I lost my temper and cursed God at my mom, and now I feel terrible

I mean, it really just comes down to how you were raised

Steven Brown5 said:So, what exactly did you say to her?

I mean, just be nice about it—tell her "sorry, Mom," and then maybe add a little, "please don't touch my window again unless you want me to lose my cool!" 😆

Honestly, that is exactly how I handled it.

ironrider11 said:Forget about what's happening right now, or what your shrink thinks—even if he's being pretty blunt about your weight—and what he's suggesting as an option... what do *you* think? Are you actually strong and independent enough (and not so wrapped up in yourself and your own struggle) to handle something like that?

I remember reading somewhere that people who are deeply depressed, or feeling lost, or those who haven't quite built up a solid character yet or just feel completely helpless, tend to start viewing their psychologist or psychiatrist as if they were God, someone who will just guide them through everything, and I guess that's exactly how I've been feeling lately.

I honestly don't know if I'm ready. I have these periods, these specific days, that are just incredibly painful, where I'm not just hitting rock bottom, but I'm somehow beneath the floor itself. I find myself hiding the kitchen knives just so I don't hurt myself or so I don't do something impulsive when my head starts spinning, and the whole time, I just feel like I'm taking one step forward and ten steps back.

Besides, I can't help but feel like I'm just a burden to them. I stopped seeing my psychiatrist because, in the meantime, both my mother's and father's mental and physical health took a turn for the worse, so they can't really support me right now (we used to drive three hours every other week just to get to the appointment)... I've become somewhat disillusioned with the medication and everything else, too. I've partially turned into a vegetable from all the drugs they've been pumping into me. I don't even know if finding a psychologist or a psychiatrist nearby would actually help, or if I even have the strength left to open up to anyone ever again. It would be best if I could just organize all this locally on my own, but I suppose I'm just too much of a mess and too dependent, so I don't know; I just don't have any faith in myself or my own abilities... and I don't even know what I'd say to a psychologist or a psychiatrist at this point; I'd probably just sit there in silence, and I don't see what the point of that would be.

Karen Cook7 said:I'm reading through this thread—probably just because it was the first one I saw. I’m not really part of this crowd, and I doubt I’ll even bother replying to anything else here.😁

Richard Rodriguez17, what is actually wrong with you? You're an ego-driven mess. Honestly, the last person on Earth who could stand you is probably your own mother, and you've driven her right to the edge.

Seriously, you cursed God right in front of her and she spent two hours in tears.
She doesn't care about you, or any future daughter-in-law, or even God at this point—she's clearly just exhausted dealing with all of you.
Just catering to your little tantrums.
On top of that, you're so full of yourself, thinking the entire world should be revolving around you.

Looking at how much you complain, it seems like you blame everyone else for your own flaws—medication, a niece, your dad, your brother... you could go on forever.

Maybe try working on your self-esteem a bit. It shouldn't involve taking your frustrations out on your family like this.

As much as I hate to admit it, you might actually have a point.

But family dynamics are incredibly complicated, and I don't quite know how to explain it without getting way too deep into the weeds.

I get the impression that my dad secretly resents Mom because she isn't that "perfect housewife and saintly woman" she used to be for all those years; she started working in the last few years, you know, and became more "independent"... and he can't handle it.

And I also feel like he’s constantly nudging us to treat her poorly... but then again, she can be extremely exhausting and nagging herself. She's so nitpicky. It's just constant criticism about how you are this or aren't that; she rarely says anything nice, and when she does, it's usually wrapped in a critique, or it's unsolicited advice that nobody asked for in the first place.

I don't doubt for a second that she loves me, it's more that we're just too "enmeshed." I need to find a way to break this unhealthy cycle with her (which shows up in my dating life too, since I struggle to maintain healthy relationships with guys or people in general), but I feel like I have to do it delicately so I don't hurt her, while still finding a way to stand up for myself. I haven't learned how to do that yet. I admit, I can be pretty tactless sometimes. But her reaction really caught me off guard—the fact that she cried so much. Even though I showed her I felt bad, even though I empathized and let her cry it out, I ended up just reverting back to playing the role of the "good girl," the protector and the emotional pillar.

It also hurt that during the therapy sessions she attended with me—even though she wasn't technically the patient—she would pick up information just so she could use it against me or hurt me later. That's actually part of why I stopped going.

I'm not pointing fingers at anyone else, but the truth is my fuse has gotten much shorter lately, which I guess is a known side effect of starting certain medications. I don't blame my little sister, but it's hard not to get frustrated when you're constantly having to clean up the mess someone else makes in their room. I wrote about this in another thread once—everything from breaking electronic devices to ruining makeup, lotions, and perfumes. But I've dealt with that...

As for her being exhausted from catering to everyone, that's true. But she's the one who put herself in that position.

darksurfer4 said:I just happened to notice what she’s got written right under her avatar—calling herself an "idiot." Honestly, it’s just tacky to go around labeling yourself that way; it screams a massive lack of self-confidence and basic self-respect. Now, look, I’m certainly no saint—I’ve struggled with my own bouts of insecurity in my time—but even at my lowest, I never had the decency to sit there and write to myself that I was some kind of moron or anything along those lines.

Then there are those people who are perfectly aware they're acting like fools—just like everyone else, really—and they don't see any issue with slapping that label on themselves. I suppose they think it serves as some sort of lesson for others, a way to encourage people to reflect on their own actions or perhaps practice a bit of empathy or compassion... though, if you ask me, that doesn't necessarily point toward a lack of confidence. Instead, it might actually suggest that a person possesses, and has the capacity for, the constructive use of healthy self-criticism?

THIS.

darksurfer4 said:Honestly, I’ve been sitting here thinking about it, and I truly believe Mom could probably benefit from seeing a therapist herself.

Yeah, I suppose so... even her doctor prescribed her the exact same medications that I’m on, but she just refuses to take them.

Blaspheming God is the ultimate sign of pure insolence and a complete lack of upbringing.

Richard Rodriguez17 said:As much as I hate to admit it, you might actually have a point.

But family dynamics are incredibly complicated, and I don't quite know how to explain it without getting way too deep into the weeds.

I get the impression that my dad secretly resents Mom because she isn't that "perfect housewife and saintly woman" she used to be for all those years; she started working in the last few years, you know, and became more "independent"... and he can't handle it.

And I also feel like he’s constantly nudging us to treat her poorly... but then again, she can be extremely exhausting and nagging herself. She's so nitpicky. It's just constant criticism about how you are this or aren't that; she rarely says anything nice, and when she does, it's usually wrapped in a critique, or it's unsolicited advice that nobody asked for in the first place.

I don't doubt for a second that she loves me, it's more that we're just too "enmeshed." I need to find a way to break this unhealthy cycle with her (which shows up in my dating life too, since I struggle to maintain healthy relationships with guys or people in general), but I feel like I have to do it delicately so I don't hurt her, while still finding a way to stand up for myself. I haven't learned how to do that yet. I admit, I can be pretty tactless sometimes. But her reaction really caught me off guard—the fact that she cried so much. Even though I showed her I felt bad, even though I empathized and let her cry it out, I ended up just reverting back to playing the role of the "good girl," the protector and the emotional pillar.

It also hurt that during the therapy sessions she attended with me—even though she wasn't technically the patient—she would pick up information just so she could use it against me or hurt me later. That's actually part of why I stopped going.

I'm not pointing fingers at anyone else, but the truth is my fuse has gotten much shorter lately, which I guess is a known side effect of starting certain medications. I don't blame my little sister, but it's hard not to get frustrated when you're constantly having to clean up the mess someone else makes in their room. I wrote about this in another thread once—everything from breaking electronic devices to ruining makeup, lotions, and perfumes. But I've dealt with that...

As for her being exhausted from catering to everyone, that's true. But she's the one who put herself in that position.

I'm not sure if I heard you right, or if you just don't want to believe it, but she went to therapy just to grab info on you so she could tear you down later?????? Like, you're going to therapy and taking meds, needing support... and instead of being there for you, she uses your illness as a way to bring you down?????? Using your most vulnerable moments against you is just low...

Maybe try finding a therapist on your own, because she clearly isn't providing the support you need... you can't change her, you can only change yourself...

Whatever you do, do NOT tell her anything private, especially nothing regarding your treatment... because to her, intimacy means having control over someone. In her mind, nothing anyone does is ever good enough, and she's always the only one who's right... Try to detach emotionally if you can't move out... because if someone can't be there for you at your lowest, they won't be there for the small stuff either... Don't blame her, don't get angry... that's the worst thing you can do... the best move is to just say "okay" and then do whatever you want... you can't reason with people like that... just don't get sucked into arguments, just nod and agree... that's how you protect yourself from her outbursts...

People like that just see the world in black and white—you’re either on their side or you’re the enemy. It probably feels like you're the odd one out in your own family... I mean, I doubt that's actually true, but I know that feeling... just try reaching out for some empathy or support, anything at all
and honestly, some people just aren't born with the emotional maturity to be parents... you're really the only one who can help yourself here, and I get how much that sucks because your family should be your safe haven, but there are plenty of other emotionally stable people out there we can lean on when things get rough... since if you rely solely on them, you'll end up totally isolated... so just be brave and build your own community... it's not worth getting worked up over them... some people just weren't dealt a good hand... hang in there