Dealing with depression

Even if I manage to pull myself together, there's this nagging fear that once I recover, I'll just find myself back in that same lonely place again.

You can't just treat the symptoms; you have to address the root cause if you ever want to truly heal, don't you think?

Honestly, I feel like I've hit my absolute limit. Right now, more than ever, I need people to show me that life is actually worth living. If human connection didn't matter, we could all just isolate ourselves at home and stay indifferent to everything happening around us—but deep down, even someone as solitary as myself knows that isn't enough.

Carol Roberts77

Hermits are real, and honestly, a lot of them are actually happy. If you ever head over to India, you'll see plenty of people living out of caves who couldn't care less about society, and they're totally content. I don't think it's particularly smart to go hunting for other people just to cure loneliness. The fix is within you. You don't need anyone else to feel fulfilled or whole.

Just a reminder: feeling down every once in a while is just part of life. But the people—mostly women, in my experience—who actually suffer from clinical depression? You haven't seen anything until you've seen them. It’s pathological at that point. They become completely apathetic, unable to function, totally sunk. They don't socialize, they won't even cook dinner for their families, and they make constant scenes with those closest to them. It's a mess. They definitely need psychiatric help. Unfortunately, family support can only go so far; what they really need is medication and psychotherapy.

What depression actually is

Think of depression as an illness of emotion. Labeling it a mental health issue doesn't make it any less real or painful. It’s a widespread condition affecting about one in twenty people.

Essentially, depression is a mood disorder defined by varying levels of sadness, disappointment, isolation, hopelessness, self-doubt, and guilt. These feelings can hit hard and stick around for a long time. While some people manage to push through their daily routines, others find basic tasks nearly impossible. At its worst, the sense of helplessness becomes so overwhelming that suicide starts looking like the only way out.

Someone dealing with severe depression might experience massive mood swings or a total urge to withdraw from society entirely. There is zero reason to be ashamed of it; it isn't a sign of weakness. It is treatable, whether through medication, therapy, counseling, or a mix of everything. God hears prayers, and persistent prayer can certainly aid the emotional healing process.

For a Christian watching their world fall apart, prayer might not feel like a viable option. In those moments, the steady prayers of close friends or family members can help.

What depression is not

Depression isn't "all in your head." It isn't a made-up illness, it isn't laziness, and it isn't just feeling down for a couple of days. It isn't PMS or simple stress. Most importantly, it isn't God rejecting or abandoning you. If it were a divine consequence for a specific sin—like refusing to end an affair—you wouldn't be left wondering. You would know.

Symptoms:

lethargy (everything feels like too much effort);
sleep issues (waking up too early, trouble falling asleep, or feeling exhausted after a "full" night's rest);
brain fog;
irritability;
burnout;
low libido;
intense despair;
feeling like everything is pointless or useless;
fear of death;
various phobias;
OCD tendencies;
constant anxiety;
wanting to cry but being unable to;
suicidal ideation or fear of acting on it;
fluctuations in appetite and weight;
other symptoms not listed here.

(found this online, though I agree with most of it)

Hey
Decided to chime in with something a bit more personal instead of just listing facts.

Honestly, I don't think you have depression. If what happened to you counts as an illness, then it's PTSD. Since you aren't taking your issues out on everyone around you, you don't have that either.

What you went through happens to people. Everyone has some kind of handicap; unfortunately, yours was physical and hit you young. But that shouldn't stop you from doing what you love, hanging out with people, or actually enjoying life on your own terms. Talking to a psychologist or a priest might help. Or join a support group where people actually get it. I know a spot over near the University campus—there's a lounge near the dorms where students with disabilities hang out. They have a good setup, the dining hall is decent, they have friends of all ages, and everyone helps each other out. They’re just as interesting as anyone else.

Get out there. Do some research, find those students, and maybe we'll run into each other since I'm basically at the dining hall every day for lunch.

Don't just sit there feeling defeated and let life pass you by while you're this young. Relax and enjoy yourself. Get active.

PS. I'm dealing with relationship drama too... even though nothing is missing on my end (actually, there's too much 😉—classic Midwest girl)... and I'm happy being single right now rather than being with someone just because I need them. For that, I've got my friends, books, and the internet.😉

Take care.

---Write down some goals... things you like doing... stuff you're actually good at... then slowly start making them happen.

I totally get why you're craving companionship, but there’s honestly so much more to life than just finding a partner.
You really only have two ways to play this:
1) You can sit around wallowing in self-pity, letting the days just slip by. That’s how you get stuck in a rut. If you keep feeling sorry for yourself and let time waste away, a year or two from now you’re going to look back and think, "Why didn't I do something to fix my life sooner?" And then you'll feel even worse about it!
Or:
2) You set some realistic goals based on what you can actually handle and commit to them every single day. At the end of the night, you'll feel good knowing you actually showed up for yourself. You're young—start thinking long-term and just take it one step at a time.

You mentioned that a therapist hasn't been able to help. Maybe they can't, or maybe they actually can! If you went, at least you'd know for sure. Lay everything out on the table; they'll probably give you advice on how to find a girlfriend rather than how to live without one. Life is a grind, but try to see the beauty in the struggle. Even if the therapist doesn't solve everything, at least you'll know you actually tried to do something for yourself. And honestly, that's a HUGE deal...👋

Carol Roberts77 said:Yeah, but all of that feels irrelevant to me simply because I'm on my own.

Ha, ha, join the club!

So, like, what even is depression? I mean, it's such a heavy word, right? It’s not just feeling bummed out because you had a bad day at work or because your favorite coffee shop ran out of oat milk—though that definitely sucks. I guess it's more like this... massive, heavy fog that just rolls in and won't leave. Like, everything feels gray and sort of pointless. You know? Maybe it's a chemical thing in your brain, or maybe it's just life hitting you all at once. I don't really know, I'm just rambling here. But it's definitely deeper than just being sad. It's like losing your spark, or feeling totally disconnected from everything around you. Anyway, it's complicated. Really complicated.

So, like, depression... it’s definitely more than just feeling bummed out, right? It’s this whole mood disorder thing that basically takes over both your body and your head at the same time. It's heavy. I guess the easiest way to really get what it feels like is by looking at the basic symptoms:

It’s like, almost a given symptom, I guess... that whole feeling where you just lose your spark, or maybe you just don't get a kick out of stuff anymore. Like, things you used to love doing before you got sick? Yeah, they just kind of feel flat now. It's pretty much a staple part of the whole experience, honestly.
So, like, I was reading up on this and... honestly? It’s kind of heavy stuff. It’s that deep sense of sadness or just feeling totally hollow, you know? Like, it isn't even about losing something specific recently—it's just there. Some people say they feel more empty than actually sad, or maybe it's both at once? Just a total lack of drive. Like, suddenly everything you used to love doing—your hobbies, whatever—just feels pointless. I guess that happens to a lot of people dealing with this. And then there's the anxiety part, which is super common too. It’s like this constant, nagging fear that something bad is about to go wrong. Sleep gets totally messed up, too. Usually, it's insomnia or waking up way too early, though I think for younger folks, it might be the opposite where they just want to sleep all day. And the thoughts... man, they can get really dark. People start spiraling about being sick, or death, or even suicide. It makes making even the smallest decisions feel impossible. Everything just feels exhausting, like your energy is zero and you're tired out instantly. Plus, there's that whole heavy feeling of guilt, like you're worthless or just completely helpless. It's a lot.
So, like... I’ve been dealing with all these constant physical issues lately. It's just a lot, you know? Like, constant headaches, this weird stabbing sensation, feeling totally dizzy sometimes, and just these chronic pains that won't quit. I guess it's just one thing after another. Maybe it's nothing, but it's definitely a lot to handle.
So, like... irritability? Ugh. It’s just such a mood lately, I guess. Like, everything feels just a little bit too much, you know? Maybe it's the weather or maybe I'm just overthinking things, but I feel super on edge. Just kind of... prickly? I don't know. It's weird. Anyway, hope you guys are having a better day than me!
I just, like... I can't chill. At all. It’s like my brain is constantly running on high gear even when I'm trying to just sit on the couch and do nothing, you know? I guess I just don't know how to hit the off switch. Maybe it's everything, maybe it's just me, but it's like there's this constant buzz under my skin. I try to relax, I really do, but then I start thinking about stuff and suddenly I'm wide awake and restless again. It’s kind of a struggle, honestly. Just wish I could find that zen mode everyone talks about, but it feels totally out of reach right now.
Weight loss or gaining weight... honestly, I don't even know. It’s like one of those things you just spiral into, you know? One day you're obsessing over every single calorie and trying to live on kale salads, and then suddenly, life happens, and you're just eating pizza at midnight while watching Netflix. I guess it’s all kind of a cycle. Maybe it’s just how we're wired? I don't know, I'm probably just overthinking it. Anyway, it's a wild ride.

So, like... why does depression even happen? It’s such a massive question, right? Honestly, I feel like there isn't just one single thing that triggers it for everyone. It’s kind of a mess, I guess. Maybe it's biology, maybe it's just life being... well, life. Some people say it’s all about brain chemistry—like, you know, those neurotransmitters acting up or whatever. I read somewhere that it could be genetics too, so if your family has dealt with it, you might be more prone to it. But then again, life hits you hard sometimes. Like, losing a job, a bad breakup, or just constant stress from work... that stuff can really drag you down. It’s complicated, though. It’s probably a mix of everything. Biology, environment, trauma... it all tangles together. I don't know, it's just a lot to wrap your head around. But yeah, it's definitely not just one simple thing.

So, I was thinking... maybe depression is just one of those things you inherit, you know? Like, it runs in the family. Especially when you're looking at bipolar disorder—that seems to be a huge thing that just pops up in certain lineages. Even with other types of depression, I guess you often find out later on that a grandparent or someone upstream was just super high-strung or maybe dealt with their own mental health struggles. It’s kind of wild how much stuff is baked into our DNA, I suppose.
I mean, honestly, anyone can fall into that depression hole, you know? It just happens. But I guess if you're one of those people who's naturally super emotional or maybe a little more sensitive... or if you struggle with self-esteem or just really hate it when things feel unfair or people are being critical... then yeah, it feels like depression shows up for you way more often. Maybe it's just how some people are wired, I don't know.
So, I was thinking about how being constantly stressed out basically rewires your entire brain, you know? Like, it actually changes how it functions and even its physical structure. It makes me think that a lot of what we call depression might just be the result of all that toxic stress finally piling up until it's too much. And honestly, I guess your genetics play a huge part in it too... like, everyone has a different threshold for how much weight their nervous system can carry before it just kind of snaps. It’s wild, really.

So, like, there are dozens of different theories about what actually causes this stuff... you've got everything from viral triggers to all kinds of psychological stuff. It kind of makes me think that we honestly don't even know the real answer yet. I guess we're still just scratching the surface, maybe.
So, like, our knowledge just keeps growing every single day, right? Once we get past the whole synapse thing, we start diving into the membrane, the nucleus, and all those branches... it's wild. I guess it won't be that long before we can actually write about what causes depression with some real confidence. Maybe.

Diagnosis and treatment... I mean, it’s such a huge topic, right? Like, where do you even start? I guess it’s all about that whole process of figuring out what's actually going on with you before you even think about fixing it. It's kind of wild how much goes into it. Maybe it's just me, but I always feel like there's so many layers to peeling back. Anyway, it's a lot to wrap your head around!

Honestly, diagnosing depression shouldn't be that hard, you know? I mean, like, you could just ask someone if they're feeling down, or scared, or just totally drained of any motivation... or even if they can actually find a reason to laugh from the heart anymore. It seems pretty straightforward to me, I guess. So, it’s just super weird to think about how two-thirds of depression cases out there go completely undiagnosed, or stay untreated, or maybe get misdiagnosed or just don't get enough help. It's kind of wild when you think about it, really.
So, like, once it’s clear someone is actually dealing with mental health issues, I feel like they just throw all these sedatives and antipsychotics at them without thinking? It seems totally irrational to just hand out meds that only work for a tiny bit of time. Like, if we're talking depression, you should be using antidepressants!!! Sedatives and those neuroleptics... I don't know, maybe they should only be used when there's a really good reason for it, you know? Just my two cents, I guess.
Honestly, you can't just sit there and wait for depression to magically vanish. Like, that almost never happens. And trying to white-knuckle your way through it? Thinking you can just "will" it away or force yourself to be positive? Yeah, that’s pretty much a losing battle. The whole point is that the willpower and the optimism are exactly what's missing in the first place, so how is someone supposed to just... find them again? It's tough. I guess when people start tossing out those cliché, amateur advice tips, it actually does more harm than good. It just makes you feel guilty, you know? Like you're failing at being happy, which just proves they don't really get what you're going through.
I mean, I guess a deep understanding is really where everything starts when you're dealing with depression. You kind of need that internal spark, you know? Like, you have to actually get it inside yourself to make sense of a sickness that you can't even see and definitely can't just put into a bunch of numbers or data points. It's just... yeah.
I mean, for people who just don't get it, maybe you could compare depression to something like diabetes? Like, with diabetes, you've got issues with insulin, right? And with depression, it’s more about low serotonin levels. I know, I know—it’s super simplified, probably way too basic, but I guess it works enough to show that there's a real chemical imbalance happening in your body... something we can't just snap our fingers and fix on our own.

I mean, honestly? That’s kind of why psychiatrists even exist, right? They actually know way more about depression than what this article is laying out here. Plus, they have access to all these modern antidepressants now, which makes treating it so much more successful and... I don't know, just easier? And maybe a little less risky too, I guess.
I mean, obviously you gotta give them the meds, but I guess... maybe you also need to give them a little bit of yourself? Like, your own understanding, or some genuine compassion, and just having faith that they’re actually gonna get better. It's more than just the prescription, I think.

I hope this helps you out a bit

Even Mark Clark2 is feeling pretty depressed about it (well, I mean, can you blame him given how his creation turned out😁 ))

But, Carol Roberts77, please don't go looking for salvation solely through a relationship! There's just no way, seriously. If you're struggling with depression, you'll end up twisting everything in your head into something terrible, even if you *are* in a relationship. I'm saying, don't look for it JUST in a partner. A relationship can help, sure, but it’s not a magic fix (unless you get really lucky, I guess). It’s actually a good idea to seek professional help—honestly, it's great. Personally, I have a diagnosis, nothing too crazy, but I deal with it and just keep moving. I used to try finding peace through relationships, and I tried finding it in partying too—that ended with a mountain of failed romances and quitting alcohol (not the hospital kind, anyway)... Man, this world is tough, you really shouldn't let things get to you too much.👋

I’d actually thought about starting a thread specifically for depression—right around the same time I kicked off the one about anxiety—but for some reason, I just didn't get around to it... I'm not entirely sure why...

Regarding the anxiety side of things... everything seems relatively fine. I'm writing, I'm talking, I'm functioning within society...
But what about this wretched, sickening depression?

Shouldn't a psychologist be the remedy for this area as well?

I'm losing my mind... 😢

Carol Roberts77 said:You completely missed my point. This isn't even about some girl anymore; it’s about loneliness. It feels like I can't get my bearings because if you haven't even come close to being in a relationship by age 22, when exactly are you supposed to start?

Regarding the current state of affairs—everyone seems to be looking for someone else to fix them. The actual issue here is that you need to learn how to exist independently. If you don't, this depression of yours will haunt you every single time you find yourself alone, and unfortunately, that is a recurring theme in life. As for clinical depression, I have been there, done that. It is an unpleasant experience, and I do not envy anyone still stuck in that cycle. You lose the ability to find an exit; instead, you just dig yourself deeper. You vent to everyone you know, people eventually lose patience with you, and then you end up driving yourself crazy, feeling even more pathetic every time you do it. That is how you spiral. However, I refused to let that happen. I didn't settle for any Prozac, Xanax, or similar nonsense. Instead, one day I simply got out of bed and headed into the mountains 😁 and that saved me. It hasn't returned (so far). So, depression—fuck off. 🙂

boldeagle3 said:I was thinking about starting a thread on depression at the same time I started one on anxiety, but for some reason, I never did...

Regarding anxiety... everything is fine. We write, we talk, we function.
But what about this wretched, disgusting depression?

Should a psychologist be the solution for this area as well?

I'm losing my mind... 😢

You need a psychiatrist, not a psychologist. And if I may offer a piece of advice: if you decide to seek help, go to a private practitioner WITHOUT fail. It is far better to pay $67 per session than to visit a community health center or a public hospital. In those institutions, nobody actually cares about your thoughts or how you truly feel; they are simply waiting to check off certain symptoms so they can dump a load of pills on you. You’ll walk out of there with a prescription in hand, popping medication for a year, only to have everything crash back down the moment you stop. Medication doesn't solve the root cause; it merely buffers the impact. Therefore, even though private psychiatrists are damn expensive, it might be your best option. If you believe you can handle this on your own—which isn't impossible, as I am living proof 😁—then borrow or buy some self-help books. There is plenty of material out there. For instance, this one is quite good for gaining insight into depression, even though it's technically a memoir—Elizabeth Wurtzel's Prozac Nation. You can find it at Barnes & Noble, and it isn't pricey. At least that way, you will learn something about what you are fighting against.
If you want more detailed information, send me a PM.

Benjamin Stewart82 said:A psychiatrist, not a psychologist... and honestly, my advice? If you’re going to go, MANDATORY rule: find someone in private practice. It's way better to pay $67 per session than to walk into a local clinic or a big public hospital where nobody actually gives a damn about what you're thinking or how you feel—they just want to check boxes, slap some symptoms on you, and dump a bunch of pills in your lap so they can send you home with a prescription in hand. You'll spend a year popping them, feeling okay, and then everything comes crashing back the second you stop, because meds don't fix the root cause—they just act like a buffer... so, even though private psychiatrists are insanely expensive, it might be your best bet........... and if you think you can pull yourself out of this solo—which isn't impossible (trust me, I'm living proof 😁)—then maybe borrow or buy some self-help books. There's plenty out there (for instance, this one is great for understanding depression even though it's more memoir-style—Elizabeth Wurtzel's Prozac Nation, you can find it at Algorithm, it won't break the bank), at least you'll learn something about what you're fighting against....
if you want to dive deeper into this, shoot me a DM

But look, it doesn't strictly have to be a psychiatrist; a psychologist works too. That whole "psychiatrist vs. psychologist" thing is just a rigid opinion people tend to cling to.😛

And yeah, regarding the part about meds not solving the actual core issue—that's true.

But I totally disagree with the idea that private doctors are inherently better than everyone else.

My experience has been different, and it's definitely not true that they're just out to bleed you dry or drug you up for no reason.

I couldn't get through it on my own either—and man, having to go back on medication after a year was rough.

The truth is, they can't solve my problems for me, because it's not even some mysterious, unsolvable issue; it's just the typical stuff—learning how to adapt to society, learning how to deal with things, etc...

And that's something I have to do myself.
No psychiatrist or psychologist is going to fix that for me; at most, they can just help me along the way.🙂

silentowl43 said:actually, it doesn't have to be a psychiatrist; a psychologist works too. that's just a narrow-minded assumption people tend to make.😛

Furthermore, I completely disagree with the notion that private practitioners are inherently superior to everyone else.

My own experience tells a different story, and it is simply untrue that they are just looking to bleed you dry.

I couldn't pull myself out of it on my own, which is why I had to return to medication after a year. It is what it is.

The truth is, they can't actually solve my problems for me. My issue isn't some complex, unsolvable mystery; it's the standard struggle of learning how to adapt to society and building resilience.

And that is something I have to handle myself.
No psychiatrist or psychologist is going to fix that for me; at most, they might offer some guidance.🙂

silentowl43, really? I disagree. A private doctor actually has the time to listen to your issues. Who is going to sit there for two hours listening to you vent about your life at a public clinic? 😁 They are basically programmed to hear you out for thirty minutes, scribble down a prescription, and if the meds work, fine; if not, you’re stuck, because getting off them is incredibly difficult. If they don't work, they'll just send you to a ward for a week to pump you full of even stronger drugs. If that fails, they'll throw you into a locked facility. After all that, they'll dump you back into "normal" life right where you started.

I know several people whose situations confirm exactly what I just stated. 😉 😛

But I suppose it is clear that in either scenario, you have to do the heavy lifting yourself.

So, I hit rock bottom a few weeks back. Now, we’re actually on pretty good terms. I’ve started considering seeing a psychiatrist—it might be time. I tried opening up to a friend about what I’m going through, but honestly, he didn't have a clue what was happening. It feels like I'm just sinking deeper and deeper—it's exhausting. Still, I'm fighting. God, if someone had told me two months ago that I’d be posting this kind of crap on an online forum

Lately, I’ve decided to stop dumping all my problems on my friends. I realized it can be exhausting for them to try and keep up with my depression... and honestly, I don't want to be the reason they come home feeling wiped out, like they just spent the whole day at the gym. It feels like I'm asking too much from anyone. I'll try to get myself together on my own, but if it doesn't work... if it doesn't work...

Would you all like to hear something a little more uplifting for a change?

Life can be such a short, fleeting thing—isn't it?😁

Well, I suppose I’m just as much of a wreck myself...

Everything regarding depression, anxiety, and other psychiatric conditions is covered extensively here:

Psychiatry and "MI"

👋

🙂 😉 😎

Let’s be honest, most people have flirted with the edge of depression at some point in their lives.
Real courage means actually confronting the root causes instead of just drifting.
If you can't navigate it on your own, you'd better find a truly GREAT psychologist—because let's face it, they aren't all cut from the same cloth. You need someone who actually knows how to LISTEN.
In my view, what a person struggling with depression needs most is someone to listen with genuine interest; I call it having a "shoulder to cry on." After all, no one else can fix the specific problems that triggered the depression except for us, but a professional can help us shift our perspective so moving forward feels less impossible.
Of course, in more severe cases, you're looking at a psychiatrist and potentially antidepressants.
From what I've seen personally, you have to fight back against depression the moment you feel those first symptoms creeping in. If you just surrender to it, it turns into a massive illness that requires serious medical intervention.
Someone mentioned something about life expectancy being shortened by this? Absolutely not. Real courage is staying ALIVE.

You can definitely tackle depression—at least the mild stuff—with just a psychologist. They can't write you a prescription, obviously, but honestly, some people don't even need them.
If they eventually realize you actually *do* need medication, they’ll refer you to a psychiatrist (or just write a note to your primary care doctor to handle the script). They'll also send you off if they spot signs of something more serious, like psychosis and all that.

My husband is seeing a therapist right now to work through some old baggage. He isn't on any meds—he doesn't need them.

He just needs someone neutral to listen—and unfortunately, I can't be that person; it has to be someone outside the family—so he can finally vent everything he's been bottling up for years.

It's not even about depression, really. But if he hadn't started therapy when he did, maybe we would've ended up there.