#21 ·
So, I just watched this (an absolutely terrible bootleg I found online). First off, 🙂 downloading stuff from the internet—ugh, no way. This is the kind of thing you gotta see in a theater. The movie is... well... basically a Tim Burton take on a Roald Dahl book... and honestly, there's not much else to say about it.
It’s super cute but has this incredibly bizarre vibe, weird plot, and tons of dialogue. Visually? It's stunning. Johnny Depp totally gives off Michael Jackson vibes (minus the creepy stuff) and his Neverland era. Actually, he kind of reminds me of that white angel from *City Angels*.
Long story short, I'm just waiting for it to hit theaters so I can watch it on a massive screen like a civilized human being, instead of this creepy low-quality rip that keeps skipping, sounds like it was recorded into a bucket, and is missing half the scenes because someone filmed their TV! You literally see them whipping a cow in the "whipped cream room," one little girl turns into a blueberry (she turns blue and gets all round, then they drag her to the juicing room where they "squeeze her like a prune" until she's blue and floppy like rubber but back to normal size), and those trained squirrels are pure insanity (just diabolical little things that go nuts and toss a kid into the trash), etc. The whole movie is just wild. The kids are brilliantly done, especially that spoiled rich girl and the chubby German guy. Honestly, the chubby guy is better. Such a bummer that the first kid gets knocked out (he almost drowns in the chocolate river before getting sucked up by some pipe and whisked away to who-knows-where). So far this year, we've had two genius, weird-as-hell movies come out: Sin City and Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. Oh, and yeah, I am obsessed with bad movie logic. Like, when you film someone with a camera, they look like they're only 10cm tall on TV, so that's why when Wonka invents a teleporter through the TV, he has to send a giant piece of chocolate so it comes out looking a normal size, right? Every other sentence is something like that.
It’s super cute but has this incredibly bizarre vibe, weird plot, and tons of dialogue. Visually? It's stunning. Johnny Depp totally gives off Michael Jackson vibes (minus the creepy stuff) and his Neverland era. Actually, he kind of reminds me of that white angel from *City Angels*.
Long story short, I'm just waiting for it to hit theaters so I can watch it on a massive screen like a civilized human being, instead of this creepy low-quality rip that keeps skipping, sounds like it was recorded into a bucket, and is missing half the scenes because someone filmed their TV! You literally see them whipping a cow in the "whipped cream room," one little girl turns into a blueberry (she turns blue and gets all round, then they drag her to the juicing room where they "squeeze her like a prune" until she's blue and floppy like rubber but back to normal size), and those trained squirrels are pure insanity (just diabolical little things that go nuts and toss a kid into the trash), etc. The whole movie is just wild. The kids are brilliantly done, especially that spoiled rich girl and the chubby German guy. Honestly, the chubby guy is better. Such a bummer that the first kid gets knocked out (he almost drowns in the chocolate river before getting sucked up by some pipe and whisked away to who-knows-where). So far this year, we've had two genius, weird-as-hell movies come out: Sin City and Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. Oh, and yeah, I am obsessed with bad movie logic. Like, when you film someone with a camera, they look like they're only 10cm tall on TV, so that's why when Wonka invents a teleporter through the TV, he has to send a giant piece of chocolate so it comes out looking a normal size, right? Every other sentence is something like that.