#1 ·
Heh, I’m actually curious why nobody has started a thread about this movie yet. Personally, I lack any sense of shame, so I’ll openly admit that I watched it. And, what a bunch of CRAP!
I could go into exhaustive detail, but I’ll settle for just three pieces of evidence proving how bad this flick is:
1) It’s based on a video game. And we all know exactly what that implies. Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat... the rare exception to that rule—and even then, only slightly—is Final Fantasy.
2) It features an ultra-intense techno soundtrack. Honestly, the music is so aggressive you hear it before the movie even starts. In fact, it’s so intense it begins playing before the actual opening credits roll.
Now, high-energy techno soundtracks aren't inherently bad. What makes them terrible is when they're slapped onto a movie that is far too mediocre to carry them. It’s roughly like taking a Ford Fiesta, slapping a Rolls-Royce emblem on it, painting it black, and trying to sell it to me as a luxury limo. Then, things like they do in this movie happen: when Bandedas stumbles out of a bar half-drunk, there’s background music playing like he’s about to be ambushed by American ninjas, Karate Kid wannabes, or The Matrix.
3) The main villains in the film are employees of the CIA. Since the plot takes place in Seattle, that means they are the Canadian intelligence service.
The. Canadian. Intelligence. Service.
I mean, really? It’s no wonder Lucy Liu can take down 25 special forces operators and cops and escape without breaking a sweat. That crowd probably spends their entire day just searching for maple syrup servers and filming locations for X-Files, leaving them no time for *actual* intelligence work. Besides, who exactly would they be spying on? Alaskans? Penguins? This group is so incompetent that I—someone who has never even set foot in the Department of Defense—could come up with a better plan for catching superpowered characters like Lucy Liu on the fly. Meanwhile, I’m sitting here watching movies while Canadians are likely doing... whatever it is Canadians do in their spare time.
I knew the movie was going to be bad, but I wanted to see it anyway just because Lucy Liu is in it, and a specially trained government assassin kicking ass is something I can never get enough of. But man, the movie is just so... pointless (I won't even say "bad," because even a bad movie can be entertaining) that even she didn't seem invincible; she just seemed completely unchallengeable.
I could go into exhaustive detail, but I’ll settle for just three pieces of evidence proving how bad this flick is:
1) It’s based on a video game. And we all know exactly what that implies. Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat... the rare exception to that rule—and even then, only slightly—is Final Fantasy.
2) It features an ultra-intense techno soundtrack. Honestly, the music is so aggressive you hear it before the movie even starts. In fact, it’s so intense it begins playing before the actual opening credits roll.
Now, high-energy techno soundtracks aren't inherently bad. What makes them terrible is when they're slapped onto a movie that is far too mediocre to carry them. It’s roughly like taking a Ford Fiesta, slapping a Rolls-Royce emblem on it, painting it black, and trying to sell it to me as a luxury limo. Then, things like they do in this movie happen: when Bandedas stumbles out of a bar half-drunk, there’s background music playing like he’s about to be ambushed by American ninjas, Karate Kid wannabes, or The Matrix.
3) The main villains in the film are employees of the CIA. Since the plot takes place in Seattle, that means they are the Canadian intelligence service.
The. Canadian. Intelligence. Service.
I mean, really? It’s no wonder Lucy Liu can take down 25 special forces operators and cops and escape without breaking a sweat. That crowd probably spends their entire day just searching for maple syrup servers and filming locations for X-Files, leaving them no time for *actual* intelligence work. Besides, who exactly would they be spying on? Alaskans? Penguins? This group is so incompetent that I—someone who has never even set foot in the Department of Defense—could come up with a better plan for catching superpowered characters like Lucy Liu on the fly. Meanwhile, I’m sitting here watching movies while Canadians are likely doing... whatever it is Canadians do in their spare time.
I knew the movie was going to be bad, but I wanted to see it anyway just because Lucy Liu is in it, and a specially trained government assassin kicking ass is something I can never get enough of. But man, the movie is just so... pointless (I won't even say "bad," because even a bad movie can be entertaining) that even she didn't seem invincible; she just seemed completely unchallengeable.