Why do people take me for granted?

wanderingbadger0 said:Why are you assuming this is a falsehood? Is this based on your own personal history, or were you simply taught that this is the way things are and that any other reality cannot exist?...

Don't treat me like I'm stupid by asking questions like that! 😉

Maybe it’s just because you’re getting older, out of work, and aren't exactly breaking a sweat to find a new gig. You could pull up a dozen examples just like that; I think anyone could make the same point you did.

cosmicviper18 said:Morning, everyone.

I wasn't sure where to host this thread, but whoever is free to chime in and has an opinion on this topic will find it.

I’m seeing more and more people—barring a few exceptions—becoming incredibly rude to one another. It isn't just about how others act, though; it's about my relationship with them. Or rather, their relationship with me. It feels stupid to talk about myself or brag, but I don't think I'm a bad person. I'm just noticing that kindness isn't valued much these days, and as I get older, I can tell that being a good person has only cost me.

I’ve posted here before during periods where I was feeling really depressed, constantly searching for some deep-seated reason for my sadness. The truth? It's the loneliness. It's literally killing me day by day.

It sounds silly, but over time I've just lost interest in people. I don't have the energy anymore to "get over broken connections" or try to fix pieces of myself that other people shattered. Same goes for dating—I went from searching persistently to nothing at all. I've completely withdrawn.

Anyway, the point of all this is that I have very few people in my life who actually care about me. Everyone else is either using me for something or treating me poorly—and I tend to tolerate it until I finally snap. I'm always the backup plan, or someone is trying to set me up with someone they think I'll like. There are so few people who will actually call just to ask how I am.

And every single day, I just feel lonelier and lonelier.
What’s your general take on this? Have we really become a society of wolves?
Why do people take me for granted? And if I have to, what do I need to change about myself to make things better?
I probably already know what you'd say to all of this, but I'm asking for your thoughts and advice anyway. 😉

That’s what happens when you constantly crush your own ego and try to live as pure altruism, thinking your life's mission is just to be a "good person" and help everyone else... when the reality is you have to fight for yourself first. You take care of *you*, and then, if there’s anything left, you take care of others.
Advice? Focus on yourself. Work on your self-esteem. Be blunt and assertive when you speak. Set boundaries, and the second you see someone stepping over them—react. There’s more to it, obviously. Just realize that nothing changes overnight; these shifts happen gradually until the new behavior becomes second nature. Most importantly, you have to kill the victim mindset. Take control. Stop being passive—you need action. Don't sit around waiting for someone to call and check on you; be the one making the calls! And yeah, you're right, sometimes people really are wolves to one another... but there’s something much worse than that: being your own worst enemy.

Just remember, the world is a mirror—how you present yourself is exactly how others will see you. And treat you.

Carl Cox3 said:Why rely on just a handful of people for your entire life? It makes more sense to constantly meet new faces and build a diverse circle. Over time, you will naturally cultivate many close, meaningful connections.

I'm all for meeting as many people as possible.
But for me—just an example—they don't necessarily have to be "close." I'm perfectly fine just grabbing a coffee and having a chat with someone. 😁

I don't really crave those "deep" relationships. I tend to keep everyone at arm's length, and honestly, I like it this way 😁
I always have someone to grab a drink with, but on the flip side, nobody is close enough to start sticking their nose into my business.😁

cosmicviper18 said:Don't treat me like I'm stupid by asking questions like that! 😉

If this is how you typically respond to serious inquiries, then the answer to your thread's title becomes quite apparent...

wanderingbadger0 said:If this is how you typically respond to serious inquiries, then the answer to your thread's title becomes quite apparent...

I’m only replying like this to the people who start interrogating me in the exact same way. 😉

I feel like most people just default to taking others for granted because they're stuck in that mindset where they're always the main character... Like, nobody really wants to go out of their way for someone else unless there’s some kind of immediate payoff involved...
So they just grab whatever is right in front of them, you know? They just take the path of least resistance and go with the first thing that catches their eye... ://

dustycanyon4 said:I feel like most people just default to taking others for granted because they're stuck in that mindset where they're always the main character... Like, nobody really wants to go out of their way for someone else unless there’s some kind of immediate payoff involved...
So they just grab whatever is right in front of them, you know? They just take the path of least resistance and go with the first thing that catches their eye... ://

Look, lady, aren't we all basically hunting for company because we need it ourselves? We aren't seeking people out for their sake; we're doing it for our own.

....
You have to be the one to initiate things, and look, it doesn't mean every single person you hang out with has to be part of your "inner circle," right? No way.
The crew from the gym, grabbing a beer after a workout, just shooting the breeze about training—that’s it. Having different vibes with different groups is exactly what keeps life from getting boring and actually adds some flavor to it.
There isn't anything fake or shallow about it; it’s just about sharing a common interest with people.

It’s not a requirement for people to love us on some soul-searching, deep level; it’s enough if the vibe is good and we’re having a decent time hanging out. Just being friendly and getting along is plenty.

That heavy-duty, deep-seated love is reserved for your lifelong friends and your family.

Maybe the author feels taken for granted, or maybe that's just an illusion—maybe it's time to rethink what she's actually expecting from people?

Personally, I'm fine as long as people are happy to see me; they don't have to love me.

@Steven Brown5 ... you're talking about friendship and deep connections now, but I was thinking more along the lines of when someone barely knows you and just makes a snap judgment from afar...

Steven Brown5 said:Look, lady, aren't we all basically hunting for company because we need it ourselves? We aren't seeking people out for their sake; we're doing it for our own.

....
You have to be the one to initiate things, and look, it doesn't mean every single person you hang out with has to be part of your "inner circle," right? No way.
The crew from the gym, grabbing a beer after a workout, just shooting the breeze about training—that’s it. Having different vibes with different groups is exactly what keeps life from getting boring and actually adds some flavor to it.
There isn't anything fake or shallow about it; it’s just about sharing a common interest with people.

It’s not a requirement for people to love us on some soul-searching, deep level; it’s enough if the vibe is good and we’re having a decent time hanging out. Just being friendly and getting along is plenty.

That heavy-duty, deep-seated love is reserved for your lifelong friends and your family.

Maybe the author feels taken for granted, or maybe that's just an illusion—maybe it's time to rethink what she's actually expecting from people?

Personally, I'm fine as long as people are happy to see me; they don't have to love me.

Yeah, I feel the exact same way... as long as everyone's having a good time in the group, that's what matters, whereas who actually loves whom is a whole different story... 🤷

cosmicviper18 said:I’m only replying like this to the people who start interrogating me in the exact same way. 😉

cosmicviper18 said:Morning, everyone.

I wasn't sure where to host this thread, but whoever is free to chime in and has an opinion on this topic will find it.

I’m seeing more and more people—barring a few exceptions—becoming incredibly rude to one another. It isn't just about how others act, though; it's about my relationship with them. Or rather, their relationship with me. It feels stupid to talk about myself or brag, but I don't think I'm a bad person. I'm just noticing that kindness isn't valued much these days, and as I get older, I can tell that being a good person has only cost me.

I’ve posted here before during periods where I was feeling really depressed, constantly searching for some deep-seated reason for my sadness. The truth? It's the loneliness. It's literally killing me day by day.

It sounds silly, but over time I've just lost interest in people. I don't have the energy anymore to "get over broken connections" or try to fix pieces of myself that other people shattered. Same goes for dating—I went from searching persistently to nothing at all. I've completely withdrawn.

Anyway, the point of all this is that I have very few people in my life who actually care about me. Everyone else is either using me for something or treating me poorly—and I tend to tolerate it until I finally snap. I'm always the backup plan, or someone is trying to set me up with someone they think I'll like. There are so few people who will actually call just to ask how I am.

And every single day, I just feel lonelier and lonelier.
What’s your general take on this? Have we really become a society of wolves?
Why do people take me for granted? And if I have to, what do I need to change about myself to make things better?
I probably already know what you'd say to all of this, but I'm asking for your thoughts and advice anyway. 😉

How ironic. That is exactly what you are doing right now...

By the way, please understand that my question was intended with nothing but good intentions and was completely harmless...

It is truly unfortunate that you fail to grasp the fundamental principle that you receive exactly what you put out into the world. This reality applies just as much to your life outside of this forum...

Quincy:

Essentially, the core point of my argument is that I have an incredibly small circle of people who truly care about my well-being. Most everyone else is either looking for some sort of advantage or simply treats me poorly—though, I tend to tolerate such behavior until I finally reach my breaking point. It seems I am perpetually relegated to being the "second fiddle," or I find myself constantly dealing with people attempting to manipulate me... It is a rather small number of people who reach out to call me just to ask how I am doing...

How many people do you actually reach out to just to ask how they are doing? I really feel that you cannot expect kindness or positive energy from others if you aren't willing to offer it yourself...

jadetinker85:

I find that, as the days pass, I am feeling increasingly lonely... How does everyone view this entire situation in a broader sense? I find myself wondering if we have truly reached a point where it is simply a case of man being a wolf to man... Why is it that people seem to take me for granted?... If I were forced to reflect on my own nature, what specific aspects of my character would I need to alter to achieve true improvement... I suspect you might have quite a bit to say regarding everything I have outlined, yet I shall nonetheless ask for your personal perspective and advice... 😉

You should probably adjust your perspective so you aren't constantly fighting a losing battle; you aren't the only person on this planet who has dealt with disappointment from others. It is simply a standard part of the human experience. As I mentioned previously, there is a strong possibility that you bear some responsibility for how people choose to interact with you. This sense of isolation isn't a result of the people around you, but rather a path you have personally chosen to take...

To effect such a change, one must first learn to embrace solitude. I would suggest finding hobbies that do not require the presence of others and structuring your daily routine with purposeful obligations. When the need for human connection becomes too great, you might consider maintaining light, superficial friendships—people with whom you can simply grab a coffee and exchange pleasantries about trivial matters... Solitude is not to be feared; in many ways, it can be a far greater source of peace and happiness than a low-quality relationship...

I must respectfully disagree with your assertion that people lie about being happy while single, as true contentment in solitude is entirely achievable. That was precisely why I posed those questions to you. However, you seem so convinced that happiness is impossible without a partner that you have allowed yourself to sink into depression rather than attempting to move forward despite life's disappointments. Ultimately, this is your life to lead. Other people are merely passing through... You don't live for them, but for yourself...

If you find that my advice doesn't align with your perspective, please feel free to simply disregard my post. Perhaps my thoughts will prove beneficial to someone else in the community...

The truth is, I pulled away from everyone just to save myself from being disappointed.
Maybe I'm just in one of those life phases where I'm constantly questioning everything, searching for some kind of inner peace.
Look, we all know you have to love yourself and be happy on your own first, but let's be real—you can't spend your entire life isolated. I’m not talking about casual acquaintances; I mean the people you actually care about, the ones you have a real connection with. We're all different, sure, but at least I know what I want and what I'm aiming for.

Unfortunately, that’s just how the world works for everyone... I realized pretty early on when my "best friend" basically tossed me aside the second she found someone she thought was a better match. I’ve noticed a pattern where I always seem to be the last person on anyone's priority list—except for my mom, obviously—but I can't help thinking I might be part of the problem since I'm not the type to force myself on people, so I tend to pull back, which makes everyone think I just don't care... Keeping any kind of decent relationship alive is such an uphill battle because most people have zero patience these days; you're constantly walking on eggshells just so they don't take your words the wrong way. It feels like the people who are blunt or even just straight-up rude actually get more respect and fare better in the end. Honestly, I've come to believe it's much better to just embrace being alone and enjoy your own company than to play nice with people who don't value you. At 36, I've seen just about everything, and I've only got one person left I can truly rely on—though even that friendship is looking a little shaky right now... So yeah, the sooner you accept that any good connection can snap in a heartbeat, the better life gets.

ruggedorca5 said:Having kids would solve it. Then you're living for them.

Honestly, I find people with kids a little hard to deal with sometimes because it drives me crazy when someone decides to just ditch everything else once they start a family. Look, I get it, family and kids are priority number one—fine. 😁 But man, put something else at number six, maybe? Give your friends a shot at being relevant. Nobody’s asking for a daily FaceTime marathon, but there are people who, the second they start a family , go totally MIA for months without even sending a single damn text.

Sam Jones8 said:That’s what happens when you constantly crush your own ego and try to live as pure altruism, thinking your life's mission is just to be a "good person" and help everyone else... when the reality is you have to fight for yourself first. You take care of *you*, and then, if there’s anything left, you take care of others.
Advice? Focus on yourself. Work on your self-esteem. Be blunt and assertive when you speak. Set boundaries, and the second you see someone stepping over them—react. There’s more to it, obviously. Just realize that nothing changes overnight; these shifts happen gradually until the new behavior becomes second nature. Most importantly, you have to kill the victim mindset. Take control. Stop being passive—you need action. Don't sit around waiting for someone to call and check on you; be the one making the calls! And yeah, you're right, sometimes people really are wolves to one another... but there’s something much worse than that: being your own worst enemy.

Just remember, the world is a mirror—how you present yourself is exactly how others will see you. And treat you.

Don't take this too personally, but your post reeks of pure ego—it's clearly just a defense mechanism to keep from getting hurt. You don't really get what we're talking about, but you'll figure it out once you actually face yourself. 👍

Take me, for example. As the one putting in all the work, I give way more than I get back; I ask for maybe half of what I provide, but most of the time I end up with zero. 😁 I've had to cut off several friendships because I was sick of being the only one constantly reaching out and begging people to actually show up for once.