Tip or Bribe?

Egg and Megan Reed - honestly, it feels like you guys are living in a completely different dimension when it comes to where and when you actually exist 😂 😂 😂

I'm right there with you on this, but I can't say I'm feeling too bad about it 😬

Mango said:👎

It’s like there's this unspoken rule that doctors have to be these awkward, nerdy types with thick glasses and zero style—just total shut-ins who live for their textbooks and their patients. As if they aren't allowed to have an actual life outside the hospital, let alone a hobby or something they actually enjoy doing.

Spot on!!!!
Seriously, what is this idea that we should all be living like monks? Like we shouldn't think about anything other than our work and our patients 24/7, 365 days a year. 🙏 🙏 🙏

Not too long ago, I actually dared to mention on my blog that I, just like everyone else, have free time where I don't want to hear a single thing about patients, their problems, or my job. And man, did people react. Not only was I branded as someone completely lacking empathy—basically labeled a monster—but people were even openly calling for my head.😈

Mango said:It’s almost as if there’s this unspoken rule that doctors have to be these socially awkward, disheveled types with thick glasses—basically people who lack any interest in life outside of their textbooks and their patients. As if being unattractive or out of shape is some kind of prerequisite for being a good physician.

Man, if only. At least then I wouldn't be getting distracted every five seconds. Those guys from my college. 😍 😳

Susan Martin24 said:And I don't feel a single shred of regret. 😬

Look, I’m telling you, it wasn't me either. 🙂

Mango said:Maybe that neighbor got his hands on some kickback from a big pharma company.

Oh, right—it just hit me that they’ve already tried to bribe me. 😲

Back when I was doing my internship, a representative from a big pharmaceutical company dropped by and handed me a notepad, a pen, and a little compact mirror. 😳 😳 😳 I really should have known better. 🙂 It’s basically just self-sabotage.

Ugh, and then I actually ate some chocolate that one of my patients brought in for the doctor I was shadowing during my internship. Ugh, just gross. I guess I’m just bad to the bone. 😳 😳 😳

See how they're corrupting me? 😬

🤣

Susan Martin24
You claim you wouldn't take even a glass of water from "certain people here," even if they begged. That implies you're perfectly willing to accept from others—perhaps those who are less rebellious or more submissive—and judging by the sheer fury of the reaction, it's clear you view this as some sort of inherent right. Well, it might be healthy to occasionally hear what patients actually think about that "right" of yours!

If patients were forced to choose whether
a) they want for themselves, or for their children in the future, a society where any public sector service (taxpayer-funded)—provided we are satisfied with it—would be met with a simple smile and a polite thank you, making such an interaction the standard, normalized way of life
or
b) they would rather continue the mental gymnastics of deciding whom to "thank" with what (a gift card or cash), how much to give (enough to be respectful but not excessive), how to keep it professional without being cliché, or whether to offer anything at all...

If such a choice could truly be exercised and function smoothly—without any repercussions for the person seeking the service (be it a doctor or a government official)—I suspect that "spontaneous" gifting would evaporate almost overnight.
I realize achieving this is an impossibility, but surely it isn't too much to ask to admit that it should be our goal.
At the end of the day, so many people perform their jobs with immense dedication and sacrifice (from retail workers and engineers to civil servants and artists), yet it never occurs to anyone that they need special "rewards" for doing so; it is simply seen as the natural order of things. Why is it considered standard to bring gifts to doctors, even just a box of chocolates, yet it supposedly offends them when those same chocolates or perfumes are treated as a mere "polite formality" by someone at the local DMV?
Furthermore, my issue with healthcare workers isn't based on the idea that they represent the most corrupt sector of our environment—some studies suggest the legal system is actually worse—but rather because we all encounter medical staff several times a year, whereas most of us will never have a reason to deal with a lawyer in our entire lives.
My question to the "good citizens": to the quiet, diligent, competent, and patient "ants" who ask for nothing (and refuse anything offered, politely setting it aside) other than a sincere "thank you"—why do you remain silent and allow yourselves to be lumped into the same category as corrupt officials? I believe, and hope, that there are far more of you than there are "bad guys." And I am equally certain that among yourselves, you know exactly who is who...

redhawk76, do you happen to know someone named Arslan?😬

redhawk76 said:You’re out here saying you wouldn't even take a glass of water from "certain people" around here if they begged you. That pretty much implies you *would* accept things from others—maybe those who are a bit more submissive or less likely to push back—and honestly, based on that heated reaction, it sounds like you think you have some kind of inherent right to act that way. Look, I'm just saying: it might actually be good for you to hear what patients really think about that "right" of yours every once in a while.

If patients were actually forced to answer whether they...
Honestly, I think what people are really after—for themselves and for their kids down the road—is just a society where basic decency isn't a luxury. They want a world where, if you’re actually happy with a public service or some government program, you can just look the person in the eye, give them a genuine smile, and say "thank you" without it being weird. They’re dreaming of a future where that kind of mutual respect is just the standard way things work, rather than being some rare exception.
I'm not quite sure what you're getting at with just that one word, but I'm all ears if you want to dive into a topic or hash something out. Whether you're weighing two different options or just testing the waters, feel free to lay it all out. I've always been a fan of those "this or that" debates—they usually lead to some pretty interesting rabbit holes once you start digging. Just let me know what's on your mind!
I’m still sitting here absolutely overthinking this whole thing. I keep driving myself crazy trying to figure out who actually deserves a "thank you" gift and what that should even look like. Should I go with something classic like a nice scarf or maybe some cool desk decor? How much should I even spend? I don't want to look cheap by giving something tiny, but I definitely don't want to come off as "too much" or awkward. It’s such a fine line—you want it to be thoughtful without being overly personal, but if it’s too cliché, it feels hollow. Honestly, I'm at the point where I'm questioning if I should even bother giving anything at all...

Even if we actually managed to pull this off—if we could make a system like this work without someone getting burned, whether it’s a patient at a hospital or a clerk at the DMV—I honestly think it would be a wake-up call. It’d probably become pretty obvious, pretty fast, that people aren't actually as obsessed with "freebies" or handouts as everyone likes to claim.
At the end of the day, you’ve got so many people out there just absolutely crushing it—whether they're working on the floor at a Target, grinding away as engineers, or putting their heart into local community programs. They’re so dedicated and selfless in what they do that it honestly doesn't even cross anyone's mind to give them an extra pat on the back or some kind of special recognition. It’s just treated like the status quo, you know? Like, people assume that being incredibly hardworking and giving your all is just the baseline, so they don't think twice about rewarding that level of commitment.
Look, at the end of the day, my issue with healthcare workers isn't because I think they’re the most corrupt group in our district—honestly, some studies suggest things are even sketchier over in the legal system anyway. It’s more about practical reality. We all run into medical staff several times a year just by living our lives, whereas most of us will go our entire lives without ever needing to deal with a lawyer. It's just about how often you actually have to cross paths with them.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about those "silent powerhouses"—you know the ones. I’m talking about the quiet, hardworking, incredibly competent, and patient types. The people who act like the unsung heroes of any organization. They aren't looking for a spotlight, they don't demand accolades, and if someone tries to give them unearned praise, they’ll probably just politely decline it. All they really want is a simple "thank you," and honestly, that’s it. But it makes me wonder: why do they stay silent? Why do they let society lump them into the same category as the corrupt, loud-mouthed "bad guys"? It feels so unfair when the people actually keeping the wheels turning get painted with the same brush as the sharks running crooked schemes. I really want to believe there are way more of these steady, reliable souls out there than there are of the villains. Does anyone else feel this way?

Come on, redhawk76, go take a walk or something and get some fresh air. Once you've calmed down a bit, feel free to come back if you actually have something smart or relevant to contribute. Otherwise, just keep it quiet. 😈

And just in case you forgot what we were actually talking about:

Is it a legitimate tip or just a bribe? Honestly, that line between a "thank you" gift and a kickback can feel pretty blurry sometimes, especially when you're dealing with bureaucracy. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, mostly because I had a weird encounter at the DMV last week. I was sitting there, just waiting for my paperwork to clear, and I watched this guy hand a twenty to the clerk after she helped him skip a massive headache with his registration. On one hand, he was just being a decent human being and showing appreciation for her extra effort. On the other hand, it felt a little bit like he was paying for special treatment. It makes you wonder where the boundary actually sits. In my mind, if you're giving someone something because they went above and beyond their job description to help you out, that's just being a good person. But if the expectation is that you *have* to pay up just to get the service you're already entitled to? That’s definitely moving into shady territory. It’s such a gray area, and it really depends on the intention behind the gesture. What do you guys think? Is there a clear distinction, or is it all just a matter of perspective?
Hey everyone, I was hoping I could tap into the collective wisdom here for a bit of advice. I’m looking to get a thank-you gift for my doctor—he honestly did an incredible job getting me back on my feet after some serious health issues—but I'm feeling a little stuck on the logistics. I really want to show my appreciation, but I don't want to overthink it. I’m trying to find that perfect middle ground where it doesn't feel like I'm blowing a massive amount of money, but it also doesn't look like an afterthought or something cheap. You know that awkward spot where you don't want to seem "too much" or overly personal, but you still want it to feel genuine? If you guys have any ideas for something thoughtful but sensible, I'm all ears. What's worked for you in the past when you wanted to say thanks to a professional without making things weird?
I honestly think they don't actually want to become an alcoholic, which is probably why those empty bottles just keep piling up.
I see we’ve got quite a few doctors lurking in this thread, so I figured I’d throw this out there to them—and honestly, anyone else who might have some insight from their own life experience. I'm really curious to hear what you guys think.
__________________
crimsonpuma48

Look, my reaction isn't exactly like yours—you seem pretty worked up about this—but I’m coming at this from a different angle. I’ve been working in the healthcare field here in the States for twenty years now, and in all that time, I have never once asked anyone for a bribe. Period. Now, don't get me wrong, I have received gifts before, but those always came from people I actually know and truly respect. To be honest, not every patient is easy to deal with, and frankly, not everyone is deserving of a gesture like that. Some people just don't earn it. There are days when I wouldn't even take a pack of tissues from someone, let alone anything else.
Look, I have absolutely zero intention of accepting anything from someone who thinks they can just buy their way into some kind of special treatment. Or worse, like they think they can actually buy me.

Honestly, you’re probably not even going to get where I'm coming from on this one. 😈
Look, you really need to drop the whole social justice act, like that "poor lady at the grocery store" routine. It’s getting honestly exhausting, and honestly? It isn't even working. You aren't actually making anyone more empathetic toward social issues by playing the pity card—you're just being tedious. 😎

Megan Reed said:redhawk76, you happen to know anyone named Arslan? 😬

Man, you totally took the words right out of my mouth! 🙏 🙏 🙏

redhawk76 said:...The whole "honest workforce" thing: those quiet, hard-working, competent, and patient "ants" who don't ask for (and don't even take, they just politely decline—and they can) anything except a "thank you." Why do they stay silent and let themselves be lumped in with corrupt bureaucrats?

👍

You can absolutely decline if you actually want to. It’s simple: a doctor just tells the patient, "Hey, if you aren't taking this home, just drop it off at the first soup kitchen you see." Word would get out fast, the bribes would dry up, and those soup kitchens would be loaded with ham. 🤣

Susan Martin24 said:...honestly, not all patients are equally dear or worthy enough for me to accept any kind of gift from them, not even a pack of tissues.

I really hope you aren't actually a corrupt bitch in real life based on what you just said. 🙄

It bothers me how much certain professions are constantly under fire, especially doctors. It feels like the media just endlessly churns out horror stories about them.

I suppose anyone can tear someone else down; it’s easy enough, and clearly quite entertaining for some.
I can't stand generalizations. Of course there are bad doctors out there, but hello—that exists in every field. My family has been navigating the healthcare system for years, and we've always received quality care without needing bribes or special connections.
The doctor-patient relationship isn't a one-way street. A little respect goes a long way... I maintain good rapport with my physicians, and I think they truly appreciate knowing their work is valued.

Jack Roberts83 said:I really hope you aren't actually some corrupt bitch in real life after dropping a comment like that. 🙄

What you quoted is absolutely spot on!
And hey, if that's how you see me—fine by me, I honestly don't care. 😈

Honestly, I feel embarrassed for my colleagues who take a bottle of wine or a coffee from patients like you, only to be labeled liars or corrupt pigs later on.🙄

That’s why I don't accept anything at all (unless the patient happens to be a close friend, but you wouldn't get that anyway)—even though plenty of people take offense, thinking I didn't "offer enough." I just gently explain to them that I don't need anything and that seeing them feel better is more than enough for me.

And everyone should keep in mind that a good number of us doctors also find certain patients incredibly grating (especially those who think they can buy anyone and everything). Just like patients sometimes find certain doctors annoying, too. 😈
That doesn't mean we aren't equally professional and skilled with every single patient; far from it.

But please, lose the illusion that we exist solely for your comfort and well-being. 😬

Most importantly, let's be clear: some of us cannot be bought. Not with gifts, and certainly not with money. 🙏

Megan Reed, that little absolute nightmare of a 😲 😂 😂 😂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

redhawk76 said:Susan Martin24
Why is it totally fine for people to bring doctors gifts, even just a box of chocolates, but then they act all offended when someone tries to show appreciation with perfume or sweets instead of just being a "taxpayer" through official channels?
...

Honestly, I’m guessing neither you nor anyone in your family has ever dealt with a real medical crisis.
When things get heavy, you stop caring about boundaries, bureaucracy, lawyers, or any of that legalistic nonsense. Your health is the only thing that matters. In a good doctor, you see a goddamn saint. My doctor walked me through everything—exactly what he was doing, why he was doing it, what my recovery would look like, and why we weren't taking the other route. He clearly knows his stuff, and I trust him implicitly. I used to be a nervous wreck getting blood drawn, but with this guy, I actually spent an entire ninety-minute procedure under local anesthesia just chatting away with him and the nurse.
Bottom line: not all doctors are cut from the same cloth, and some people truly deserve a little extra.
If a waiter at a diner gets a tip, why shouldn't a doctor who actually cares deserve something too?👍

Threads like this just grate on my nerves.

Personally, I’m against bribery and corruption. It needs to be reported, and not just in healthcare, but across every profession.

Expressing gratitude for help received after the fact—whether it's in any sector of society, or for a friend, or even a mother—is one thing...

But if you actually want a nation governed by the rule of law, then act like it. That means no more under-the-table cash deals, no tax evasion, no shady kickbacks, and no walking off the job at noon on a Friday just because the weekend is coming.

Even in a functional rule-of-law society, there’s supposed to be an established ORDER. You should know exactly when it's your turn. It’s like waiting at a Chase branch—you grab a number and you wait.

But apparently, Americans just hate waiting. People will do just about anything to skip the line and get served right this second.

It’s a fundamental flaw in our mindset.

Imagine there are three neurosurgeons. In this country, they all earn the exact same salary.
But everyone knows one of them is the best—though God knows by what criteria.

Basically, every single person in New York wants him to perform their surgery. Even 80% of people from Florida would travel just to see him because they don't trust the hospitals back home.

The result? You end up with one guy in America doing basically every operation.

Naturally, he can't keep up with the demand.

Yet, people still insist on him.

In a rational world, he’d be incredibly wealthy simply because he's actually good at his job.

But here in America, people will go to any lengths—including paying out of pocket—just to get on his schedule.

What's wrong with the others? Are they not competent?

There should be waiting lists; you go to whoever you actually like.

Instead, Americans insist on micromanaging everything themselves.

You won't even find this kind of chaos in the US.

My last post was a bit of a mess.

But my point stands: Americans have no one to blame for corruption but themselves. If there’s a problem, report it properly.

The reason corruption exists is because it's baked into our mindset. We don't bother waiting in line like civilized people; we just try to cut ahead.

It's always: "If I can't get what I want right now, why should I?"

You think those doctors have the nerve?

Me! Waiting in line!
Do they even know who I am?

Do they know who my best friend is?

Do they know which Senator represents me?

Do they know what branch of the military I'm in?

Do they even know who my cousin is??

Susan Martin24 said:That’s precisely why I decline everything—unless, of course, the patient happens to be a longtime friend, though I suspect that nuance might escape you. While some people take offense, assuming my refusal implies they haven't "offered enough," I simply explain that I require nothing; seeing them recover is the only reward I seek...

This certainly doesn't imply a lack of professionalism or expertise regarding my other patients; quite the opposite....

It should be understood, however, that certain practitioners among us cannot be bought. No amount of gifts or cash will suffice 🙏

I hold these principles in the highest regard. In fact, it would serve your own interests if more of your colleagues shared this exact mindset. Nothing more, and nothing less.😘

IEEE 🤮 who even cares about this stuff here

- a tip is just a tip

- if I want to give someone something—not necessarily a doctor—that's a different story. I love giving gifts. I'll leave a little extra cash 🤣 for the neighbor who watered my plants while I was on vacation, toss a tip🤣 to the cashier—I won't even take ten cents back in change, I'll just leave it. I tip the waiter when I leave more than enough at the table, I tip my hairstylist, I hand out cash 🤣 to friends and family every now and then

- if a doctor were actually asking for bribes, that would be 🙂 (though honestly, I've never even been in a situation where I thought that was expected)

- on the flip side, if I get medical service—or any service really—and I'm super happy with it, and the person was incredibly kind (like, way more than they had to be), what's the big deal if I show up to say thanks with a coffee, some chocolate, or a box of sweets? It’s just a damn courtesy, not a bribe

@redhawk76 - you know 🙄 , some people just like saying thanks and maybe throwing in a little something extra

yeah, the thread started out being totally altruistic and then it had to veer off into "bribery and corruption, blah blah blah, my neighbor eats candy bars for breakfast because his doctor is 😈
"
👎 👎 👎

College Student said:Let’s say there are three neurosurgeons. In our country, they all earn the exact same salary.
But it is common knowledge that one of them is clearly the best (though one wonders by what specific metrics we judge that!).

Basically, every single person in New York wants him to perform their surgery. Even if you live in a small town in rural Texas, 80 percent of people would rather travel to see him because they simply don't trust the local hospitals.

The end result is that one man in America ends up being responsible for almost every major operation.

Naturally, he can't possibly keep up with the demand.

Yet, people insist on him specifically.

In a functioning economy, that individual would be incredibly wealthy because he excels at his craft.

But here in America, people will go to any lengths—including paying whatever it takes—just to get on his schedule.

So, what is wrong with the others? Are they somehow incompetent?

It would be much more logical to have waiting lists based on reputation; you simply go to whoever earns your preference.
.

I find myself agreeing with nearly everything you wrote, though I have to disagree with this particular point.
Abroad, you absolutely have the freedom to choose whichever doctor you prefer; it isn't about "pleasing" someone. You either utilize supplemental insurance or you opt for private care, but the bottom line is that you CAN access the specialist you want. If I want the absolute best in the field, why shouldn't I be able to secure that through legal channels?