Topic of the day > Is romance dead?

Thomas Hernandez4 said:Dec 20th. Is romance officially dead?

The other day, Aljehin asked me on the chat what romance actually means to me. I’ll admit, I had to pause and really think before I could give an answer.
How do you all define romance? And when was the last time you actually did something romantic—or better yet, experienced it?

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This topic was pulled from the 146th post of the topic of the day.

Look, romance isn't dead. It’s just... different for everyone. At some point in life, everybody runs into it.

As for romantic gestures, though—that’s where things get messy. What hits the mark for one person might totally miss for someone else.
Take the holidays, for instance. Everywhere you look in the city right now, the Advent displays are set up according to this specific template—something clearly designed to feel "romantic" to whoever came up with the concept.
It’s kind of this manufactured, industrial, pseudo-Disney version of romance. You know the vibe: fake snow and Sinatra playing in the background. Personally? It feels hollow to me.
There is no such thing as a "default" romantic state. Romance is entirely subjective.
I remember once, heading out to meet a girl, I didn't want to show up empty-handed, so I grabbed a quick little box of Turkish Delight on my way. Just a small thing, really. But to her, that was a massive romantic gesture. To some other girl, it probably wouldn't have meant a thing.
So, yeah. Romance is a slippery category. It definitely exists, but you either have to aim for it perfectly or prepare to be blindsided by it.

Robert Reyes4 said:We probably need to figure out when the terms "lover" or "mistress" actually started being used in the way they are today—and if they ever meant something else entirely back in the day.

Is your boyfriend or husband—and I shall refrain from using the word "partner," if you please 😁—actually a good lover and a true friend to you? Because if he is, what could possibly be more important than all that (Eros and Philia), other than splitting the rent and paying off the mortgage?

Drew Ross2 said:Well, you are stuck—that's why we're wasting time debating idiots instead of staying on topic. 😁

Look at this, what you're saying... it's all "eroticism this," "philia that," I'm the aristocrat while you commoners have no clue what love actually is. That's how your post reads to me. 😳

I honestly have no idea who you are or what your deal is, but I am perfectly capable of defending my own points. If you find that problematic, then that is entirely your burden to bear. If you had something relevant to contribute to the actual topic, you could have simply said it, couldn't you? Rather than attempting to manufacture a sentence that nobody actually uttered, just so you can argue with your own fabrication and toss out a facepalm emoji.

nah... we aren't exactly aiming for romance here ☕

feralranger said:Is your boyfriend or husband—and I shall refrain from using the word "partner," if you please 😁—actually a good lover and a true friend to you? Because if he is, what could possibly be more important than all that (Eros and Philia), other than splitting the rent and paying off the mortgage?

I honestly have no idea who you are or what your deal is, but I am perfectly capable of defending my own points. If you find that problematic, then that is entirely your burden to bear. If you had something relevant to contribute to the actual topic, you could have simply said it, couldn't you? Rather than attempting to manufacture a sentence that nobody actually uttered, just so you can argue with your own fabrication and toss out a facepalm emoji.

You said it, and it's on the record. 🐔
A keyboard can handle just about anything. 😳

Robert Reyes4 said:I never actually claimed that "lover" and "friend" aren't accurate descriptors for that kind of relationship; my point was simply that neither term is particularly suitable when you're trying to introduce the situation to a complete stranger, largely because our language lacks a single, elegant word for it.
As far as I'm aware, anyway.
It seems we are discussing two entirely different things here.

Perhaps we should just mash those two words together since using both feels so dreadfully impractical; instead of calling for a washing machine, I’ll just have my lover-friend Mantis handle it—call him an "enthusiast" or a "companion," whatever sounds less ridiculous to you.

Honestly, I don't know; I always found it rather charming when a girlfriend or wife would introduce me that way. In more formal settings, one usually sticks to "boyfriend" or "husband," but I was never once relegated to the vague label of "partner." After all, one can have all sorts of partners, and at one point in my life, between my various athletic and professional pursuits, I managed to juggle six of them simultaneously.

feralranger said:Honestly, I don't know; I always found it rather charming when a girlfriend or wife would introduce me that way. In more formal settings, one usually sticks to "boyfriend" or "husband," but I was never once relegated to the vague label of "partner." After all, one can have all sorts of partners, and at one point in my life, between my various athletic and professional pursuits, I managed to juggle six of them simultaneously.

Then you get some 70-year-old guy introducing a woman he's out with as his "girlfriend."
If they're just friends, fine. But if he's doing that in a professional setting? It just feels weird.

Robert Reyes4 said:Then you get some 70-year-old guy introducing a woman he's out with as his "girlfriend."
If they're just friends, fine. But if he's doing that in a professional setting? It just feels weird.

Or his mistress...😁

Yeah, I guess formal settings really do dictate how you talk and introduce people.
If it doesn't work, it just doesn't work.

Robert Reyes4 said:Then you get some 70-year-old guy introducing a woman he's out with as his "girlfriend."
If they're just friends, fine. But if he's doing that in a professional setting? It just feels weird.

He could introduce her as his wife, the love of his life, or honestly, whatever he wants—as long as he doesn't diminish her to something that sounds like a casual fling you could find by the dozen. Especially if they are actually signing contracts or closing business deals together at that very moment.

To my mind, the word "partner" conveys absolutely nothing about the actual nature of a relationship. Are you playing tennis together? A duo in a game of Bridge? Do you run a startup together? It’s entirely ambiguous. 🤷

On the scale of being informative, it hits zero, and if we're talking about "romance" or poetic flair, it plunges well below freezing. In this specific context, the word is just completely out of place.

I honestly don't see how you can be so oblivious to the fact that you're being insulting... calling them mistresses or just "friends" in front of total strangers isn't exactly okay.

it's just a casual relationship, after all...😁

George Rivera3 said:I honestly don't see how you can be so oblivious to the fact that you're being insulting... calling them mistresses or just "friends" in front of total strangers isn't exactly okay.

it's just a casual relationship, after all...😁

Colleague, let me introduce you.
She's basically the one who makes all my sexual fantasies come true. 😁

I am certainly not taking offense, as they aren't exactly ignorant. In fact, if my dear wife—or anyone I’ve been married to, for that matter—were to speak of me in such terms, I would actually be quite pleased to hear it rather than insulted. There is absolutely no shame in being a skilled lover; one can only feel pity for those couples where an affair has spiraled out of control, leaving them with nothing but a hollow partnership, a mere business arrangement, or some other cold cooperation once the passion has evaporated.

Kate Fox58 said:Colleague, let me introduce you.
She's basically the one who makes all my sexual fantasies come true. 😁

🤣

And honestly, our colleague here is giving us way too much information...🕺

feralranger said:I am certainly not taking offense, as they aren't exactly ignorant. In fact, if my dear wife—or anyone I’ve been married to, for that matter—were to speak of me in such terms, I would actually be quite pleased to hear it rather than insulted. There is absolutely no shame in being a skilled lover; one can only feel pity for those couples where an affair has spiraled out of control, leaving them with nothing but a hollow partnership, a mere business arrangement, or some other cold cooperation once the passion has evaporated.

Maybe that was just a fetish for you, but nobody else gives a damn. It's too much information, you know? Why on earth would someone working at Chase or an engineer, or even your own friends, care whether or not you're good in bed?

George Rivera3 said:🤣

And honestly, our colleague here is giving us way too much information...🕺

His wife is gonna be like...

Wait, why did you tell her I was your wife then?!
Am I bad in bed or something, you unromantic jerk!?

Kate Fox58 said:His wife is gonna be like...

Wait, why did you tell her I was your wife then?!
Am I bad in bed or something, you unromantic jerk!?

Fine then, from now on you can call me "your little flame" in front of everyone, even right in front of the boss. Try being romantic for once in your life!...😠

By the way, if anyone happens to be in the mood for something aesthetically pleasing—something that carries a certain heavy sense of "romance" within its frames—I would suggest heading over to YouTube to catch that documentary featuring Elvis Presley regarding David Bowie. (The title of the doc is for two chests of glory).

George Rivera3 said:Fine then, from now on you can call me "your little flame" in front of everyone, even right in front of the boss. Try being romantic for once in your life!...😠

🤣

George Rivera3 said:Maybe that was just a fetish for you, but nobody else gives a damn. It's too much information, you know? Why on earth would someone working at Chase or an engineer, or even your own friends, care whether or not you're good in bed?

As I have pointed out on more than one occasion—though clearly, my insights fall on deaf ears—in any somewhat formal setting, one typically refers to their partner as my girlfriend, wife, or boyfriend, husband, depending on the context...

And yet, I inevitably find myself being accused of "repeating myself." To those who actually pay attention, I never repeat anything. There is simply no necessity for it.

George Rivera3 said:Fine then, from now on you can call me "your little flame" in front of everyone, even right in front of the boss. Try being romantic for once in your life!...😠

Honestly, you remind me of Zekanović. You're essentially the female version of the exact same phenomenon.

feralranger said:As I have pointed out on more than one occasion—though clearly, my insights fall on deaf ears—in any somewhat formal setting, one typically refers to their partner as my girlfriend, wife, or boyfriend, husband, depending on the context...

And yet, I inevitably find myself being accused of "repeating myself." To those who actually pay attention, I never repeat anything. There is simply no necessity for it.

Honestly, you remind me of Zekanović. You're essentially the female version of the exact same phenomenon.

Are you really telling me this? As if people would find it awkward to refer to someone in their 70s as "my girlfriend" or "my boyfriend."

I honestly cannot fathom how anyone finds the energy to even respond to these endless soliloquies from feralranger. He’s like that faint, grating hiss of a radiator in an old apartment—just a constant, irritating background noise. It’s always the same loop: "Eros, philia... I am a photographer... a mistress, not a partner! Subterfuge, overthinking..." He cycles through the same half-dozen concepts across dozens of posts, attempting to convince this entire forum of his sheer nonsense. You can't reason with him because he firmly believes he is the sole authority on defining love itself. So, there you have it.

I would truly love to see the expressions on the faces of his interlocutors when he introduces his girlfriend as both a mistress and a friend. Epic. 🤣

TinyBulbMan wrote a brilliant post on the topic of the day, and I find myself in total agreement with his assessment.