Dealing with someone struggling with mental health issues

darkjackal7 said:Whatever psychological issues he’s dealing with, it’s pretty clear you aren't exactly his North Star right now.
It is entirely possible he hasn't even processed the fallout from his last relationship yet.
Just let him be; at this point, every move he makes is on his own head, not yours.

Best advice I've heard, and I'm inclined to agree.

Besides, being involved with someone like that—especially if they actually want you—is a massive uphill battle. I've seen plenty of people get completely consumed by relationships like this.

Brandon Foster7 said:They’re just going to drain your energy and then try to dump all their baggage on you, both metaphorically and financially.

Run.
It’s pure smoke and mirrors.

True.
Unless the person actually shows a genuine desire to get better.

Ethan Phillips said:A guy with mental health issues? He could beat you into a state of total insanity. A man missing an eye or a leg can't pull that off. It’s not the same thing. What you're doing to yourself... that's a different story entirely.

Oh, give me a break. Stop overgeneralizing.
If we're really going by that logic, some idiot with a broken leg and a crutch could still take you out just because he’s livid that you wouldn't let him through the door first since he's "sick."

Whether someone’s actually sane or just playing the part, you'll never truly know.
One day you’ll realize how much of a blessing that really is.

mistydrifter55 said:Oh, give me a break. Stop overgeneralizing.
If we're really going by that logic, some idiot with a broken leg and a crutch could still take you out just because he’s livid that you wouldn't let him through the door first since he's "sick."

The absolute worst kind of people are the ones who think they're invincible, thinking life won't ever hit them until it finally does and knocks them flat. I'm totally with you on this—both sides can be just as dangerous to everyone else around them.

Author, you really ought to distinguish between an actual mental health disorder and just someone talking nonsense.

Besides, the guy made it pretty clear enough that all this chatter is completely useless. If he actually knew what he was doing or how to fix things, you wouldn't be sitting there with a dozen question marks hovering over your head. But you are.

So, if you’re so intent on playing amateur researcher—diving into these psychological archaeology projects and desperately trying to step in as the savior of some wounded soul—then by all means, go right ahead. Personally, I wouldn't waste a single second dealing with someone like that. My time and my life are worth far too much for that kind of nonsense.

mistydrifter55 said:Oh, give me a break. Stop overgeneralizing.
If we're really going by that logic, some idiot with a broken leg and a crutch could still take you out just because he’s livid that you wouldn't let him through the door first since he's "sick."

👍
It is a common perception that individuals struggling with mental health issues or psychological disorders are dangerous psychopaths who likely keep a collection of weapons stashed at home. Honestly, I would advise against ever entering into a relationship or marriage with them, as those who are considered "normal" are much more stable. You might as well just ship them off to a deserted island.

Jose Green82 said:Alright, here’s the situation... I’m 37, he’s 40. He’s been divorced for about three years—his ex was cheating on him with someone else. We met online two months ago, messaged for two weeks, then started dating. We were both being honest, acting like adults... everything was fine until two weeks ago. Suddenly, he just stops responding. When I finally pushed him for an answer, he told me he can't find himself in a relationship right now and simply isn't ready for anything serious because of the trauma. He admitted he's dealing with depression and anxiety, and that he's on medication. It was Tuesday when he said he'd call me on Saturday. He didn't call. He finally reached out the following Tuesday, we met up, and we had a good talk. He mentioned he's been on pills since this summer—Lexapro 10 mg—because he felt incredibly weak and listless over the summer; there was one week where he couldn't even get out of bed, just lying there, so he ended up seeing a doctor. At that point, he told me he felt better just having opened up to me, that he's glad I know what the problem is and that he appreciates my support while he heals—that a man can't do much when he's alone... all that heartfelt stuff. Then, I wake up the next morning to a text from him:😁Good morning... I was thinking about us and my own issues last night. Right now, I feel terrible and empty, and starting a new relationship is stressing me out—maybe because of my health, or maybe because I'm still fresh from my old relationship (which ended in May after lasting 7 months). I need time to pull myself together and clear my head from everything. Please understand and accept this. I'm not in a place for a new relationship right now. I'm sorry.
I asked him how "terrible and empty" he actually feels. He wrote back saying it's like he's been blocked from feeling love, totally hollowed out, and that all of this is just agonizing for him. He needs time until he feels better.
I texted him back telling him I'm there for him.
Look, I need some advice... please don't come at me with blame. If you have any way to help, let me know. What should I expect? How can I help? How do you guys see this? Because I don't get this sudden "blocked from love" thing after nearly two months of him showing affection and paying attention to me. Is this just a bluff, or is it the antidepressants, or mood swings, or what?

You want to help him, but he's looking for someone to help him...
That's just that negative psychology pattern you two fell into...
He told you straight up that he isn't looking for a relationship. That means exactly one thing—he's not available, and a relationship with him isn't going to work for you.
Any rational person would stop right there...
The fact that you're over here screaming about how to help him tells me you're attracted to people you feel the need to "fix"... and honestly, that's your issue...

It would be smart to realize you have a habit of trying to fix men, but men can only fix themselves. Once he's mature enough for a relationship—if he gets over his past and eventually moves on—and you're single, maybe you can try. But personally, I'd appreciate his honesty and thank him for not leading you on, recognizing his own need so you wouldn't end up playing "mommy" or "savior," and just stepping away from the situation... and thank God you aren't stuck in an emotional rollercoaster with someone like that.

I don't want to stigmatize anyone with mental health struggles here, because we all have our own quirks, fears, projections, hang-ups, and emotional baggage. I just want to say that being in a relationship requires massive capacity—emotional, mental, life-wise... and we shouldn't jump into things unless we or the other person is actually capable of providing that. It's a fact that over 50% of couples enter relationships based on this exact negative psychological pattern, and it's a recipe for disaster down the road...

No need to thank me...

Donna White50 said:You want to help him, but he's looking for someone to help him...
That's just that negative psychology pattern you two fell into...
He told you straight up that he isn't looking for a relationship. That means exactly one thing—he's not available, and a relationship with him isn't going to work for you.
Any rational person would stop right there...
The fact that you're over here screaming about how to help him tells me you're attracted to people you feel the need to "fix"... and honestly, that's your issue...

It would be smart to realize you have a habit of trying to fix men, but men can only fix themselves. Once he's mature enough for a relationship—if he gets over his past and eventually moves on—and you're single, maybe you can try. But personally, I'd appreciate his honesty and thank him for not leading you on, recognizing his own need so you wouldn't end up playing "mommy" or "savior," and just stepping away from the situation... and thank God you aren't stuck in an emotional rollercoaster with someone like that.

I don't want to stigmatize anyone with mental health struggles here, because we all have our own quirks, fears, projections, hang-ups, and emotional baggage. I just want to say that being in a relationship requires massive capacity—emotional, mental, life-wise... and we shouldn't jump into things unless we or the other person is actually capable of providing that. It's a fact that over 50% of couples enter relationships based on this exact negative psychological pattern, and it's a recipe for disaster down the road...

No need to thank me...

There is plenty of information online regarding this topic

CODEPENDENT RELATIONSHIPS
There are many articles.

If you don't speak English, just use Google Translate.

Time eventually unmasks everything. It’s entirely possible he’s playing games and feeding you lines; honestly, I don't quite get it. No matter how difficult or heavy things feel, if I actually care about someone, there isn't a damn thing in this world that would stop me from being with them. Unfortunately, while he might be mentally unstable, I wouldn't pin it on a specific diagnosis you mentioned—he just sounds like a textbook manipulator and a passive-aggressive type.
It’s a classic pattern: people who drag their feet when it comes to making a relationship official usually have a few other options tucked away in their back pocket. As unbelievable as that sounds right now, it's exactly what everyone says once the truth finally comes out. So, look at it this way: he isn't the only person on the planet. If he's second-guessing things, you just pivot and move on.

Ethan Fisher66 said:Time eventually unmasks everything. It’s entirely possible he’s playing games and feeding you lines; honestly, I don't quite get it. No matter how difficult or heavy things feel, if I actually care about someone, there isn't a damn thing in this world that would stop me from being with them. Unfortunately, while he might be mentally unstable, I wouldn't pin it on a specific diagnosis you mentioned—he just sounds like a textbook manipulator and a passive-aggressive type.
It’s a classic pattern: people who drag their feet when it comes to making a relationship official usually have a few other options tucked away in their back pocket. As unbelievable as that sounds right now, it's exactly what everyone says once the truth finally comes out. So, look at it this way: he isn't the only person on the planet. If he's second-guessing things, you just pivot and move on.

Exactly..
It is even better to flip the script.
The OP should ask herself: is she doubting him because she wants a real commitment, or does she just need more time for herself?

They don't necessarily have to cut ties, but she can certainly put things on hold..
Trying to force a label on a connection after only two months is premature..

He hasn't even moved past the breakup yet, let alone anything else. He’s dealing with an internal struggle that he feels he has to face alone, and he won't truly find peace until he navigates this through with the help of his Lexapro 10 mg. Honestly, I get it because I've been there myself. One thing is on his mind in the morning, and something entirely different by night. It isn't his fault; it's just the illness. Personally, when I was going through it, I couldn't bring myself to get close to anyone—I didn't think it was fair to make someone else deal with my moods. Just don't try to force anything...

Brandon Foster7 said:Whether someone’s actually sane or just playing the part, you'll never truly know.
One day you’ll realize how much of a blessing that really is.

Well, screw you...🤣

Ethan Phillips said:A guy with mental health issues? He could beat you into a state of total insanity. A man missing an eye or a leg can't pull that off. It’s not the same thing. What you're doing to yourself... that's a different story entirely.

Some forum user actually had the nerve to write that you need life to kick your ass first—then you go see a psychiatrist, they hand you a label, and boom 😁you're mentally ill.
What even defines mental illness? We could go in circles here... how many "normal" women spend years weeping over some guy... how many "normal" women go right back to that same dude because they love him... that's not a disease, right?
I get the feeling people come onto this forum just to drop their unsolicited opinions—as if my grandma’s remedy of honey and tea is gonna fix everything overnight.

But people with a formal diagnosis? They know they’ve got a free pass, so they just do whatever they want without any consequences.

It's easy to claim you're crazy. You just give yourself a little leeway, and some naive idiot will inevitably step up to defend you in court. Besides, the law basically protects them anyway.

Brandon Foster7 said:But people with a formal diagnosis? They know they’ve got a free pass, so they just do whatever they want without any consequences.

It's easy to claim you're crazy. You just give yourself a little leeway, and some naive idiot will inevitably step up to defend you in court. Besides, the law basically protects them anyway.

If you decided to walk around downtown Washington, D.C., completely naked, you wouldn't exactly be enjoying your freedom for very long—you’d likely find yourself hauled off to a local psychiatric ward before they even finished labeling you as "unstable." Once that happens, I suppose you could do whatever you wanted, right? It just seems to me that this is all coming from a place of jealousy—she's just bitter because she isn't actually out of her mind.🤦🤣

Don't buy into a single word coming out of his mouth; just watch what he actually does and keep your head held high. If he’s gone to the trouble of penning some massive manifesto just to "explain himself" or plead for sympathy, then honestly, there isn't much left for you to contemplate regarding your next move... He has said his piece, so just say goodbye and move on to the next thing. It really isn't worth wasting another second of your life on this... The man closed the chapter quite decisively, which is frankly better than him trying to drag you into some endless, exhausting back-and-forth. Just carry on with your life as you did before he arrived, and believe me, you'll find someone far better... 🙂

William Chavez5 said:Don't buy into a single word coming out of his mouth; just watch what he actually does and keep your head held high. If he’s gone to the trouble of penning some massive manifesto just to "explain himself" or plead for sympathy, then honestly, there isn't much left for you to contemplate regarding your next move... He has said his piece, so just say goodbye and move on to the next thing. It really isn't worth wasting another second of your life on this... The man closed the chapter quite decisively, which is frankly better than him trying to drag you into some endless, exhausting back-and-forth. Just carry on with your life as you did before he arrived, and believe me, you'll find someone far better... 🙂

Are you actually guaranteeing that to her? Look, the fact remains that he explicitly stated he doesn't want to be with her right now—but she’s developed feelings, and as I've pointed out plenty of times before, love isn't always a two-way street. As long as those feelings are there, she’s going to feel that urge to be available for him.

nimblesurfer21 said:If you decided to walk around downtown Washington, D.C., completely naked, you wouldn't exactly be enjoying your freedom for very long—you’d likely find yourself hauled off to a local psychiatric ward before they even finished labeling you as "unstable." Once that happens, I suppose you could do whatever you wanted, right? It just seems to me that this is all coming from a place of jealousy—she's just bitter because she isn't actually out of her mind.🤦🤣

Not if she frames it as performance art...🤣

You shouldn't force it; talking about the relationship or defining what you are depends entirely on the specific dynamic between two people.