Why do people take me for granted?

Jamie Adams6 said:But honestly, isn't that just how it works? You've got your mom, maybe a sister if you're lucky, a couple of close friends, a partner... and that's really it. You don't actually *need* more than that, and you shouldn't feel obligated to be super important to everyone outside that core group. Let's face it—human connections are mostly transactional, even with family. Most people drift through life with that exact same small crew—just varying in quality. Those people claiming to have hundreds of ride-or-die besties? They're just living a fantasy on Facebook.

If you're an introvert, like myself, you truly don't require anything beyond that setup. If you're an extrovert, sure, you probably crave something more substantial. But from what I can gather, she doesn't even seem to have the small circle you're describing?

boldnomad45 said:Spot on.
But building quality relationships takes time.
Time we simply don't have.
I'm lonely too, constantly dissecting why. I've been this way since I was a kid.
I used to chase that feeling. In my younger years, I'd hang out with anyone who would have me, molding myself to fit everyone else just to have company. Naturally, that made things worse.
Then I tried looking for it in romantic partners.
That turned out to be the worst move. Too much pressure on the other person.
I'm in therapy now. I'm still lonely, but I'm starting to understand that quality connections are the only cure.
The problem is, I don't have the time or the money for that.
I work until 5 PM every single day at a job that drains me dry. By the time I'm done, I have nothing left to offer someone if we were to become actual friends.

There's no budget for weekend trips or anything like that.
What's left is grabbing a drink once or twice a month with the same group of lonely, exhausted, guarded, closed-off people just like me.
We have nothing to connect over. We lead similarly empty, draining lives, so we just talk about work, Netflix shows, or what we'd do if we won the Powerball.

I've been stuck in this loop for years, maybe even my whole life. I'm increasingly afraid I'll spend the rest of my life being lonely even when I'm surrounded by people.
If you met me, you wouldn't think that. I talk to people, I listen, and people enjoy inviting me out for coffee or a beer. But for them, it's just entertainment. For me, I'm just killing time, trying to socialize enough so I don't lose my mind.

Having kids would solve it. Then you're living for them.

darksurfer4 said:If you're an introvert, like myself, you truly don't require anything beyond that setup. If you're an extrovert, sure, you probably crave something more substantial. But from what I can gather, she doesn't even seem to have the small circle you're describing?

Maybe someone finally hit the nail on the head.

ruggedorca5 said:Having kids would solve it. Then you're living for them.

Poor kids, honestly. Imagine when they don't need you anymore, but they're suddenly your entire reason for existing... doesn't sound particularly healthy to me.

.

ruggedorca5 said:Having kids would solve it. Then you're living for them.

I would never dream of doing that to children. A child's job isn't to be your source of entertainment. You have them to love them and make them happy—not the other way around. That’s exactly why so many families are broken.
It's such a selfish, fundamentally flawed mindset that it barely deserves an explanation.

Who are you even supposed to live for, or where are you meant to find support, if being around people just leaves you feeling more alone? They say you should be able to stand on your own two feet and be content living solo, but who actually believes that lie?

cosmicviper18 said:Who are you even supposed to live for, or where are you meant to find support, if being around people just leaves you feeling more alone? They say you should be able to stand on your own two feet and be content living solo, but who actually believes that lie?

Sure, it’s technically possible; I mean, history is full of people who spent years living in caves or perched on some desolate, lonely cliffside. We tend to remember them as great philosophers or saints, but if you ask me, my gut feeling is that most of them were probably just deeply mentally ill.🤔

darksurfer4 said:Sure, it’s technically possible; I mean, history is full of people who spent years living in caves or perched on some desolate, lonely cliffside. We tend to remember them as great philosophers or saints, but if you ask me, my gut feeling is that most of them were probably just deeply mentally ill.🤔

Labeling someone as mentally ill when you don't even know their story or have ever met them in person? Honestly, that’s just pathetic and plain rude.
It’s no wonder people feel so lonely these days, surrounded by such toxic company.

Why rely on just a handful of people for your entire life? It makes more sense to constantly meet new faces and build a diverse circle. Over time, you will naturally cultivate many close, meaningful connections.

@cosmicviper18, that’s just how the world works. Most people are too wrapped up in their own little bubbles to notice anyone else, so don't go thinking there's anything wrong with you.

Humans aren't built for isolation. Socializing matters, even when people drive you absolutely crazy. Keep at it. It beats being lonely. Honestly, try to find some interest in everyone you cross paths with—every single person has a story worth hearing. Trust me, they all do.

I actually ran into two interesting women while hiking recently and realized there are still some decent people out there. Sure, most folks are vapid and boring, but you never know where you'll stumble upon someone worthwhile. If you just sit at home, you won't meet anyone.

So, put a smile on and get out there. Go anywhere. 🙂

p.s.
Value yourself more. If you don't respect your own worth, nobody else will.

Carl Cox3 said:Why rely on just a handful of people for your entire life? It makes more sense to constantly meet new faces and build a diverse circle. Over time, you will naturally cultivate many close, meaningful connections.

But honestly, how are you supposed to actually rely on someone if you aren't even aiming for a deeper connection with them? If you're perpetually cycling through new faces, building any kind of profound bond becomes nearly impossible. Besides, I think your suggestion is frankly nonsensical and practically unachievable in the real world. I mean, who actually spends their time constantly meeting new people or constantly shifting their social circles? Only children, really—or adults who, if they already have a social circle that satisfies them, can perfectly happy without doing exactly what you're proposing. Maybe that lifestyle works in some hippie commune somewhere, but not here.

Quote : art with Heart

darksurfer4 said:If you're an introvert, like myself, you truly don't require anything beyond that setup. If you're an extrovert, sure, you probably crave something more substantial. But from what I can gather, she doesn't even seem to have the small circle you're describing?

Not necessarily—being an extrovert usually means you're more assertive and, on average, crave social interaction a bit more than the shy types... but that doesn't mean you need a massive squad. For like 99% of my own circle—family, acquaintances, whatever—what I said before totally holds up: there’s actually only a tiny handful of people you could truly call "friends." And honestly? That doesn't make you an introvert.

The internet is just what it is—honestly, I’m not even surprised we've split into two different species because of it, though the gap isn't actually that huge. It's the same deal with those Myers-Briggs tests, birth charts, and all that other nonsense people swallow whole—it's wild. Au contraire, extroverts can totally thrive with just a tiny circle of friends, just like they can kill it in small towns.

Honestly, who cares—it really doesn't matter. When someone tells you that loneliness is literally killing them day after day, whether they're an introvert or an extrovert is totally irrelevant. It’s clearly something way deeper and more long-term—maybe even something worth talking to a pro about.

Quote : art with Heart

darksurfer4 said:If you're an introvert, like myself, you truly don't require anything beyond that setup. If you're an extrovert, sure, you probably crave something more substantial. But from what I can gather, she doesn't even seem to have the small circle you're describing?

I mean, that’s totally possible—I was just going off what she wrote, you know? She said there aren't many like that, so I just listed the usual suspects. She didn't really dive into the details, though—she probably should have! Like, saying "hardly anyone actually cares about her" doesn't tell me much... honestly, half this forum could say the exact same thing.

Maybe I'll drift slightly off-topic with my own experience, but hopefully this helps someone out and restores a little faith in people 🤣

So, about nine months ago, I moved to a new place—a different state entirely. It was right during the lockdown, I didn't know the language, didn't know anyone, and wasn't working. It was a total life reset. In the beginning, there was basically zero chance of meeting people my age or with similar interests. For the first six months, I basically just hibernated in my home office, with the occasional walk to the grocery store. Friends? Zero. Social life? Nonexistent. I stayed in touch with maybe three girlfriends back home via text a few times a week. I might have taken social distancing a bit too seriously 🕺

Once the restrictions finally eased up, I signed up for a class and finally started getting out there. I met some folks at the class, but it wasn't quite what I was looking for. I joined about ten different Facebook groups meant for socializing. Since my English isn't perfect yet, I was mostly limited to English speakers or other Americans living here. I posted a few things and reached out to others myself.

Out of about fifteen messages and attempts to meet up, I managed to actually see two girls, and even that was a struggle (both canceled on me last minute for our first meeting). One went on vacation, and the others either ignored the plans or sent me last-minute suggestions to hang out. I don't really get the logic of searching for company only to immediately leave for a two-week vacation 😁 Everyone seems to find it hard to commit to a simple two-hour coffee date, as if it’s some huge ordeal. To me, they seem incredibly flaky—people who don't really know what they want, and only agree to grab coffee if they have absolutely nothing better to do.

I was, to put it mildly, disappointed. Everyone is looking for something, but nobody actually wants to find it. 😁 I know finding friends through the internet isn't the most popular way to do it in the States, but it's how it happens here.

So, a month ago, I decided to try again. I went out for a drink with a girl I met through a local group (even though in a group of 30 people, only one person actually wanted to go out on a Friday night 😵), and then three other girls ended up joining us spontaneously. After just a few outings, I managed to form a little group of women with totally different ages and interests that I see regularly; occasionally, someone brand new joins the mix 🎉. In another spot, I found an awesome girl I go for coffee or walks with all the time. In just a month and a half, I've built connections that honestly mean more to me than anything I experienced in the last ten years back home.

The hardest part is just starting; you have no idea where it's going or why. But the most important thing is not giving up. Even after so many failed attempts when I was already feeling fed up. So many people struggle with loneliness, but they don't know how to connect with others facing the same issue. If someone had told me ten years ago that I'd be looking for friends on Facebook, I would have called them crazy 🤣

Now, have I formed lifelong, deep friendships? Probably not. But grabbing a drink, chatting at the end of the day, or sharing a silly moment makes life feel much more interesting and easier for me. Who knows, maybe some of these connections will last long-term; that comes with time.

People always connect for some kind of benefit; one side usually gets more out of it than the other. Don't kid yourself thinking otherwise—everyone wants something from someone else, whether it's conversation, advice, fun, or just having someone around so they aren't lonely or to make time pass faster. Genuine friendships are extremely rare, and it's not something people today really want to invest in. They'd rather focus on partners, work, or themselves, and then complain about being lonely at the end of the day 🤔 I know plenty of examples of people who completely dropped their social circles once they got into a relationship. Friendship requires time and effort from both sides, and for most people today, that's the very last thing on their priority list.

It’s honestly way easier to just binge-watch shows all day than to put yourself out there with new people.
But the price you pay for staying isolated eventually gets too high—it ends up costing more than a Netflix subscription.

So, here's my take: if you want friends, tell the world! If you don't speak up, how is anyone supposed to know you're looking for company? Get active, join some local clubs or organizations. Show interest in people and invite them out for coffee. Share your thoughts and feelings. And honestly? Just cut out the people who make you feel bad; life is way too short to waste time on them.
Don't expect too much from everyone, either. If you find just one person you can truly be yourself around—someone who actually cares how your day went—you’ve basically hit the jackpot. To get what you're looking for, you have to be willing to offer something yourself.

I've gone through all sorts of phases—times when I had tons of friends, times with just a few, a couple of real ones, and even periods where I felt totally alone. My favorite and most eye-opening phase was actually being lonely, because it helped me realize what really matters in life.
What's the point of having a life where everything is going great (or even if it isn't 🤣), if you have nobody to share those moments with at the end of the day, or even just once a week?

Jonathan Fowler14 said:Maybe I'll drift slightly off-topic with my own experience, but hopefully this helps someone out and restores a little faith in people 🤣

So, about nine months ago, I moved to a new place—a different state entirely. It was right during the lockdown, I didn't know the language, didn't know anyone, and wasn't working. It was a total life reset. In the beginning, there was basically zero chance of meeting people my age or with similar interests. For the first six months, I basically just hibernated in my home office, with the occasional walk to the grocery store. Friends? Zero. Social life? Nonexistent. I stayed in touch with maybe three girlfriends back home via text a few times a week. I might have taken social distancing a bit too seriously 🕺

Once the restrictions finally eased up, I signed up for a class and finally started getting out there. I met some folks at the class, but it wasn't quite what I was looking for. I joined about ten different Facebook groups meant for socializing. Since my English isn't perfect yet, I was mostly limited to English speakers or other Americans living here. I posted a few things and reached out to others myself.

Out of about fifteen messages and attempts to meet up, I managed to actually see two girls, and even that was a struggle (both canceled on me last minute for our first meeting). One went on vacation, and the others either ignored the plans or sent me last-minute suggestions to hang out. I don't really get the logic of searching for company only to immediately leave for a two-week vacation 😁 Everyone seems to find it hard to commit to a simple two-hour coffee date, as if it’s some huge ordeal. To me, they seem incredibly flaky—people who don't really know what they want, and only agree to grab coffee if they have absolutely nothing better to do.

I was, to put it mildly, disappointed. Everyone is looking for something, but nobody actually wants to find it. 😁 I know finding friends through the internet isn't the most popular way to do it in the States, but it's how it happens here.

So, a month ago, I decided to try again. I went out for a drink with a girl I met through a local group (even though in a group of 30 people, only one person actually wanted to go out on a Friday night 😵), and then three other girls ended up joining us spontaneously. After just a few outings, I managed to form a little group of women with totally different ages and interests that I see regularly; occasionally, someone brand new joins the mix 🎉. In another spot, I found an awesome girl I go for coffee or walks with all the time. In just a month and a half, I've built connections that honestly mean more to me than anything I experienced in the last ten years back home.

The hardest part is just starting; you have no idea where it's going or why. But the most important thing is not giving up. Even after so many failed attempts when I was already feeling fed up. So many people struggle with loneliness, but they don't know how to connect with others facing the same issue. If someone had told me ten years ago that I'd be looking for friends on Facebook, I would have called them crazy 🤣

Now, have I formed lifelong, deep friendships? Probably not. But grabbing a drink, chatting at the end of the day, or sharing a silly moment makes life feel much more interesting and easier for me. Who knows, maybe some of these connections will last long-term; that comes with time.

People always connect for some kind of benefit; one side usually gets more out of it than the other. Don't kid yourself thinking otherwise—everyone wants something from someone else, whether it's conversation, advice, fun, or just having someone around so they aren't lonely or to make time pass faster. Genuine friendships are extremely rare, and it's not something people today really want to invest in. They'd rather focus on partners, work, or themselves, and then complain about being lonely at the end of the day 🤔 I know plenty of examples of people who completely dropped their social circles once they got into a relationship. Friendship requires time and effort from both sides, and for most people today, that's the very last thing on their priority list.

It’s honestly way easier to just binge-watch shows all day than to put yourself out there with new people.
But the price you pay for staying isolated eventually gets too high—it ends up costing more than a Netflix subscription.

So, here's my take: if you want friends, tell the world! If you don't speak up, how is anyone supposed to know you're looking for company? Get active, join some local clubs or organizations. Show interest in people and invite them out for coffee. Share your thoughts and feelings. And honestly? Just cut out the people who make you feel bad; life is way too short to waste time on them.
Don't expect too much from everyone, either. If you find just one person you can truly be yourself around—someone who actually cares how your day went—you’ve basically hit the jackpot. To get what you're looking for, you have to be willing to offer something yourself.

I've gone through all sorts of phases—times when I had tons of friends, times with just a few, a couple of real ones, and even periods where I felt totally alone. My favorite and most eye-opening phase was actually being lonely, because it helped me realize what really matters in life.
What's the point of having a life where everything is going great (or even if it isn't 🤣), if you have nobody to share those moments with at the end of the day, or even just once a week?

Nothing new here...

Just make sure you have something to offer. 😁.

I honestly believe there is something deeply unhealthy about tying your entire sense of happiness to other people. It seems to me that individuals who do this tend to harbor these massive, unrealistic expectations toward people who simply don't feel the same way—mostly because they have a tendency to be quite suffocating in their relationships. I once had a friend—a genuinely good person, really—but she expected us to meet up at least three times a week just to sit over coffee for hours while she vented about her problems (which started out being all about her college courses and eventually shifted into her dating life). In essence, she wasn't finding fulfillment anywhere else in her life, so these friendships became her only source of joy. But, truthfully, it was exhausting; she’d constantly expect her friends to coddle her and reassure her that everything would be fine, even though she wasn't doing a single thing to fix her own situation—everything just stayed in this perpetual status quo while she complained about how much it bothered her. Looking back, it felt incredibly depressing and, if I'm being honest, a bit selfish. Everyone is dealing with their own struggles in their own way, and it's perfectly normal—especially once you hit that stage of life where most people are graduating or starting families—for friendships to not be the absolute center of your universe anymore. I really can't wrap my head around people who demand so much from others; sometimes I end up feeling disappointed in myself, so I can only imagine how much more draining it is to feel that way about someone else! Maybe we just need a bit more focus on our own lives and personal growth, and perhaps a little less dwelling on the perceived injustices of the world.

darksurfer4 said:If it makes you feel any better, I’m feeling pretty much the same way. I just miss hanging out—really hanging out—and more specifically, I miss finding quality people to spend time with. Why is it like this? How did we get here? It’s hard to pin down, but it feels like everyone has become so incredibly selfish and isolated lately; nobody seems willing to give anyone else a fair shake anymore. If there is one thing I can tell you with absolute certainty, though, it's this: don't you dare let anyone treat you poorly.

Exactly! We’re missing genuine people. You talk to someone and they either give you a weird look or start gossiping about you behind your back—which is something I am totally fed up with. If you're going to do that, why call yourself a "friend" in the first place? You end up walking on eggshells because you never know what might be twisted or taken out of context. It's pathetic. People have become so shady, rude, and just plain mean-spirited.😠🕺

ruggedorca5 said:Having kids would solve it. Then you're living for them.

Yeah, and then you just pass all your own baggage right down to them.

Trying to have kids just to dig yourself out of a hole is such a massive mistake. Right now, I'm watching an 8-year-old deal with therapy because of trauma, plus two other kids around the same age following that exact same broken path.

It honestly hurts to watch from the outside when parents are totally oblivious.

I love kids, but having my own? No thanks.
It seems like with most people, you're only useful as long as they need something from you. Once they've moved on with their lives, they can barely find a spare second for their own parents. So, I'll pass. Thanks, though!

cosmicviper18 said:Who are you even supposed to live for, or where are you meant to find support, if being around people just leaves you feeling more alone? They say you should be able to stand on your own two feet and be content living solo, but who actually believes that lie?

Why are you assuming this is a falsehood? Is this based on your own personal history, or were you simply taught that this is the way things are and that any other reality cannot exist?...