How do you deal with today's social climate?

I’ve been chewing on how to even kick this thread off—it’s been sitting in the back of my mind for days now—and I finally landed on the word "acclimatize." It makes me sound like some sort of houseplant, I suppose, but if I stick with it, I can actually articulate the specific frustration eating at me.

I am certainly not the first person, nor will I be the last, to walk around with this nagging sensation that I was born in all the wrong decades. It’s become a bit of a cliché, really—you hear it constantly: "Man, I should have lived in the '80s," or some other variation of that sentiment.

My mind keeps drifting back to these snapshots from my childhood—watching neighbors who were much older than me, probably in their 20s or 30s, just hanging out casually in front of someone's house. Men and women, just talking about absolutely everything without a care in the world, spending time outdoors completely untouched by the intrusion of technology. I’m likely romanticizing it—after all, those people probably hadn't yet hit the heavy responsibilities of parenthood or high-stakes careers—but still, why is it impossible to socialize like that anymore? Is "being too busy" actually a valid excuse?

It feels like everyone is perpetually suspicious of one another lately; there's this sense that nobody truly needs anyone else anymore. This alienation has become so pervasive you could practically cut it with a knife. In the midst of all this, I find myself—living out in a rural area where my interests are diametrically opposed to the local youth—just lying there in front of the TV, blasting '80s hits or watching old movies, thinking, "What the hell am I even doing here?" Everything felt healthier then—human connections seemed more relaxed, more organic. I'm not saying every era was perfect—wars and chaos happen regardless—but I'm talking about the fabric of our social lives, the way we interact with those closest to us.

Look, I get it—every era has its own set of problems—but I want to know if anyone has an answer to this: how do we combat this modern plague of isolation? Is the solution to move to some Western country where the disconnection is even deeper? Is running away even a viable option?

Then there’s the secondary issue: going out and actually meeting people. Where are you supposed to meet someone meaningful in your 30s? Everywhere I go, it's just kids in bars or clubs—the exact same type of person I used to be.

Regarding this whole mess, I recently spoke with an adventurer who has traveled extensively, and when I asked for his advice, he gave me a rather blunt, interesting response: "Listen, people are people everywhere." Though, he did single out Georgia as a place where he experienced the most genuine warmth from strangers, even in some remote little village.

Anyway, I’ve rambled quite a bit, and I’m still not entirely sure if I’ve captured everything I intended to say. What’s your take? How do we maintain a healthy balance between being content in our own company and actually coexisting with the rest of society?

I’m convinced today’s society is basically rigged to kill off any real communication. Back in the day, you actually had to get out there just to pay a bill or deal with life, but now? You can pretty much exist without ever stepping foot outside your front door. Basically, necessity isn't forcing us to talk to anyone anymore.

So, how do you find that balance? Honestly, you just have to go looking for it 😬. It’s about not getting so stuck in your own head—shifting from "me" to "us." Organize a hangout, actually invite your friends over, be decent and chat with your neighbor, turn off the damn TV, and actually get involved in something. Ask for help, offer a hand...

Maybe I just got lucky, but I’ve never really struggled with this whole alienation thing. People around me actually show up for each other—whether it’s helping build something or hauling wood. We hang out, cook together, grab drinks, take trips together... and yeah, sure, we argue sometimes too. It’s the same here in America as it was in other places across Europe where I’ve lived.

I am painfully aware of that issue myself. I was actually just about to start a thread on this—the sheer lack of empathy in people these days... When I read the comments on news sites and see people actually justifying violence and evil, I honestly have to wonder what kind of era we’re living in. And the saddest part? Everyone claims to be a devout Catholic??!!!! So then you have these little sects that force their views on everyone else in the name of Catholicism? It makes me sick, this whole "neo-Catholic" thing. Look, I'm a Catholic, I hold myself to higher standards, but then I find myself praying in a public square hoping for some spiritual authority, only to end up degrading myself down to the level of 16th-century Christianity. I've met more progressive priests who actually show understanding than I ever have from the current Catholic crowd. And the worst part is, those people don't have an ounce of emotion or compassion; they just force their will on others out of pure selfishness. It’s become so repulsive to me that I’ve stopped going to church and stopped calling myself a believer altogether. All that hypocrisy and the ugly things people do while hiding behind fake smiles... it's just disgusting.

I don't know, man... were people just more sensitive back in the day? They weren't out here leaving toxic comments on the internet, sure, but they were definitely watching true crime documentaries or some grisly reenactments instead of sitting through ninety minutes of soccer matches. And people used to be way better to kids, especially to little ones... I mean, look, people are people. Circumstances shift, so how everyone reacts shifts too. But honestly? It’s nothing we haven't seen before...

Quote : art with Heart

fadedrider17 said:I’ve been chewing on how to even kick this thread off—it’s been sitting in the back of my mind for days now—and I finally landed on the word "acclimatize." It makes me sound like some sort of houseplant, I suppose, but if I stick with it, I can actually articulate the specific frustration eating at me.

I am certainly not the first person, nor will I be the last, to walk around with this nagging sensation that I was born in all the wrong decades. It’s become a bit of a cliché, really—you hear it constantly: "Man, I should have lived in the '80s," or some other variation of that sentiment.

My mind keeps drifting back to these snapshots from my childhood—watching neighbors who were much older than me, probably in their 20s or 30s, just hanging out casually in front of someone's house. Men and women, just talking about absolutely everything without a care in the world, spending time outdoors completely untouched by the intrusion of technology. I’m likely romanticizing it—after all, those people probably hadn't yet hit the heavy responsibilities of parenthood or high-stakes careers—but still, why is it impossible to socialize like that anymore? Is "being too busy" actually a valid excuse?

It feels like everyone is perpetually suspicious of one another lately; there's this sense that nobody truly needs anyone else anymore. This alienation has become so pervasive you could practically cut it with a knife. In the midst of all this, I find myself—living out in a rural area where my interests are diametrically opposed to the local youth—just lying there in front of the TV, blasting '80s hits or watching old movies, thinking, "What the hell am I even doing here?" Everything felt healthier then—human connections seemed more relaxed, more organic. I'm not saying every era was perfect—wars and chaos happen regardless—but I'm talking about the fabric of our social lives, the way we interact with those closest to us.

Look, I get it—every era has its own set of problems—but I want to know if anyone has an answer to this: how do we combat this modern plague of isolation? Is the solution to move to some Western country where the disconnection is even deeper? Is running away even a viable option?

Then there’s the secondary issue: going out and actually meeting people. Where are you supposed to meet someone meaningful in your 30s? Everywhere I go, it's just kids in bars or clubs—the exact same type of person I used to be.

Regarding this whole mess, I recently spoke with an adventurer who has traveled extensively, and when I asked for his advice, he gave me a rather blunt, interesting response: "Listen, people are people everywhere." Though, he did single out Georgia as a place where he experienced the most genuine warmth from strangers, even in some remote little village.

Anyway, I’ve rambled quite a bit, and I’m still not entirely sure if I’ve captured everything I intended to say. What’s your take? How do we maintain a healthy balance between being content in our own company and actually coexisting with the rest of society?

You eventually get used to it. Looking back, the life I have now in my mid-20s would have been totally unimaginable to me when I was just a kid in high school. Back then, I was incredibly social—always had a million different things going on and a group of friends ready for every single activity.
Back in my school days, I used to hang out with a few kids from other grades during recess, or sometimes a small group of us from different classes would all gather together.
I used to take dance classes, which was a great way to stay active and build a solid circle of friends to hang out and work out with.
I used to play video games all the time, and I had a huge group of online friends and a solid crew I’d hang out with regularly.
The group that was mostly just about going out.
The old school crew getting together for coffee after class, studying, and all that.
Things have always been easy for me to sort out. I’m pretty straightforward by nature, and I just don't have the patience for any nonsense or lame excuses.

I can't remember the last time I felt truly lonely or like I didn't have someone by my side. It makes such a difference—on my good days, I have someone to share the joy with, and on my bad days, there's always a shoulder to lean on.

I’ve already started feeling the shift since starting college and moving to Washington, D.C. Even though I'm an open person and genuinely interested in getting to know people, I haven't quite clicked with my immediate group, and I haven't found that specific circle where I can truly be myself. Looking back, maybe it's just the vibe of the city—I seem to get along much better with the students who moved here from smaller towns, though they're definitely in the minority.

At my jobs, the teams have always been established groups that already know each other, so I often get that feeling like I’m not fully accepted for who I am.
I've been involved in quite a few volunteer projects myself, and it’s always the same story. I just don't click with large groups; it usually boils down to surface-level small talk while we're working together. Once the job is done, nobody seems to have the time or the interest to hang out anymore—everyone already has their own established circles and friend groups.

I moved to a smaller town in Germany recently. It’s actually full of expats, so there are plenty of people who feel exactly like I do—everyone is looking for their tribe, but nobody seems willing to fully commit to an individual or a group.

I only have one close friend I grab coffee with to catch up. I haven't really managed to build any long-term friendships from my classes or my job. One group was actually really nice, but they weren't exactly the type to hang out or do things together, so I wouldn't even call it a true friendship. At my last school, people were just so antisocial and disinterested. Only one girl there was truly great; we had such a similar vibe and she was so easy to talk to. It’s ironic because my German isn't the best, yet we understood each other perfectly. Ultimately, though, she has her family and comes from a completely different background, so keeping in touch became difficult.

I had this group that was such a blast at first, but it only lasted a few months before everyone just stopped showing up. We all met spontaneously through a Facebook group; there are quite a few community groups out there for expats.

I’ve come to realize that a lot of these women are just struggling in their own way. It seems like many are overly focused on feminism, or they're feeling unfulfilled in their 30s—lacking family or kids, and either obsessing over their careers or feeling totally lost about who they actually are. They tend to drift from one thing to the next, moving between guys and social circles without ever really settling down. There's always this constant search for something better or more "ideal," as if no one is ever quite good enough. Even friendships feel a bit superficial; it often looks like they’re just looking for the right group to pose with for social media, trying to look social just to appeal to men.

It was a real eye-opener meeting this woman. She looks incredible—easily pushing 40, but you’d swear she was fifteen years younger. She’s got a high-powered career, a massive place, lives solo, no kids, and has never been married, yet she seems profoundly unhappy and depressed. She moved to Canada once, only to end up back in Germany. Even after a year there, she hasn't made an effort to learn a single word of German, then wonders why she can't fit in at work. She just doesn't stay anywhere for long; she refuses to commit to a place or a person. She's cycled through countless relationships and different countries.

I'm done trying to hang out with her. Last time, she texted me two hours late saying she completely forgot we had plans.
Then there was another girl from that group who invited me to a party, only to "forget" to mention she was actually going to a different one with a different crowd. She wouldn't have said a word unless I asked where we were meeting the day before.

Honestly, none of them were really sincere. They all had these ridiculous excuses or just showed zero interest in being a good friend. Between people being glued to their phones or someone deciding to suddenly look for friends right after a breakup... man, I could go on all day.

Over time, I’ve just started focusing on my own interests. I spend an incredible amount of time by myself now—listening to podcasts, reading, gaming, learning how to code, hitting the gym, doing puzzles, and drawing.
If things had been different, I probably would have been doing all this stuff with a group of friends back when I was sixteen.

Money is tight right now, but once I'm back on my feet, I definitely want to sign up for dance classes or join a club. I’m also looking into starting another course or heading back to school—who knows, maybe I'll have better luck this time. It's just hard to justify spending money on gas and tickets when everything is so expensive, especially if it just ends with hanging out with the kind of people I described earlier.

I don't think this whole culture of social consumerism is going to change; if anything, it'll get worse. People are becoming more isolated and retreating into themselves. That's exactly what I've started doing, even though I used to be a total extrovert with tons of different friend groups.

jadeowl2 said:I don't know, man... were people just more sensitive back in the day? They weren't out here leaving toxic comments on the internet, sure, but they were definitely watching true crime documentaries or some grisly reenactments instead of sitting through ninety minutes of soccer matches. And people used to be way better to kids, especially to little ones... I mean, look, people are people. Circumstances shift, so how everyone reacts shifts too. But honestly? It’s nothing we haven't seen before...

Oh, so they never actually left the Middle Ages? 👎

Quote : art with Heart

Jonathan Fowler14 said:Quote : art with Heart

You eventually get used to it. Looking back, the life I have now in my mid-20s would have been totally unimaginable to me when I was just a kid in high school. Back then, I was incredibly social—always had a million different things going on and a group of friends ready for every single activity.
Back in my school days, I used to hang out with a few kids from other grades during recess, or sometimes a small group of us from different classes would all gather together.
I used to take dance classes, which was a great way to stay active and build a solid circle of friends to hang out and work out with.
I used to play video games all the time, and I had a huge group of online friends and a solid crew I’d hang out with regularly.
The group that was mostly just about going out.
The old school crew getting together for coffee after class, studying, and all that.
Things have always been easy for me to sort out. I’m pretty straightforward by nature, and I just don't have the patience for any nonsense or lame excuses.

I can't remember the last time I felt truly lonely or like I didn't have someone by my side. It makes such a difference—on my good days, I have someone to share the joy with, and on my bad days, there's always a shoulder to lean on.

I’ve already started feeling the shift since starting college and moving to Washington, D.C. Even though I'm an open person and genuinely interested in getting to know people, I haven't quite clicked with my immediate group, and I haven't found that specific circle where I can truly be myself. Looking back, maybe it's just the vibe of the city—I seem to get along much better with the students who moved here from smaller towns, though they're definitely in the minority.

At my jobs, the teams have always been established groups that already know each other, so I often get that feeling like I’m not fully accepted for who I am.
I've been involved in quite a few volunteer projects myself, and it’s always the same story. I just don't click with large groups; it usually boils down to surface-level small talk while we're working together. Once the job is done, nobody seems to have the time or the interest to hang out anymore—everyone already has their own established circles and friend groups.

I moved to a smaller town in Germany recently. It’s actually full of expats, so there are plenty of people who feel exactly like I do—everyone is looking for their tribe, but nobody seems willing to fully commit to an individual or a group.

I only have one close friend I grab coffee with to catch up. I haven't really managed to build any long-term friendships from my classes or my job. One group was actually really nice, but they weren't exactly the type to hang out or do things together, so I wouldn't even call it a true friendship. At my last school, people were just so antisocial and disinterested. Only one girl there was truly great; we had such a similar vibe and she was so easy to talk to. It’s ironic because my German isn't the best, yet we understood each other perfectly. Ultimately, though, she has her family and comes from a completely different background, so keeping in touch became difficult.

I had this group that was such a blast at first, but it only lasted a few months before everyone just stopped showing up. We all met spontaneously through a Facebook group; there are quite a few community groups out there for expats.

I’ve come to realize that a lot of these women are just struggling in their own way. It seems like many are overly focused on feminism, or they're feeling unfulfilled in their 30s—lacking family or kids, and either obsessing over their careers or feeling totally lost about who they actually are. They tend to drift from one thing to the next, moving between guys and social circles without ever really settling down. There's always this constant search for something better or more "ideal," as if no one is ever quite good enough. Even friendships feel a bit superficial; it often looks like they’re just looking for the right group to pose with for social media, trying to look social just to appeal to men.

It was a real eye-opener meeting this woman. She looks incredible—easily pushing 40, but you’d swear she was fifteen years younger. She’s got a high-powered career, a massive place, lives solo, no kids, and has never been married, yet she seems profoundly unhappy and depressed. She moved to Canada once, only to end up back in Germany. Even after a year there, she hasn't made an effort to learn a single word of German, then wonders why she can't fit in at work. She just doesn't stay anywhere for long; she refuses to commit to a place or a person. She's cycled through countless relationships and different countries.

I'm done trying to hang out with her. Last time, she texted me two hours late saying she completely forgot we had plans.
Then there was another girl from that group who invited me to a party, only to "forget" to mention she was actually going to a different one with a different crowd. She wouldn't have said a word unless I asked where we were meeting the day before.

Honestly, none of them were really sincere. They all had these ridiculous excuses or just showed zero interest in being a good friend. Between people being glued to their phones or someone deciding to suddenly look for friends right after a breakup... man, I could go on all day.

Over time, I’ve just started focusing on my own interests. I spend an incredible amount of time by myself now—listening to podcasts, reading, gaming, learning how to code, hitting the gym, doing puzzles, and drawing.
If things had been different, I probably would have been doing all this stuff with a group of friends back when I was sixteen.

Money is tight right now, but once I'm back on my feet, I definitely want to sign up for dance classes or join a club. I’m also looking into starting another course or heading back to school—who knows, maybe I'll have better luck this time. It's just hard to justify spending money on gas and tickets when everything is so expensive, especially if it just ends with hanging out with the kind of people I described earlier.

I don't think this whole culture of social consumerism is going to change; if anything, it'll get worse. People are becoming more isolated and retreating into themselves. That's exactly what I've started doing, even though I used to be a total extrovert with tons of different friend groups.

Yeah, you hit the nail on the head. It’s a perfect picture of people using others for their own short-term gain. That's just the reality of people today. These shallow, instant connections that have no actual depth. Social circles just fall apart. We're living in a time defined by a lack of class and total insensitivity. I seriously doubt people in the Middle Ages were as arrogant as they are now; they might have been uneducated, sure, but they were much easier to deal with. They didn't walk around thinking they were gods or acting like every little thing was a personal insult. Today's modern human is just one big special snowflake...

People always romanticize stuff they haven't actually lived through—like those legendary eighties or any other era from back in the day. It’s mostly because their only connection to it is some glorified highlight reel where everything looks perfect. Like, you know how older folks swear Lionel Messi isn't even in the same league as Maradona? Well, they maybe caught him playing three times total, whereas we get to see Messi every single weekend—including all his off days and slumps. Ironically, on YouTube compilations, Maradona never misses a shot, never loses his form, and never struggles. Not him, not Pele, not anyone from that "romanticized" past—that’s literally the whole point of those clips: show the greatness and hide the failures. And then people draw massive conclusions based on that—just like they judge the seventies or eighties based on their parents' lives, movies, or music—as if those eras weren't full of lonely, depressed, or struggling people who weren't just some perfect, inclusive utopia.

The thing is—to feel actual nostalgia, you need time to pass, which means you’ve aged in the process. It’s way more likely that someone is actually longing for their own youth or a second chance at things they missed, rather than the social vibes of a specific decade. Because when you grow old and realize you aren't where you planned to be, that same feeling follows you regardless of the era. In a moment of weakness, you start thinking life would've been better in a different time—one where the circumstances that held you back in the present didn't exist—so you just time-travel in your head to find comfort. Honestly, a lot of them are probably right—maybe things *would* have been easier in those "simpler" times—but it’s not productive, and those kinds of thoughts should stay strictly in the last ten minutes before you fall asleep.

Perfumes lasted longer, music was way more diverse, and soccer was definitely more exciting back then—I'll give you that—but it seems to me that people are basically jerks in every single era.

I suppose we should start by acknowledging that there isn't much to go on here, which I guess is somewhat typical for these kinds of discussions, isn't it? It feels like we're staring at a blank canvas, though perhaps that’s just my way of being overly cautious. Maybe I'm overthinking it, but I can't help but feel that without a bit more substance, we're all just spinning our wheels in the mud. Still, I'll follow along, if only to see where this might eventually lead.

Jonathan Fowler14 said:Quote : art with Heart

You eventually get used to it. Looking back, the life I have now in my mid-20s would have been totally unimaginable to me when I was just a kid in high school. Back then, I was incredibly social—always had a million different things going on and a group of friends ready for every single activity.
Back in my school days, I used to hang out with a few kids from other grades during recess, or sometimes a small group of us from different classes would all gather together.
I used to take dance classes, which was a great way to stay active and build a solid circle of friends to hang out and work out with.
I used to play video games all the time, and I had a huge group of online friends and a solid crew I’d hang out with regularly.
The group that was mostly just about going out.
The old school crew getting together for coffee after class, studying, and all that.
Things have always been easy for me to sort out. I’m pretty straightforward by nature, and I just don't have the patience for any nonsense or lame excuses.

I can't remember the last time I felt truly lonely or like I didn't have someone by my side. It makes such a difference—on my good days, I have someone to share the joy with, and on my bad days, there's always a shoulder to lean on.

I’ve already started feeling the shift since starting college and moving to Washington, D.C. Even though I'm an open person and genuinely interested in getting to know people, I haven't quite clicked with my immediate group, and I haven't found that specific circle where I can truly be myself. Looking back, maybe it's just the vibe of the city—I seem to get along much better with the students who moved here from smaller towns, though they're definitely in the minority.

At my jobs, the teams have always been established groups that already know each other, so I often get that feeling like I’m not fully accepted for who I am.
I've been involved in quite a few volunteer projects myself, and it’s always the same story. I just don't click with large groups; it usually boils down to surface-level small talk while we're working together. Once the job is done, nobody seems to have the time or the interest to hang out anymore—everyone already has their own established circles and friend groups.

I moved to a smaller town in Germany recently. It’s actually full of expats, so there are plenty of people who feel exactly like I do—everyone is looking for their tribe, but nobody seems willing to fully commit to an individual or a group.

I only have one close friend I grab coffee with to catch up. I haven't really managed to build any long-term friendships from my classes or my job. One group was actually really nice, but they weren't exactly the type to hang out or do things together, so I wouldn't even call it a true friendship. At my last school, people were just so antisocial and disinterested. Only one girl there was truly great; we had such a similar vibe and she was so easy to talk to. It’s ironic because my German isn't the best, yet we understood each other perfectly. Ultimately, though, she has her family and comes from a completely different background, so keeping in touch became difficult.

I had this group that was such a blast at first, but it only lasted a few months before everyone just stopped showing up. We all met spontaneously through a Facebook group; there are quite a few community groups out there for expats.

I’ve come to realize that a lot of these women are just struggling in their own way. It seems like many are overly focused on feminism, or they're feeling unfulfilled in their 30s—lacking family or kids, and either obsessing over their careers or feeling totally lost about who they actually are. They tend to drift from one thing to the next, moving between guys and social circles without ever really settling down. There's always this constant search for something better or more "ideal," as if no one is ever quite good enough. Even friendships feel a bit superficial; it often looks like they’re just looking for the right group to pose with for social media, trying to look social just to appeal to men.

It was a real eye-opener meeting this woman. She looks incredible—easily pushing 40, but you’d swear she was fifteen years younger. She’s got a high-powered career, a massive place, lives solo, no kids, and has never been married, yet she seems profoundly unhappy and depressed. She moved to Canada once, only to end up back in Germany. Even after a year there, she hasn't made an effort to learn a single word of German, then wonders why she can't fit in at work. She just doesn't stay anywhere for long; she refuses to commit to a place or a person. She's cycled through countless relationships and different countries.

I'm done trying to hang out with her. Last time, she texted me two hours late saying she completely forgot we had plans.
Then there was another girl from that group who invited me to a party, only to "forget" to mention she was actually going to a different one with a different crowd. She wouldn't have said a word unless I asked where we were meeting the day before.

Honestly, none of them were really sincere. They all had these ridiculous excuses or just showed zero interest in being a good friend. Between people being glued to their phones or someone deciding to suddenly look for friends right after a breakup... man, I could go on all day.

Over time, I’ve just started focusing on my own interests. I spend an incredible amount of time by myself now—listening to podcasts, reading, gaming, learning how to code, hitting the gym, doing puzzles, and drawing.
If things had been different, I probably would have been doing all this stuff with a group of friends back when I was sixteen.

Money is tight right now, but once I'm back on my feet, I definitely want to sign up for dance classes or join a club. I’m also looking into starting another course or heading back to school—who knows, maybe I'll have better luck this time. It's just hard to justify spending money on gas and tickets when everything is so expensive, especially if it just ends with hanging out with the kind of people I described earlier.

I don't think this whole culture of social consumerism is going to change; if anything, it'll get worse. People are becoming more isolated and retreating into themselves. That's exactly what I've started doing, even though I used to be a total extrovert with tons of different friend groups.

You’re at that stage in life where you're expected to have a partner, kids, and be balancing family life alongside your career.
That’s just how people tend to function during your age group.

Hey everyone, thanks for the replies—especially 👍 Jonathan Fowler14. I’ll probably circle back to her points a few times, but for now, here is my take:

The whole concept of "instant friendships" really grinds my gears too—it’s a massive issue that I just can't seem to get past, especially when it comes to international connections. Even though I consider myself an "extrovert," this dynamic hits me harder than most. Take my experience with Couchsurfing, for example. Even though I haven't hosted anyone at my place yet, there have been plenty of times where I’ve befriended travelers and invited them to hang out for a day or more depending on how close they were. These people—and many others—always seem to be looking for "acquaintances"—and I’m using those quotes intentionally—because in 99% of cases, it all boils down to one thing: a shallow, instant encounter. Everything is pleasant enough in the short term, but actually building a deep, lasting connection? Practically impossible. It makes me wonder what things are like in the West, and reading Jonathan Fowler14's post, it seems the situation is much the same.

Here’s another instance: I spent a month staying with a family in Germany through a different platform, Workaway. Everything was fantastic; the people felt genuine and didn't fit that standardized, superficial mold we see so often regarding the topics we're discussing here. Yet, even though we were hundreds or thousands of miles apart, the contact inevitably fizzled out. No follow-up messages, nothing. I’ll be the first to reach out on New Year's Day, ask how they are, or try to spark some kind of continued rapport—but the responses are almost always cliché. Consequently, I end up losing the will to be the one constantly reaching out first—I refuse to look like some kind of idiot.

With international friends, it’s the exact same story: you simply cannot sustain a long-term relationship. Clearly, I’m not the only one feeling this.

As for people in my own neck of the woods, I just can't find anyone compatible. So many have moved away, changed their values, or gotten married and shifted their mindsets entirely. Most of them are just small-minded locals who likely view me as a freak because I actually care about art and healthy living. To make matters worse, they constantly judge me based on my father—throwing out those condescending questions like, "Whose kid are you anyway?"—and then they let their opinion of me be dictated by whatever bias they hold toward him.

Like Jonathan Fowler14 wrote... eventually, you start learning to enjoy your own company. I do a lot of things solo, but humans are social creatures, aren't they? I know that when I finally stumble upon a kindred spirit, I truly flourish because we can actually engage in a meaningful conversation about the same topic. I miss those moments in life, but then again, if we're stuck in this loop where you can't even establish or maintain a circle because people are just fundamentally broken, then what is the point?

On top of that, I also struggle with the fact that there always seems to be someone "more important" in any group I hang out with—honestly, that's been a historical constant. It's very similar to what Jonathan Fowler14 mentioned. You're all hanging out, everything is great, and then you hear that Person X called Person Y to grab a drink or go on a trip without you. It's just lame.

Karen Cook6 said:I suppose we should start by acknowledging that there isn't much to go on here, which I guess is somewhat typical for these kinds of discussions, isn't it? It feels like we're staring at a blank canvas, though perhaps that’s just my way of being overly cautious. Maybe I'm overthinking it, but I can't help but feel that without a bit more substance, we're all just spinning our wheels in the mud. Still, I'll follow along, if only to see where this might eventually lead.

You’re at that stage in life where you're expected to have a partner, kids, and be balancing family life alongside your career.
That’s just how people tend to function during your age group.

I'm heading out right now to find a partner and start building a family, since that’s what needs to happen these days—and honestly, it's pretty straightforward.
Let’s set aside the idea that finding a partner isn't just something that happens by chance, or that starting a family requires a certain level of emotional or financial stability. I don't have either of those things right now, nor am I looking to rush into having kids when my life isn't set up for it. We should also leave out the possibility that I might simply not want children or be unable to have them.

And who exactly gets to decide that for someone else? Where does it say those rules have to be followed or what needs to happen in any given year?
Nothing is required of us except to eventually pass away. 🙂

fadedrider17 said:Hey everyone, thanks for the replies—especially 👍 Jonathan Fowler14. I’ll probably circle back to her points a few times, but for now, here is my take:

The whole concept of "instant friendships" really grinds my gears too—it’s a massive issue that I just can't seem to get past, especially when it comes to international connections. Even though I consider myself an "extrovert," this dynamic hits me harder than most. Take my experience with Couchsurfing, for example. Even though I haven't hosted anyone at my place yet, there have been plenty of times where I’ve befriended travelers and invited them to hang out for a day or more depending on how close they were. These people—and many others—always seem to be looking for "acquaintances"—and I’m using those quotes intentionally—because in 99% of cases, it all boils down to one thing: a shallow, instant encounter. Everything is pleasant enough in the short term, but actually building a deep, lasting connection? Practically impossible. It makes me wonder what things are like in the West, and reading Jonathan Fowler14's post, it seems the situation is much the same.

Here’s another instance: I spent a month staying with a family in Germany through a different platform, Workaway. Everything was fantastic; the people felt genuine and didn't fit that standardized, superficial mold we see so often regarding the topics we're discussing here. Yet, even though we were hundreds or thousands of miles apart, the contact inevitably fizzled out. No follow-up messages, nothing. I’ll be the first to reach out on New Year's Day, ask how they are, or try to spark some kind of continued rapport—but the responses are almost always cliché. Consequently, I end up losing the will to be the one constantly reaching out first—I refuse to look like some kind of idiot.

With international friends, it’s the exact same story: you simply cannot sustain a long-term relationship. Clearly, I’m not the only one feeling this.

As for people in my own neck of the woods, I just can't find anyone compatible. So many have moved away, changed their values, or gotten married and shifted their mindsets entirely. Most of them are just small-minded locals who likely view me as a freak because I actually care about art and healthy living. To make matters worse, they constantly judge me based on my father—throwing out those condescending questions like, "Whose kid are you anyway?"—and then they let their opinion of me be dictated by whatever bias they hold toward him.

Like Jonathan Fowler14 wrote... eventually, you start learning to enjoy your own company. I do a lot of things solo, but humans are social creatures, aren't they? I know that when I finally stumble upon a kindred spirit, I truly flourish because we can actually engage in a meaningful conversation about the same topic. I miss those moments in life, but then again, if we're stuck in this loop where you can't even establish or maintain a circle because people are just fundamentally broken, then what is the point?

On top of that, I also struggle with the fact that there always seems to be someone "more important" in any group I hang out with—honestly, that's been a historical constant. It's very similar to what Jonathan Fowler14 mentioned. You're all hanging out, everything is great, and then you hear that Person X called Person Y to grab a drink or go on a trip without you. It's just lame.

Honestly, I’m not surprised about the whole Couchsurfing thing. It seems like people just want to find a free place to crash. Traveling is such a huge trend now, whether you have the budget for it or not. I was actually part of this group for women travelers where we were supposed to coordinate trips, but it basically turned into everyone just asking for free stays or money because someone else "covered" their credit card. 🤣🤣🤣
Imagine asking someone to host you for your vacation because you just have to make it happen. Time to get some mental rest. Somewhere in the States. 186 miles And then you realize you don't even have enough money for a place to stay. 🙏

You're definitely not alone there. It's really a double-edged sword—on one hand, you have that instant bond since you're both new to the area, but on the other, there's a higher chance of moving again because those old barriers aren't holding you back anymore.
We really need to find some locals and people who have truly settled in deep, haha. I don't see any other way around it! 🤣

Of course we’re social creatures and need that connection with others, but honestly, if nobody wants to hang out, you just have to focus on yourself. You can't exactly force people to go grab pizza or catch a movie with you. 😁
If I had waited all year just to find a travel partner, I would have missed out on so much. In the end, I just planned everything myself, hit the road, and figured it all out—it was absolutely wonderful. It would have been lovely to share those moments with someone else, but when you're on your own, you just have to embrace it and enjoy the ride.

Seskal 👍

Karen Cook6 said:I suppose we should start by acknowledging that there isn't much to go on here, which I guess is somewhat typical for these kinds of discussions, isn't it? It feels like we're staring at a blank canvas, though perhaps that’s just my way of being overly cautious. Maybe I'm overthinking it, but I can't help but feel that without a bit more substance, we're all just spinning our wheels in the mud. Still, I'll follow along, if only to see where this might eventually lead.

You’re at that stage in life where you're expected to have a partner, kids, and be balancing family life alongside your career.
That’s just how people tend to function during your age group.

Who says?

Anyway, I stay in touch with a lot of my Workawayers, even if it's just every once in a while. Obviously, you can't be "best friends" the way you are with someone living right next door, but at the very least, we shared some real close moments while they were staying with me (and that meant the world to me because I was home alone with a baby and barely left the house). You can really feel that connection in the way you talk afterward, no matter how rare the check-ins are...

The thing is, you have to actually make an effort to meet people in your day-to-day life. Good vibes with neighbors, grabbing a coffee at the local diner and chatting with the barista and the regulars, joining a club... whatever.
Because there's a difference between true, deep friendships (the kind that last regardless of distance or how often you talk) and just that basic human need to share your daily grind with someone else. Sometimes those things align, but not always. Especially for nomads...

(I used to host Couchsurfers back when I lived in the middle of nowhere, too—it was such a cool window into different worlds and a total mind-opener. I only used the service myself once or twice, and it was awesome. Instead of just being a generic tourist, I got to see the hidden gems I never would've found without a local 😍. To be honest, I don't talk to those people anymore, but all of it was such a valuable and beautiful experience.)

To kind of weather actually suits me better than most. I have a handful of solid friends, and as an introvert, I honestly don't feel the need for much else.

The real trick is building your own little micro-universe with people who actually click with you; if you do that, you’ll never feel like an outsider. 🤷 In the end, life always seems to boil down to that tight-knit inner circle anyway.
I suspect the level of intimacy some people claim to be searching for never truly existed in the first place. Relationships back then were just more "forced" by necessity—people leaned on one another out of pure practicality. Nowadays, we simply have the freedom to live exactly how we choose.

lonefalcon said:To kind of weather actually suits me better than most. I have a handful of solid friends, and as an introvert, I honestly don't feel the need for much else.

The real trick is building your own little micro-universe with people who actually click with you; if you do that, you’ll never feel like an outsider. 🤷 In the end, life always seems to boil down to that tight-knit inner circle anyway.
I suspect the level of intimacy some people claim to be searching for never truly existed in the first place. Relationships back then were just more "forced" by necessity—people leaned on one another out of pure practicality. Nowadays, we simply have the freedom to live exactly how we choose.

The real question is: what defines a "micro-world" for anyone? What size is it, and to what extent does it matter? Does that mean having twenty people constantly available for drinks and outings, or something else entirely—maybe just one or two? Because as an "extrovert," I find it incredibly frustrating that I struggle even to find—let alone maintain—just those one or two people, and I've been dealing with that for years now.

Right now, my cats are my best friends.

To be honest, what Jonathan Fowler14 wrote about having international friends abroad actually creeps me out a bit. I constantly find myself imagining that if I ever move away, it might be easier in that sense because there will be plenty of people in the same boat: looking for new connections in a foreign land. But from what I can see, it all ends up being somewhat superficial and short-lived—even if you run into all sorts of unique individuals and situations along the way.

Jonathan Fowler14 I suppose I should probably mention that jadeowl2 was saying:
Well, I suppose I should just head out right this second, find myself a life partner, and start building a family, since apparently that’s just what one is expected to do nowadays—and it all sounds so incredibly simple, doesn't it?
Let’s just set aside the whole idea that finding a partner isn't exactly a walk in the park, or the notion that building a family requires some semblance of stability—be it emotional or financial. Personally, I don't possess any of that, nor am I particularly interested in rushing into the whole child-rearing business when my life currently lacks the necessary foundation to even consider it. And we certainly won't be entertaining the possibility that I might simply have no desire for children, or perhaps find myself unable to have them.

And I suppose you're suggesting that I’m the one sitting here playing judge and jury, deciding exactly what everyone should be doing and when they ought to be doing it? I mean, honestly, where on earth does it say in some grand, universal rulebook that these specific requirements must be met at such a precise age? I guess I'm just curious to know which authority you think is dictating these arbitrary timelines.
I suppose there’s no point in pretending that anything truly matters in the grand scheme of things; at the end of the day, we’re all just working ourselves into an early grave anyway. 🙂

Did I ever actually state that something was mandatory? I don't believe I did, though I suppose one could interpret my previous rambling in a dozen different ways if they were looking for a reason to be indignant. 😁
I suppose I was just pointing out that you’re currently in those seasons of life where work and family tend to take center stage. When you're juggling a career and raising kids, it’s not always feasible to be out and about every single day hanging out with people or hitting up various activities; your primary devotion usually goes to your spouse, your children, and your job. Everything else—well, everything else sort of happens whenever there's actually a spare moment to breathe.
I mean, isn't that just a little bit strange? I suppose it feels somewhat off, doesn't it?

It’s not even as if I’m particularly interested in whether you have a partner or how your bank account is looking—honestly, who actually cares about that? I suppose it just feels like you’re being excessively negative regarding those topics, which, if I’m being perfectly candid, comes across as incredibly off-putting and, frankly, just exhausting to deal with.

Karen Cook6 said:

Jonathan Fowler14 I suppose I should probably mention that jadeowl2 was saying:
Well, I suppose I should just head out right this second, find myself a life partner, and start building a family, since apparently that’s just what one is expected to do nowadays—and it all sounds so incredibly simple, doesn't it?
Let’s just set aside the whole idea that finding a partner isn't exactly a walk in the park, or the notion that building a family requires some semblance of stability—be it emotional or financial. Personally, I don't possess any of that, nor am I particularly interested in rushing into the whole child-rearing business when my life currently lacks the necessary foundation to even consider it. And we certainly won't be entertaining the possibility that I might simply have no desire for children, or perhaps find myself unable to have them.

And I suppose you're suggesting that I’m the one sitting here playing judge and jury, deciding exactly what everyone should be doing and when they ought to be doing it? I mean, honestly, where on earth does it say in some grand, universal rulebook that these specific requirements must be met at such a precise age? I guess I'm just curious to know which authority you think is dictating these arbitrary timelines.
I suppose there’s no point in pretending that anything truly matters in the grand scheme of things; at the end of the day, we’re all just working ourselves into an early grave anyway. 🙂

Did I ever actually state that something was mandatory? I don't believe I did, though I suppose one could interpret my previous rambling in a dozen different ways if they were looking for a reason to be indignant. 😁
I suppose I was just pointing out that you’re currently in those seasons of life where work and family tend to take center stage. When you're juggling a career and raising kids, it’s not always feasible to be out and about every single day hanging out with people or hitting up various activities; your primary devotion usually goes to your spouse, your children, and your job. Everything else—well, everything else sort of happens whenever there's actually a spare moment to breathe.
I mean, isn't that just a little bit strange? I suppose it feels somewhat off, doesn't it?

It’s not even as if I’m particularly interested in whether you have a partner or how your bank account is looking—honestly, who actually cares about that? I suppose it just feels like you’re being excessively negative regarding those topics, which, if I’m being perfectly candid, comes across as incredibly off-putting and, frankly, just exhausting to deal with.

You subtly implied that I should start a family at my age because "that's what everyone does," which had nothing to do with what I actually wrote. How is that helpful? That was literally your very first sentence.

Sure, people start families in their twenties—no need for the "haha" moment—but what does that have to do with the fact that single girls with zero commitments are canceling plans on me with stupid excuses, or hanging out for purely superficial reasons and showing zero respect for people's time? Besides, since when is having a partner and kids a valid excuse to be rude to people and neglect your friends? Don't people in marriages with kids need friends too?

I've talked to two other women my age who became young moms, and we always grab coffee occasionally, and they never flake on me with lame excuses—if I'm even going to compare them to these fake people. We just didn't have deep enough interests for it to turn into a heavy friendship, and that's perfectly fine.

If I seem negative, it's only because your response was arrogant and pointless, and it doesn't help anyone.

What’s your take on why friendship and socializing end up so low on the priority list for people who aren't single, don't have kids, and aren't chasing a career?

Because, honestly, those are the exact types of people who have most often let me down.

Jonathan Fowler14 said:You subtly implied that I should start a family at my age because "that's what everyone does," which had nothing to do with what I actually wrote. How is that helpful? That was literally your very first sentence.

Sure, people start families in their twenties—no need for the "haha" moment—but what does that have to do with the fact that single girls with zero commitments are canceling plans on me with stupid excuses, or hanging out for purely superficial reasons and showing zero respect for people's time? Besides, since when is having a partner and kids a valid excuse to be rude to people and neglect your friends? Don't people in marriages with kids need friends too?

I've talked to two other women my age who became young moms, and we always grab coffee occasionally, and they never flake on me with lame excuses—if I'm even going to compare them to these fake people. We just didn't have deep enough interests for it to turn into a heavy friendship, and that's perfectly fine.

If I seem negative, it's only because your response was arrogant and pointless, and it doesn't help anyone.

Is it possible that you’re perhaps expecting a bit too much from your friends? I mean, I don't want to sound like I'm lecturing here, but I guess there might be some truth to the idea that we sometimes hold our inner circle to an impossibly high standard. Maybe we assume they should instinctively know what we need without us saying a word, which, let's be honest, is probably asking for a miracle most of the time. It's a delicate balance, I suppose—trying to find that sweet spot between having people you can actually rely on and expecting them to be mind readers or saint-like figures who never have a bad day themselves. ☕
I suspect the issue might actually lie with you, personally; I get the feeling that if you were to dive headfirst into everything with everyone right away, it would probably become rather exhausting for everyone involved. At least, that’s how it strikes me, though I certainly wouldn't go so far as to claim I'm absolutely right.

Karen Cook6 said:Is it possible that you’re perhaps expecting a bit too much from your friends? I mean, I don't want to sound like I'm lecturing here, but I guess there might be some truth to the idea that we sometimes hold our inner circle to an impossibly high standard. Maybe we assume they should instinctively know what we need without us saying a word, which, let's be honest, is probably asking for a miracle most of the time. It's a delicate balance, I suppose—trying to find that sweet spot between having people you can actually rely on and expecting them to be mind readers or saint-like figures who never have a bad day themselves. ☕
I suspect the issue might actually lie with you, personally; I get the feeling that if you were to dive headfirst into everything with everyone right away, it would probably become rather exhausting for everyone involved. At least, that’s how it strikes me, though I certainly wouldn't go so far as to claim I'm absolutely right.

Is it really asking too much for someone to stick to their word?
Like, if they have other plans, couldn't they just let me know in a timely manner?
Or for them to be decent and respectful of my time and money spent traveling to meet up?
How about actually talking when we hang out instead of everyone staring at their phones?
And meeting up because we genuinely want to see each other, not just for an Instagram photo op?

Are those really "too much" to ask? 😵

What are your expectations for friends? How would you distinguish between high and low expectations?

Jonathan Fowler14 said:Is it really asking too much for someone to stick to their word?
Like, if they have other plans, couldn't they just let me know in a timely manner?
Or for them to be decent and respectful of my time and money spent traveling to meet up?
How about actually talking when we hang out instead of everyone staring at their phones?
And meeting up because we genuinely want to see each other, not just for an Instagram photo op?

Are those really "too much" to ask? 😵

What are your expectations for friends? How would you distinguish between high and low expectations?

Well, honestly, if they don't respect the plan, then I suppose I won't feel obligated to either.
It’s all part of the learning process, though I guess sometimes it costs quite a bit of time and cash. I’ve certainly lost enough on things like this over the years that I don't view it through such a negative lens anymore. At least now I can recognize the signs, or at least I think I can. 🤣
Personally, I’d probably tell them to put the phone away or just get up and leave. But since I haven't actually dealt with a situation like that during a hangout yet, it's hard for me to give any concrete advice.
Perhaps that’s where the issue lies—you're constantly searching for something specific.

I don't really have any expectations beyond just hanging out, having fun, and messing around. That’s the core of it for me. Anything beyond that is just a bonus that might happen or might not; I prefer things to feel natural. No expectations whatsoever.

As for me, I don't have any expectations at all. I suppose that makes them pretty low.
You, on the other hand, seem to have these massive expectations, analyzing everything and expecting people to fulfill your specific vision of how friendship should function. Something like that, anyway.