Dealing with incontinence

I’m starting this thread because bladder control issues have become such a massive, widespread problem lately. It isn't just something older folks or women dealing with postpartum recovery have to worry about—from what I've seen, even young girls are struggling with it.

To be honest, I’m bringing this up for a bit of a personal reason: one of my closest friends has been battling incontinence since she was eighteen. We're talking about a solid decade of her life where this has been constantly dragging her down and making things tough.

It would be great if everyone could jump in and share their own stories or any advice you might have, regardless of why it's happening. Even if you don't have tips, sometimes you just need a space to vent and get it off your chest.

BB

I don't see why people are making such a big deal out of this or complaining so much... if a woman is dealing with incontinence, she needs to see her gynecologist, get the tests done, go through urodynamics, and then schedule surgery if it's actually necessary. Why suffer for ten years when you don't have to? Honestly, since when did incontinence become such a massive epidemic anyway? Just because they run commercials for pads featuring young women instead of actual grandmas?

I watched a video of the surgery and honestly, it didn't look that bad. I don't really get why anyone would actually put themselves through that 😉

I really need to keep up with my exercises, exercise more
!

Way to go—jadesailor14, I am totally with you on this one!

It really depends on the specific type of incontinence you're dealing with. Some cases necessitate surgery, while others can be partially managed through targeted exercises. Most situations require a combination of both, along with significant persistence, as symptoms tend to recur easily... Furthermore, unless a gynecologist specializes specifically in postpartum issues, I believe this should fall under the domain of a urologist rather than a gynecologist.

At the beginning of last month, I underwent surgery for prostate cancer—a radical prostatectomy. By the end of the month, I was finally discharged and back home. Since then, most likely as a direct consequence of the procedure, I’ve been struggling quite a bit with urinary incontinence. It manifests as leaking small or sometimes larger amounts of urine whenever I change my body position, and honestly, there is absolutely no way for me to control it in the moment. For the time being, I’m relying on adult diapers to get by, but the situation doesn't seem to be improving at all.
If anyone happens to have answers to the questions I've laid out below, or if you have any personal experiences you could share, I would be incredibly grateful for your insight.
“Will this lack of bladder control resolve itself spontaneously, and if so, what kind of timeframe should I realistically expect?”
“What steps can I take—or perhaps what actions am I required to take—to manage or prevent this incontinence, assuming it doesn't just go away on its own?”

Hey everyone, I wanted to reach out and ask the community a question. If anyone here deals with something similar, I’d really appreciate it if you could share your story with me. When I was born, I had a meningocele, and the doctors actually had to use a vacuum extractor to get me out. Because of how I was delivered, they warned us from day one that I might face some health issues, specifically involving my head or my legs. Now that I'm 15, I definitely deal with walking issues—I have a limp, which might even be why I had to have surgery on my right foot—but that isn't even my biggest struggle. Since birth, I've also dealt with incontinence. It's mostly bladder issues, but I have trouble with both. To be honest, it's constant; I have a steady leak that just won't stop. Because of that, I’m forced to wear diapers. Now that I'm hitting puberty and starting to feel those natural sexual urges, I just really want to be able to stop wearing diapers. And, if I'm being real, I'm worried it's going to be incredibly hard to find a girlfriend while dealing with all this. So, I'm turning to you guys: Is there actually a cure for this? Also, have any of you struggled with your dating life because of these issues? How did you eventually break the news to a partner?

When it comes to dealing with incontinence, you shouldn't just look at urologists or OB-GYNs. There are also physical therapists who specialize specifically in pelvic floor therapy, and honestly, you can work absolute miracles with the right exercises. It’s definitely a smart option to try before jumping into surgery—since procedures often don't fully fix the issue, or worse, they just trade one problem for another, like having a hard time peeing later on...

Casey Palmer5 said:When it comes to dealing with incontinence, you shouldn't just look at urologists or OB-GYNs. There are also physical therapists who specialize specifically in pelvic floor therapy, and honestly, you can work absolute miracles with the right exercises. It’s definitely a smart option to try before jumping into surgery—since procedures often don't fully fix the issue, or worse, they just trade one problem for another, like having a hard time peeing later on...

I don't know, all these exercises feel kind of pointless to me... I've tried a few things, and right now I'm attempting some Kegel exercises, but I have no clue if I'm actually doing them right...

If anyone has a link to a good video on Kegel exercises specifically for men dealing with incontinence, please send it my way!

I don't think your issue is actually coming from weak pelvic floor muscles; it sounds more neurological to me. Either way, you’ll need a team approach to tackle this—think urologists, pelvic floor specialists, and maybe even physical therapists if that's what the doctors suggest. In my experience, the best place to get this kind of multidisciplinary care here in the States is at the Mayo Clinic...

It’s the exact same thing for me, and yeah, it’s definitely a neurological issue... Basically, my nerves that handle bladder and bowel control just aren't firing right. Doctors have actually suggested I get some artificial Sphincter implants to help manage everything. They told me those kinds of surgeries are done quite successfully over at the Cleveland Clinic. Now I'm stuck wondering—can I even go through with this kind of surgery before I turn 18, and would it have any impact on my fertility? I'm really torn right now. Should I just go for the surgery, or is there another way to fix this, like through specific exercises or something else?

I'm honestly not sure how much progress you can make just through exercises alone, though maybe giving biofeedback therapy a shot could help. As far as I know, getting an artificial Sphincter implanted shouldn't have any impact on your fertility. My own focus is on stress and urge incontinence, so what you're dealing with is a bit outside my wheelhouse... You should definitely check in with that specialized clinic, though. They deal specifically with issues like yours, so try reaching out to them to see what kind of treatment options are actually on the table.

Casey Palmer5 said:I'm honestly not sure how much progress you can make just through exercises alone, though maybe giving biofeedback therapy a shot could help. As far as I know, getting an artificial Sphincter implanted shouldn't have any impact on your fertility. My own focus is on stress and urge incontinence, so what you're dealing with is a bit outside my wheelhouse... You should definitely check in with that specialized clinic, though. They deal specifically with issues like yours, so try reaching out to them to see what kind of treatment options are actually on the table.

Thanks so much for the info and the advice!!! 🙂

Look, I’m pretty young, but I just finished a round of antibiotics for some infection. Now I’m dealing with constant leaks and that nagging feeling that I need to hit the restroom every five minutes. It's embarrassing. I looked into those pelvic floor exercises, but apparently, you don't see results for months—and I don't have months. Is there any kind of over-the-counter pill that can take the edge off this? I really need some relief.

Hi everyone,
I’ve been lurking here for quite a while, but this is my very first actual post.
How am I even supposed to start a conversation about something that makes me feel this much shame? Just thinking about it gives me a knot in my stomach.

So, here’s the situation: I’m 35, happily married, and have one child.

Everything went downhill about three months ago when I developed a bladder infection. It’s something I struggle with frequently, and now I’ve reached a point where I can’t control my urine if I don’t make it to the bathroom immediately. It’s like the urge hits, and by the time I’m halfway down the hall, half the bladder has already emptied itself. At night, it’s even worse—I don't even feel it happening; I just wake up soaked, myself and the bed included. :-(
Naturally, I went to see my doctor. I did the whole routine—antibiotics, cranberry juice, you name it. After about a week, things seemed to improve during the day. But since then, I’ve been wetting the bed almost every single night, even though I barely drink anything in the evening.
To make matters worse, I’ve been under an incredible amount of stress over the last six months. My doctor thinks the nighttime accidents are happening because my tests are otherwise coming back normal. I’ve started setting an alarm for every two hours just to try and get to the bathroom, but it doesn't help; I end up at work every morning completely exhausted. He was actually pretty blunt with me—he suggested I just start wearing incontinence briefs at night if I don't want to be changing my sheets every single day. :-(

My husband is being supportive, trying his best to cheer me up. He tells me it’s no different than wearing glasses and insists he isn't going anywhere because he loves me for who I am, not what I’m wearing under my clothes. But honestly... for how long? Who actually wants a wife who has to wear diapers?

I feel like I want to sink into the floor every night when I’m getting ready for bed. Instead of putting on lace underwear after my shower, I’m pulling on a diaper. At 35 years old.
And don't even get me started on how I feel during the day. Knowing that a restroom might not be available for a while, or that I only have a five-to-ten-minute window once I feel the urge, is a total nightmare. I constantly feel like everyone is staring at me. It’s this disgusting sense of helplessness when you feel the urine starting and realize there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop it.
It’s been three months and I still haven't come to terms with this. In fact, I don't think I ever will. I feel like I'm spiraling into a depression. :-(
Am I alone in this? Is there anyone else out there dealing with this? And how would you all react if this were happening to your partner?

I’m not sure if I’ve posted this in the right section; if I haven't, I hope the mods can move it for me.

Thanks for listening. I really hope someone responds, because incontinence is such a massive taboo, and I could really use some connection right now.

Dennis Fowler2 said:Hi everyone,
I’ve been lurking here for quite a while, but this is my very first actual post.
How am I even supposed to start a conversation about something that makes me feel this much shame? Just thinking about it gives me a knot in my stomach.

So, here’s the situation: I’m 35, happily married, and have one child.

Everything went downhill about three months ago when I developed a bladder infection. It’s something I struggle with frequently, and now I’ve reached a point where I can’t control my urine if I don’t make it to the bathroom immediately. It’s like the urge hits, and by the time I’m halfway down the hall, half the bladder has already emptied itself. At night, it’s even worse—I don't even feel it happening; I just wake up soaked, myself and the bed included. :-(
Naturally, I went to see my doctor. I did the whole routine—antibiotics, cranberry juice, you name it. After about a week, things seemed to improve during the day. But since then, I’ve been wetting the bed almost every single night, even though I barely drink anything in the evening.
To make matters worse, I’ve been under an incredible amount of stress over the last six months. My doctor thinks the nighttime accidents are happening because my tests are otherwise coming back normal. I’ve started setting an alarm for every two hours just to try and get to the bathroom, but it doesn't help; I end up at work every morning completely exhausted. He was actually pretty blunt with me—he suggested I just start wearing incontinence briefs at night if I don't want to be changing my sheets every single day. :-(

My husband is being supportive, trying his best to cheer me up. He tells me it’s no different than wearing glasses and insists he isn't going anywhere because he loves me for who I am, not what I’m wearing under my clothes. But honestly... for how long? Who actually wants a wife who has to wear diapers?

I feel like I want to sink into the floor every night when I’m getting ready for bed. Instead of putting on lace underwear after my shower, I’m pulling on a diaper. At 35 years old.
And don't even get me started on how I feel during the day. Knowing that a restroom might not be available for a while, or that I only have a five-to-ten-minute window once I feel the urge, is a total nightmare. I constantly feel like everyone is staring at me. It’s this disgusting sense of helplessness when you feel the urine starting and realize there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop it.
It’s been three months and I still haven't come to terms with this. In fact, I don't think I ever will. I feel like I'm spiraling into a depression. :-(
Am I alone in this? Is there anyone else out there dealing with this? And how would you all react if this were happening to your partner?

I’m not sure if I’ve posted this in the right section; if I haven't, I hope the mods can move it for me.

Thanks for listening. I really hope someone responds, because incontinence is such a massive taboo, and I could really use some connection right now.

Don't let the depression win—you've got to find the root cause. 🙂
You mentioned being under massive stress for the last 6 months. Is it just that, or is there other stuff weighing you down?
Have you checked your blood sugar levels yet?

From what you’re describing, it sounds like you're dealing with physical damage to the Sphincter caused by inflammation. It’s pretty clear that during the day, you’re consciously "clenching" to hold everything in, but once you drift off to sleep, those muscles relax and that's when the accidents happen. You really ought to see a urologist for a checkup and start doing some Kegel exercises to strengthen the muscles responsible for bladder control.
http://www.tena.com/women/information/overactive-bladder/

rustycobra42 said:Don't let the depression win—you've got to find the root cause. 🙂
You mentioned being under massive stress for the last 6 months. Is it just that, or is there other stuff weighing you down?
Have you checked your blood sugar levels yet?

Thanks for getting back to me.
No, besides the pelvic floor stuff, I don't have any other health problems. I've gone through all the tests with my OBGYN and urologist, and everything came back fine. I’m even doing my Kegel exercises and trying pretty much everything suggested by Angela Wright. I try to squeeze when I feel an inflammation coming on, but unfortunately, it doesn't work every single time. There's just this sudden urge that I can't control, and then at night, I can't even find relief... it's weighing on me heavily. :-(

Dear Dennis Fowler2, I am so sorry you're going through this. Someone very close to me deals with a similar issue and wears something similar to a diaper, though it's more like specialized underwear—it's a bit thicker, but honestly, I've never even noticed them or seen a visible outline under clothes. You should definitely talk to your doctor about it; you can likely get coverage through Medicare so it won't cost you anything out of pocket.

You mentioned that you're in a happy marriage, so take a moment to reflect: if the roles were reversed and this happened to your husband, would it change how you feel about him?

Since you're in a mature relationship where your husband is full of love and understanding, look at the silver lining here—you clearly have a high-quality person standing by your side!

Another bright spot is that you've already seen a gynecologist and a urologist and they confirmed everything is fine. You don't have to live in fear that this is some underlying, terrifying illness.

On this forum, you read all these heartbreaking stories about sickness and toxic relationships, but people just keep pushing forward. That’s what you have to do, too. You have a child and a husband to think about... focus on them. Dwelling on dark thoughts isn't the answer, and there is absolutely no shame in asking your doctor for a referral to a psychiatrist to help you navigate this rough patch.

I haven't said anything particularly profound, but I just wanted you to know that reading about how you feel really touched me. I truly hope this gets resolved soon and I'm sending all my best wishes your way!