Carol Roberts77 said:Look, you totally missed my point—it’s not even about the girl right now. It’s more about this sense of isolation. It feels like I can't even figure out how things actually work, because if you haven't been anywhere near a relationship by the time you're 22, what chance do you actually have?
Man... listen, I had this buddy who was also zero percent involved with girls until he turned 21. Because of his looks, he used to just beat himself up mentally over everything. It shut him down so hard that he lost all ability to communicate; he couldn't even stand up for himself when people messed with him—he’d just take it and go home to cry. He could barely talk to anyone, let alone a woman. He’d just freeze up instantly. The guy is genuinely good, and I’m not the type to write off guys like that—honestly, I feel more comfortable hanging out with them than with those "normal" preppy types anyway—so I ended up listening to him vent for a good few years. I stayed by his side and kept encouraging him. How he finally hooked up with his first girlfriend... well, the answer is depression. Basically, she just happened to come over to my apartment while he was there. We were just talking aimlessly, they started hitting it off, and I kind of stepped aside 😉 which I was actually happy about 😁. He was just pouring his heart out to her—telling her how much his life sucked, how he’d never been with anyone, how terrified he was just to speak to people—and honestly, once you start opening up like that, it's easy to keep going. Anyway, I don't want to ramble too much, but that very night they went out together, got pretty high, came home, and ended up wrecking the place—and I had to be right there in the room witnessing the whole thing 😁 though the music helped drown most of it out. From then on, he was the happiest guy on the planet. For a few months there, he actually dated two other girls—truth be told, one was a complete mess and spent some time in a psych ward 😢 but whatever.
My advice
1. First off, get away from the house and definitely stay off the computer. The PC kills me—it just drags me into these endless mental loops. Go hang out with friends as much as possible, regardless of whether they have girlfriends and you don't. Who cares? Just joke around and be self-deprecating about your situation. Try the approach I described above: just be blunt... like, "Hey, look, I'm a total mess, I have zero experience with women, and I have no clue what I should even be saying right now... can you help me out... please?" 😢 Any girl who shuts you down (whether she stays silent or says something mean) after an honest move like that is just a jerk, and she isn't someone you'd want to get to know anyway, because she clearly lacks the empathy or intelligence to understand the situation.
2. This is basically an extension of the first point: it would be great if you could find a group of party animals to run with—people you can move with, get high with, and hit the clubs with. Socializing in a group of "party people" makes meeting girls way easier because it happens through social circles and multiple encounters. If you just try to go out on a single date or one-off encounter, it’s a nightmare.
3. Welcome to the club 😁 because I deal with my own version of depression too. My head is constantly spinning with these wild combinations of thoughts; I always have this underlying anxiety inside me. I've been trying to pull myself out of it for the last month or so, but it's a slow process—one step forward, two steps back. I was actually thinking about posting something here, but then you jumped in.
If I spend more than a day and a half being passive (meaning, I don't move further than the distance between the fridge and my computer), the second I enter any kind of conversation, I get all tangled up, like I'm terrified to speak. And it's all because of these mental loops 😕
So, I'd really like some advice: these loops are killing me. I'm so insecure... I'm constantly spiraling, obsessing over my problems. And this part is crucial: it's the way I function—speaking, walking, sitting, looking... and then thinking about the fact that I'm thinking about it, and wondering if it's okay to be thinking about what I'm thinking about, and it just goes on forever.😲. This might sound a little ridiculous—and honestly, I’m probably being a bit too lighthearted about it while I recount this—but here we are. So, tell me, folks, is this actually normal? Should I try to force things together to make some kind of sense out of it, or should I just let go and go with the flow... The thing is, these issues always seem to crop up whenever I lose my rhythm. Right now, I just can't seem to get back in sync, so please, give me some advice on how to live life "off-beat." I know it all sounds like a total mess, but that’s just how these thoughts are swirling around in my head—it makes me feel like I want to 🙂 once I finally read my own words
. Hey there!
