WTF? Is it just me or is this person insane?

Last year, a woman started working for me, someone who claims to be a cancer survivor—which I think will make sense later on. She is incredibly subtle and quiet, and even when things go sideways, she maintains this composed demeanor. I’m quite different from her; I tend to express everything I experience, though perhaps she just processes things in her own way, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. It all began when she started coming in twice a week as extra help, but eventually, the dynamic shifted so that the rest of us were constantly stepping in because she simply couldn't manage. She claims she can't work two days in a row because she catches a cold or feels unwell, so she ended up working something like Mondays and Thursdays, leaving huge gaps in between. When you ask her to fill in, she's unavailable. About twenty years ago, she battled cancer that had metastasized to her back and lungs, but through chemotherapy, she supposedly resolved it all; however, she claims she achieved this through fasting, prayer, and practicing "the silence of light," and she still insists she hasn't fully healed. I should mention that she had her son at twenty, having been diagnosed at fifteen, and since they didn't remove half an ovary during her treatment, there was significant concern about recurrence when she became pregnant. Regardless, with only half an ovary, she knows exactly when her cycle will hit, and she uses those days as an excuse to skip work because she isn't feeling well—which isn't my problem, but it's a pattern. When we try to coordinate vacation time, she insists on taking the longest stretches because her doctor told her she needs to live by the ocean. She also claims she can't send a text message in neat, legible handwriting because her joints ache so much that she just makes a mess of it; yet, when she went to the coast with a colleague, she supposedly couldn't cook lunch or wash dishes, but somehow found the energy to play badminton with her son. Essentially, whenever anything goes wrong and she is at fault, she retreats into the excuse that she isn't feeling well or is in pain. She demands seven consecutive days off whenever she's feeling under the weather, expects to be thirty minutes late, and acts as though her heavy chemotherapy from decades ago dictates her current lifestyle. I honestly can't listen to it anymore; it’s becoming incredibly grating. I have no desire to accuse her of lying, but many parts of her story just don't add up to me. I am not a medical expert, so I don't know what the long-term side effects of chemo are twenty years later, nor do I know if it's medically plausible to have half an ovary left after such an aggressive diagnosis, especially since she hasn't seen a doctor in the last ten days. To top it off, a friend of mine was recently diagnosed with cancer, and when I asked this colleague to reach out with a kind word, she never sent a single message and never once asked how my friend was doing.

Am I being crazy or just unkind?

Exactly. Cancer targets everyone, even those who just want attention. I wouldn't even go as far as calling her a hypochondriac—assuming everything she claims about her son and his badminton career is actually true.
I have a perfect example of this type of person at my office. She doesn't claim to have cancer, but she deals with a rotating door of complaints: daily headaches, migraines, stomach issues, back pain, varicose veins, PMS, PMDS... you name it.
The thing is, there isn't an actual manager in our department to keep things in check, which is why this behavior gets away with it. This woman really makes a scene when there’s nobody around to provide proper direction and settle things.
If our old boss were still here, she'd be out the door in a heartbeat. As it stands, half of us are just rolling our eyes at her, while the other half acts just like her—lingering in the breakroom for coffee until 9:00, then 10:00... it's ridiculous.

Roger Palmer2 said:Last year, a woman started working for me, someone who claims to be a cancer survivor—which I think will make sense later on. She is incredibly subtle and quiet, and even when things go sideways, she maintains this composed demeanor. I’m quite different from her; I tend to express everything I experience, though perhaps she just processes things in her own way, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. It all began when she started coming in twice a week as extra help, but eventually, the dynamic shifted so that the rest of us were constantly stepping in because she simply couldn't manage. She claims she can't work two days in a row because she catches a cold or feels unwell, so she ended up working something like Mondays and Thursdays, leaving huge gaps in between. When you ask her to fill in, she's unavailable. About twenty years ago, she battled cancer that had metastasized to her back and lungs, but through chemotherapy, she supposedly resolved it all; however, she claims she achieved this through fasting, prayer, and practicing "the silence of light," and she still insists she hasn't fully healed. I should mention that she had her son at twenty, having been diagnosed at fifteen, and since they didn't remove half an ovary during her treatment, there was significant concern about recurrence when she became pregnant. Regardless, with only half an ovary, she knows exactly when her cycle will hit, and she uses those days as an excuse to skip work because she isn't feeling well—which isn't my problem, but it's a pattern. When we try to coordinate vacation time, she insists on taking the longest stretches because her doctor told her she needs to live by the ocean. She also claims she can't send a text message in neat, legible handwriting because her joints ache so much that she just makes a mess of it; yet, when she went to the coast with a colleague, she supposedly couldn't cook lunch or wash dishes, but somehow found the energy to play badminton with her son. Essentially, whenever anything goes wrong and she is at fault, she retreats into the excuse that she isn't feeling well or is in pain. She demands seven consecutive days off whenever she's feeling under the weather, expects to be thirty minutes late, and acts as though her heavy chemotherapy from decades ago dictates her current lifestyle. I honestly can't listen to it anymore; it’s becoming incredibly grating. I have no desire to accuse her of lying, but many parts of her story just don't add up to me. I am not a medical expert, so I don't know what the long-term side effects of chemo are twenty years later, nor do I know if it's medically plausible to have half an ovary left after such an aggressive diagnosis, especially since she hasn't seen a doctor in the last ten days. To top it off, a friend of mine was recently diagnosed with cancer, and when I asked this colleague to reach out with a kind word, she never sent a single message and never once asked how my friend was doing.

Am I being crazy or just unkind?

From what I understand—and I’ve looked into this—after so many years without any signs of it coming back, we aren't even talking about remission anymore... she's just healthy. I mean, assuming she's being honest and the sickness hasn't flared up again... but based on your post, it doesn't seem like she has any trouble "admitting" she was sick.
My mom also had to take five months off work because of her cancer diagnosis, and once she was back, she worked just as hard—actually, even more than before.
Are you really the only one at your job noticing this? Because if most of your coworkers feel the same way, maybe someone should gently let her know that you guys aren't falling for the act.
I honestly can't believe some people exist 🤷 (and I don't mean you!)

I should probably mention that my wife finally received her Social Security benefits for that 😕

Roger Palmer2 said:I should probably mention that my wife finally received her Social Security benefits for that 😕

How can someone collect a pension while they're still working? It’s supposed to be disability, but if they aren't actually incapacitated, what's the point? You either can work or you can't.
Sure, life isn't fair. Cancer is a brutal disease, and I feel for anyone fighting it. But that doesn't mean she automatically earns the right to mess with everyone else or profit off the system just because she's struggling. That shouldn't be how it works.
😕

Christian Sanchez4 said:How can someone collect a pension while they're still working? It’s supposed to be disability, but if they aren't actually incapacitated, what's the point? You either can work or you can't.
Sure, life isn't fair. Cancer is a brutal disease, and I feel for anyone fighting it. But that doesn't mean she automatically earns the right to mess with everyone else or profit off the system just because she's struggling. That shouldn't be how it works.
😕

morning, everyone—this is America! 🙄

Honestly, this whole operation feels completely off the books, which is probably why they're getting away with it. After everything I’ve heard from her lately, I’m starting to seriously question if she ever even had cancer in the first place. It’s just bizarre; she listens to someone like Sarah talking about how much her stomach hurts during her period, and then she just swoops in and declares, "Oh, I know exactly how you feel, I have cancer!" Like, hello? Sometimes I genuinely wonder if she’s dealing with some kind of delusional disorder. And then there's that look she gives people—that "poor me, I'm so unwell" expression—even though she still shows up to work and heads off to her classes at NYU without missing a beat.

Roger Palmer2 said:Honestly, this whole operation feels completely off the books, which is probably why they're getting away with it. After everything I’ve heard from her lately, I’m starting to seriously question if she ever even had cancer in the first place. It’s just bizarre; she listens to someone like Sarah talking about how much her stomach hurts during her period, and then she just swoops in and declares, "Oh, I know exactly how you feel, I have cancer!" Like, hello? Sometimes I genuinely wonder if she’s dealing with some kind of delusional disorder. And then there's that look she gives people—that "poor me, I'm so unwell" expression—even though she still shows up to work and heads off to her classes at NYU without missing a beat.

So I gotta ask again—are you just lonely in your opinions, or does everyone else just think you're acting like a total brat?

My mother-in-law dealt with breast cancer and had a mastectomy—but she’s still such a hard worker, which has always been her thing.
I guess a go-getter stays a go-getter, regardless of what they're fighting.
She definitely struggled during chemo, but once that phase passed, she jumped right back into her usual routine.

Hey there, it’s actually been 10 years now...
That woman could easily just stay home, maybe waiting for a monthly Social Security check from the government, or if she’s feeling better and picking up extra shifts for the paycheck, then she should probably earn that money herself instead of letting others foot the bill while she just collects the cash. 🙄

Everyone seems to share the same suspicion, yet nobody dares to speak up because they’re terrified of being wrong—fearful that if she truly is acting this way and we deny it, I’ll just end up back in the position of insisting she wouldn't behave like that. I actually tried to be honest with her about it once, and she had the audacity to question my character as a mother. She also constantly insists that serving as the HOA president is some sort of taxing second job. It reminds me of when I was starting my degree at State University; I spent weeks researching how to attend lectures on weekends just so I could maintain a full-time work schedule during the week. Even if my college offered weekend classes, the last thing I would ever consider is spending my Saturdays stuck there just to deal with her.

I was wondering, is it possible for the side effects of chemotherapy to resurface after all these years?

Roger Palmer2 said:Everyone seems to share the same suspicion, yet nobody dares to speak up because they’re terrified of being wrong—fearful that if she truly is acting this way and we deny it, I’ll just end up back in the position of insisting she wouldn't behave like that. I actually tried to be honest with her about it once, and she had the audacity to question my character as a mother. She also constantly insists that serving as the HOA president is some sort of taxing second job. It reminds me of when I was starting my degree at State University; I spent weeks researching how to attend lectures on weekends just so I could maintain a full-time work schedule during the week. Even if my college offered weekend classes, the last thing I would ever consider is spending my Saturdays stuck there just to deal with her.

I was wondering, is it possible for the side effects of chemotherapy to resurface after all these years?

Nah, they aren't. She’s officially cleared as healthy. If she isn't, then she shouldn't be working—period. Especially if she's already on disability. I know someone's probably gonna come at me for this, but why don't you guys just call the Department of Labor? Let them investigate and decide if she's actually fit for duty or not. It’s not about how much work there is or the humidity in the room—it's either she's capable or she's not.
It's just crazy to me... people like her make those who are actually sick and struggling look like they're making excuses, and it just brings everyone down.😢

Set up some mandatory, deep-dive evaluations for everyone—let's see who actually knows their stuff and who's just faking it... ☕

It feels like nobody here wants to deal with this, which honestly frustrates me because there is such intense tension between her and me right now. We haven't spoken since my last shift because she decided she wasn't going to work, and then she started taking it out on me, claiming it was my fault because I didn't log when she was going to be out—as if I’m supposed to just magically know that. When I told her straight up that it was her responsibility to report that, not mine, she claimed she felt hurt by my bluntness. She got offended, acting as if I could never say something like that to someone. Look, I certainly don't wish anyone ill, and God forbid I ever feel that way toward someone, but even if there were an issue, she shouldn't use that as an excuse to dodge her responsibilities; if you aren't fit to work, you should just stay home. Everything is moving at a snail's pace because of her; tasks that should take one click are taking forever. I genuinely feel bad that I might end up losing the trust of people who are actually decent just because I can't rely on her.

Roger Palmer2 said:It feels like nobody here wants to deal with this, which honestly frustrates me because there is such intense tension between her and me right now. We haven't spoken since my last shift because she decided she wasn't going to work, and then she started taking it out on me, claiming it was my fault because I didn't log when she was going to be out—as if I’m supposed to just magically know that. When I told her straight up that it was her responsibility to report that, not mine, she claimed she felt hurt by my bluntness. She got offended, acting as if I could never say something like that to someone. Look, I certainly don't wish anyone ill, and God forbid I ever feel that way toward someone, but even if there were an issue, she shouldn't use that as an excuse to dodge her responsibilities; if you aren't fit to work, you should just stay home. Everything is moving at a snail's pace because of her; tasks that should take one click are taking forever. I genuinely feel bad that I might end up losing the trust of people who are actually decent just because I can't rely on her.

Man, someone's gotta step up and deal with this eventually. 😉

Look, we’re just a small non-profit office, mostly staffed by college students and people who put in enough hours to make ends meet while doing some good in the world. I only decided to post this here because I am genuinely struggling to wrap my head around certain things. I wanted to ask if anyone knows if it’s actually possible for things to have deteriorated this much after all these years, or how it could be that she still has half an ovary left if she was dealing with such an aggressive form of cancer. And honestly, how can she possibly know when her period is coming if she only has half an ovary remaining?

redgardener5 said:Nah, they aren't. She’s officially cleared as healthy. If she isn't, then she shouldn't be working—period. Especially if she's already on disability. I know someone's probably gonna come at me for this, but why don't you guys just call the Department of Labor? Let them investigate and decide if she's actually fit for duty or not. It’s not about how much work there is or the humidity in the room—it's either she's capable or she's not.
It's just crazy to me... people like her make those who are actually sick and struggling look like they're making excuses, and it just brings everyone down.😢

Oh, tell me about it. I am definitely an extreme case when it comes to this. It’s impossible to claim you have a headache every single day and expect people to believe that a headache somehow justifies daily being 😠over an hour late to the office
: ommmmm: : calming down:
Pure laziness and that sheer audacity can drive me crazy in a heartbeat. 😁I remember once, I had to coordinate a task with her, and she gave me this cynical look, basically implying I was the crazy one because "she needed to finish her coffee first."
And frankly, why should I care about your coffee break? : ommmmmm:😁 That was actually the last time we ever spoke informally. Word got back to the manager at our corporate headquarters, and he finally intervened😁 by calling us both in for a meeting. My boss is a decent guy, but he lacks the backbone to actually deal with these types, which is why people like her get tolerated. She’s been moved to a different department now, so our communication is limited to maybe twice a month using very brief, strictly professional sentences.😁

What a total joke🤣

Roger Palmer2 said:Look, we’re just a small non-profit office, mostly staffed by college students and people who put in enough hours to make ends meet while doing some good in the world. I only decided to post this here because I am genuinely struggling to wrap my head around certain things. I wanted to ask if anyone knows if it’s actually possible for things to have deteriorated this much after all these years, or how it could be that she still has half an ovary left if she was dealing with such an aggressive form of cancer. And honestly, how can she possibly know when her period is coming if she only has half an ovary remaining?

Everyone on here is gonna give you their two cents, but honestly? Only a doctor can give you a real, sensible answer based on her actual medical history and what's happening right now.

The way you described the situation sounds pretty sketchy to me—kind of hard to swallow—but I'm not gonna sit here and judge someone's medical drama based on just a vibe...

Roger Palmer2 said:Look, we’re just a small non-profit office, mostly staffed by college students and people who put in enough hours to make ends meet while doing some good in the world. I only decided to post this here because I am genuinely struggling to wrap my head around certain things. I wanted to ask if anyone knows if it’s actually possible for things to have deteriorated this much after all these years, or how it could be that she still has half an ovary left if she was dealing with such an aggressive form of cancer. And honestly, how can she possibly know when her period is coming if she only has half an ovary remaining?

Well, I don't know how her cycle works. It seems more likely to me that she’s experiencing phantom bleeding, and what we are looking at is premature menopause—or in her specific case, perhaps surgical menopause(?). The symptoms can actually be much more unpleasant than a standard menopause. God knows how she is feeling, and whether she is taking any (hormone replacement) therapy in the correct dosages. In her situation, given the hormonal imbalance along with the nature of the illness and the surgery itself, it is almost inevitable that psychological issues will surface alongside a host of somatic problems. And that is to say, if you add a lack of family support(?), financial struggles, and who knows what else...

Of course, it is entirely possible that everything is fine on that front and she is handling her therapy beautifully, but...

...it is also possible that her immune system has been permanently wrecked(?). Not necessarily just from the treatment itself, but from heaven knows what else. And that is almost always inextricably linked to the psyche. It simply raises the question: once the recovery happened, which came first: the chicken or the egg—that is to say, the psyche or the soma(?)?

Then again, there is the possibility that her body is actually more or less all okay(?). So okay, in fact, that she could handle that particular task twice a week, but—alas!—she causes trouble for everyone else because the ordeal was so massive that she couldn't assimilate back into a normal state (and it is a non-negligible fact that her illness was diagnosed during such incredibly sensitive years), so she laments, and laments, and makes life difficult for herself and others, manipulating people in a passive-aggressive manner, dodging responsibility as if she were still living under siege, and simply...

...someone (since she clearly cannot do it herself) needs to hit her over the head with a mallet that says: "WAR IS OVER!"(?)

Regardless, if she truly plays badminton with such ease and only messes up when the tasks are already a disaster, then she should be told to step aside for someone for whom the job might be more necessary (given her level of disability), and someone who might perform it more conscientiously. Actually, regardless of the badminton. There is a difference between being collegial and allowing everything to be dumped onto your shoulders. And mentioning that mallet would certainly be highly recommended. Though, of course, it is more than possible that the woman truly is struggling and that her mornings are unbearable. And though none of us would want to find ourselves in a position where we desperately need money to feed a child and send them to school, having no choice but to work while ill despite being incapable of doing so. I don't know. You can't help her much. All employees suffer; the office AC is terrible; instead of letting her sabotage herself, why not let the person who hired her take the hit? Jeez. It isn't fair for everything to fall on you. No matter how hard it is for her. If you haven't already, draw a thick line. Be sharp and bitchy if you have to. Let her know she cannot be rude to you. Tell her off, but don't humiliate her—she probably really is having a hard time. If nothing changes, or if the lady continues in this tone, then go to the manager. Or even earlier, so that he can have a word with her, provided he is a normal human being. Regardless of the potential awkwardness. Honestly.

coppergardener said:Well, I don't know how her cycle works. It seems more likely to me that she’s experiencing phantom bleeding, and what we are looking at is premature menopause—or in her specific case, perhaps surgical menopause(?). The symptoms can actually be much more unpleasant than a standard menopause. God knows how she is feeling, and whether she is taking any (hormone replacement) therapy in the correct dosages. In her situation, given the hormonal imbalance along with the nature of the illness and the surgery itself, it is almost inevitable that psychological issues will surface alongside a host of somatic problems. And that is to say, if you add a lack of family support(?), financial struggles, and who knows what else...

Of course, it is entirely possible that everything is fine on that front and she is handling her therapy beautifully, but...

...it is also possible that her immune system has been permanently wrecked(?). Not necessarily just from the treatment itself, but from heaven knows what else. And that is almost always inextricably linked to the psyche. It simply raises the question: once the recovery happened, which came first: the chicken or the egg—that is to say, the psyche or the soma(?)?

Then again, there is the possibility that her body is actually more or less all okay(?). So okay, in fact, that she could handle that particular task twice a week, but—alas!—she causes trouble for everyone else because the ordeal was so massive that she couldn't assimilate back into a normal state (and it is a non-negligible fact that her illness was diagnosed during such incredibly sensitive years), so she laments, and laments, and makes life difficult for herself and others, manipulating people in a passive-aggressive manner, dodging responsibility as if she were still living under siege, and simply...

...someone (since she clearly cannot do it herself) needs to hit her over the head with a mallet that says: "WAR IS OVER!"(?)

Regardless, if she truly plays badminton with such ease and only messes up when the tasks are already a disaster, then she should be told to step aside for someone for whom the job might be more necessary (given her level of disability), and someone who might perform it more conscientiously. Actually, regardless of the badminton. There is a difference between being collegial and allowing everything to be dumped onto your shoulders. And mentioning that mallet would certainly be highly recommended. Though, of course, it is more than possible that the woman truly is struggling and that her mornings are unbearable. And though none of us would want to find ourselves in a position where we desperately need money to feed a child and send them to school, having no choice but to work while ill despite being incapable of doing so. I don't know. You can't help her much. All employees suffer; the office AC is terrible; instead of letting her sabotage herself, why not let the person who hired her take the hit? Jeez. It isn't fair for everything to fall on you. No matter how hard it is for her. If you haven't already, draw a thick line. Be sharp and bitchy if you have to. Let her know she cannot be rude to you. Tell her off, but don't humiliate her—she probably really is having a hard time. If nothing changes, or if the lady continues in this tone, then go to the manager. Or even earlier, so that he can have a word with her, provided he is a normal human being. Regardless of the potential awkwardness. Honestly.

Look, people can still function even after induced menopause—I see my own mom do it all the time.
Plus, she was sick twenty years ago and managed to have a baby in between... I mean, what are we even talking about here? 🙄