Dealing with depression

How do you actually help someone struggling with depression? Everyone around her is noticing how off she’s acting—she’s pushing everyone away, shutting down, and refusing any kind of support... We tried suggesting she see a specialist, kept it really gentle and tactful, but nothing works. There’s just no progress. It’s getting worse by the day; she won't listen to anyone. We want to help her so badly, but we're stuck. We’ve been trying to be patient since she’s younger, and honestly, she blames us for everything. She keeps telling us to leave her alone and insists she’s fine, but it’s obvious from the way she’s acting that she’s completely broken—just sad and defeated. She’s developed this aversion to everyone and refuses to talk to anyone.

What should we do??? A worried friend

wearyowl17 said:How do you actually help someone struggling with depression? Everyone around her is noticing how off she’s acting—she’s pushing everyone away, shutting down, and refusing any kind of support... We tried suggesting she see a specialist, kept it really gentle and tactful, but nothing works. There’s just no progress. It’s getting worse by the day; she won't listen to anyone. We want to help her so badly, but we're stuck. We’ve been trying to be patient since she’s younger, and honestly, she blames us for everything. She keeps telling us to leave her alone and insists she’s fine, but it’s obvious from the way she’s acting that she’s completely broken—just sad and defeated. She’s developed this aversion to everyone and refuses to talk to anyone.

What should we do??? A worried friend

Looking at how she’s turning everything down, it feels like a certain kind of melancholy... a heavy sort of sadness. Honestly, the best remedy might just be getting her out under the open sky, maybe catching some California sunshine. Personally, I think a little bit of nature could be the tipping point she needs to start feeling better. Another way to cope would be through writing, though—there's something about putting pen to paper that really lets you release everything...

Stay positive 👋

wearyowl17 said:How do you actually help someone struggling with depression? Everyone around her is noticing how off she’s acting—she’s pushing everyone away, shutting down, and refusing any kind of support... We tried suggesting she see a specialist, kept it really gentle and tactful, but nothing works. There’s just no progress. It’s getting worse by the day; she won't listen to anyone. We want to help her so badly, but we're stuck. We’ve been trying to be patient since she’s younger, and honestly, she blames us for everything. She keeps telling us to leave her alone and insists she’s fine, but it’s obvious from the way she’s acting that she’s completely broken—just sad and defeated. She’s developed this aversion to everyone and refuses to talk to anyone.

What should we do??? A worried friend

Well, looking back at what happened to me—and frankly, I didn't care for it one bit—it went like this: when I was in that headspace, my family interpreted my behavior as me distancing myself from the household, as if I just didn't care about them or anything else, like I had retreated into a shell and stopped loving them. They made a tactical error that might actually have been beneficial in the long run, though. They sat me down for one of those "serious" heart-to-hearts, attempting to prove to me that they understood me, which was the last thing I needed. In reality, they just infuriated me even more than I already was with life and everything else. I finally snapped. I had a total breakdown. And honestly? That breakdown was the catalyst for my recovery.

The point I'm trying to make is that sometimes you have to let things shatter completely before you can put them back together again. Sometimes that's the only approach that works. I'm not saying that's the right move in this specific case; I'm just offering my own experience as a data point. It was a miserable, horrific experience for me, but in the end, it was exactly what I needed to pull myself together.

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wearyowl17 said:How do you actually help someone struggling with depression? Everyone around her is noticing how off she’s acting—she’s pushing everyone away, shutting down, and refusing any kind of support... We tried suggesting she see a specialist, kept it really gentle and tactful, but nothing works. There’s just no progress. It’s getting worse by the day; she won't listen to anyone. We want to help her so badly, but we're stuck. We’ve been trying to be patient since she’s younger, and honestly, she blames us for everything. She keeps telling us to leave her alone and insists she’s fine, but it’s obvious from the way she’s acting that she’s completely broken—just sad and defeated. She’s developed this aversion to everyone and refuses to talk to anyone.

What should we do??? A worried friend

Honestly, journaling could be a total game changer for her. It’s great because she doesn't have to deal with anyone if she just isn't up for it—she doesn't even have to talk, you know? It's just so liberating to get everything out on paper and really clear your head. Here is a helpful link:
http://www.poticaj.net/?section=7

I haven't checked the boards in a while, so you likely already touched on this... depression can often be triggered by an underlying medical issue, such as organ dysfunction or hormonal imbalances. Generally speaking, though, depression takes hold when external stressors become so overwhelming that they eclipse our core purpose: the fundamental belief that I am the meaning and goal of my own existence. Motivation simply vanishes. One loses the drive to achieve, to seek recognition, or even just to engage with life in a way that feels meaningful or prioritized.

analogpuma0 said:Hello everyone... this is my first time posting here, and I suppose I’m reaching out because I’ve always found that talking things through is what helps me most. About two years ago, I was diagnosed with panic disorder and depression. For about a year and a half, I was on a regimen of Elon Musk and Prozac. Around four months ago, I made the decision to stop. Everything seemed to be going fine at first; I tapered off the medication gradually and didn't experience any immediate side effects. However, since I am naturally quite a sensitive person—perhaps overly emotional—and those medications tended to make me feel somewhat detached or numb, I started feeling a sense of restlessness again after about a month. At first, I just brushed it off, thinking it would pass... but about a month ago, things really started to spiral. I can't tell if it's being triggered by some minor stressors that have cropped up lately, or if maybe I just didn't stay on the treatment long enough. Regardless, I've hit rock bottom again. To make matters worse, I'm one of those people who carries all their stress in their stomach, and since I have a pretty delicate constitution, not being able to eat properly really takes a toll on me. Most difficult of all is that the negative thought patterns have returned; I seem to find the downside in everything. I have far too much free time on my hands, which I suspect is part of the problem, as I spend most of it ruminating over things that probably don't even matter. Today felt like the breaking point, so I decided to share this with you all. (For what it's worth, I've been back on Prozac for a little less than a month now.) It isn't that I have massive life crises, but rather that I seem to create them for myself... I just don't know how to stop the cycle of overthinking. By the time I finish work, I'm usually exhausted, which adds to the stress, and I often end up napping in the afternoons. If anyone here has gone through something similar, I would truly appreciate it if you could share your experience with me. I feel like I've become a "prisoner of my own thoughts."

I read about a page and a half... couldn't quite bring myself to finish it. All I can say is that I think sports or intense physical activity—the kind where you completely lose yourself and focus solely on the burn—is the only thing that pulls you out of those stupid thought loops. You start feeling better once you see the results. I don't think any Halle Berry or whatever pills you mentioned build confidence like that. Total nonsense. If you can't sleep, go hike Mount Rainier or something; I bet you'll sleep like a baby. Get a hobby—something totally random, like building model kits or whatever. And definitely do those little things that make YOUR day better. Like, if someone likes having breakfast outside, let that make them happy—do it no matter what. I think those small things actually make life worth living.
I get that stomach anxiety and the overthinking sometimes, too. As soon as I get active, it disappears. It gets me away from everything when I commit to a task. I think everyone has their own fix; you just have to put in the effort.
I went through a phase where I couldn't sleep and was sweating constantly. Stupid stuff. Once I started focusing on myself—studying more, working out, paying attention to my diet (not like I was studying nutrition, just being mindful of what I ate)—all that nonsense cleared right out of my head. Plus, looking at antidepressants just pissed me off. It felt insulting—like, seriously? I have to be on antidepressants at 23? Whatever. Basically, just stay busy, people. Give yourself a schedule so there isn't a single minute of downtime and just keep moving.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m even sane. I'm young, yet I deal with depression constantly. And no, this isn't that typical heartbreak depression where a guy leaves you; it’s different. It’s physical. My stomach churns—that specific mix of nausea and pure dread—I shake, I sweat, I vomit. One moment I’m fine, then suddenly, just like that, I’m breaking down in tears. I have a younger brother and an older sister. My family seems normal to outsiders; they make good money, and there's no fighting except when I'm involved, almost as if I don't belong to them. My parents aren't fair. Don't mistake me for being spoiled; it's just the reality. They go out shopping and leave me behind, and when they come back, everyone gets something while I get nothing. I ask why. They just give me excuses. My siblings can do whatever they want, but I'm strictly controlled. It's always been this way. Four months ago, I started self-harming. Since then, death is all I think about, but the fear is too much. My parents expect everything from me; they push me to study and be the smartest, but they are never satisfied. There is always room for more. When I tried to talk to them, they just called me spoiled and a terrible person. I attempted to communicate, but they refused to listen, so I told them I wanted to see a psychiatrist. Naturally, they won't let me. I have plenty of friends helping me through this, but I can't do it anymore. I'm thinking about starting antidepressants. I'm constantly irritable and negative. What should I do?

I’m not sure how old you are, but you might want to try the psychology sub. You'll likely get much more specific answers there. Since you didn't mention your age, it's hard to say for certain. We all hit rough patches sometimes, and it’s tough when your family isn't providing the support you need. Don't let those dark thoughts take over; this phase will pass. It also wouldn't hurt to reach out to a professional for some guidance. 👍

Young, 12.

That sounds like a pretty rough start to puberty. I definitely had my own share of dark days during those years, too. Honestly, looking back, everything just seemed to settle down on its own eventually. Don't let it get to you—just make sure you don't bottle it up. Find someone to talk to.

I’ve been talking to plenty of people about this for a long time. It doesn't change anything. There's just no help available.

I remember hanging out at my cousins' place during the summer breaks back in the day—we were always messing around, and his sister (my cousin) was constantly flirting with her neighborhood friends, but she had that exact same temperament as you, just always pissed off about something... look, I don't know your specific deal so I'm not trying to lecture you, but the reality is you're incredibly young. Fast forward about four or five years from then, and she’s finally in high school and totally chilled out—she actually looks happy, at least when I see her. Now that we've all grown up, we have actual problems to deal with and don't hang out nearly as much as we used to, even though we want to. And yeah, for anyone looking to make comments—she doesn't do drugs and she doesn't smoke... everyone has bad days. Honestly, I'm feeling exactly how you feel right now, actually for two years straight. I'm stuck in this tiny rural town with zero money and no job, and my parents are basically "rednecks"—meaning they're completely clueless—because if they actually had any sense, we would've moved to a major city by now. We aren't exactly broke, but they just don't get anything, so they have absolutely no clue what I'm going through...
Listen to William Turner90, and please, don't hurt yourself...

Been on Zoloft for seven years now—started at one pill, moved up to two. Dealing with the constant sweating, which sucks, and I take Halle Berry every now and then to take the edge off. Tried quitting Zoloft twice, but after a few months, things just get impossible. First comes the insane irritability, then the pure panic. Now I’m back on two pills a day and honestly? Not even thinking about stopping, despite the side effects. When I first saw my psychiatrist back in 2001, he told me straight up that this would be a long-term thing, given everything I was dealing with.

I was right around your age when I started battling depression—and honestly, I carried it with me for several years after that too..
I struggled with self-harm myself, and I went through a situation very similar to yours.. In many ways, I think I can understand what you’re going through. However, my descent into depression just kept getting deeper because I felt such intense shame about talking to anyone.. I was terrified people would judge me—thinking I was just being a spoiled teenager rather than actually suffering from clinical depression.. But the truth is, I was having some incredibly dark thoughts. No one really took it seriously until I reached the point of a suicide attempt and ended up in the ER...
I didn't have much support from my parents.. they were extremely physical with their discipline, which made me shut down and refuse to talk to them.. There were times when they did try to help, aside from the hitting.. but I just couldn't bring myself to look them in the eye; I always found myself staring at the floor because the memory of those punishments was always there in my mind..
I eventually reached out to my primary care doctor.. she gave me a referral to see a psychologist.. I was so scared to even tell my parents about it...
I saw him for nearly two years for counseling.. he probably could have helped me more if I had actually allowed myself to open up.. Eventually, I ended up on Prozac and Xanax. At the time, I felt a sense of relief because I felt like I was finally taking active steps through medication.. however, inside my head, everything still felt completely stagnant. I realize now that I needed to work on both psychotherapy and pharmacotherapy simultaneously..
I don't quite remember the exact moment I broke free from the depression.. it was more like I just changed; I made some major life decisions and essentially did a total overhaul of my mindset.. day by day, things slowly started looking brighter 🙂 and then, I fell in love, met my absolute best friend, and the depression gradually began to fade away..
But please believe me, it wasn't easy.. it was easily the darkest chapter of my life.. I would strongly suggest talking to someone.. just to start with.. maybe even consider reaching out to a school counselor.. they can be surprisingly helpful sometimes 😉
I truly wish you all the luck in the world! And, um.. please try not to self-harm.. you'll regret it ten years down the line.. just like I do now.. seeing the scars on my arms and legs...
I used to self-harm too, and in the moment, it felt like it helped, but please—try to channel that negative energy into something positive instead!
I really hope my story and my experience might be of some small use to you! I'm rooting for you!

I’m wondering how to actually go about this—who do I even talk to? I’ve got some stuff I need to work through on my own, and I definitely need professional help. So, what’s the move? Do I just ask my primary care doctor for a referral? And who am I looking for specifically—a psychiatrist, a psychologist, or a psychotherapist? I have a contact for a private specialist, but I’d really prefer to handle this through my insurance...