Job market is brutal and I'm losing hope. Help!

Hey there.

I’m dealing with a massive problem right now and I honestly feel like I’m hitting a dead end. Sometimes I just feel completely worthless, like there’s no way out of this hole. I don't even know what's going on with me anymore. For almost three years straight, I haven't been able to get my career off the ground. I’ll find a job, feeling all happy and pumped to start, but then after a tiny bit of time, something just shuts me down. I can't bring myself to show up. Because of that, obviously, my finances are a total wreck. And look, I am not lazy—if I were lazy, I’d actually be enjoying staying home. Instead, I literally fall apart every single time I miss work, and I just blow my own chances. It’s killing my marriage, too. My husband is struggling to carry the entire financial load by himself, but at the same time, I get this vibe that he doesn't really want to help me climb out of this mess. His "solution" is for us to move in with his parents, which is basically a guaranteed ticket to a total mental breakdown for me. Living there with everything I'm going through would mean zero privacy and zero chance to just breathe and deal with my issues in peace. I don't even know who to turn to anymore. Everything is just spiraling.

What exactly is standing in your way from actually getting to work?

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What’s actually holding you back there? Is it just some deep-seated fear or maybe just a bit of insecurity getting in the way?

Honestly, I don't even know myself. Back when I had my first real job about four years ago, I dealt with some serious workplace bullying and just had to get the hell out of there. Ever since then, I feel like I just wreck every single job I take. Like, I’ll start somewhere and everything is going great for a few days, maybe a few weeks or months, but then I just hit a wall. I can't do it anymore and I end up quitting. I know how crazy that sounds, but it's not like I'm enjoying this at all—it actually feels terrible. I just end up blaming myself for everything.

You still haven't really given me a concrete explanation...

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Hey, sorry if this feels a bit scattered. I’ve had an absolutely brutal day today, which is why I'm finally biting the bullet and posting about my situation here. I'll dive into the details tomorrow once I've cleared my head.

stormycobra3 said:Hey, sorry if this feels a bit scattered. I’ve had an absolutely brutal day today, which is why I'm finally biting the bullet and posting about my situation here. I'll dive into the details tomorrow once I've cleared my head.

I get it. Hang in there.

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It’s possible this is all stemming from being bullied at that first job. Workplace harassment is brutal, and depending on how bad things actually got, it can seriously mess with your health long-term. The problem is, proving harassment is such a nightmare in practice that even if victims go to the EEOC or file a formal complaint, they usually end up getting nowhere.

Find a career that you would pursue even if you weren't getting paid.

Seek out work that actually sparks a bit of genuine interest.

And please—don't be afraid to stand up to workplace harassment. Be brave, stay resolute, and hold your ground... say exactly what needs to be said. You might need to intimidate them slightly at the start to establish boundaries... this comes from someone who has survived several instances of toxic management. Look them right in the eye and refuse to blink.
Master your craft until you are the absolute best at what you do.

It’s pretty obvious you’re dealing with PTSD from that job where they treated you so poorly. I went through something almost identical. For me, though, the difference was that even if I had tried to go back to work, I would have subconsciously sabotaged any role that felt remotely similar to that nightmare. I just couldn't handle the cycle—starting out okay, then dragging my feet, and eventually spiraling into panic attacks. What actually helped me was pivoting entirely. I moved into a completely different field; honestly, the work is way below my actual education level and potential, but the peace of mind is worth it. That said, I do plan on finally tackling that trauma when the timing is right—basically, once I’ve saved up enough for proper therapy.
The thing is, for me, that workplace bullying was just the final straw after everything else life had thrown at me. It forced me to finally face all those issues I’d been sweeping under the rug without even realizing it. In America, people tend to be so dismissive about it, too—always acting like, "Oh, why are you complaining?" But we aren't all the same, and our experiences aren't identical.

To feels more like depression or perhaps just a poor diet. Concentration slips away, and then, after a while, any sense of purpose just vanishes—you're simply too exhausted to force yourself to continue. If I were you, I’d start by looking at what you're eating. It could be a gluten intolerance or maybe a lactose sensitivity.

Austin Nelson2 said:Find a career that you would pursue even if you weren't getting paid.

Seek out work that actually sparks a bit of genuine interest.

And please—don't be afraid to stand up to workplace harassment. Be brave, stay resolute, and hold your ground... say exactly what needs to be said. You might need to intimidate them slightly at the start to establish boundaries... this comes from someone who has survived several instances of toxic management. Look them right in the eye and refuse to blink.
Master your craft until you are the absolute best at what you do.

Honestly, telling someone in today's economy to "just find a job you love" is basically asking them to go on a fantasy quest. Who cares if you love your job? Your stomach doesn't care, and neither do your bills—they just want to be paid.

Besides, if she had been able to stand up for herself the first time around, we wouldn't even be having this conversation. It sounds like she's dealing with some real trauma that has impacted her ability to work. Telling someone in that position to just "be brave" feels about as helpful as telling someone with clinical depression, "Hey, why are you so sad? Just cheer up!" 😵

Austin Nelson2 said:Find a career that you would pursue even if you weren't getting paid.

Seek out work that actually sparks a bit of genuine interest.

And please—don't be afraid to stand up to workplace harassment. Be brave, stay resolute, and hold your ground... say exactly what needs to be said. You might need to intimidate them slightly at the start to establish boundaries... this comes from someone who has survived several instances of toxic management. Look them right in the eye and refuse to blink.
Master your craft until you are the absolute best at what you do.

I’m with you on that. That was my experience too. The only way I finally dealt with the toxic environment at my old firm was by showing some teeth. It doesn't work any other way when you're dealing with people who act like animals... If you don't set boundaries early on, it gets so much harder later. I spent a few years just taking it, until I finally hit a breaking point. Once I snapped, everything changed. Looking back, I wonder why I waited so long... maybe it's just how we're raised, feeling like we have to be compliant and play nice.😵

What’s the actual state of your relationship with your husband? Can you honestly, without any sort of self-deception or bias, say that you’re actually happy being with him? And do you two have any children?

Rachel Allen5 said:I’m with you on that. That was my experience too. The only way I finally dealt with the toxic environment at my old firm was by showing some teeth. It doesn't work any other way when you're dealing with people who act like animals... If you don't set boundaries early on, it gets so much harder later. I spent a few years just taking it, until I finally hit a breaking point. Once I snapped, everything changed. Looking back, I wonder why I waited so long... maybe it's just how we're raised, feeling like we have to be compliant and play nice.😵

Maybe for the ones who grew up in systems that demand total obedience, they learned how to push back early on. But even then, there's a downside. After a while, when you're mostly looking out for number one, you stop giving a damn about how anyone else feels. You work to make a living, plain and simple. If things go south—which happens, especially if she's being defiant—and her subordinates are too incompetent or useless to do their jobs, they end up risking her own reputation in this cutthroat corporate world. In those cases, workplace bullying might be the only way to light a fire under them... basically forcing them to wonder if they actually belong in such an aggressive, competitive job market or if they should just quit...