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King Arthur

Started by slyowl9 · · 👁 4 views · 67 replies

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Participants slyowl9frozenhound34quietranger55graniteotter4casualotter21ADonna Nelson23Melissa Anderson23Kate Diaznimblemarlin17Jason Cook5Richard Hernandez13Jeremy Flores10Andrew Williamsrapidstag74Sean Nguyen4Elizabeth Harris6Robin Rodriguez5Kimberly Gomez28northernfalcon30Sophia Cruz6urbanhawk28neondrifter2Frank Moore4 …
slyowl9 slyowl9 MemberOP
24 messages
joined Jul 2013
#1 ·
🙂 🙂 I really wanted to love this one...

It just didn't click—nothing about it felt right...

The cast was definitely a highlight, but the plot sort of fell apart halfway through. Maybe I’ve just read too much about King Arthur, or perhaps I know a bit too much about the Middle Ages—or at least the end of Antiquity—to let those historical inaccuracies slide...
frozenhound34 frozenhound34 Newcomer
5 messages
joined Oct 2007
#2 ·
Is Clive Owen actually any good?
quietranger55 quietranger55 Newcomer
5 messages
joined Sep 2004
#3 ·
Forget King Arthur and those flashy spectacles—they aren't worth the hype.
graniteotter4 graniteotter4 Member
18 messages
joined May 2006
#4 ·
cvjetaca said:🙂 🙂 I really wanted to find something about it that I could actually enjoy... I guess I was just hoping it would click for me somehow.

Everything about this just feels fundamentally wrong... I don't know, maybe it's just me, but nothing about any of this seems to be going right at all.

I have to admit, I really enjoyed the cast, but the plot just seemed to lose its way somewhere around the halfway mark. Maybe I’ve just read too much about King Arthur, or perhaps my obsession with the Middle Ages—or at least the tail end of antiquity—is getting the better of me. It felt like I was catching all the little inconsistencies they tried to mash together, if you know what I mean.

So, I guess you're saying you wouldn't really recommend him? 😁
I honestly suspect that even Alexander the Great wouldn't be able to top what we're seeing here.
casualotter21 casualotter21 Regular
264 messages
joined Feb 2003
#5 ·
cvjetaca said:🙂 🙂 I really wanted to like this one...

The whole thing just falls flat. It’s simply not good.

The cast was decent enough, but the plot completely derailed about halfway through. Perhaps I've read too much about King Arthur, or maybe I just know a bit too much about the Middle Ages (or at least the tail end of Antiquity) to swallow all the mess they mashed together...

To be perfectly honest: why does this even surprise anyone? Back when Troy hit theaters, I was practically dying of laughter at the sheer concept of *Hollywood* attempting a *historically realistic* take on *epics*. Seriously? Just make a loud, shallow epic filled with magic and monsters! That’s actually within your wheelhouse, damn it!

The tragedy is that apparently nobody in Hollywood actually reads fantasy; they don't seem to know any fantasy novels outside of Lord of the Rings. So, when they finally decide to make those kinds of movies (because, obviously, that's what the masses want), we get these awkward monstrosities like Arthur and Troy. Oh well, their loss.

Anyway, I caught this at the theater today as part of AT&T's promotional "free movie, you give us a monopoly" program, and it was worth every penny. Since I was sitting in the second row, I didn't quite grasp the nuances of the battle scenes, but I can tell you exactly which actors should probably get a facial to clear the misery off their noses.

Favorite scene: the battle on the ice where 200 warriors from freaking Scandinavia fail to realize that marching across a frozen, cracking lake isn't exactly a stroke of genius.

Favorite character: the son of that evil Darth Vader Saxon. The guy is such a weakling he gets taken out by the person he just killed.

I also found it amusing that the story takes place in winter and everyone is bundled up thick, except for Keira Knightley, who spends three-quarters of the film hopping around in a thin dress with her shoulders elegantly exposed. Apparently, that kind of resistance to the cold is just part of their barbarian training.
casualotter21 casualotter21 Regular
264 messages
joined Feb 2003
#6 ·
quietranger55 said:To Arthur and his little spectacles, honestly.

Personally, I would have much preferred Keira Knightley, but hey, to each their own...
A Anonymous Veteran
3.6K messages
joined May 2005
#7 ·
It honestly makes me want to rip the poster down when I see soldiers in the 5th century still rocking Roman armor from the 1st century. I haven't sat through the whole movie yet, but I caught the trailer. So much for historical accuracy. 😂
casualotter21 casualotter21 Regular
264 messages
joined Feb 2003
#8 ·
Basta said:I feel like making a poster whenever I see soldiers in the 5th century still rocking Roman armor from the 1st century. I haven't actually watched the movie, but I saw the trailer. So much for historical accuracy. 😂

Don't forget the Vikings using crossbows in the fifth century! Clearly, those are just some local patriots from the 12th century who decided to hop in a time machine and head back.
Donna Nelson23 Donna Nelson23 Active Member
91 messages
joined Dec 2004
#9 ·
Please, don't make me start on all the historical inaccuracies I spotted just in the trailer! Seriously, spare me.

I’m skipping this one—I already know I'll end up venting like an idiot over all the nonsense.
quietranger55 quietranger55 Newcomer
5 messages
joined Sep 2004
#10 ·
It’s a valid question—really, why do we even watch these movies? And honestly, let me ask again: why? For anyone with even half the brainpower of my cat, they’re just plain mindless and frustrating. They don't even qualify as decent evening entertainment. For real though, why? Who is actually making them? Who are these people watching them? Who is out there actually enjoying this stuff? It’s pure decadence... 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
frozenhound34 frozenhound34 Newcomer
5 messages
joined Oct 2007
#11 ·
Basta said:I can't help but roll my eyes at the posters when I see soldiers in the 5th century still rocking Roman armor from the 1st century. I haven't sat through the whole thing yet, but the trailer alone was enough. So much for historical accuracy. 😂

If you weren't paying attention at the start, the film explicitly states it's the year 250-something; so we're looking at the 3rd century.
Melissa Anderson23 Melissa Anderson23 Newcomer
2 messages
joined Nov 2004
#12 ·
I find it quite fascinating that, out of everyone in that group, Lancelot was the one who actually perished on the battlefield.
As far as I know, Lancelot was a Knight of the Round Table and Guinevere's lover—you know, the one who caused all that trouble for Arthur.

Or perhaps it was those Blue-haired savages who, believe it or not, were actually equipped with ballistae?
Kate Diaz Kate Diaz Member
41 messages
joined Aug 2008
#13 ·
Melissa Anderson23 said:I find it quite interesting that out of everyone there, Lancelot was actually killed on the battlefield.
Lancelot was a Knight of the Round Table and Guinevere's lover (which led to Arthur being cheated on).

Or perhaps those Blue-haired savages somehow managed to possess those ballistae (if that's even the right word)?

I suppose the Romans taught them how to build such things...

Come on, let's not be overly critical; the movie isn't actually that bad, especially if AT&T is offering it as a free movie. 🙂

In any case, it's still better than 'Xena,' and the combat scenes aren't half bad if you can look past the total historical absurdities. As for the story about King Arthur, that's a whole different matter—I don't understand why they felt the need to tie the entire film to King Arthur in the first place. It seems like it was done purely for marketing purposes, likely to capitalize on another version of the Arthur legend, just told with a slightly "different" twist this time. The film would have been identical if it were just about some random Roman legionary and his "knights" (what kind of knights exist in the 6th century, anyway?) or some "heavy cavalry"... why package something like this under the guise of King Arthur, only to claim at the very beginning that the story is historically grounded? What kind of impression will that leave on kids watching it? That King Arthur was a Roman legionary? Honestly, people should just head to the library and pick up a book.

All in all, the film is riddled with illogical leaps, historical inaccuracies, forced interpersonal drama (what was the point of that relationship between Guinevere and Arthur? 😕), and overly sentimental, pathetic scenes (like six knights taking on 20,000 soldiers). Still, the highlight had to be that sniper-style shot taking out the traitor from the tree... not to mention using longbows about 800 years before Agincourt, or those armor-piercing crossbow bolts...
casualotter21 casualotter21 Regular
264 messages
joined Feb 2003
#14 ·
Kate Diaz said:Let’s not be quite so harsh on the movie; it isn't actually that bad, especially considering AT&T is offering it as a free movie. 🙂

I agree. You get exactly what you pay for when it comes to music. However:
The whole thing about King Arthur feels like a gimmick. I honestly don't get why they felt the need to tie the entire plot to him in the first place—it's clearly just a marketing ploy to capitalize on yet another "different" take on the legend. The movie would have been exactly the same if they had just framed it around some random Roman legionary and his "knights" (and let’s be real, what kind of knights are we talking about in the 6th century?). Why wrap this specific story in the mantle of King Arthur only to claim at the start that it's "historically grounded"? It's misleading. What are kids supposed to walk away thinking after watching this? That King Arthur was a Roman legionary? If anyone actually cares about the truth, they should probably just head to the library and pick up an actual book.

All things considered, the film is riddled with logical gaps, historical inaccuracies, and those forced, pseudo-interpersonal dynamics—I mean, what was even going on between Guinevere and Arthur? 😕 There’s a fair amount of romanticized, pathetic nonsense in there—you know, the whole "me and six knights against an army of 20,000" trope. Honestly, the highlight was definitely that sniper-style shot taking out the traitor from the tree. Plus, seeing them use longbows about 800 years before Agincourt, not to mention those armor-piercing crossbows... it was something else.

See? The movie is SO BAD that even you can't help but trash it. 😬

The battle at the end of the film was visually stunning, but since I was stuck in the second row, I honestly had no idea what was actually happening. It’s a shame because that seemed to be the highlight of the whole thing. I did find it pretty funny, though, how Arthur and his knights talk to each other like a bunch of regular guys—just shooting the breeze with lines like, "Once I'm done with this, I'm heading home to my wife," followed by, "And once I'm finished, I might just drop by to visit yours."

I have to agree with the sentiment regarding Arthur. If this were just a movie about some fictional Roman commander staying behind in Great Britain to marry a beautiful barbarian, I’d be perfectly fine with it. But since the opening claims it's "based on new archaeological evidence" and the title is literally *King Arthur*, I went in expecting an actual historical portrayal of his life. As it stands, there isn't much history to work with, and even less documented about Arthur himself—which is made even worse by the fact that the story is told through the eyes of a dead Lancelot.
nimblemarlin17 nimblemarlin17 Regular
459 messages
joined Mar 2004
#15 ·
quietranger55 said:That’s the real question: why do we even watch these movies? And I mean, seriously, why? For anyone with half a brain—even my cat is smarter than this—they’re just mindless and frustrating. They don't even qualify as decent evening entertainment. For real though, what's the point? Who's actually making them? And more importantly, who are the people watching them? Who actually enjoys this stuff? It’s pure decadence... 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

The intellectual elite, clearly...🙄
quietranger55 quietranger55 Newcomer
5 messages
joined Sep 2004
#16 ·
My cat and I were watching a video of Xena today—she actually really liked it. I did too. Honestly, her curves just keep getting better—I wish she’d show them off more often. Does anyone know of any adult films featuring Lucy Lawless?
Kate Diaz Kate Diaz Member
41 messages
joined Aug 2008
#17 ·
quietranger55 said:My cat and I were watching a video of Xena today. She really enjoyed it—and honestly, so did I. She just keeps getting more attractive. It would be nice if she showed off a bit more often. Does anyone know of any adult films featuring Lucy Lawless?

Xena could probably hide from Guinevere - Keira from that King Arthur production mentioned above...
Kate Diaz Kate Diaz Member
41 messages
joined Aug 2008
#18 ·
casualotter21 said:To be honest, the battle at the end felt amazing, but since I was sitting in the *second row*, I couldn't make heads or tails of what was happening. It’s a shame because it seems like the highlight of the whole movie. I also really liked how Arthur and his knights talk to each other like regular guys: "Once my service is done, I'm going home to live with my wife," or "When I'm finished here, I think I'll drop by and visit your wife," and stuff like that.

I was sitting in the 4th row. 😁

Yes, that final battle is definitely the best part. It feels like they are finally portraying battles similarly to how they actually likely happened—brutal and bloody—which we haven't seen much since the Battle of Braveheart. The concept of using smoke and heavy mist to create a mystical atmosphere where Arthur looks almost like a demigod is a nice touch... though it could have been executed much better. Just don't go expecting a battle quite like the one in Braveheart, because this is worlds apart from that.

I also agree with the comment regarding the portrayal of Arthur: if this were just a film about some fictional Roman commander who stays behind in Great Britain after the Romans withdraw and marries a beautiful barbarian woman, I would have found it perfectly fine. However, given that the opening claims it is "based on new archaeological evidence" and the title itself is King Arthur, I was expecting a historical account of Arthur's life. As it stands, there isn't much history to work with, and even less known about Arthur's actual life, especially since the story is told through the eyes of the deceased Lancelot.

The film would have functioned much, much better if it were stripped of its historical context and the whole "King Arthur" legend. If it were just about a fictional commander and made-up knights in a fairy tale setting, then the mix of crossbows, longbows, hand axes, and short Roman swords all appearing in the same era wouldn't bother me nearly as much... nor would it bother me seeing Keira running around in just a bra and panties under the snow in freezing temperatures (not that it's visually unappealing...) ... and besides, what kind of wizard is this Merlin anyway?
casualotter21 casualotter21 Regular
264 messages
joined Feb 2003
#19 ·
Kate Diaz said:And what kind of wizard is this Merlin guy anyway?

Mer... who? MERLIN, the legendary icon who basically defines what a wizard even is! And then, of course, the guy barely shows up for four whole scenes. His performance is just incredibly convincing:

Merlin: "Arthur, Arthur, you have to help us!"
Arthur: "No."
Merlin: "You're our last hope! Winter is almost over, and the lakes could swallow an entire army of Vikings marching across them!"
Arthur: "STFU!"
Merlin: "You have to save your people. The American people. You come from us."
Arthur: "Actually, now that you mention my parents..."

Arthur: "... and then your people turned my old man into ground beef and burned my mother alive."
Merlin: "Oh. Errrr...."
Keira: "Well, if you fight for us, I'll help. Did I mention I'm wearing even less clothing than I am right now? It's currently 14 degrees out and I've just got this thin dress on with nothing underneath..."
Arthur: "I'll... stay with you guys! TO HELP YOU IN THE WAR, that is!"
quietranger55 quietranger55 Newcomer
5 messages
joined Sep 2004
#20 ·
Forget about those tiny women weighing like 25 pounds... especially when they're wandering around naked in sub-zero temperatures. Xena—at least you know she's only there for the chest area.
It’s just like what someone mentioned earlier—if we didn't have Arthur, all that historical context, and whatever else; you'd realize you're watching a totally illogical fairy tale, yet somehow everything makes sense. It's like... 🙂

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