and drifting off-topic, so
Best, 👋

Sure, but taste is entirely subjective—what one person finds appealing, another might find completely off-putting, and vice versa. I appreciate you taking the time to write such an extensive post, but honestly, there was only one single sentence in there that I actually disagreed with, regardless of the topic at hand; besides, you aren't being selfish... you don't have that "this is just who I am and I couldn't care less if you like me" attitude.
Of course I’m going to be exactly who I am, regardless of whether some random person finds me appealing or not. It's really not that deep. If one person isn't a fan, there's always someone else who will be. Honestly, if we all felt obligated to undergo plastic surgery or sit around crying about our looks just to avoid being perceived as selfish, life would be a complete disaster.

If you only found one single sentence of mine controversial, you really could have just asked me to clarify my thought process behind it, since looking at it from a different angle can give it an entirely different meaning.

I'll try to explain exactly what I meant when I talked about that particular brand of selfishness...
Issues tend to crop up—and honestly, it happens more often than you'd think—when you meet someone who seems to have a perfectly healthy weight, find them incredibly attractive, and end up in a relationship because there’s just that undeniable spark, only to have everything shift suddenly when they end up being twice the size they used to be... so now what?
If he starts complaining about her behavior, he’s basically painting himself as this selfish guy who only cares about her looks rather than who she actually is. It makes him look like he's just looking out for himself, which is funny because it ignores the fact that she’s the one who put him in this position to begin with. He's essentially being forced to voice his frustrations, yet people act like he's the problem for not just swallowing his pride for the sake of "love." We always hear that honesty is the bedrock of any relationship, but I guess that rule doesn't apply when things get messy.
I’ve always felt that looks matter, sure, but they aren't the end-all, be-all—much like sex, really. 😎

Read it again:
I just couldn't bring myself to be intimate because I was stuck in this headspace where I felt completely repulsive, wondering how anyone could possibly find my body exciting... and naturally, things started falling apart between us.
Since I hit my period at sixty, I’ve gone back to work and finally ended things with that guy—you know, the one who didn't seem to mind my weight as much as everyone else did.

He didn't care about her weight at all, but she was convinced he did; she just couldn't shake that feeling of being undesirable, which honestly made everything awkward between them. I suspect it stems from her own perspective—if she would feel self-conscious about having a partner with extra weight, she assumes he must be thinking the same thing. It’s actually a sign she isn't selfish, if you think about it.

I also don't find body fat particularly appealing, and if I were with someone who entered a relationship at her ideal weight only to gain it all back while claiming, "this is just who I am and I don't care if you still like me," I’d see that as pure selfishness. To me, it would feel like she simply doesn't value my perspective, and honestly, with that kind of mindset, she'd become a part of my past—so she can go ahead and be that way for someone else instead. 👎 😁
I also can't help but feel that the men who find themselves stuck in these situations, lacking the sheer backbone to speak up or change their circumstances, are really just nothing more than pushovers.
🙂

Managing weight seems so straightforward and solvable to me now that I can't even imagine being stuck in that struggle myself, though I suppose those who still find it a challenge are always welcome to come to me for advice—but honestly, it’s whatever. 🙂

From a guy's perspective, there's a certain hypocrisy among women who claim they want someone brutally honest, yet the moment a man speaks his mind without any sugarcoating, he’s suddenly labeled rude or just plain obnoxious. I've had quite a few women admit to me quite openly that they actually prefer the flattery, the sweet talk, and those empty promises—even when they know deep down it's all nonsense and won't lead to anything, they just enjoy the thrill of being wooed. 😕

You're overgeneralizing here, and honestly, you're just contradicting yourself.

I just can't bring myself to do it; I refuse to lie through my teeth just to lift someone's mood when it isn't sincere. Honestly, the truth is usually the best medicine, even if it feels more like a dose of shock therapy. 🙂

👋

mistybear4 said:If you only had an issue with one single sentence, you could have just asked me to clarify what I actually meant when I wrote it (since things can look totally different depending on which angle you're looking from).

Yeah. But now you've explained it. 🙂

I'll try to explain what kind of selfishness I was talking about...
The problem can arise (and it happens all the time) when someone meets a person at a healthy weight, falls for them, and gets into a relationship because they find them attractive—but then everything shifts and she suddenly becomes twice her size... so now what?
If he complains about it, he comes off as unloving and selfish because he's "only thinking about himself," implying her looks matter more than her personality. But why doesn't anyone ask how she's being selfish by putting him in a position where he *has* to complain, or by ignoring what bothers him just for the sake of "love"? ... And isn't honesty supposed to be the foundation of any relationship?

Then you should have said that's what you were getting at instead of being so brief. 😉
As for that hypothetical scenario you mentioned, you've got a point. Some people only claim to love others when things are going great; most people judge based on appearance and pick partners based on looks. But to me, love stays through thick and thin. You don't just walk away from someone you love because they're going through a rough patch; you try to help them. Just remember, love doesn't keep a scoreboard.

Her boyfriend didn't mind the extra weight, but *she* felt like it bothered him. She felt uncomfortable because she didn't feel desirable to herself... but why?

Exactly. She’s already carrying a heavy load of guilt and self-loathing, and then you swoop in telling her it's fine because she's being "real" instead of "selfish." Her primary concern doesn't have to be her boyfriend, his mom, or anyone else in this world—it's her own relationship with herself. Please, do some reading on Eating Disorders before you chime in. 🙂

I also think that body fat isn't exactly an aphrodisiac. If a woman enters a relationship with me at an ideal weight and then gains weight and tells me, "this is just who I am, I don't care if you like it or not," I'd consider that selfish. It shows she doesn't care about my perspective, and with that attitude, she'd be a thing of the past for me—someone else can deal with her spite.
I also think men who find themselves in that situation but lack the backbone to say anything or change things are just total pushovers.

Maybe they just like curvy women, or maybe they accept people for who they are, or maybe looks and sex aren't that big of a deal to them. 😉
You know that old American saying about a pretty girl; "curvy, glowing, and sweet." 😁

You’d probably just walk away from her too if she got caught in an accident and ended up disabled, or maybe if she hit a serious illness. Typical. 😁
Fair enough, you're right about that. But honestly, comments like yours don't belong in a thread about Eating Disorders anyway. It just brings the whole mood down.

Weight control? Honestly, it’s become such a simple, solvable equation for me now that I probably wouldn't even find myself stuck in that mess if I tried. But hey, for the people who are still struggling with it, they know exactly where to find me when they need some advice.

Look, for the millionth time, this isn't about weight control. It’s not like people with Eating Disorders are just fat, stupid, or clueless about what to eat. That's not how this works. This is a mental issue. A psychological one. Period.

From a guy's perspective, there’s this massive hypocrisy floating around with certain women. They claim they want guys who are straightforward and sincere, but the second someone actually gives it to them straight—without all the sugarcoating—suddenly he's being rude or just "too much." Honestly, plenty of them have admitted to me that they actually prefer the flattery, the sweet talk, and the empty promises. They know deep down none of it is true and that nothing is ever going to come from it, but they just enjoy the ride.

Look, you're being way too much. Save those kinds of "honest" posts for a support group—don't go trying to "help" someone struggling with Eating Disorders here. Honestly, you're just doing them more harm than good.

I'm just not going to do it. I refuse to sit there and feed someone some line I don't actually believe just to boost their ego or fix their mood. It’s exhausting. Honestly? Truth is the only real medicine here. Sometimes you just need a little shock therapy to snap things into place.

Your truth isn't my truth. And honestly? You don't argue about truths—just like you don't argue about taste. 😉
Look, just stick to a proper diet and leave the psychology stuff to the actual experts.
I've said my piece. I really hope this whole argument hasn't completely derailed the discussion. 👋

Alright, I'm finally jumping in too... after reading through everything everyone else said...
GUYS, I STILL HAVEN'T HAD A REAL CHAIR (I think it's been 6 or 7 days now)... and I felt incredibly lightheaded last night. I barely ate anything at my birthday party—just a tiny slice of pizza—and I woke up around 3 AM struggling not to throw up. Honestly, I don't think my stomach even processed that damn pizza (and the stuff from before is still just sitting there rotting, waiting to come out)...
Anyway, thanks to everyone for posting something... I can't even remember all of it right now... but big thanks to silvermason16...
Regarding the psychiatrist...
and the stuff they prescribe...
A few years back, when I saw mine for sleep issues, he gave me some sleeping pills and told me to take them until I could get back on track (I was in such a bad state I couldn't even remember a four-word sentence). So, I took them... and after about two months (I was taking them all day long, then switched to just nights after 4 days once I started sleeping better), I got hooked. I couldn't sleep without them. When I told him, he just cut off the prescription entirely. He wouldn't write them anymore, explaining that since I was sleeping okay now, I didn't need them and shouldn't risk becoming addicted...
grrrrrrrrrrrrr
I was absolutely livid. It took forever to calm down...
Okay... it's true what you guys are saying about how many psychiatrists and psychologists there are out there, but where I live, there aren't many...
I'll head over to NYC. I just need to look into it first...
So, yeah... that's it...
Please tell me what to do to finally get this pizza moving! (I won't even mention the salmon I had, the cake, the god-awful dried shrimp, cauliflower, three different soups, 30 prunes, countless sweet coffees, and a literal gallon of donuts)... nothing is working!!!!
P.S.: Laxatives are totally out of the question...

👋
Kisses, and have a great Easter if we don't talk tomorrow

Anthony Wood54 said:Well, I'm finally weighing in after reading through everything here...
GUYS, I STILL HAVEN'T HAD A bowel movement (I think it's been 6 or 7 days now)... and I felt absolutely terrible last night—even though I barely ate anything for my birthday (just one little slice of pizza)—but I woke up at 3:00 AM struggling so hard not to throw up. Honestly, I don't think my stomach even processed that damn pizza; it feels like the stuff from the day before is still just sitting there rotting away until it finally decides to make an exit...

Oh, honey, please. Don't put yourself through this. I mean, surely you realize you’ve completely wrecked your digestion—like, totally nuked it. You really need to try eating normally. Not just once a day! If you keep going down this path, you're going to end up in the ER, and why on earth would you want that?
Just try to wrap your head around the fact that—well, as long as you're breathing—nothing inside you is actually "rotting." Food moves through your digestive tract, your body grabs what it needs to function, and the rest just passes through. And listen, your body *needs* fuel. Regularly. In reasonable amounts.

Back when I lost weight (which was about 15 years ago now), I was absolutely obsessed with making sure it never happened again. I remember visiting my cousin for Easter—this is actually a perfect little story—and she is just the most incredible cook; she makes these spectacular desserts. She brings out this huge platter of treats—you wouldn't believe it—and you can't even pick a favorite. I'll grab the tiniest little thing, take one bite, and give people eyes 😲 like this. I'd love to have more, but I tell myself, "No, it'll be too much, I think." Then she looks at me and goes, "You know, nimbledriver81, whoever loves you, loves you whether you're five pounds heavier or lighter." 👍 🙂 Well, hey, she’s got a point, doesn't she? So, I went ahead and had three more. And you know what? I felt fine. Looking back, I can tell you that this whole "ideal" of looking like a walking skeleton is complete nonsense. Back when I was heavier, I was convinced everyone could see nothing but my extra weight, but that wasn't true at all. I always had plenty of handsome guys interested in me—and clearly, they didn't mind a little extra cushion. 😵 Besides, if someone has a problem with how you look, they shouldn't be looking in the first place.
Hang in there. 🙂 Go eat something delicious. It's not like it's Easter every single day.