What's next?

Hey.

Alright, I’ll try to keep this brief again. I honestly don't know how to keep fighting this. I've been cycling through anxiety and depression for about a decade now. After a recent breakup—which, let's be honest, was largely driven by my mental state—I hit an even deeper level of rock bottom. I sought professional help a long time ago, regardless of the breakup, and I've cycled through just about every specialist you can find, from therapists to psychiatrists. But truthfully, I can't say any of them have actually uncovered anything new or provided any real relief. We've tried various combinations of anxiolytics and antidepressants, too, but nothing has yielded concrete results.

It’s reached a point where I just can't stand being in this state anymore. I’ve tried forcing myself out of it through intense gym sessions (I actually had a decent streak going), forced positivity, reading, distractions, staying busy, strict routines, mental health apps, eating clean... you name it. But it feels like I was somehow hardwired on "default" settings to be deeply unhappy and dissatisfied with myself and my life, waking up feeling that way every single morning. I recently heard someone say, You just have to accept yourself as you are... but I don't want that. Who in their right mind wants to settle for a lifestyle like this?

On the flip side, I’ve exhausted every resource available to me to try and fix this, clearly to no avail.
Living like this is just exhausting and frustrating. It gets tedious, and the sense of futility and misery keeps mounting, especially now that I'm at a loss for what else I could possibly do to pull myself out of it.

Stop struggling against the current and thrashing around, because the more you fight it, the faster you’re going to sink.

It’s exactly like getting stuck in quicksand: the more you flail, the deeper you get pulled down.

Regarding the depression—it could be a genetic predisposition, or perhaps you’ve just been stuck in this rut for so long that your brain chemistry has fundamentally shifted. Antidepressants are really only meant for acute crises. Are you actually depressed, or are you just profoundly frustrated and sad?

As for anxiety, it’s essentially the offspring of fear. What is it you’re actually afraid of? When that anxiety hits, stop and ask yourself: "What am I terrified of right this second?" You don't solve anxiety with a pill; you solve it with self-awareness. Medication is just first aid; eventually, you have to face your fears head-on.

To circle back to my original point, it seems obvious that by trying to force your way out of this entirely on your own, your body is simply rejecting your efforts and resisting your actions. So, ask yourself: what would actually make me happy right now? Or even better: what is truly driving me crazy in my life?

Look, you aren't going to find the answers from some therapist or in a bottle of pills; the answers are inside you, not outside. My advice is to stop beating yourself up by doing things you hate and stop searching for answers in all the wrong places. Instead, just answer those two questions I mentioned above. Try using your imagination. Dream about everything and anything, pay attention to how your body reacts to those thoughts, and if something feels right, try turning it into reality.

Good luck.

If you’re putting in all this work and nothing is actually clicking, maybe it’s time to just flip the script entirely.
Instead of constantly running away from who you are—your emotions, your struggles, whatever you're fighting—maybe the move is to just give yourself a massive hug and accept exactly where you're at right now...
Because honestly? A lot of times, the thing we’re most terrified of—the stuff that keeps us up at night and makes us restless—isn't even the problem itself. It’s just the fear of what people will think if they see us "like this," and the struggle of how to live with ourselves when we feel "broken"...
You really need to adopt this mindset: so what? Yeah, I feel like crap. I feel like a mess. I’m failing at trying to fix myself, trying to outrun my own issues... but you know what? I'm kind of over it. Honestly, I'm just a mess, let the whole world know it. I'm not scared of myself anymore. I'm flawed, I'm weak, I'm vulnerable, and frankly, I don't care. I accept myself and love myself exactly as I am—period. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go pass out and rot until I get bored...
On a deeper, more spiritual level—if luck is on your side—you'll eventually realize that you are so much more than your illness, your flaws, your baggage, or anyone else's shitty opinions. Once you get that, the depression starts to fade because it isn't *you*. It's more like a sticker stuck to your skin, or a piece of Velcro... but you're so obsessed with that Velcro, so desperate to rip it off, that you end up pressing it even deeper into yourself, which just makes everything hurt and grate even more. If you just stop fighting the Velcro... it'll just fall off on its own...😉

briskpuma6 said:Stop struggling against the current and thrashing around, because the more you fight it, the faster you’re going to sink.

It’s exactly like getting stuck in quicksand: the more you flail, the deeper you get pulled down.

Regarding the depression—it could be a genetic predisposition, or perhaps you’ve just been stuck in this rut for so long that your brain chemistry has fundamentally shifted. Antidepressants are really only meant for acute crises. Are you actually depressed, or are you just profoundly frustrated and sad?

As for anxiety, it’s essentially the offspring of fear. What is it you’re actually afraid of? When that anxiety hits, stop and ask yourself: "What am I terrified of right this second?" You don't solve anxiety with a pill; you solve it with self-awareness. Medication is just first aid; eventually, you have to face your fears head-on.

To circle back to my original point, it seems obvious that by trying to force your way out of this entirely on your own, your body is simply rejecting your efforts and resisting your actions. So, ask yourself: what would actually make me happy right now? Or even better: what is truly driving me crazy in my life?

Look, you aren't going to find the answers from some therapist or in a bottle of pills; the answers are inside you, not outside. My advice is to stop beating yourself up by doing things you hate and stop searching for answers in all the wrong places. Instead, just answer those two questions I mentioned above. Try using your imagination. Dream about everything and anything, pay attention to how your body reacts to those thoughts, and if something feels right, try turning it into reality.

Good luck.

I find the approach of asking "what drives me crazy" interesting. Even after thinking about it for a long time (setting aside the connection for a moment), I honestly have no idea... And what am I afraid of? I don't know that either. I've broken down all my thoughts and worries into tiny pieces, and I think deep down there's just this vague, irrational fear of anything that breaks my routine or demands more responsibility and engagement. Sometimes it's intense, sometimes it's not.

**EDIT: while writing this response, a few things clicked:

- I'm afraid of how fast time is passing and of failing to achieve anything in any area of my life.
- I'm afraid of my own personality, which stands in the way of everything (though that also frustrates me).
- I constantly compare myself to people who are objectively better than me in every single category, and unfortunately, I'm always the one rubbing it in my own face.

Donna White50 said:If you’re putting in all this work and nothing is actually clicking, maybe it’s time to just flip the script entirely.
Instead of constantly running away from who you are—your emotions, your struggles, whatever you're fighting—maybe the move is to just give yourself a massive hug and accept exactly where you're at right now...
Because honestly? A lot of times, the thing we’re most terrified of—the stuff that keeps us up at night and makes us restless—isn't even the problem itself. It’s just the fear of what people will think if they see us "like this," and the struggle of how to live with ourselves when we feel "broken"...
You really need to adopt this mindset: so what? Yeah, I feel like crap. I feel like a mess. I’m failing at trying to fix myself, trying to outrun my own issues... but you know what? I'm kind of over it. Honestly, I'm just a mess, let the whole world know it. I'm not scared of myself anymore. I'm flawed, I'm weak, I'm vulnerable, and frankly, I don't care. I accept myself and love myself exactly as I am—period. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go pass out and rot until I get bored...
On a deeper, more spiritual level—if luck is on your side—you'll eventually realize that you are so much more than your illness, your flaws, your baggage, or anyone else's shitty opinions. Once you get that, the depression starts to fade because it isn't *you*. It's more like a sticker stuck to your skin, or a piece of Velcro... but you're so obsessed with that Velcro, so desperate to rip it off, that you end up pressing it even deeper into yourself, which just makes everything hurt and grate even more. If you just stop fighting the Velcro... it'll just fall off on its own...😉

That Velcro comparison is spot on. Unfortunately, I've been numb for a long time now, and it's anything but pleasant. I know it's not easy for anyone fighting these same battles... Time moves fast (and so do the years), and that honestly starts to create this sense of terror in my head. Maybe there really is logic in just accepting things as they are, but here's the thing: I've realized my friends don't even reach out anymore because of all this darkness. So, realistically, I can't afford to be "that guy" if I want to hold onto the few people I have left... When I'm feeling a bit better and actually think about it, I wouldn't even want to talk to myself if I were my own friend. 🤔 🤦

redviper5 said:I find the approach of asking "what drives me crazy" interesting. Even after thinking about it for a long time (setting aside the connection for a moment), I honestly have no idea... And what am I afraid of? I don't know that either. I've broken down all my thoughts and worries into tiny pieces, and I think deep down there's just this vague, irrational fear of anything that breaks my routine or demands more responsibility and engagement. Sometimes it's intense, sometimes it's not.

**EDIT: while writing this response, a few things clicked:

- I'm afraid of how fast time is passing and of failing to achieve anything in any area of my life.
- I'm afraid of my own personality, which stands in the way of everything (though that also frustrates me).
- I constantly compare myself to people who are objectively better than me in every single category, and unfortunately, I'm always the one rubbing it in my own face.

That Velcro comparison is spot on. Unfortunately, I've been numb for a long time now, and it's anything but pleasant. I know it's not easy for anyone fighting these same battles... Time moves fast (and so do the years), and that honestly starts to create this sense of terror in my head. Maybe there really is logic in just accepting things as they are, but here's the thing: I've realized my friends don't even reach out anymore because of all this darkness. So, realistically, I can't afford to be "that guy" if I want to hold onto the few people I have left... When I'm feeling a bit better and actually think about it, I wouldn't even want to talk to myself if I were my own friend. 🤔 🤦

You're running from yourself—from the parts of you that you don't like...
You're scared of things fading, wasting time, or losing the future you imagined
And you're scared of all those unfulfilled dreams and plans...

It's all basically just an irrational fear of this massive soap bubble you've blown up yourself, filled with all these ambitions for things that aren't actually part of your present reality...

The thing is, what matters is right here, right now. Realistically, you don't actually *need* anything spiritually, because peace and happiness are supposed to be inside you all along. But instead, you're hunting for them somewhere else, feeling like they're slipping away through lost time, unfulfilled desires, the person you wanted to be, or being held back by illness...
You're essentially creating your own mental struggles, and realizing that is everything. Once you turn inward and actually accept yourself, once you start liking who you are, things get quiet. You'll feel at peace, the world will look different, and you'll actually do things because you *want* to, not because you're terrified you have to prove something... You'll finally say no to the stuff that's pointless and just hurts you...
Depression and anxiety are really just us drifting so far away from our true selves that our whole perception of the world gets warped, causing nothing but constant fear and pain...