How do you know if you've actually changed?

How can you even tell? By definition, no two days are ever truly identical, and frankly, neither are we. We’re constantly evolving.

briskpuma6 said:How can you even tell? By definition, no two days are ever truly identical, and frankly, neither are we. We’re constantly evolving.

That is a fact.

But there is also the matter of self-work. Character. The self. And so on.

William Hall61 said:🙂 that’s just weird 🙂

Look, change isn't some finish line you cross; it's a constant, never-ending grind. It's great that you're working on yourself, seriously, props to you.
Just lean into the process and try to be patient with yourself. You don't really see the big picture until years have passed and you look back at who you were five or ten years ago compared to who you were just yesterday.

Success is whatever you make it, so if there's something specific you actually want to nail down, focus on that to see real progress—like tackling a specific phobia or something.

Anyway, good luck 🙂

Thanks. 🎉

frozengardener7 said:My thoughts were along these lines...

Is it actually possible to change? To alter our habits, our behaviors, or our fundamental flaws?

Can intensive self-work truly "eliminate" those deep-seated struggles that feel like an abyss?

Does that old saying "a leopard can't change its spots" hold any truth?

I am questioning this concept of "character." Can a shift in nature ever be proven, or is everything ultimately just *res non verba*?

I believe changing habits is entirely possible—especially those destructive ones like addiction. Once you make a firm decision to walk away, that focus shifts toward actively diverting your mind from those vices. It applies to other patterns too; if you've spent years just rotting on the couch, deciding to stop means committing to finishing a degree or finding a career. You build a new routine, and eventually, the old way of life simply fades into the background.
I believe we can rectify certain shortcomings ourselves—for instance, if we are being dishonest, disorganized, or simply lazy. When we find ourselves sidelined by our own actions, or when life decides to hit us hard as a consequence, I suspect it will be quite easy to adjust how we carry ourselves around others, in society, and even toward ourselves.
I knew someone growing up—someone who was remarkably dim-witted, yet somehow managed to be incredibly malicious and envious. She barely scraped by in elementary school, let alone high school. Eventually, she managed to enroll in a rigorous university program and actually graduated—though, let’s be honest, college is often more about sheer persistence than raw intellect. We reconnected after fifteen years and talked for hours. I approached her without any preconceived notions, despite how nasty and slow she was as a child. As the conversation unfolded, it became clear that the malice hadn't faded one bit; she couldn't stop taking little jabs at me—even though, educationally speaking, she had surpassed me in the time since we last spoke. The topics she chose and the way she argued them were simply not the hallmarks of an intelligent person. Regardless of her age or her degree, she remained fundamentally unintelligent. It's a classic case of "a leopard can't change its spots." I was genuinely stunned—it was hard to believe that despite everything she had accomplished and all the years that had passed, her core character hadn't shifted an inch. Sure, some people truly evolve—they grow in intelligence and refine how they treat others—but those people seem to be in the minority when it comes to making a massive leap from who they once were. Character is something you're born with; it’s written into your DNA. Socialization isn't enough to overhaul who you are—some things are just predetermined, much like our physical build. If you inherit a certain height or body type from your family, there isn't much you can do about it (how exactly would one "shrink" themselves?—not that I'm suggesting it).
Another point—people can certainly decline as they age. It’s often a cocktail of what we inherited and how we react to life—for instance, someone might flirt with their genetic predisposition for alcoholism through casual drinking until it eventually spirals into a full-blown dependency. Then there's socialization—how our experiences shape us. You could be a great partner, yet if you get burned by three different people in a row, you aren't necessarily the problem, but those betrayals might leave you emotionally numb—effectively turning you into the very person who becomes the "problematic" one in future relationships.

Genetic determinism exists, but brain plasticity is also a factor.

frozengardener7 said:Temperament doesn't. But character? Hmm. I feel shifts. I'm calmer now. Less dramatic, less theatrical, less impatient, less fearful. I stand my ground on a single position or goal, though those shift when reality demands it—because, my God, nobody knows everything.

But, but, but... there's that "but" again. Are those mood stabilizers talking?

Honestly, even if they are, so what?
The bottom line is just being okay and being able to actually get through your day and interact with the world around you normally.

I mean, is a guy using a cane or crutches to get around somehow less of a man because he needs a little help walking? It's the same thing, really.

Dana Davis5 said:Honestly, even if they are, so what?
The bottom line is just being okay and being able to actually get through your day and interact with the world around you normally.

I mean, is a guy using a cane or crutches to get around somehow less of a man because he needs a little help walking? It's the same thing, really.

👍

frozengardener7 said:My thoughts were along these lines...

Is it actually possible to change? To alter our habits, our behaviors, or our fundamental flaws?

Can intensive self-work truly "eliminate" those deep-seated struggles that feel like an abyss?

Does that old saying "a leopard can't change its spots" hold any truth?

I am questioning this concept of "character." Can a shift in nature ever be proven, or is everything ultimately just *res non verba*?

The brain is plastic—it is constantly evolving! If you are younger, having the right mentor in your corner (think a skilled psychologist, a psychiatrist, or even just a really solid friend—basically, being exposed to specific psychosocial influences) can significantly reshape you toward the positive or the negative; it all depends on the direction and how much effort is applied. However, if you are older... it is TOUGH!

Mark Scott84 said:The brain is plastic—it is constantly evolving! If you are younger, having the right mentor in your corner (think a skilled psychologist, a psychiatrist, or even just a really solid friend—basically, being exposed to specific psychosocial influences) can significantly reshape you toward the positive or the negative; it all depends on the direction and how much effort is applied. However, if you are older... it is TOUGH!

I'm 28. I think it's high time I finally grew up... and honestly, I feel like I'm making progress, but again, it's a process.

Honestly, I don't know. Ever since my last major suicide attempt back in 2016, I haven't been that same edgy kid with all the best jokes in town. Something shifted; I finally accepted who I am and what I love, but I’m still not exactly "happy." I try to hold onto the person I used to be, but when I look back at my old posts versus what I’m writing now, I’m actually fascinated by how unique I was. Not saying I’m not unique now—if anything, I'm more myself than ever—but the way I write and throw out jokes? It’s different. These days, I'm more focused on just trying to help myself survive, and maybe that’s why things feel a bit darker. That doesn't mean it's a bad thing, necessarily. I just miss my old self for some reason. Probably because everyone loved me for being that guy. Yeah, I was suicidal, sure, but I was also freaking hilarious. Now, I’m just... uniquely funny.

I'm 28 right now, and "growing up" isn't exactly on my radar, even though it really should be. I still love the stuff cool kids love. Or, at least, the kind of kids who care so little about how they look that they can walk out of the house in a pile of anime merch without feeling any cringe at all.

Here I am, putting together a summary just a few days before my birthday. I’m looking at the good stuff I've achieved, the bad, and the truly catastrophic—like that ruptured aorta, which was obviously a disaster. Most of my notes, however, fall into that final category of minor setbacks.

Unfortunately.

But, if I want to maintain some semblance of positivity regarding this past month... No, I won't claim "I am changing." Instead, I'll say, "Well, I am certainly trying." I've managed to polish things up as much as possible on the surface. It's only a handful of things, but the core issues are part of a process that likely has no end in sight.

I take the blame.

What are you even getting worked up about?

Carl Rivera43 said:What are you even getting worked up about?

And why shouldn't I?

Even The Butcher would have spotted the opportunities I missed.

frozengardener7 said:Even The Butcher would have spotted the opportunities I missed.

Well, hey, you're making actual progress now, and honestly? That’s a huge win in my book.

Carl Rivera43 said:Well, hey, you're making actual progress now, and honestly? That’s a huge win in my book.

At my age, one ought to have achieved stability, rationality, and clear boundaries long ago.

frozengardener7 said:At my age, one ought to have achieved stability, rationality, and clear boundaries long ago.

Honestly? Age doesn't actually matter... if you truly believe in yourself, there's no limit to how much you can grow.

Carl Rivera43 said:Honestly? Age doesn't actually matter... if you truly believe in yourself, there's no limit to how much you can grow.

So, you consider yourself a happy, fulfilled individual?

I'm not there yet, but I'm working on it...

Everyone wants that.